by Bri Stone
He ticks his jaw and nods to himself. “I am telling you. I just... how can you still want to be with me after what I did?”
I laugh humorlessly. “Because. I love you. And love makes you stupid. If we ever get to a place where we can get back together and be where we were, it isn’t something I would tolerate again. I just want... you.” I sit up, hugging the sheet to myself as I stare forward.
He lays back and lets my words sink in. My gaze goes to the box on my dresser where I kept the necklace he gave me. There were a lot of things he gave me that I had to lock away, but the notion of ever forgetting Thom was just a lie I told myself to get by. I can’t lie and say I don’t one day want to wear the ring again, or just to simply be with him again. I would always love him unconditionally, whether he loved me back or not.
“I have a transplant at six in the morning.” Thom breaks the silence. Though I was half asleep already, he seemed to be wide awake.
I twist my lip as I ponder my next words. “You can... stay.” I try and sound like I’m not begging, but the thought of sleeping next to him again is a much-wanted possibility.
“And show up in the same clothes I left in? That would just get everyone talking.” There is a hint of humor in his voice.
“Is it really like that?” I look down at him.
“Yeah. Between the residents and attendings, at least.”
“Wow.” I lean back against the head board. When I find out how uncomfortable it is, I slide back into bed, greeted by the warmth of his body.
He peers down at me with a slight smirk.
“Is it too much to ask you to stay?” I meet his eyes.
He licks his lips and shakes his head once. “No. I just don’t want people talking about us. Or you.”
“No one knows about us. I’m assuming.”
“My friends know. Maci and Staci, Brock, Steve, and David work here too.”
“I’m glad you have friends here.” I say softly, mostly to myself.
“Yeah, they’re great. Never a dull day.” He smiles wryly.
After a while, I stop stalling and accept he doesn’t want to say he just doesn’t want to move too fast. It’s odd, considering the history we have, but I get where he is coming from. Jumping back to where we left off would leave a lot unsaid. I wish I really knew that before I had sex with him, because I have just taken the cap off all the desire I used to feel for him every day. That I still felt but could never do anything about besides lonely nights with my hand.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask him.
He grunts slightly as he sits up. I look across his broad shoulders and wide back. His muscles have thinned out, and he is a lot leaner, but he is still so gorgeous.
“Yeah. We can have lunch.”
I watch him get up, reminded of how perfect his ass is. His strong legs, taut abdomen, and glorious frame. Watching him get dressed is almost as nice as watching him undress. Once I get up, I toss my shirt on to walk him out.
“I’m glad you got the furniture.” He says as we pass my empty living room.
“Yeah. Maybe you can help me assemble it?” My hand goes to my hair where I nervously tuck it behind my ear.
Thom and I stand in the doorway, the way he looms over me with his scent permeating my senses makes me crazy. I think about doing so many irrational things; like begging him to stay.
“Yeah, sure.” It’s nothing but awkward when he scratches his jaw and I move closer to him, but he doesn’t do the same.
“Okay. Goodnight.” I awkwardly force out. Things were never awkward between us, even in the very beginning.
“Goodnight.”
I open the door, and wave as he steps out before I shut the door. I collapse against the back of it with a sad sigh. He was only here for a few hours, and it feels like I’ve run ten miles since I got in his car. I can’t keep all my thoughts swirling around in my head, so I call Melinda, hoping she is available. She is two hours behind me, so I figure she may be in surgery when the phone rings until the last one.
“Hey.” She answers.
I hadn’t spoken to her since I told her and Clem about Thom being here. Nothing more than a text to tell her I was okay, and not ready to talk about it. That wasn’t the best idea, since when Thom and I spoke in my office, I felt I couldn’t tell her about it because of how much of a bitch I was before.
“I’m sorry I hung up on you. And haven’t called you.” I sit on my bed and curl up. I can still smell Thom here, and know I’ll have to change my sheets. Or not, if I decide it isn’t creepy.
She laughs, “I wasn’t mad about it. Just worried. Are you okay now?”
“Uhm...” I laugh once, “in theory. I talked to Thom a few weeks ago. And tonight... well, he—”
“Has he been inside you?” She deadpans.
I can’t help but laugh. “That is such an interesting question. And weird.” I pick at my toes. The white nail polish I put on a month ago is still there.
“Yes, well...”
“Yeah. And I don’t know what to think of it.” I admit.
“Well, it’s been years. And it was probably inevitable. I’m sure he didn’t know what to think of it either.”
“He did. It didn’t seem like anything to him, besides him saying he had missed me. and that was while we were—he could have been talking about something else. But I even asked him to stay the night and he kindly declined,” I scoff. “He has an early surgery, but his excuse was he didn’t want to show up in the same clothes.”
“People are nosy.”
“Whatever.”
“What happened before? Did you even talk to him?”
I recap that day in the office. Each one of her reactions make it a little easier, but it is still hard to process. To digest the fact that Thom may not want to be with me anymore.
“Oh Perrie, are you okay? I mean before you got laid.”
I manage a chuckle. “I’m as well as I can be. I think. Talking to him made things... easier.”
“So, you really don’t care that he cheated on you?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just not something that would make me not want to be with him. I love him.” It’s hard to justify it, because I know it can be such a sensitive topic for a lot of people, but every situation is different.
Thom and I... if there is even an ‘us’ anymore, were never something that could be easily broken. It was hard knowing he had cheated on me, or accepting he didn’t love me anymore, but there was still something in me that just couldn’t let it be. After all these years, I just couldn’t believe it, but only accept that it’s true.
“I understand Perrie, you do you. I just don’t want to see you hurt again like before.”
“I know. We’re... taking things slow, I think. I just wish I knew what he wanted. He is avoiding everything on the topic of us, and it isn’t like him.”
“It’s been years Perrie, people change.”
“I know... I just never thought he would.”
Chapter Thirty: Perrie
It took a week for my furniture to get here, or I could say living room, since it included everything. Thom and I had lunch every day except today, because I have been in city hall since seven. The first hearing finally took place, but I could tell it would be a long one. This case alone took up a lot of my time, and I was lucky Mark was so understanding, because he helped with the workload a lot.
I did three tops in a matter of five hours, and by nine, it felt like the middle of the night.
“Do you need anything?” Mark scared me half to death and laughed when I jumped in shock. Sometime the basement does get a little eerie, especially full of bodies. Dead ones.
“Oh, no. I thought you had left.”
“No, I was finishing up a report. I’m leaving now.” He smiles softly.
“Oh, good. No, I don’t need anything. You should get home to Lauren.” I smile a bit.
“Thanks. See you Monday.” He knocks the door
and then saunters away.
I keep washing the tools, even though the tech usually does it. I was biding time because I texted Thom an hour ago, and he hadn’t responded. I was simply following up with his offer to help me with my living room, but I was beginning to think he may have just been blowing smoke or being polite. It sucked, over thinking things with him that I never paid attention to when we were together.
Maybe we really have grown apart.
I finish cleaning up the lab and change my clothes, so I smell less like formaldehyde and more like a normal person. Jeans and a white turtle neck were all I had left in my locker. It was more like a closet, but Mark and I were the only ones here. It wasn’t a teaching hospital for our field, so unless I hired another pathologist, it would just be us. I didn’t have a reason to so far, but I knew I had to start looking soon.
I was on the phone with Melinda when my phone went off.
“Is that you or me?” She asked.
“Me.” I checked, it was from Thom.
Thom: sorry, I was in surgery. Meet you in the parking lot.
“Was it Thom?”
“Yeah, he said to meet him in the parking lot.” I keep from smiling. It doesn’t mean much.
“Hmm. Okay.”
“What does that mean?” I laugh and sit on my couch.
“Nothing. So, I’m meeting the president tomorrow.”
“Oh. Of Memorial Hermann?” I perk.
“Um, no. the United States.”
Melinda was never one for over exaggerating or playing games, so I knew she was being serious, but it was hard to digest.
“Shit, Melinda! That’s huge, I’m over here talking about a guy and you’re meeting the guy!” I shout.
She laughs. “It’s fine. I’m waiting on my flight now. Apparently, my research is changing veterans’ lives, and some still in active duty. It wasn’t the plan, but I’m running with it.”
“I’m so happy for you. We can celebrate over Skype after!”
“I took time off for the trip, so I can just come see you. If that’s okay.”
“Are you kidding? It’s more than okay!” I smile, feeling real joy for the first time in a while. I love Melinda as a friend and as a person. My person, besides Clem. It meant more because she wasn’t obligated to always be there for me.
“Awesome. I’m boarding, so I gotta call you later.”
“Okay. Safe travels.”
I smile again and head to the parking lot. It fades to one of nerves, but I still get excited just to see Thom. I like telling him about my day, and I missed doing it. Our few minutes at lunch is the best time of my day. He still isn’t all there, but it seems like he is coming around.
I exit to the lot and find him by the exit of the ER.
“Hey.” I say, a few feet away. He smiles, so tired I can see it in his eyes. It must have been one of his longer surgeries. This week alone he has done two heart transplants, with one intern and a resident assisting. The chief and the attending directly under him had gone to a conference.
“Hey, Sparks.”
I nearly stop in my tracks, and he flinches slightly, but runs with it. We walk to his car but I’m geeking over him calling me ‘Sparks’ again. It was like back in med school when we would leave together every day all over again.
“How was your day?” He asks me once we exit the hospital lot.
“Fine. Not as long as yours must have been.” I look over at him.
He has on faded wash jeans and a thick Henley, the sweater kind. All I want to do is stay in bed with him and fill in the gaps from all the years that have passed.
“It was alright.” He glances at me and smiles. He used to hold my hand when he drove, but that would be too much to hope for right now.
“Just alright?” I peer at him. He shrugs his shoulder and clears his throat.
I leave him be. He takes a detour to a McDonald’s drive thru and orders a breakfast McMuffin. I get fries and a milk shake and eat on the way because of how hungry I am.
“I’ve been craving shrimp tacos.” I say aimlessly. We reach the light before my building. When he doesn’t notice, I try and mess with him to get his attention.
“Maybe I’m pregnant.” I lie, knowing it would probably be too early for cravings.
He parks and gives me a funny look. “No, you’re not.”
I blink back at him. “No, I’m not. Are you sure you’re okay?”
He presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “Let’s go up.”
Thom sits on the counter and starts at his food. I stare at the boxes stacked in my living room, and the new couch against the wall. It’s pretty, and more like me than I thought. He finishes, and I hand him some water.
“Thanks.” He drinks it down and stares at the bottle in his hands. “I lost my patient today.” He gravels.
A slight gasp escapes my lips as I stand up, facing him, I gently place my hands in his and toss the bottle aside. He exhales heavily and shakes his head. I don’t even know if this was his first or second. Oddly, I wish I did. I just want to be there for him.
“What happened?” I whisper.
He pulls his bottom lip in as he grimaces. “It was a fairly simple heart transplant, but once we took him off bypass it didn’t go... I still decided to close because he wasn’t rejecting it, and sometimes there is a delayed reaction. But once I got to the lung cavity he did reject it, and by the time we found the tear in his valve it was too late. “
“I’m so sorry. It sounds like you did everything you could.”
He nods once. “It’s rough.”
“Yeah, it is. I’m sorry.”
I cup his cheek softly and he leans into my touch. The intensity of his eyes bores through me when he meets my eyes. My thumb runs over his cheekbone as he squeezes my hand.
“The first time I lost a patient, my first year of fellowship, all I wanted to do was talk to you. And I felt like shit because I knew I couldn’t. I’ve done wrong by you, Perrie. I wish I could make things better.”
I sigh heavily, “that’s in the past, Thom. It’s all in the past.” I kiss his cheek just below his eye, and I can feel his eyelash fan over my lip as I do so.
His arms wrap around my waist and I get pulled into his warmth. I inhale his sweet masculine scent and wrap my arms around his shoulders. His breathing calms down and his chin goes to the crook of my shoulder. His lips ghost over my neck and my body screams, but I reluctantly pull away.
“You okay?” I hold his shoulders as I look at him.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Let’s put your furniture together.” He nods towards the living room.
We play Imagine Dragons while we put the table and side chairs together. Well, Thom does most of the work. But it’s nice just to be around him. To talk to him like we used to. He tells me more about his fellowship and decision to come to New York. We ignore the notion that fate may have brought us together for some reason. I don’t think I ever believed in fate, but instead that things did have some sort of natural order. I wasn’t sure why we were brought together again, but I wasn’t really complaining.
Thom and his friends have gotten close, and they are kind of like family. Maci and Brock seem to have their own drama, Staci has apparently found her own ‘true love’ and David always keeps to himself. I wasn’t much for a group of people, but I looked forward to possibly getting to know them. I wasn’t sure where Thom was at with me really being in his life again, and I wasn’t going to ruin the mood by asking.
“That took forever. Wow, it’s late.” I see that it’s almost two in the morning.
Thom laughs. “I did all the work.” He wipes his forehead with his forearm as he looks at the room. I sit on the couch and survey.
It looks great; the couch and the side chairs mix with the gray rug and silver coffee table. I should get a flat screen to really finish it off, but I wouldn’t watch it enough anyway.
“Thanks.” I giggle.
I head to the kitchen and start a pot of tea. O
nce I stay up to a certain time, it’s hard to even go to sleep. I don’t have anything waiting for me on Saturdays, but I always go in anyway just to look over case files.
“I don’t have anything scheduled for tomorrow.” Thom says.
“Me either.”
“Maybe... we can go somewhere.”
“Like a date?”
“A day date.” He chuckles softly.
I smile. “Sounds good to me.” I think over my next words, but it’s no use stopping them. “I haven’t used my claw foot tub yet, you could join me.” I make my way to the bedroom.
I never had to try and be sexy or alluring around Thom, because I don’t think I ever had to get his attention or keep it. But things were different now. I had to try and get through to him, get him to tell me the truth in some way. His wry smile is enough convincing for me.
The tub is full of hot water and salted caramel scented body wash. Thom sits in front of me, tracing my calves resting on his lap. I feel his cock twitching between them, but we’re both content just sitting here.
“You lost weight.” He says.
“Are you just now noticing?” I cock my head to the side.
“No... I liked how you looked before.”
“I was huge.” I know I’m exaggerating, but a size twelve was the biggest I had ever gotten, and I wasn’t used to it.
When I started dropping back I felt more like myself. I got back into the gym and back on the erg, tried to eat right... it was important for me to be healthy because I always was.
“Okay, maybe not huge.”
“Your ass was.” He smirks like a douchebag, but it doesn’t bother me because I know he is joking.
“I still have a good ass.” I give myself credit. “Should I start talking about you?”
“I’m still perfect.”
“Says who?”
“The nurses that still hit on me. Some of the other doctors too.”
“I guess you’re actually Hunk MD now.” I snicker. He laughs. The day I told him about that he was shocked, but not complaining.
“I’m going to start pruning.” I use the loofa to scrub myself down before I get out. Thom watches me and my skin heats as he does when I towel off and step into the closet.