The tunnel is slightly too low and slightly too narrow for me to be comfortable. It probably wasn’t designed for people my size. At least, it definitely wasn’t designed for comfort. The endless darkness leaves too much room for thought and far too much room for fear. I can’t see but every other sense is heightened. I can hear the fabric of Ellie’s pants rubbing against itself as she takes a step, and the gentle footsteps of Lee’s shoes behind me. Every few minutes I can smell Ellie’s hair and I breathe in deeply to inhale every drop of it. The tunnel walls change from concrete to earth, supported by old timbers. We walk and walk and walk. After a while, Jang-mi turns on a flashlight and we can see a few feet in front of us. We keep walking, and walking, and walking. Darkness, silence, and walking. I don’t know who the woman she’s with is, or if I can trust her. Hell, I don’t even know if I can trust Lee. He’s told me we would leave with Ellie after the concert but he never mentioned gunfire or tunnels. He looked as shocked as I was when we walked into the dinner hall. There’s something going on here – something bigger than us. Something that I don’t want to be caught in. We need to get out of here. Finally after what seems like hours we stop again. I listen closely, trying to figure out what the woman is doing in front of me. She’s unclasping something, unlocking a door, fidgeting with something. Suddenly, sunlight streams through an opening and I close my eyes instinctively, bringing my arm up to shield them from the painfully blinding light. When my eyes adjust I see that the two women in front of me have stepped through the doorway. I follow and take a look around. We’re in a massive field that extends as far as the eye can see in front of us. I can’t see any signs of life anywhere around except for an old dirt road a few hundred feet away. I glance behind me and see that the doorway is a half-concealed bunker, nestled under a big tree. Lee steps through and closes the door behind him. He and Jang-mi speak for a few seconds. It kills me that I can’t understand them. “What’s going on?” Ellie asks. The two of them turn to her and I feel her stiffen up. My arm finds the small of her back and she leans against me. No one speaks for a few seconds and Ellie takes a deep breath. “Jang-mi, what’s going on? Where are we? What was that gunfire??” Jang-mi takes a seat on a big tree root. She takes the pack off her back and opens it up, pulling out a small package of rice and chicken. She motions for us all to sit down. One by one we find a seat on the ground or on a tree root. I sit down next to Ellie and put my arm over her leg. She leans in a bit closer to me and I relish the warmth of her body next to mine. We may not be out of danger yet but at least we’re together. We both look at Jang-mi expectantly. She hands us some food and slowly takes her own. Ellie glances at me and shrugs. I sigh. It’s obvious Jang-mi won’t say anything until we’ve eaten. The four of us eat in silence. Jang-mi packs up the rest of the food once we’ve finished. Finally, she speaks. “The rebels have attacked the palace,” she says matter-of-factly. “They will have taken power by now. The Supreme Leader will be overthrown.” I frown, taking a few seconds to let the realisation sink in. I glance at Lee, who seems unfazed by her words. A rebellion? Is this the distraction Lee was talking about?! “Lee,” I ask slowly. “Did you know about this?” He looks up at me and as soon as his eyes meet mine I know he did. He nods slowly. “So, hold on.” I start. “You brought me here knowing full well there would be a fucking coup?? While I was here?? And you brought Ellie to the palace right as everything was happening?!” The anger is starting to bubble up inside me. He knew that this was going to happen and he brought not only me, but Ellie into the epicentre of this mess. “We needed a distraction,” he says slowly. My eyes widen. “A distraction?! Is this what this is?? This was your selfless act of helping Ellie? You used me!” I’m shouting now, the fury hurling out of me as I stare at him. He used me! Used me and endangered us for what! For political gain? He looks at me calmly, waiting for me to quiet down. Ellie moves her hand to my knee and squeezes it gently. I can feel the calmness radiate from her hand out towards the rest of my body. I take a deep breath, feeling her warm presence next to me. “The attack has been planned before Miss Walters came into the picture. She would have been in more danger had we not acted this way.” His voice is calm, level. My blood is still boiling and I don’t want to believe him, don’t want to trust him. I stare at him, feeling the muscles in my neck popping and bulging as I struggle to control my anger. I could wring his neck or hit him right in the jaw for using me like some puppet on a string. Lee sighs. “With the nuclear threat growing, China has been engaging with the rebels in the North. When Miss Walters was captured, it brought much American attention to the situation.” “And you couldn’t afford to lose your chance,” Ellie finishes for him. I glance at her. Her eyes are shining bright, staring at Lee as he gently inclines her head. She squeezes my knee and I inhale deeply. Ellie turns to Jang-mi. “How much danger are we in?” It’s a simple question, but it hangs in the air between us all. Jang-mi straightens her back and stares back at Ellie, meeting her gaze head-on. “We are in much danger,” she answer simply. “We must wait until night, and then we will go.” Ellie nods, and says nothing. I glance at her and she looks up at me before leaning her head against my shoulder. I put my arm around her and pull her in close. As her body melts into mine I know I’m never letting her go again. Chapter 28 – Ellie
Once the adrenaline wears off, the fear sets in. It’s not a gut-wrenching, heart-pounding type of fear. It’s more of a dull ache, a deep sense of unease that never quite goes away. My eyes scan the countryside, back and forth over and over. I’m not sure what I’m looking for or if I’m looking for anything at all. The silence is overwhelming. The wind sometimes sweeps through the vast expanse of grassland and I close my eyes to feel the breeze on my skin. I can just see the buildings of Pyongyang in the distance behind us as a small hump on the horizon. We must have been walking for hours in that tunnel. Derek leans against me and it feels like the most natural place for me to be. Maybe it took imprisonment and faced with my own mortality to admit to myself that he’s the one I’ve been missing. It literally took a revolution to bring me to my senses. His body is broad and strong and it feels like home. His arm around my shoulders has a comforting weight to it, and when I inhale his scent envelops me. Finally I break the silence. “Jang-mi,” I start. She looks up at me and waits for me to continue. “Why are you helping me? Why aren’t you back in Pyongyang helping the rebels with your cause.” “We all help in our own way,” she responds simply. “You are innocent in all this, and the danger is great for you. If we succeed in overthrowing the government, your part in this will have been very important.” “How would I have been important? Just because it brought international attention? How much pressure does that actually put on you?” “Well,” she says with a wry smile. “It brought us the biggest rock star in the world. And it gave us the distraction we needed to surge against the palace. And this,” she adds, pulling out the small camera memory card. I take it from her and look at it. We sit quietly for a while. It feels strange to be a pawn, to know that there are forces around Derek and I that we just don’t understand, and that we will likely never understand. I came here thinking I would save the world from a nuclear threat and instead I’ve witnessed one of the most unpredictable rebel coups in the history of the world. “Well at least I’ll have something to write about, if we ever get out of here.” Jang-mi doesn’t laugh, she just nods. Lee is the one who replies. “You must write about it all,” he answers quietly. I look over at him and his eyes are shining bright. “My mother was Korean, and she lived through unimaginable atrocities. You must write about everything you’ve seen.” I nod, and say nothing. Derek tightens his arm around me and I lean into him. I look up at him and he turns his head, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Why did you come here?” I whisper, searching his face. “It was so stupid and so, so reckless.” I feel the tears prickling against my eyelids. If anything were to happen to him I’d never forgive myself, but at the same time the fact that he’s
here makes my heart swell. He brings comfort and hope to our situation that I’m not sure I’d have had if I were alone. “When I heard they took you, I..” his voice cracks and he stops talking. His eyes drift out to the horizon and he stares off in the distance. “I broke down. I don’t know what happened, I couldn’t think of anything else. I felt like I’d wasted my life by not being with you. I went crazy. Everyone told me I was losing it but I couldn’t stop. They tried to convince me to help from the States but look at this place! How could anyone do anything from over there? Most people don’t even know what misery the people here are living in.” He inhales and then lets all the air out of his lungs. “I get it, I mean, I had no idea. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Mike helped me get here. I think he saw that it wasn’t any use trying to convince me to give up.” “Mike is alive?!” The relief floods through me when I hear that. “They let him go and sent him back to the US. He’s been petitioning the US government and any agency that will listen to get you out of here.” “The international pressure only made them realise how valuable you are,” Lee says darkly. “I know the Koreans, and they have little use for you except as a political pawn.” “Well, I’m still a pawn,” I spit back. “Just a pawn for you instead of a pawn for them.” Lee inclines his head. “We never wanted to cause either of you any harm.” It’s too confusing. I don’t know who to be mad at, who to be grateful for, where to go, what to say. I sigh and feel my stomach start to churn as I try to understand what I should be doing. Derek squeezes his arm around me and I feel a wave of relief wash over me. “Derek, I…” I want to tell him those three little words. I want to tell him that it was always him, it always has been. I want to tell him that I can’t go on without him, that he’s saved my life and he’s given me a new purpose. I want to tell him everything under the sun but nothing comes out. My whole body is trembling and all I can do is look at him lamely. He smiles at me and places a soft kiss on my lips. His warmth, his taste, his smell – it’s all perfect. I may be in a foreign country, waiting for the hours and minutes and seconds to pass until we start moving and face the next danger in our path. I may be here in limbo, an ocean away from my hometown but I’ve never felt as much at home as I do right now in his arms. Chapter 29 – Derek
Dusk falls and the red light of the sky starts fading. There’s a chill in the air and I feel Ellie nuzzle into me a little bit deeper. It’s a strange balance of nervousness and boredom as we wait for the next step in our journey. Suddenly there’s a faint noise in the distance from the direction of Pyongyang. Lee stands up and stares in the direction of the sound. He looks to Jang-mi and nods. She stands up and starts gathering her bags, packing things up. “Time to move,” Lee says to us. We pick ourselves up off the ground and wait. An old, rusty Jeep comes into view. The headlights are off but the motor is deafeningly loud. Jang-mi holds up a hand in greeting, and says a few words to the driver. He steps out and Lee takes his place. The driver disappears through the bunker doorway and is out of sight in seconds. Jang-mi turns to us and nods her head, then starts moving towards the vehicle. We follow, and I slip my hand into Ellie’s. We slide into the backseat and I put my arm around her. She leans her head against my shoulder and closes her eyes. Her smell is exquisite. I lean my head against hers and close my eyes. The exhaustion has reached the depths of my bones. From the adrenaline and the fear to the hours of walking and then finally the endless waiting, it seems like this day has lasted a lifetime. I don’t think I’ll sleep, but it feels good to be there next to her. The car jerks forward and we start moving. By the time the darkness settles in my eyelids start getting droopy. I drift off into a fitful sleep, waking every time the car jerks or moves. Ellie sleeps beside me and I wrap my arms around her tighter. My heart grows fuller with every second that passes with her beside me. This is how we are supposed to be: together.
As the first light of dawn starts breaking over the horizon, I start scanning the countryside. We’re entering a hillier area, with mountains appearing in the distance. “Where are we?” I ask Lee. “We need to take the mountain passes into China. Detour to the east. The coastal border is too strong.” He speaks in short sentences without looking away from the road. Jang-mi is staring straight ahead. I nod and sit back in my seat. The dull ache of fear grows stronger inside me as the light of day reminds me of our situation. Ellie stirs beside me. “Where are we?” she groans as she lifts herself off my shoulder. I can’t help but hope that we have better mornings waking up together. “We’re driving to China,” I respond softly. She nods and looks out the window. The heaviness of the air is palpable. After hours of silence, Lee and Jang-mi exchange a few hurried words in Korean. I can sense their unease, so I scan the road to see if anything is amiss. There’s a small cloud of dust straight ahead of us. Another vehicle or group of vehicles is approaching. My heart starts beating as I see Lee tense up behind the wheel. This could be dangerous. Anybody who supports the regime would want us captured, or dead. Even some factions of rebels could want to use us as leverage for international negotiations. “Lee, who is that?” My question falls on deaf ears. I watch as his knuckles turn white on the steering wheel as the cloud of dust gets closer and closer. The seconds crawl by as our cars get closer together. I see the outline of a big green vehicle coming closer. A Korean army truck. Lee motions with his hand. “Get down,” he says quickly. His voice is strained, and his eyes are glued on the other vehicle. I put my arm around Ellie and help her down below the seats, and then fold myself over her. I can just see the sky passing by in the window as we wait for the other car to cross our path. I can feel Ellie’s heart beating against me and I close my eyes, hoping that we come out of this alive. Finally, I feel the rush of wind as three vehicles pass us. Our old Jeep shakes as each of the cars zooms by. Lee and Jang-mi speak to each other in Korean and I can hear the relief in their voices. They haven’t stopped us. We drive on for a few more minutes. My legs are starting to cramp and I turn my head towards the front seat. “Is it safe to come up now?” I ask, still crouching down on top of Ellie. “Yes, it is OK now,” Lee replies. I straighten myself up slowly and help Ellie up. My heart is pounding in my ears and I glance back nervously. The cloud of dust left by the vehicles is getting smaller and smaller behind us, but I still can’t quite breathe a sigh of relief. We’re one car stop away from being captured or killed. Chapter 30 – Ellie
We drive for hours, stopping only to refill the tank with fuel stashed in a jerry can in the back of the Jeep. Jang-mi and Lee take turns driving while Derek and I stay in the back. I lean against Derek and drift in and out of sleep, watching as the countryside gets hillier and more mountainous. Dusk falls again, and darkness is upon us. I must have drifted off to sleep, because I wake up with a jerk as the vehicle stops. Panic fills my veins before it fades again when I see Lee and Jang-mi open their doors to get out. They motion for us to do the same. We’re stopped near a small house in what looks like a tiny village. There are a few dilapidated houses lining the street, but otherwise it looks like a ghost town. A woman emerges from the house and greets us warmly, embracing Jang-mi before turning to us and bowing her head. They bring us inside and we wash and then sit down on the floor in front of a low table. There are steaming bowls of rice and meat in spiced sauces. The relief of seeing friendly faces, of getting off the road and eating a hot meal is indescribable. I look over at Derek as we sit on the floor to eat our dinner. He looks like a giant. He’s sitting cross-legged, towering over everyone else. The dishes he’s eating out of look like toy cups. I can’t help but smile, and I realise it’s the first time I’ve smiled in weeks. Just then, he glances up and our eyes lock. My body floods with warmth and I feel like I can finally relax. We finish dinner and our hosts prepare our beds – simple woven mattresses on the floor. “Jang-mi, I think I’m going to go outside and get some air.” She nods and I turn towards the door. Derek gets up and follows me outside. Dusk is just fading into a dim evening light as we step out of
the house onto the beaten dirt pathway that runs through the village. He slips his hand in mine and we walk slowly in silence. We let our feet guide us up a small pathway leading up a grassy hill. Once at the top we sit down next to each other and watch the reds and pinks of the sunset fade as the stars start to come out. “It’s crazy how many stars there are when there’s no lights around,” I say. It’s the first time either of us have spoken. Derek puts his arm around my shoulder and we both lean back until I’m lying down, head nestled in the crook of his shoulder. He smells musky and I inhale deeply as we lay there. His arm ever so slightly tightens around my shoulder. We watch the stars twinkle and the moon get brighter as the sky gets darker. “Derek,” I say softly after a long silence. He makes a low noise in response. “Why did you come back for me?” His breathing is even and deep, and I turn my head towards him. He takes a deep breath. “Because I love you, Ellie. Always have.” My heart does a backflip in my chest and my body immediately grows hotter as I process what he’s just said. The seconds tick by and I gather the courage to answer him. “I love you too,” I almost whisper. He shifts his weight so that I’m lying on my back with him on top of me, his legs straddling one of mine. His eyes are bright, piercing, as he looks at my face. I glance at his lips and want to taste them again, want to feel their softness and the pressure of his body on top of mine. He doesn’t wait long. His head dips down and our lips collide in an explosion of passion. Ten years of lost time rushes past and my hands fly over his body, exploring every inch of it as his mouth explores mine. I can feel the pressure of his fingers digging into my sides as he grips my hips and pushes himself down onto me. His cock is hard, pressed up against my leg as I buck my hips up towards him. The tension in my body explodes all at once. All of a sudden I can’t get enough of him. My breath is ragged and I wrap my fingers around to the nape of his neck. His mouth showers kisses over me, covering my neck, nibbling my earlobe as he grinds his hard cock into me. The sensation is electrifying. I can feel tingles coursing through every vein, every inch of my skin is burning with the fire of desire. I can’t think of anything except the aching need for him inside me. I want to feel his length sheathed in me, feel his skin against mine and taste his skin as he pushes himself into me. I want him. I want him all, and I want him now. Chapter 31 – Derek
Second Chance: A Rockstar Romance in North Korea Page 8