Every agonising second that goes by makes me more nervous. Lee and I wait in tense silence. We’re supposed to have an audience with Kim Jong-un after the show, but no one has told us anything. That audience is crucial. Ellie is supposed to be there, and that’s when we’ll make our escape. Lee mentioned something about a diversion, but he wouldn’t tell me what the diversion would be. Notoriously fickle, Kim Jong-un could very easily choose to not see us and everything would fall apart. He could not allow Ellie to be there and everything would fall apart. We could be caught when we leave the palace, the city, the country, and everything would fall apart. There are so many unknowns. We aren’t Navy SEALs, we’re not trained professionals. I’m a fucking singer, for fucks sake. I have no idea what I’m doing. The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is knowing that Ellie is here and she’s alive. We’re both in danger, we might not make it out, but right now we’re both here and we’re both alive. That’s all I can hang onto until I see her again. Finally the door to the dressing room opens and an armed guard appears. He says a few words to Lee and he immediately stands up and motions for me to do the same. He tells me nothing, and as usual on this mission I’m completely in the dark. I follow Lee and the guard down the hallway, twisting and turning through the building. I think of my lucky guitar, sitting in its case in the dressing room, and I immediately know I’ll never see it again. Goodbye, I say to it. I’ve had it for years and I feel almost like I’m leaving a part of me behind. Maybe it’ll give me the last little bit of luck that I need. It’ll be worth it, if it means getting Ellie and I out of this godforsaken place. We stop in front of a big white door, and I know this is it. It swings open slowly and I struggle to keep my face neutral as I see what’s in front of me. The Supreme Leader, his generals, and Ellie, sitting at a long table waiting for me. This looks less like an audience and more like a dinner. I glance at Lee and all colour has drained from his face. My nervousness reaches a new peak. Kim Jong-un stands up as I walk in, and everyone follows. Ellie steals a glance towards me and then immediately looks down. I keep my face steady while a war of emotions is being waged inside me. I can hardly walk straight, I feel dizzy and nauseous. She’s so beautiful, she doesn’t deserve this. All I want to do is jump across the table and wrap my arms around her. Even the sight of her sitting there is making my heart beat faster. You’ve never met her before, I tell myself. You don’t know her. She is not the purpose of this. You don’t know her. I repeat that in my head over and over and over as I walk towards the long table. Kim motions towards an empty seat halfway down the table and I make my way there, standing behind the chair as Lee stands next to me. Ellie is sitting diagonally across from me. Her cheeks look flushed and her eyes are misty. I can see a deep, unsettling fear playing just behind her eyes. I gulp. “Supreme Leader Kim,” I say it just as Lee taught me. “It is an honour to meet you.” He smiles a yellow smile and motions to the chair. The two of us sit. Waiters appear with tall flutes of champagne and everyone at the table takes one. He raises his arms and starts speaking haltingly in English. “Welcome to our honoured guests. We welcome you to the wonderful, prosperous land of the Democratic Republic of Korea!” Cheers from the table fill the room. Guests bang their hands on the table to add to the noise. I join in, and Ellie does the same. We all raise our glasses and bring them to our lips. I pretend to sip the bubbly liquid but just let it touch my lips before putting it down on the white tablecloth. I want my wits with me tonight, I know I’m navigating a minefield. “Mister Hart,” Kim Jong-un continues, “You have been visiting our glorious country for a few days. Please tell us what you think of it so far.” “It’s beautiful,” I reply automatically. “The people are wonderful and I can tell you’ve been a benevolent leader” ...you know, apart from the mass desperation and oppression lurking just under the surface. Kim nods in approval and the waiters reappear with the first course. I steal a glimpse towards Ellie, sitting quietly in her sparkly black dress. The way the neckline plunges down to reveal the soft curve of her breast sends a thrill straight down my spine. The feeling surprises me and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I have no idea how I’m horny at all right now, but the sight of her so close to me is starting to drive me wild. It must be the tension of the whole situation, or a weird reaction to fear. Or maybe it’s the fact that the woman I love is just out of reach and she looks more incredible than ever. I turn back to the plate in front of me. This is going to be the longest dinner of my life. Chapter 24 – Ellie
This is torture. I can’t take it anymore. He’s close enough to touch and I can’t even risk looking at him for too long. It’s like they’ve carefully crafted this dinner to make us as uncomfortable as possible. I want to scream and cry and melt all at once. I can almost smell him from here and it’s driving me wild. How can one man smell so good?! I love the way he moves, he’s always strong and confident. He’s answering all the questions with ease and a part of me is jealous of how well he is handling himself. He’s always been a showman, even as a kid. He’d be the centre of attention wherever he went and I was just little Ellie Walters. All these years later and here I am, sitting quietly. Seen, not heard. “Mister Derek, you should write a song about your time in North Korea,” Kim Jong-un says with a half-menacing smile. “I definitely will, Supreme Leader,” he replies. Derek flicks his eyes at me and I almost burst out laughing. “Your country is so… unique.” “And Miss Walters, you will be able to write about all the guests that visit our great country. No other country is better than ours.” I clear my throat and nod. “Of course. It’s an honour to meet such a star.” I can’t help the sarcasm in my voice and I see the edge of Derek’s lips quiver. The movement makes my heart jump and I hate how happy I am to see him. He shouldn’t have come! He’s in just as much danger as I am now! And for what? They’re parading me in front of him, and parading him in front of me. It’s like they’re saying “look what we can do!” It’s infuriating. I steal a glance towards him and watch as he runs his fingers through his hair in that familiar, smooth motion. I wish they were my fingers, and his head was buried against my chest, arms wrapped around me. “You wrote a new song,” Kim continues as he forks food into his mouth. “I hadn’t heard it before.” Derek nods. “The band and I have been writing a new album the past couple weeks. And what better place to debut the songs than in front of the greatest leader in the world.” The flattery is pouring out of him and it actually sounds like he’s genuine. He glances at me quickly and then back at his plate. I know that song was about me. I could feel it humming in my core. He wrote a song for me, he came to freaking North Korea for me, and now I have to sit across from him and pretend I don’t know him. I’ve never cared about anyone else as much as I care about him. It’s probably why my engagement fell apart, why I wanted to run away, why nothing ever felt right in my life. It still doesn’t feel right, because I’m not in his arms. I take a deep breath and let the realisation set in. I’ve always loved him. I never stopped, not for one second. As I sit there across from him, close enough to touch but with all of North Korea between us I know that we were meant to be together ever since we were kids. I’m his, and he’s mine. He came here for me. My chest feels like it’s being cleaved in two. I can’t take the stress of it, the stress of knowing that as soon as this dinner is over, he could just stand up and be whisked away from me forever. I’d be left stranded here for the rest of my days. I can’t let that happen. I’m sick of being in the dark, of being led around like a lost puppy. I feel the blood pumping in my veins as the frustration and fear and paranoia and panic swell inside me. This isn’t right! My breath starts getting shallower, and faster. I glance around the table, around the room. I need to get out of here. We need to get out of here. Just as the thought crosses my mind, a door in the far corner opens and I see a familiar figure gliding silently towards the table. Her face becomes clearer as she shuffles closer to us, followed closely by an armed guard. Jang-mi. I know now is the time. I don’t know
what’s supposed to happen, she hasn’t told me anything. She’s hardly spoken more than a half-dozen words to me in the past three weeks! I’ve never seen her anywhere except in my room and now she’s here, in the Great Hall of the Supreme Leader’s palace. Her eyes find mine and she dips her chin down ever so slightly. What does she want from me? Why didn’t she tell me before! What am I supposed to do! The panic starts rising inside me. She’s moving towards me, no one seems to have noticed her except me. I glance around the room, looking for a hint, a sign, anything! The blood thickens in my veins and I feel like my limbs are made of lead. I bring my hand up to my head and brace myself on the table. A low moan escapes my lips and the edges of my vision start going dark. No! Not now! I need to stay alert! I need to figure out what’s going on! Just then I hear a loud bang from the direction we came from. It’s followed by what sounds like firecrackers going off. I’m still reeling, I can hardly focus. My eyes drift towards the entrance and slowly I realise that the table is in a commotion. The generals seated next to Kim Jong-un have stood up, and armed guards are rushing out the doors. The fireworks and firecrackers continue and I frown, observing all the movement around me as if it’s happening to someone else. Then I realise what’s happening. They aren’t fireworks or firecrackers. They’re gunshots. The blood drains from my face and I feel my heart drop like a stone. The cold hand of fear grips my spine as my eyes dart around the room. My breath is ragged and I grip the table harder. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see Jang-mi. She frowns at me. “Ok, Miss?” “No, no,” I say breathlessly. “Not ok.” It’s all I can manage but I see her eyes spark. She nods and helps me out of my chair. I lean against her. I can hardly see. I drag my eyes up to Derek and see the fear in his eyes. His travel partner has stood up as well. One of the old generals says some hurried words to the Supreme Leader. Jang-mi answers. I can hear the strain in her voice. I have no idea what’s going on. The fear is palpable in the room. The panic and commotion is getting closer to our room. A loud bang makes me jump. My eyes look for Derek and meet his gaze. We lock eyes and he stands up instinctively. The man he walked in with puts a hand on his arm and Derek looks towards him. I see the man shake his head ever so slightly and Derek bristles. I feel a pressure against my elbow where Jang-mi’s hand pushes me towards the door. Her footsteps are light and quick while mine drag along the floor. If she lets go of my I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand on my own. I turn one more time and look towards Derek, suddenly worried. The fear has chilled me to the bone and I glance back. I want to tear myself away from her, run to him, jump into his arms, but Jang-mi’s gentle hand on my elbow stops me. Once again, Derek is close enough to touch but I’m being torn away from him. We get to the door and it opens for us. She guides me through and immediately we turn down another corridor. My heart breaks a million times as we turn the corner and Derek moves out of view. This isn’t right. He should be with us. He should be with me! “Quickly now, Miss Walters.” She says in a hurried whisper. “Quickly.” Chapter 25 – Derek
She turns the corner and moves out of view and I feel sick to my stomach. I have no idea what the fuck is going on and the panic in the room is starting to get to me. The gunshots – if that’s what they are – are getting closer. I look at Lee and frown. “Why did you stop me?” I ask in a furious whisper. He shoots me a glance but says nothing. He turns to the man beside him and says a few words in Korean. Another loud bang makes me jump and I turn towards the door. “Lee, they’re getting closer. We need to get out of here.” “We will,” he answers back, but he doesn’t move. What is he waiting for! Another bang makes me jump out of my chair. I look back towards the door and see the guards standing in front of it, armed and ready. They’re pointing their guns at the closed door and yelling at each other in Korean. I don’t know the words but I can guess what they’re saying. “Lee, what the fuck are you waiting for??” Lee turns to me and sees the panic in my eyes. He looks completely calm, like we’re still just having a dinner together. He turns to the Supreme Leader and they exchange a few words. Kim Jong-un nods slightly and Lee stands up. He bows slowly and then turns to me. “We can go now,” he says in English. My eyes are wide when I stare at him. I have no idea what’s happening, and he seems to think this is all par for the course. “Please follow your guide to the hotel, Mister Hart,” Kim says to me. I glance at him and then at Lee. “I.. uh. Ok.” I frown. “Thank you for… everything.” Is that what I’m supposed to say?? Kim nods his head slightly and I look at Lee, who makes a move towards the door on the opposite side of the room from where Ellie went. I follow him without saying a word. “What the fuck was that about, Lee??” I spit at him as soon as we’re through the door. “What were you waiting for? There’s fucking gunshots going off!”
Lee stops walking suddenly and spins on his heels towards me. His eyes are blazing, and his voice is a strained whisper. He puts his face inches from mine when he speaks. “We must be very careful, Mr. Hart. This place is more dangerous than you know. The gunshots are not the biggest worry. The number one priority is always to keep the Supreme Leader happy. Until we are out of this place, until we are free there is no other priority. A gunshot will be a welcome relief to what these people will do to you.” We stare at each other for a few seconds as I process what he’s saying. “What are you talking about, Lee! Ellie’s gone, they took her who knows where, and now we’re being attacked! How can you say that’s not the priority?!” The blood is boiling in my veins as my fear turns to anger. I can’t stand not knowing what the plan is and not understanding what’s going on. “You must always remember that in this country, what matters most is appearances. If the Supreme Leader is saying that nothing is wrong, then nothing is wrong.” “Even when there’s people shooting the fucking place up?!” This is ridiculous. “Who is even shooting?! Lee. Tell me what the fuck is going on.” “Let’s go. The walls have ears.” He turns around and starts walking down the hallway. I hurry to catch up. We wind our way through the hallways. We turn a corner and six or seven infantrymen come rushing towards us. Lee presses himself against the wall and throws his arm across me so I do the same. My heart jumps to my throat as they get closer, but they pass without a word towards the main hall. Lee looks at me and nods, and then keeps going. He speeds up until we’re both moving at a light jog. I can sense the nervousness in his steps, and the frustration of not knowing where we’re going or what’s happening is starting to gnaw at me. Finally we turn another corner and Lee stops in front of a small, worn door. He knocks lightly three times and glances up and down the hallway. His fingers are drumming against his leg. I’ve never seen him fidget or move like this – he’s always been poised and deliberate in his actions. If he’s nervous, I can only imagine the danger we’re in. His words echo in my mind and I think about what he really means. If gunshots aren’t our biggest worry, how much danger have we been in this whole time!? He glances up and down the hallway one more time and finally the door swings open. He rushes in and pulls me with him, closing the door quickly behind me. My eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the dim light and I glance around the room. A figure is standing in the back corner and I wait for my eyes to make out who it is. The relief floods through me as I breathe the name that’s been on my lips for the past three weeks. “Ellie.” Chapter 26 – Ellie
I fly into his arms and he wraps them around me in the embrace I’ve been craving since the day I left Greenville. Maybe since the day I walked away ten years ago. He holds me close and I bury my face in his broad chest. I inhale that intoxicating smell that’s exciting and comforting all at once. My heart beats faster as his hands pull me close. I wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hands press against the small of my back. I breathe in deeply and let the sobs swell inside me. He growls and groans and I tremble, sending waves of comfort through my body with every sound. Derek grips me tighter and I melt into him, feeling the way his muscles shift and move against me. His breath is hot against my
neck and I sigh as my body shivers. Finally I feel him pull away as he moves his hand to the side of my face. I look up and see his eyes, shining bright in the dim light of the room. His hand slides from my cheek and tangles into my hair, pulling my chin up towards him. The second his lips touch mine I feel an explosion of passion coursing through my body. A quiver passes through my spine as his kiss devours me, his body tensing as he pulls me deeper into him. This is more than a kiss, it’s more than an embrace. It’s the passion of ten years of lost chances, ten years of missed opportunities, ten years of denial and misplaced pride. I wrap my fingers around his neck and melt into him. I’ve never felt so good, so safe, so loved. After an eternity that was somehow still too short, we pull away from each other. I bring my fingers to his face and caress his lips gently. He kisses the tip of my finger and closes his eyes as I watch him. “You came here for me,” I whisper. It’s not a question, but I still can’t get over the feeling of wonder. “I’d go anywhere for you,” he responds as his eyes laser in towards mine. A rush of warmth passes through my body and I soften in his arms. He pulls me in closer and I rest my forehead against his shoulder. He shifts and kisses my temple. Nothing has ever felt as good or as right as being in Derek’s arms. The only moment of comfort I’ve had in three weeks evaporates when Jang-mi clears her throat. My body stiffens like a board and Derek tenses as well. We turn towards our two travel companions. I’d almost forgotten where I was. “Miss Walters, Mister Hart,” the man says. “We must be gone.” I feel Derek nod his head. “Alright, Lee. But you’re going to have to tell us what’s going on.” The man, Lee, bows his head. “We will talk. But now we must run.” The words are like ice in my veins. The danger around us rushes back to me and I realise that even though I’m with Derek, I’m nowhere near out of this mess. I glance up at him and see his face darken. He slips his hand into mine and nods to Lee. Jang-mi is gathering some things in a small bag. My dress is tossed in the corner where I took it off when she handed me the plain black clothing I’m wearing now. She slips the bag onto her back and looks at all of us in turn. She nods, and turns to the back of the room. She walks up to a large gilded frame and reaches behind it, feeling for something with her fingers. In a few seconds I hear a soft click and the frame swings outwards, revealing a dark passageway. Derek and I glance at each other and I see his Adam’s apple move up and down as he swallows. I feel a chilly draft drift out of the dark opening. “We must go,” Jang-mi says softly. She leads the way and I follow, then Derek and finally Lee. Lee closes the frame behind us and what little light we had disappears. I reach out to the sides to feel the damp walls beside me. I can hear Jang-mi in front of me, steady soft footsteps in the darkness. Derek’s presence behind me is like a balm on my nerves. This may be the most dangerous, craziest, riskiest place for us to be but at least we’re together. I can hear his deep breathing and hear his footsteps behind me. “Jang-mi,” I say to the darkness in front of me. “Do you have a light? I can’t see anything.” “Too risky,” comes her whisper in the darkness. “Within the palace walls light can be seen through other entrances. No talking.” I take a deep breath and keep walking. After a few minutes, I see a thin band of light at eye level on the left. We walk by and I glance over to see a small room, decorated as elaborately as the rest of the palace. It looks like I’m looking through a vent into the empty room. That must be why we can’t have lights. We walk in darkness, punctured by half a dozen of those types of openings until finally Jang-mi stops. I bump into her, and Derek bumps into me as our small convoy comes to a halt. I feel Jang-mi’s hand on my arm, steadying me and telling me to be still with one touch. Just then, I hear noises – heavy boots rushing towards us. It sounds like they’re all around us but I realise they’re right beside us. The tunnel must be exactly adjacent to a corridor in the palace. Loud voices and heavy boots get louder and then fade as we stand still, only a few inches and a thin wall separating us from them. Even my breathing sounds too loud. Once the noise dies down, Jang-mi presses my arm slightly and I understand that we need to keep moving. One foot in front of the other, one silent command after another, she leads us through the darkness towards some unknown destination. Chapter 27 – Derek
Second Chance: A Rockstar Romance in North Korea Page 7