After the End

by Brenda Barrett

  "See," Franco said at the same time. "You haven't even worked out the logistics of where to live. Slow it down a bit. When I married Constanza I knew I would be moving to Jamaica some day."

  "We have two weeks to do that." Enrique looked at Colleen and raised an eyebrow. "We will work out all the kinks after the wedding tomorrow."

  "Bad idea," Constanza said, picking up her glass for a drink. "Something as basic as where you will live should be worked out now."

  "Oh leave them," Roberto said in heavily accented Spanish. "Love will find a way. It always does."

  "If you say so, Papa," Constanza said, taking a sip from her drink and looking at her son and Colleen.

  ****

  "Maybe she's right," Colleen said to Enrique when he was dropping her home. It was after one in the morning.

  "Who?" Enrique said softly. Colleen had been silent until now and her statement caught him off guard.

  "Your mother." Colleen shifted uneasily. "This is moving too fast. I can feel it."

  "Having doubts?" Enrique drove slowly along the sea wall. With the window down he could hear the sea as it slowly lapped the shore. He knew when the whole marriage idea sank in that Colleen would have doubts. This was no surprise to him. He also knew that he desperately wanted to solidify his commitment to her. For some reason the specter of Isaiah was weighing on his mind. He badly wanted her to be Colleen Lopez.

  Colleen nodded. "Doubts, yes, but I also don't want to live in New York."

  "That's where I live," Enrique said tenderly, "and I want you by my side. I don't want us having a commuting relationship. We'll apply for your residency in America. Until that time comes, we'll stay wherever we can be together. I can work from anywhere, really."

  "My Mom doesn't know about this... and Maureen," Colleen added, feeling guilty. "And I don't have a dress."

  Enrique glanced at her. "I was thinking a wedding by the beachside. The dress could be simple," his eyes softened, "and a white flower at the corner of your hair. I have a picture of you by the beach with a white hibiscus flower in your hair."

  "Really?" Colleen squeaked. "I took a picture like that at a youth camp ages ago, when I was about seventeen."

  Enrique mused, "You looked so happy then, so carefree...About the wedding, I know I am overeager but I don't want you to feel rushed. We'll put it off."

  "No. Wait," Colleen said. "I am not sure I want it to be put off. I want to be with you too, it's just that..."

  Enrique stopped the car by the sea wall and got out. He opened Colleen's side of the car. "Come on. Let us just breathe. No panic. No plans."

  He leaned on the car and pulled Colleen into his arms. "Look at the stars; gorgeous, aren't they?"

  "Yes." Colleen looked up into the sky. The sky was packed with them. "I have never really stopped and looked at the stars. Enrique... I don't think..."

  "Shhh... shhh," Enrique said calmly. "We are just looking at stars." He meshed his hand with hers. "I want to look at stars with you forever."

  Colleen inhaled tremulously.

  "Here's the thing. You know that motto, ‘It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?’" Enrique asked softly. "I like that motto. I don't want to lose you. I see this as an opportunity for us to finally be together and something is telling me I should seize it now."

  Colleen sighed and pulled herself closer to him. She could feel his warmth along her back and his heart as it steadily beat. She inhaled deeply and then murmured, "Whoever said that quote has no idea what losing someone you really love feels like. I would think that it is better to not have loved somebody than to lose them and then be hurt. It hurts so badly."

  Enrique closed his eyes and sighed. She was talking about Isaiah. His competition. How could it be possible that she still loved the guy so much after five years? He wanted her to love him enough to inspire that kind of loyalty. He craved it.

  He realized that a week was not adequate time for Colleen to get to know him properly, but if he didn't make a move and catch her off kilter, she would find ways to keep him at arm’s length.

  He wouldn't dare leave Jamaica without a commitment between them. He hoped that with time she would forget Isaiah, until he was just a memory that she struggled to dredge up. For right now, he understood her reluctance and her confusion but he was not going to stop insisting that he wanted them to be together. He wanted her tied to him. He wanted to be tied to her.

  "So if we never get married tomorrow, never explore what we have, that would sit well with you?" Enrique asked after a while. He waited nervously for her response.

  "I don't know." Colleen turned into his arms and put her head on his chest.

  "I have a secret," Enrique said softly. "I have had a picture of you on my laptop for years. The one with the hibiscus flower beside your hair. I used to convince myself that it was the scenery in the background that I found so fascinating but the truth was, it was the girl.

  "Colleen, I have been harboring feelings for you since high school. This is not sudden for me. He kissed the top of her head. “Seeing you again just made it all clear for me. And I want you in my life forever. I was never as sure about anything else as I am about this. Seeing you again, it just makes sense for me."

  Colleen pulled away from him slightly and looked in his eyes. "I am not sure that I feel the same. I am not sure if what I have is more than just good old fashioned sexual attraction."

  "You know what? That is good enough for me, for right now." Enrique laughed. "When good old fashioned sexual attraction is in a marriage, surely that's half the battle won?"

  Chapter Seven

  Colleen called Maureen as soon as she reached home. Maureen answered groggily but when she heard what Colleen had to say, she squealed so loudly that she woke up Tucker.

  Colleen could hear Tucker asking sleepily, "What's wrong?"

  "Colleen is getting married." Maureen screeched to poor Tucker. Colleen could imagine him wincing and she spared a thought for his eardrums.

  "When, now?" Tucker's voice was still groggy.

  "No," Maureen said impatiently, "tomorrow. And we are going."

  "What time is it going to be?" Maureen asked Colleen, excitement in her voice.

  "Don't you think I am rushing things?" Colleen asked. "I just met Enrique after years and in a matter of days I have lost my head and I am going to tie the knot. Where is the good, sane advice that you keep on pushing on me?"

  "This is long overdue," Maureen said gleefully. "What time is the wedding?"

  "Ten o'clock, by the beach at the villa," Colleen whispered. Her last hope that Maureen would convince her to see sense was waning.

  "I'll be there," Maureen said. "What are you wearing?"

  "I don't know," Colleen said helplessly. "I was thinking of that maid-of-honor dress I wore to your wedding."

  "That was blue and too formal for the beach," Maureen said. "I think I have something here that would be more appropriate. I bought it for an all-white party that Tucker’s mother put on but never got the chance to wear it. It was way too long for me and a little bit too tight for the mother-in-law’s taste, but I know it would fit you perfectly. Maybe too perfectly; you do have generous tits. I am so happy," Maureen shrilled. "My baby is growing up and gettin' married to a fine, handsome, rich guy. Woohoo!"

  "Oh stop it." Colleen chuckled then she sobered up. "Maur, this is a far different thing from my wedding to Isaiah. I just saw Enrique five days ago after nearly seven years. My parents don't even know about this. Miss Lou doesn't know about this."

  "Tell them when you can," Maureen said, "I know your mom will understand. She told me the other day that she is concerned about your man-less state. She was so deeply concerned she called me. So you see, nothing to worry about there. Oh, see you tomorrow." She hung up the phone and Colleen stared at the phone for the longest while.

  Why couldn't she be as blasé and excited as Maureen and live in the moment, throw caution to the wind and just move forward conf
idently?

  She got up from the bed and went to the closet, taking out her suitcase. She would be living at the villa from now on, until she moved to New York with Enrique. She almost didn't want to pack.

  She had lived in this part of the house for five years. Moved in a day before her marriage. A young, virginal bride. She had been nervous, and Isaiah had been nervous. She could see them now in her mind's eye, looking at each other in innocent passion.

  "Why are we nervous?" Colleen had asked Isaiah. "We have wanted to do this since forever."

  They had had a laugh together and then Isaiah had slowly undressed her to his favorite Dido song. Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking...lie down next to me look into my eyes and show me what you're feeling...

  It wasn't the most successful honeymoon; they'd both been novices but they had eventually gotten it right.

  Colleen sat on the edge of the bed and looked into the packed closet. Isaiah's shirts, pants, and ties were all there beside her clothes. She didn't have many clothes or shoes. Each of the pieces in the closet had some special significance to her and Isaiah. The red dress with the cowl neck she had worn on their first Valentine dinner as man and wife—he had fed her chocolate in it, piece by piece, kiss by kiss.

  The green dress with the split at the side she had worn to one of his cousin's wedding in Montego Bay. They had rented a car and on their way back the two of them had stopped at a water fall in Deans Valley and made out, barely making it back to the car before they consummated their passion. It was crazy how she still remembered everything in vivid and living colors.

  Her closet was a shrine. A shrine she would disturb another day. She turned to her chest of drawers instead and pulled out a few new pieces of clothes that she had and packed them neatly in the suitcase. They would have to do. She would create new memories with Enrique.

  Over time she would forget and then she would come back to clean up the place, dump and burn her past memories and then give Miss Lou her key and not come here again. A sob escaped her mouth and then another, until she was clutching the pillow beside her. This was it. This was goodbye. This was the last day she grieved. Today she would finally let Isaiah go. Her life was changing. It was time to say goodbye to the old, as Enrique had said, and embrace the new.

  She closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply, trying to dispel the last bit of pain from her chest.

  *****

  Colleen heard knocking on her door from outside. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was eight o'clock. She had overslept.

  Her phone rang at the same time.

  She grabbed the phone and said hello and yelled from the room, "Who is it?" at the same time.

  "It's me," Enrique said. "I thought you were coming over to get ready. You haven't changed your mind have you?"

  "No." Colleen chuckled. "I am coming over," she said as she opened the door.

  Maureen passed her with a suit bag in hand. Tucker waved to her from the car and Miss Lou stood in the walkway with a confused look on her face.

  "Maureen just said that you are getting married?"

  "Yes," Colleen said to Miss Lou and then to Enrique, "I'll be by in a few. Maureen is here."

  She hung up the phone. "Miss Lou, I am getting married."

  "But..." Miss Lou shook her head. "How? Where? When? Who?"

  "You are invited; it's by the beach over at the villa. Just put on your best casual dress and put the kids in their best casual clothes."

  "But..." Miss Lou was still confused. "Is it to that guy who dropped you home a few nights ago?"

  "Yes." Colleen nodded.

  "Enrique Lopez?" she asked again for clarification. "You said you weren't sure if you liked him."

  "Yes, it's him. I seem to like him a little bit too much," Colleen said. "See, I am getting married to him."

  "Suppose I had plans?" Miss Lou questioned, crossing her arms and glaring at Colleen. "I said you should move on, not move at hyper speed."

  Maureen pushed her head through the door. "They want to have legal, torrid, passionate sex and they don't want to wait."

  Miss Lou chuckled. "I can understand that. I'll go get the kids ready."

  Colleen swung around to Maureen. "When crudeness was being given away, you were at the front of the line."

  "Crude! Oh no," Maureen said innocently, taking off the plastic from the dress. "There is nothing wrong with wanting to rip the clothes off of your husband-to-be."

  "But what about love?" Colleen whispered. "What if I never love Enrique with the kind of love that bind people together?"

  "You will." Maureen nodded firmly as if she had some special insight into the future. "You'll love him and you will forget that you ever loved anyone else. Time has a tendency to take care of the love part. You are halfway there already."

  "Is that how you felt with Tucker?" Colleen asked.

  "Yes. Remember, Tucker and I met in November and then he proposed in January. Being a new widow and all, I was iffy about the whole moving on thing but...I did it and I have not regretted saying I do to my stud muffin." Maureen walked over to her friend, holding up the Grecian style dress in front of her. "Perfect." She nodded.

  "It is nice," Colleen said, caressing the soft material. "Really nice."

  "Well, it's yours." Maureen placed the dress on the bed and spun around, looking at Colleen, a softened glint to her eye. "I love Tucker so much and I am happy that we got married. I think of my days with Greg as youthful. If my life were a painting, my time with Greg would be pastel. It pales in comparison to the bright, vivid colors of what I have with Tucker.

  "I know Greg is gone and I am sorry Greg Junior won't get a chance to know him, but Tucker is here and alive and loves me. And you, my dear girl, will feel the same way about your new guy soon. It just took you a while to move on. Your hair looks like a horror and your eyes look puffy," Maureen said without taking a breath. "Go bathe. I am sending Tucker over to Mama's place to get a fresh hibiscus to put behind your ear."

  "White hibiscus," Colleen said, heading for the bathroom. "Enrique said he has a picture with me with a white hibiscus behind my ear and he always envisioned me getting married on the beach with a white hibiscus behind my ear."

  "I took that picture at youth camp, remember?"

  "Yes," Colleen said, "how could I forget?"

  "How did he get it? That picture?"

  "I never asked," Colleen said, frowning. "He said he has it, though. It is his fantasy picture."

  "Ah," Maureen grinned proudly. "You'll be so pretty in this dress with the hibiscus. Hurry up girl! Let’s get this party on the road."

  *****

  "I now pronounce you man and wife," the minister said to the bemused bride and the glowing husband. They were at the beachside with quite a few attendees. Enrique breathed a sigh of relief so loudly that his father, who was his best man, laughed loudly. The weather had cooperated too. It wasn't excessively windy or sunny. It was just right.

  Colleen smiled too. She had been nervous. Her hands were trembling all through the service and Enrique had looked tense, but now he had a wide grin on his face. It was over. They were really married. She was married again!

  She hardly had time to think after that, after being hugged by all the attending guests except Dan, who hadn't wanted to come in the first place. He had been sullen throughout the proceedings sending her reproving glances.

  The thought that she hadn't told him that she was getting married again and moving out gave her a pang but she had no time to dwell on that. There was a wedding brunch and impromptu toasts and even a first dance.

  Colleen was serenaded by Enrique. She had no idea that he could sing so well. He sang the reggae version of John Legend's song Stay With You, and she dwelled on the lyrics, not even realizing that she was crying until Maureen handed her a kerchief.

  "I can't believe you made me cry," Colleen said to Enrique when everyone had left. They were standing at the door, waving off Renata, who was the last one t
o leave.

  Enrique turned to her, his eyes serious. "I meant every word of that song. I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs... I'll stay with you when no one else is around...this is my commitment, Colleen."

  Colleen swallowed. She opened her mouth to say something, anything because she had no idea what to say. After that serious declaration she felt so bad because she wasn't there yet and she wanted so badly to be there, but as everyone said, time would take care of her uncertainty.

  Enrique lowered his lips to hers and Colleen's tingling body reminded her that the honeymoon started now. She melted into him.

  "I was going to take this slow," Enrique murmured against her lips between kisses. "We'd talk, have some food…I noticed you barely ate anything earlier…build on the tension so that we would be so hot for each other we couldn't make it to a room."

  "But," Colleen did not recognize the ragged voice coming from her as her own.

  "But we'll eat later," Enrique said raggedly, slowly unzipping her dress. "Much later."

  *****

  One week into their honeymoon, Colleen realized that she couldn't recall being so happy, so sensual, so fulfilled. She was like a woman with a different body, which was thoroughly known and explored by her new husband. Pleasure for him was like an art form. He played her like a violin. He was only happy when she was happy. They were so sexually compatible Colleen thought in starry-eyed wonder she was beginning to think it was love.

  "Hey." Enrique sank down beside her on the lounger beside the pool. "Do you think we can break this honeymoon and go visit your parents? I feel terrible that I don't know them."

  "Sure." Colleen kissed him warmly. "When?"

  "Now." Enrique inclined his head. "Unless, of course, you want us to go later." He kissed her arm and trailed his lips up to her neck slowly.

  Colleen shivered. "Now."