Trusting in Faith - A Medieval Romance (The Sword of Glastonbury Series Book 5)

by Shea,Lisa

  His voice was hoarse. “Every second you were gone from my side, I was in agony. I imagined a thousand different deaths for you. I swore, if I saw you again –”

  His voice failed him.

  She walked over to stand before him, gently reaching out to trace a finger near the fresh wound on his face.

  That close. He had come that close to serious injury. To death.

  The thought took away her breath.

  She looked up into those eyes she knew so well. Eyes which had stayed loyally by her side when a pregnant woman’s life hung in the balance. Eyes which had vowed safety when a threat held a knife to her neck. Eyes which, when beset on all sides with death, had solely prayed for her safe escape.

  He put his hand over hers. “Sarah, you are the bravest woman I have ever met. Every day you put your life on the line to help others. You would have taken on a mother wolf to keep children safe. You insisted on coming with us to track the bandits, all for the sake of the women and children. You deserve … ” His throat closed up. “You deserve the very best life has to offer. And I am only … I am barely …”

  Sarah’s breath left her as she realized what he was saying.

  She gazed at the man before her. “You are all I could ever dream of. Not wealth. Not riches. Not a massive castle full of silken fabrics and golden medallions.”

  Her voice lowered to a hush. “Just you.”

  His gaze shone in disbelieving shock.

  And then he lowered down to one knee.

  “Sarah, most honorable, loyal, courageous Sarah, would you join me in this journey through life? Would you be my wife?”

  Sarah could only nod, her heart soaring. In a thousand dreams, she could not have imagined this moment.

  She drew him to his feet …

  His breath left him …

  Suddenly they were entwined in an embrace, pressed hard against each other. She nestled her face against his chest, all thought lost. He was hers. He was hers, and that was all that mattered in this world.

  She turned her head up to his, seeking his lips with her own. He groaned under his breath, lowering his head to kiss her - first tenderly, then with a fiercer passion. Everything else faded around her, as she lost herself in the kiss. Every part of her glowed with heat ...

  A loud whinny from a passing horse reminded Sarah of their public location, but she did not hesitate for more than a moment. She took Reynald’s hand and led him forward across the courtyard, into the keep, and up the stairs toward the room she always took while staying here.

  She pressed open the heavy wooden door, and as he came through it behind her, she turned to press it shut, then to drop the bar across it. That done, she turned around to face him.

  They were one.

  Chapter 20

  Sarah awoke to streaming sunshine. It was obviously long after dawn, based on the way the golden light danced through the windows. She stretched slowly, deliciously relaxed.

  Suddenly she snapped awake, memories of the previous night flooding her head. A jumble of thoughts came over her at once. She was stark naked. The sheets were tangled from the lovemaking she and Reynald had shared. And most importantly … she was alone.

  She climbed out of bed and moved to the dresser, finding a light robe in one of the drawers. She donned it, then moved to the window to stare out and get her bearings.

  There was a fair amount of activity down in the courtyard. Men were strapping on armor and grooms were preparing horses. There were clanking noises from the armory as last minute repairs were being made to swords and greaves. Sarah looked through the hubbub for a sign of Reynald or Walter. She saw Ethan and Elijah sharpening their blades, and she recognized a few of the men from her own keep. However, the men she sought were not part of the tumult below.

  She ran a hand wearily through her long hair. It was perhaps too much to ask that Reynald lounge in bed for a morning talk, with the next fight so close at hand. She should count herself lucky to have stolen even a few hours of his time. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, thinking of the dangers he faced in the coming hours.

  It was time she got dressed and joined the group. She pulled out her sword, dagger, and other gear and laid them across the end of the bed, preparing to put on her clothes.

  The door slowly swung open, and she hurriedly pulled the robe closed around her. Reynald eased into the room, his eyes focused on the bed, his brow creasing in confusion when he found it empty. He swung his gaze across the room, smiling fondly as he locked eyes with her – and promptly frowning again when he spotted the gear she had laid out to wear.

  “Oh, no,” he warned her in a low voice, stepping forward and closing the door behind him with one smooth action. “You will not be coming with us today, Sarah.”

  Sarah’s hackles rose. This was not how she had planned on beginning her day’s conversation with Reynald! “I will most certainly be part of the group,” she insisted with heat. “We have had this discussion before. I have sworn – on the Holy Bible – to stay out of any fight.”

  Reynald’s face was firm. “That was when we thought there was a hope of there being no conflict,” he stated resolutely. “We have already been viciously attacked twice in two days. Each time we barely survived. If we move on their main camp, this is going to be a serious battle. Nowhere will be safe. There will be no spot for you to sit and watch from that will not be dangerous.”

  “What about Abigail? What about the baby?” pressed Sarah, her desperation mounting.

  Reynald shook his head. “I love my sister very much, and once the battle is over, we will get her to safety. However, first we must win it – and that is no sure thing.” He paused for a moment, his gaze serious. “It could very well be that we are all wiped out – and that it takes a fresh attack from new forces to clear this menace. We can only try our best.”

  Sarah blanched at the thought, and it made her even more determined to be there. Her voice became steely. “You have no right to prevent me from going,” she pointed out.

  Reynald took a step forward, and Sarah forced herself not to retreat in response. His eyes blazed with strong emotion. The words shot out of him full of fury and frustration.

  “No right? It is my duty to keep you safe – as any man of honor would do for his future wife.”

  Sarah was shocked speechless by this proclamation. It was a few moments before she could pull herself up straight and stare him in the eyes to respond. Was this how he would take complete control of her actions?

  “Your duty? Am I a servant now? What happened to partners? What happened to a respect for my strengths?”

  Reynald flushed, and he opened his mouth to speak, but just at that moment a hammering came at the door.

  “We are preparing to head out,” called the page in a clear voice, thudding on the door a few more times before moving down the hall.

  Reynald’s face became caught between emotions, and he glanced quickly between the stout wooden door and the fury on Sarah’s face. Sarah’s anger mounted as he turned to walk toward the door. So he was going to leave this way? Well if that was how things were going to be …

  To her great surprise, he stopped before the door and further settled the bolt which barred it. He turned around in place, putting his back against the door. He took a long, deep breath, and began again, his voice much quieter, his tone one of gentle reason.

  “I started this all wrong, Sarah. I am sorry. It is just that we are pressed for time and everything is happening at once.”

  He strode the few steps toward her and dropped to one knee. He tenderly took her hand in his own, giving it a gentle kiss before looking up at her. His voice came slow and deliberate, as if he had been reciting these lines in his head for a long while.

  “Sarah, from the very first days that I knew you, I realized you were a special woman. Your wisdom, your patience, your intelligence, and your honor are all traits I have sought in a life-mate for years. The trust others can place in you, your respect for
duty, your ability to tell the truth in all situations, these have great meaning to me.”

  He paused, his eyes gazing deep into hers. “I am immensely proud to have you by my side. Those words I said in the stable last night were heartfelt. I do wish for you to be my partner.”

  Sarah’s heart melted with the words, words she had dreamt of hearing for so long. He respected her … he was proud of her. She looked down at where his hand held hers, at the strength and capability represented by that grasp.

  And still … a seed of doubt lodged in her heart. He had not said he loved her … and this renewal of praise conveniently came when he wanted her to follow his orders. Was he expecting her to turn into his obedient slave once she gave in? Would her answer of a single word remove all independence of thought and action? Would he, like Simon and Dirk, expect her to give up her midwife activities, her chosen way of life?

  The thought stung her.

  Just how real was this proposal, after all? She had not seen any signs of courtship from him in the past. All in all it seemed rather convenient; a guaranteed method to force her to remain behind.

  Her anger flared that she was being so heartlessly manipulated.

  She tossed her head at the tumbled sheets. “You speak of duty?” she snapped. “Perhaps this renewal of vows is naught but an act of duty. Perhaps last night was a mere whim, in the heat of the moment. Now this morning your words are a required ‘honorable’ response to what we did. As an added bonus, it would grant you absolute say over my actions in the coming days.”

  Her shoulders tightened at the thought of being a helpless minion with no control over her life. It would not come to that - not if she could help it!

  The thought insistently pressed at her again that he had not mentioned love in his proposal. It drilled into her heart that this was an action of logic, not emotion. She found herself adding in a low growl, “Surely if you really cared for me all these weeks as you say, you would have courted me properly.”

  Reynald flushed and looked down. “You are right. I should have resisted the emotion of last night,” he admitted with a mixture of frustration and shame. “I should have held my tongue until we returned home to your father, so I could present my case properly.”

  Sarah’s fury piqued at this, her brain jumping to a new thread for no logical reason. “Are you saying I am incapable of deciding for myself what I want and when I want it? That you and my father need to decide for me what is right for me?” She knew she was overreacting, but she could not help herself. It seemed to prove again that Reynald’s aim was to control her life, to tell her what to do and think.

  Reynald looked up at this, quickly shaking his head even as she finished. He seemed to be choosing his words with care now, his face serious, pleading. “It is not that at all. If you are saying you would rather have had a proper courting first, I should have known that and respected it.”

  Sarah sighed in exasperation. Everything was coming out wrong. “That is not what I meant at all. I did not mean you had to court me in order to lie with me.”

  That sounded far, far worse.

  She took a deep breath and began again. “Reynald, our emotions ran wild last night, which is to be expected, given what we had endured. And today - you are heading out into a fierce battle – a battle which could take your life.”

  The realization ran through her again just how serious the day’s events were going to be, and she paled, looking down at the man who still knelt at her feet. Her voice became quieter and gentler as she continued.

  “Truly, Reynald, I do not regret one thing. But if we are to be incompatible – if what you want from me is something I simply cannot give – then we need to accept that.”

  She looked away for a moment, letting the anger settle out of her, struggling against the confusion that remained. Just what was it that she really feared here? After a moment she attempted to put it into words.

  “I have seen too many couples marry because of one indiscretion, one impetuous moment – and endure years of agony as a result. I would not have that be the situation here.”

  She ran a hand through her hair, forcing the words past her lips. “Until now, you have not shown any inkling of courting me. It is hard for me to believe you suddenly have these strong feelings for me. It is quite a step to jump from a casual friendship to a life-long marriage.” She paused for a moment, then pressed on. “To do it because of one night’s actions seems … impulsive.”

  Reynald glanced out the window at the rising noise of the milling troops. His face wrenched in torment. Then he stood to move in front of her gaze, ensuring she saw his face. His face stilled from tenderness to a more deliberate, serious look.

  “We do not have the time to go into the past right now. Let us deal with what is before us.”

  He took in a deep breath, then let it out. “Sarah, this is not simply some abstract sense of duty,” he pressed. “There is the very real chance that you are with child now, as the result of our actions. If I die today, I would not want that child to be treated as a bastard – to be ridiculed his entire life as a son or daughter who was unwanted. I want to ensure that the world knows how much I care for you. I want the world to know – if you will let me – that I have every intention of recognizing and raising that child as my own.”

  Sarah flushed at this. She of all people should have thought of the consequences of her action. Reynald was right – and his aims were quite worthy of praise. She looked down in confusion.

  Reynald put a hand beneath her chin, raising her eyes to meet his. “I want to have some arrangement known just in case … but I will only ask for an engagement. If I return safely, let me prove to you – over time - that I can be a good husband. That I have the financial ability to care for you and our family. Let me speak with your father and elicit his approval. Whatever questions you have, I will answer them with complete honesty. Whatever concerns you have, I will do my best to address them.”

  A look of worry shaded his face. “If it turns out that you truly do not want to be with me, and a month has passed so that we know no child has been created, then we can end the engagement with little fanfare.”

  He took a deep breath. “Even if you are with child – if you would raise the child alone, or with another man rather than with me …” His voice caught for a moment, but with visible effort he forced himself to continue. “I will respect your decision, and not contest it.”

  He took both of her hands in his own, and his eyes became full of tender pleading. “Just know this, Sarah. I love you. I have loved every new aspect of you that I have discovered over the past weeks. You would make me the happiest man on earth if you gave me the opportunity to grow and learn with you for the rest of our lives.”

  Sarah’s breath caught at his words.

  He loved her.

  This was not just about duty and honor. This was not simply about a child. He loved her.

  A flood of emotions overtook her, and she found the strength, finally, to give voice to the doubt which had been lodged in her heart since the first moment she had seen Reynald.

  “What about Rachel?”

  Reynald froze. His brow creased in confusion. “Rachel?”

  A louder hammering came on the door. A sharp voice announced, “We are leaving now!”

  Reynald turned, his face a mirror of anguish. He took the few steps toward the door and slid the bar free. “I am coming,” he growled through the door, putting his hand on the latch. He turned back to look toward Sarah, his face tight.

  “Please, at least, think about it …”

  Time stopped. She could see every movement in his face, in his body, as he began to turn away from her. Her feelings descended on her in a sudden rush, and she was running … running …

  “Yes! Yes!” she cried out, wrapping her arms around him, clinging to him with all of her might. “If you truly want me as I am, as a stubborn partner, a midwife, and a loyal lover, then I will be honored to have you as my husband.”<
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  Reynald’s arms folded around her to draw her in close, and he lifted her up to spin her in a circle. When he placed her gently back on the ground again, he stepped back a pace to smile down at her. He slowly pulled free his signet ring from his hand. He took Sarah’s left hand in his own, placing the ring on her finger with tender care. When he had finished, he looked up and held her gaze.

  “I will wait as long as you wish before we announce the engagement and for the ceremony itself. I would just like to tell Father Xavier who manages the chapel here. I spoke with him briefly this morning, while you were asleep. That way we have a witness, in case I am slain and you are pregnant.”

  He pressed a tender kiss against her hair. “I will do everything I can to prove to you that I am worthy. Over time I pray that you will grow to love me as much as I love you.”

  Sarah’s voice caught. A rock of doubt still nagged her. It was time to bring it out into the open. Now was not the time for half measures. If Reynald appreciated the truth, here it was.

  She took a step back from him, to stand in the center of the room. “Now that we are officially engaged,” she instructed him with a calm she did not feel, “I need you to tell me your true feelings about Rachel. Be fully honest – I promise I can accept anything, as long as it is the truth.”

  Reynald took a step toward her, his face layered with joy and caution. “You are sure you wish to hear this now?”

  Sarah mutely nodded. She steeled her heart to be strong.

  Reynald seemed uncertain, but he visibly braced himself. “Then let this be our first test, the first proof that I will do as you ask, and not mince words.”

  He took a deep breath, then let it out. “I find her to be self-absorbed and immature. She has little regard for how her actions affect others around her. When she presses on me so that she touches me, I feel as if I have accidentally stepped into used dishwater.” His lips clamped shut, and he stood silent, waiting.

  Sarah reeled as if she had been struck. Her eyes flew wide with shock, and she saw Reynald retreat slightly within himself, almost preparing for a blow. She could only manage to gasp out, “Is this truly how you feel?”