by L. C. Mawson
Claire shrugged. “It’s not your fault. All you did was believe in me. I was the one who let you down.”
Justice jumped in at that. “Love, we all believe in you,” she assured the other girl, her tone urgent. “Never doubt that. But there’s a difference in believing that you can master your powers, and pushing you into the field before you’re ready.”
Claire nodded, but Justice didn’t seem to accept the gesture.
“Love, please understand, we’ve lost Aspects before by pushing them too early. You’re valuable without being in the field. Hell, Em has never been out in the field and she’s been with us for five years now. We’d rather have you alive and out of the field, than in the field and dead.”
Claire shifted her weight, feeling uncomfortable. Justice seemed to really mean what she was saying. They genuinely cared about her.
Why?
She didn’t ask her question aloud, but she wanted to. She desperately wanted to know why the hell they cared. But they did. Somehow.
“She did use her powers before we left,” Vengeance defended, his tone bearing the air of repetition.
Justice rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that doesn’t mean that she can use them at will whenever she wants.” She turned back to Claire. “You have a starting point now, and you should be proud of that. But the work isn’t over.”
“Yeah, I know,” Claire replied, her fingers messing with her hair.
“If you need to talk to anyone about yesterday, I’m here,” Justice assured her, her voice low to prevent the others from listening, but Claire was sure they had heard anyway.
Claire nodded before looking to the others. Hate wasn’t there, but then, she hadn’t really expected her to be. She'd hoped, but she knew better than to expect. No, what surprised her was the disappearance of Empathy. Everyone else had dispersed around the room, all trying not to look like they were listening in to her conversation with the twins, though they clearly were. But Empathy had seemingly left.
“Where did Em go?” she asked Justice, who shrugged.
“Probably the Control Room,” she guessed.
“Lita?” Claire asked.
“Justice is correct. Empathy is now in the Control Room.”
Claire headed off to the lift, going to find the younger Aspect.
As soon as she entered the control room, she heard a high-pitched chirp of protest coming from Empathy.
“Are you okay?” Claire asked.
Em shook her head as she turned to face her. “Being in your head right now is torture,” she muttered. “All I keep seeing are those dead, silver-lilac eyes staring at me. My eyes.”
Claire frowned, wondering if Em meant her eyes, though, the more she thought about it, she realised that she’d never seen Em’s eyes change. They were always the same as her own.
“I’ve never seen your eyes change colour,” Claire eventually said aloud, her curiosity getting the better of her.
Em shrugged. “They never do. They always stay the same lilac-silver, just like my mother’s. It’s the one thing of mine I get to keep.”
“I hadn’t ever met anyone with the same colour eyes as me.”
“I hadn’t either. Not outside of my family, at least. But now...”
“Now?”
Em turned back to the terminal, bringing up a map of the area the Tower protected. Three walled cities, connected by an underground rail line, the use of which was closely monitored and restricted to keep up with demand. The Aspects would fly between them when they needed to get there. Claire still hadn’t had an opportunity to venture out into the Wasteland, even protected within the dropships.
“The pattern that I’ve been noticing with the attacks... These are the victims.”
She brought up a series of pictures, all of them staring back at Claire with identical, silver-lilac eyes.
“They’re like us?” Claire eventually asked.
“Yep,” Em confirmed. “And these are all of the victims from the monster attacks of the last five years, bar a couple of anomalies. I think that day at the ice rink...”
“You think those monsters were coming for me?” Claire finished for her, unable to take her eyes away from the screen.
“It looks that way.”
“Can you predict where they’ll strike next?”
“Not really. I mean, there’s no reason for there to be any records of who has what eye colour, even for such a rare one, so we have no idea who their next target will be.”
“But... why? Why go after people with a certain eye colour? What makes us different?”
Em shrugged. “I have no clue. All I know is that they’re attacking with intelligence now. They kill their target and then they leave. Usually they’re making their way out before we can even get there.”
“That’s... Honestly, that’s terrifying. What could they possibly be after?”
“That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to figure out but... I’m coming up with nothing,” Em admitted, turning back to the terminal. “But... I don’t mean to be rude, but don’t you have training to be doing? You know, downstairs?”
Claire nodded, remembering how Em had protested when she'd first entered the room. She didn’t want to inflict her conflicted feelings on the younger Aspect.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Another week passed. Another week of nothing but training. Another week of watching as the other Aspects left, risking their lives, and knowing that she couldn’t help.
Claire was sick of it. But she was also terrified. She hated how those feelings were conflicting within her. Both a restlessness and a need to be still. Fight and flight and no choice for both.
“You’ll get it,” Vengeance assured her, for what felt like the thousandth time.
“If you say that one more time, I’m going to knock your head clean off your shoulders,” Claire snapped at him, rubbing at her arm where Biter had struck her.
Serenity smiled from across the room, where she seemed to be meditating. She’d had both earbuds in last time Claire had looked, but now she had only one. “You’re not going to get anywhere if you let yourself be clouded by anger. It’s too close to hate. Too far from love.”
“Yeah, well, anger is about all I’m good at, apparently,” Claire replied, dropping her sharp tone for sarcasm as Biter hissed at her. She hissed back out of spite. Biter was being held to the ground with little more than a rope, and it was more than capable of hitting you if you got within range. Which Claire had to, to see if her powers were working.
Serenity took out her second ear-bud, walking over to Claire with a deliberately slow pace.
“Perhaps your problem is the instructor,” she said calmly, no hint in her tone to suggest that she'd meant to throw shade at Vengeance, but he narrowed his eyes anyway.
“Justice and I always train the new recruits.”
“With the exception of Love.”
“The last Love was a unique case.”
Serenity smiled, her gaze locked on Claire. “Do you know what we believe out by Tower Three?”
“Tower Three? Isn’t that the American Tower?”
“Si,” Serenity confirmed as Claire realised that, if that were the case, her first language would be Spanish. She wondered if she'd known English before she'd been chosen as an Aspect, or if she’d had to quickly learn upon arrival.
Vengeance chipped in at that. “Which Aspect works at which Tower is decided by their power, not where they lived before. You, Em and Hate are the only ones who were local to this Tower.” He turned back to Serenity. “Every city has some local superstition about the Aspects. They’re all just make-believe. Just the Humans not understanding the Rena technology, which I guess we don’t really understand all too well anymore either.”
“If you don’t understand it either, then who is to say they’re wrong?” Serenity asked him simply, her gaze staying on Claire. “We believe that new Aspects aren’t all that different from the last ones. Almost reincarnations, if you will. If I was able to
help the last Love, then who is to say that I can’t help you?”
“Because it’s not true,” Vengeance said, a little defensively.
“Even if you’re right, that doesn’t change the fact that neither you nor your sister is much help to her. Your powers are too different.”
“Oh, come on. All Aspects are pretty much the same. Plus, Vengeance can spring from Love.”
“Now that is where you’re wrong,” Serenity told him. “Having one emotion evolve into another doesn’t make them connected. You derive your power from wanting to hurt the creatures - punish them for the harm they have caused. Love and Serenity are far more similar. They’re things which are frequently lost in the heat of battle. Love and I were able to help each other find them.”
“You know what? Fine. Do whatever you want,” Vengeance told her.
Serenity’s smile widened for just the briefest of moments before she returned all of her concentration back to Claire.
“You need something to latch onto,” Serenity told her. “Something to concentrate on when you’re overwhelmed by fear and hate.”
“Like what?”
“Something you love.”
Vengeance interjected once more, irritatedly. “We already tried that! She doesn’t have anything.”
“And you would be the best person to help her find that?”
Vengeance’s frown deepened. “Just because I’m aromantic doesn’t mean I don’t understand the concept of romantic love. The rest of you go on about it enough. Not to mention that there are other kinds of love.”
“Says the man who has never known life without his sibling. You’ve never known what it’s like to be without love. To have to search for it from scratch. Just because she hasn’t found it yet, doesn’t mean she won’t,” Serenity replied calmly.
“Well then how do I find it?” Claire asked.
“Close your eyes,” Serenity told her.
Claire did as she was told and a moment later, someone took hold of her hand. She instinctively pulled away with a high-pitched chirp of protest, her eyes shooting back open.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Serenity assured her and, in her desperation to claim her powers, Claire held out her hand, forcing herself to calm down as she closed her eyes, knowing what to expect this time.
She was prepared for Serenity taking her hand again but it didn’t make the experience any more pleasant. She really didn’t like people touching her unless she had a close connection with them and, even then, she preferred to be the one initiating the touching.
“Here, tell me what you feel,” Serenity said as she placed Claire’s hand on something. After a few moments, Claire identified it as Serenity’s wrist, her pulse under her hand.
“Your pulse,” she said.
“My heartbeat,” Serenity corrected. “It’s your connection to another person. Concentrate on that and just breathe.”
Claire felt silly. Her insides squirmed with embarrassment and she just did as she was told and concentrated on her breathing. It was all she could do to not pull her hand away and leave.
“What do you feel?” Serenity asked after a few moments.
Claire was stumped by the question. She felt a little calmer after focusing on her breathing, a little less embarrassed, but there wasn’t really anything else going on. Confusion, maybe?
“Nothing,” she eventually answered, shrugging.
Serenity pulled away swiftly, causing Claire’s eyes to shoot open. She couldn’t decipher the look Serenity was giving her, all she knew was that Serenity was holding the hand that had held hers as if it had been burned.
“Nothing? Nothing at all?” she asked softly.
Claire looked to Vengeance, trying to figure out what she did wrong. “No. I’m sorry. What was I meant to feel?”
Serenity shook her head. “It’s okay. I guess you’re not as much like your predecessor as I thought.”
Serenity left the room at that and Claire turned to Vengeance.
“I am very confused right now,” she confessed.
Vengeance gave her a sympathetic smile. “That wasn’t very kind of Serenity.”
“What wasn’t?”
“Well, like she said, she thought that you and the last Love were essentially the same person. She thought that you would retain some things from her.”
“Wait, you mean like her love for Serenity? She thought that I would have feelings for her?”
Vengeance shrugged. “She’s grieving. I don’t think she wants you to replace your predecessor as her girlfriend or anything, but I think that she convinced herself that some part of her lived on in you. I guess you not being able to use Serenity to focus your powers put an end to that fantasy.”
Claire gave him a disbelieving look. “I thought the last Love was... Well, she was really good at tapping into her powers. How could we be anything alike?”
“Well, actually, she wasn’t always good at it. When Bennett found her, she wasn’t exactly in the best situation. She was convinced that she couldn’t tap into her powers, too. Serenity kind of latched onto her, though. I don’t think she was used to being shown kindness and, in the end, I think was inevitable that they loved each other.
“Not that Serenity was her only source of love, though. No, she loved everyone. Even Biter.”
“See, I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I believe you can. I think you’re just afraid.”
“Afraid?”
He shrugged. “I’m just describing what I’ve seen. You mostly used to interact with Em, but I’ve barely seen you two together this past week.”
“Oh, that’s not me being afraid. I was just freaked out after what happened. I don’t want to inflict that on Em.”
“See? You care about her.”
“Well, yeah. She’s my friend.”
“So focus on that and try again.” He indicated to Biter.
“Even if I could,” Claire started, rolling her eyes, “I can’t concentrate on Em while I’m in battle. She’s too far away. I need something closer and more immediate.”
Vengeance sighed. “Okay, I’m just going to lay it all out. I know about you and Hate.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Claire lied, though she knew that it wasn’t convincing.
“Look, Justice knows and whatever she knows, I know,” he told her and she nodded, figuring that there was no point in lying any more.
“Fine. So Hate and I kind of dated. Kind of. We went on all of two dates after I met you guys at the ice rink. So what?”
“And then she spent the night with you last week,” he countered.
Claire became flustered at that. “We didn’t spend the night together! She just... I didn’t want to be alone. She just stuck around so that I wasn’t. That was it.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “Look, all I’m saying is that you clearly care about her. And, unlike Em, she could be there with you on the battlefield. Or hell, make friends with the rest of us. But Serenity is right, you can’t do this without finding something to focus your love on.”
CLAIRE GAVE UP ON HER training for the day not long after that, heading to the communal kitchen for another bottle of water. Usually, she headed straight to the shower, but she'd pushed herself too far. Made too much of an effort to prove that she was capable of holding her own, even if she couldn’t quite get her powers to work.
She felt as if she was about to pass out.
As she closed the fridge door, she heard crying from the other room. She stopped still, not wanting to intrude. If she headed out of the kitchen, whoever it was would see her, and she would see them. No hope of escaping an awkward encounter.
“You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself,” she heard Justice say calmly, telling her that whoever was crying wasn’t alone.
The other person sniffed. “Why not? I’m messing this up. I can’t... I can’t let her go... My powers barely work anymore...”
Any ability Claire might hav
e had to move was suddenly lost as she recognised Serenity’s voice.
“You lost the woman you love. You can’t expect that to not affect you.”
“Why not? Isn’t that my job? My purpose here? To be the unflappable one? The one that flows with the tide instead of being pulled under?”
“There is serenity to be found, even in pain, but it can’t come without acceptance. You dealt with her death by telling yourself that it wasn’t the end. That part of her would live on in the new Love.”
Serenity snorted. “And look how that theory turned out.”
“You have to let her go.”
“Could you do it? If it was you? Could you justly deal with those who slew your love?”
Justice hesitated before answering. “I pray to the gods to watch over her, and have faith that day will never come. If it ever did... I don’t know how I would handle it.”
“I never took you for the religious sort.”
“I’m usually not.”
There was another prolonged silence and Claire wondered if it would be so bad for her to pass through now. Maybe if she just gave them a polite wave before hurrying past, they wouldn’t know that she'd been listening in. If she was fast enough, they might even believe that she hadn’t seen Serenity’s tears.
“I hate that we’re just supposed to forget,” Serenity finally admitted, her voice so low that Claire could barely hear her. “She died for the people of Earth and no one will ever know her name. To them she’s just as faceless as the rest of us. We’re just keeping the title warm for the next unlucky chica to take our place.”
Justice sighed. “Do you honestly think she would have wanted her name, and everything associated with her life before she was Love, remembered?”
“No, I just... She deserves more than to just fade away. She deserves... something.”
Justice didn’t answer.
“Like a memorial.”
Claire jumped as she realised that the voice had been her own, speaking her thoughts aloud in her tiredness. She made her way out from the kitchen, waving awkwardly.
“Sorry, I just... I wasn’t trying to be rude. You were there and I was over there and... I didn’t mean to hear. Or answer. My mouth just does things, you know, when I’m tired. Usually things I regret. I should really look into, you know, not doing that. Like now, for instance. Probably.” She clamped her lips shut, her fist tapping against her side.