by Vikki Vaught
She beamed at her new husband then looked at Susan. “As long as you are fine with us bringing the children, and that time frame works for you, I look forward to it.”
“That would be ever so wonderful,” she exclaimed. “My boys will enjoy having them visit. Anything that keeps them from their studies thrills them. We shall look forward to you coming.”
“I will write when I have the date of our arrival. It should be around the tenth of the month, but I shall know more once the holidays are here.” They chatted for a few more minutes then moved on to other guests.
They continued to move around the room. Soon it was time to cut the wedding cake. While gazing at the enormous three-tier confection with intricately designed white sugar roses and lilies, Kathryn noticed a filigree pattern on the side of the cake. It was so beautiful it seemed a shame to cut it.
Jonathan picked up the cake knife, she placed her hand on his, and they cut the first piece together. His eyes shone as she nibbled her portion. A bit of icing fell on her chin, and he wiped it off then licked the icing off his finger while gazing into her eyes.
Flutters began in the pit of her belly.
In a split second it was replaced by fear.
Oh, why did my uncle ruin me!
If he’d left me alone…
She pushed those thoughts away and enjoyed the rest of their wedding breakfast. Then with everyone’s well-wishes, they departed for the White Hart Inn. When they arrived at the door of the bridal suite, Jonathan picked her up and carried her into the room.
“Put me down.” Surprise sharpened her tone. “You will hurt your knee. It must be aching after being on it for hours.”
He laughed. “I’m fine. You’re as light as a feather, and I must be a romantic at heart. When I was a green lad, I always dreamed of carrying my bride over the threshold. Humor me a bit, all right?”
“Well, now that we’re inside, please put me down. I want to look at our accommodations.” Kathryn gazed around, noticing the light fruitwood furniture with blue brocade cushions on the sofa, and the table set for two. Long-stemmed white roses were lying on the table next to a bottle of champagne chilling on ice.
It was so sweet of Jonathan, but she was getting a bit nervous. She could not understand why he’d gone to so much trouble when they were not consummating their union. “I’m confused.” There was only one door in the room. She went over, opened it and gasped. “Jonathan? There’s only one bedchamber. Where will you sleep?”
“Why, with you, of course,” he informed her. “While we shan’t make love, it does not mean we cannot find our rest together. I promise…I only want to sleep—nothing more. You enjoyed it when I held you in the carriage, did you not?”
Her heart hammered so hard against her ribs, she feared one of them could break. “But I wear my night rail to bed. That’s quite different from you holding me in my day clothes. I do not want to do this.”
Jonathan pulled her into his arms. “Do this for me. Just for tonight. If you do not sleep well, then we will not do it again. You know darling, marriage is not only making love. I want us to be close, physically, even though we do not consummate our union. Please?”
Kathryn wanted to push him away, run into that bedchamber and lock the door, but would sleeping together harm her? She did trust him. “I suppose…we can try it, but I shall not sleep a wink, then I shall be exhausted tomorrow.”
He released her and stepped back. “Why do you not go into the bedroom and change into your night rail? I shall change out here. Then we will have dinner.”
She drew in a shaky breath. “I will need you to unbutton my gown and l-loosen my stays.” Jonathan gently turned her around and quickly did it for her. His fingers brushed against her as they released each button and warmth spread through her.
He kissed the nape of her neck. “All done. Let me know if you need any more help.”
While she changed into her thick, white night rail, a small part of her wondered what it would be like having him hold her as she slept. She had enjoyed it when he held her in the carriage, and she did want them to be close.
If it would make him happy, then it would be worth it. She had promised to obey him, so this was the first example of it. She sat at the dressing table and pulled the pins from her hair. Once it was loose, she brushed it until it shone, then braided it to keep it from tangling while she slept. Standing, she took a deep breath and walked to the door and entered the sitting room.
Jonathan sat at the table, pouring them each a glass of champagne. “Sweetheart, come take a seat. I ordered champagne. Our food should be here shortly.”
As Kathryn took her seat, she surreptitiously looked at her new husband from under her lashes and noticed his dark blue, silk dressing gown. His nightshirt opened at the neck and hair peeked out. Did he have hair all over his broad chest? Although she’d caught a glimpse of it when she went to him the night after the storm, she could not recall.
She watched his powerful arms move, his muscles straining against the fabric of his dressing gown. Realizing he could catch her ogling him, her cheeks grew warm and she lowered her eyes.
“Are you well?” he inquired. “You look flushed. I built up the fire while you changed. I may have been overzealous. Perhaps I should open a window for a moment.”
Jonathan started to rise. “No,” she protested, “I’m comfortable. I’m just not used to seeing a man in his night clothes. The fire actually feels wonderful.”
Kathryn reached for her glass and took a sip of champagne, hoping to calm her nerves. She wished the food would arrive. A knock echoed through the room, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
A servant carried in a heavily laden tray of food and placed it on the cart, then departed. The food smelled delicious, and her stomach growled. Jonathan removed the cover, and the aroma of roasted chicken and savory dressing wafted around her. He placed the chicken, along with the dressing, then added boiled potatoes and turnips on a plate and set it before her. Her mouth watered.
As she ate and sipped her champagne, she again glanced at her husband. He ate with gusto and appeared comfortable in his night clothes, so she tried to relax and enjoy her meal. Jonathan kept topping off her glass, and soon she became slightly tipsy, but it helped her relax. By the time he served the lemon custard—a favorite of hers—she had grown much more comfortable.
Once they were finished eating, Jonathan cleared his throat. “I hope you don’t mind, but I need to apply ointment to my knee. I usually do that twice a day, and I missed this afternoon; my knee is a bit stiff.”
“I’m sorry your knee pains you. I shall finish the rest of my champagne.” He went to his bag and retrieved the ointment, took a seat on the sofa, then raised his nightshirt above his knee, and rubbed it in.
Kathryn noticed his knee looked red and swollen. “Jonathan, do you need to put ice on it? I understand ice can help swelling. Does it swell every day?”
“It’s worse today than usual since I missed my afternoon treatment,” he explained. While he continued to rub ointment on it, he continued, “Normally, Hatton applies it, then wraps my knee with cold compresses to minimize the swelling. It’s not a pretty sight, but I’m grateful I did not lose my leg.”
“Thank goodness. Do you take anything to help the pain?” she asked.
“I take laudanum, which helps.” He hesitated. “I fought against taking it for years, but I was using excessive alcohol instead, and it did not work as well. So now, I take a dose in the afternoon, then another one at night before bed. I sleep much better now.”
She sipped her champagne, then set it on the table. “Clearly, you need the laudanum for pain, but be careful you do not use too much. It’s extraordinarily easy to become addicted. Of course, when I was taking it, I took large doses several times a day trying to forget the pain of what my uncle had done. Even though Henry and Melody stopped him that time, it brought up memories of the times before, when no one was there to stop him.”
Dropping h
is nightshirt over his knees, Jonathan told her, “That’s why I fought against it, but as long as I only take it in small doses, the doctor has assured me I should not become addicted. Will it bother you if you see me take it?”
“I’d rather not see you using it, and I certainly do not want to know where you keep it. I had a nightmare the other night and awoke wishing I had some. It frightened me. The withdrawal symptoms were horrible.”
Jonathan returned to the table. “I took my dose while you were changing. I shall make sure you never see it, or me taking any. Well, I’m quite exhausted, so shall we retire? I promise all we shall do is sleep. I want to hold you in my arms, but if that’s too much for you, I will understand.”
Please give me the strength to overcome my fears. She placed her hand over her heart to still its rapid beating, then swallowed and extended her hand.
Jonathan took it in his large, warm one and helped her to her feet, then they entered the bedchamber. He led her around to the right side of the bed, then pulled the covers back. Sweeping her into his arms, he laid her upon the white satin sheets. Then he smiled and tucked the covers under her chin, and playfully touched her nose. He walked to the other side, slipped out of his dressing gown, then slid in beside her. She tried to relax, but remain stiff as a statue, as he gathered her in his arms.
Gently stroking her shoulder, he murmured, “Nothing will happen. Try to relax and enjoy the closeness of being together. Does this not feel nicer than sleeping in a cold bed, alone?” As he continued stroking her shoulder, he hummed. It did feel nice to be with him instead of a cold bed. Slowly, her limbs grew heavy, and Jonathan’s body felt warm as she drifted off to sleep.
* * * *
Jonathan awoke as dawn filtered in through the crack in the curtains. The sky was surely filled with radiant bursts of gold, yellow and purple, as his new wife lay cuddled close against him. The faint light allowed him to see her beautiful face.
Last night had taken every ounce of control he had to keep from frightening her. Lying next to her, but not making love, had been torture, but that was the only way she would ever accept him.
He wanted her to grow so used to him she did not think twice about him touching her. Ensuring Kathryn did not feel his arousal, he continued to mentally beat into submission while holding her in his arms.
Kathryn reminded him of a pet he’d had as a child. He’d found a dog beaten and bruised and had nursed him back to health. At first, the animal growled when he came near, but once the dog knew he would not hurt him, he stopped tensing and growling every time he soothed his pain.
Eventually, Max followed him everywhere, and they were the best of friends for many years. He had not thought of his beloved animal in years. He’d been a faithful friend and companion throughout his adolescence.
His wife was emotionally scarred by the trauma she’d experienced. It made her wary of physical contact, as Max had been, so he would gently guide her into physical touching. His brilliance reserving the bridal suite and convincing her to sleep with him, amazed even him.
He was actually proud of her for allowing him to lie next to her last night. While she trembled as he held her, she still let him, and had fallen asleep when she believed she would not relax enough for that to happen.
This was a good start on eventually being able to make love to her. It could take months, perhaps even as long as a year, before she could respond sexually, but he hoped it would not take that long.
He needed to take small steps daily, and soon she would move beyond her fears. She obviously trusted him, or she would never have gotten into bed with him, let alone let him hold her. Yes, this was definitely a good start.
Glancing toward the window, he watched the sky lighten further. A huge sense of rightness filled his soul. Kathryn would be a wonderful mother to his nephew and niece, and once she moved beyond her fear of intimacy, she would have her own children to shower with love.
Frankford and Jane already loved her, and she loved them. Yes, God had certainly blessed him when he placed Kathryn in his life. Offering a brief prayer of thanks, he slowly closed his eyes and drifted off again.
CHAPTER 19
October 1823
Kathryn awoke and realized she was still in Jonathan’s arms. She’d slept the entire night. She’d been sure she would not sleep a wink, but she was wrong, and she felt more refreshed than usual. It felt comfortable and safe lying next to him with his arm around her. Her hand lay against his chest, and the soothing beat of his heart comforted her.
She recalled seeing his chest the night before Allison and Roderick had been found and wanted to get a better look. Another button on his nightshirt had slipped open, and she could see more hair than last night. She fought the urge to slip another button free and peek at his chest.
Jonathan was sleeping so soundly, perhaps he would not feel it if she was very careful. She slowly slid the button out of its hole and gently pushed open his nightshirt and saw silky, black hair scattered across his chest.
She wanted to discover whether it felt as silky as it looked, but she could never do that. Her cheeks heated. If he awoke, she would be so embarrassed, and he might think it was permission to touch her breasts. She looked up and found herself staring into her husband’s blue eyes.
He smiled. “Good morning, my beauty. I trust you slept well? I can’t remember when I’ve awakened feeling so refreshed. Are you hungry? I’m starving. I shall order us some breakfast. Is there anything in particular you want?”
Jonathan threw back the covers. His nightshirt had pulled up during the night, and she caught a glimpse of his muscular thighs. She should look away, but the hair lightly dusting his legs mesmerized her. As he stood, his nightshirt fell, covering his thighs.
Grabbing his dressing gown, Jonathan pulled it on and turned around. “Are you going to stay in bed all morning, or are you going to get up and help me find us our breakfast?” He touched her hair. “Your braid has come undone, and your tresses are falling around your shoulders. Will you sit, so I may see it in all its amazing glory?” Her cheeks grew even hotter, but wanting to please him, she sat, allowing her hair to fall to her waist. “Ah, an incredible sight. Its beauty far surpasses my expectations.” He straightened. “Well, I shall leave you to your morning ablutions.”
Kathryn watched as he limped from the room. Once he closed the door, she scurried out of bed, went behind the screen, and used the chamber pot. She found a pitcher of water on the washstand. She quickly washed, brushed her teeth, and went to see what Sarah had packed for her. Thank goodness the dress buttoned up the front.
Once she dressed, she opened the door, then stopped and stared at Jonathan’s back—his bare back. He had broad shoulders, a slim waist and trim hips. She could not tear her eyes away. He must have heard her. Jonathan turned around and smiled. Soap covered his cheeks and chin, and he held a razor in his hand. Her eyes drank in his spectacular chest with the black hair scattered across it.
“Ah, caught me with my shirt off,” he laughed. “Again. You’re a fast dresser. There’s hot tea and coffee on the table. Help yourself while I finish.”
Jonathan turned to the mirror. She watched in fascination as he scraped the blade across his handsome face. Once he was finished, he donned his shirt. She sighed, disappointed when he covered his magnificent chest.
Oh, my goodness, why am I feeling this way?
He motioned toward the table. “Please take a seat.” Once she sat at the table, Jonathan sat across from her and poured a cup of coffee. She poured tea into her cup, added cream and sugar, then took a sip. Someone tapped on the door.
A servant entered carrying a tray laden with serving dishes. The serving girl sat the tray on the cart and left. “I ordered a bit of everything. I didn’t know what to order for you, so hopefully there’s something here you will like.” He lifted the cover and grinned. “Hmm, kippers, sausage, bacon, and ham. What’s your preference, my lady?”
She marveled at his lighthearted, pl
ayful tone and attempted to emote that in her voice as well. “A piece of the sausage and a slice of bacon, kind sir. Oh, are there any eggs?”
Jonathan removed another cover. “Of course. There are coddled eggs, and we also have omelets. Which would you prefer?”
“I shall have an omelet, please. I would also like one of those blueberry muffins. That should take care of me.”
Kathryn watched in amazement as her husband piled his plate high with a bit of everything. He devoured his food as Henry would have, clearly starving. Men ate so much more than ladies.
Once they finished eating their breakfast, he said, “I’ve ordered the carriage brought ’round in thirty minutes. Can you be ready to leave by then?”
“Certainly. All I need to do is pack my valise. Is there anything I can do for you?” Picking up the rest of her muffin, she slathered it with fresh creamery butter. She smiled at him.
“I can think of something. Come here and give me my good morning kiss. I’m feeling deprived.” Although hesitant, she sat down her muffin, stood and moved around the table, then gave him a peck on the cheek.
Evidently, that was not what he meant. He grabbed her by the waist and all the air she possessed whooshed from her lungs as he pulled her onto his good knee and gave her a very thorough kiss.
Jonathan teased her lips, licking and nipping at her mouth, and when she gasped, he slipped his tongue in, deepening the kiss. At first startled, but then she remembered what Melody told her. She relaxed and concentrated on enjoying the kiss. Her heart galloped at an alarming pace, and her breathing became shallow as he continued his exploration.
Kathryn heard him groan as he lifted his lips from hers. “You have the sweetest mouth. I could kiss you all day, but alas, we must be on our way.” He helped her to her feet. “Finish your packing, my sweet.”
The hour’s drive to St. John’s Wood passed quickly. When they approached the house, Goodman had the servants lined up to greet their new mistress. She tried to make a point of repeating each of their names as they were introduced. That always helped her remember them better. The housekeeper, Mrs. Rollins, offered to show her to her rooms, but Jonathan said he would do it.