Jason looked ’round and smiled.
“Hi love. You’ve been gone a while.”
I smiled back and glanced at Jason’s mum. She was engrossed in a conversation with my mum and dad. I looked back feeling happier.
“Yes, I had to go outside to get some air. I felt a little sick. I’m better now, though.”
“Good.”
I sat down and looked ’round. Everyone was having a good time. I thought to myself that I should have felt guilty.
I didn’t.
CHAPTER 11
“Beth?”
My heart missed a beat, but when I turned around it was Sam. She looked quite serious.
“Yes?”
“Could I talk to you later?”
“Yes, what’s wrong?”
“I’ll talk to you later. After the meal. Can I come ’round yours?”
“Yeah, do you want to grab a lift with us?”
“No, I’ll come ’round at about half 11.”
“Yeah, OK.”
She gave me a hug, and walked back to her seat. Russell was talking to Dad, but glancing at Sam and me. Probably wondering what she had been talking to me about. At the end of the night, we walked out and the place was almost deserted but for a few stragglers. I looked at my watch, and saw it was five past 11. We said goodbye to everyone and got in the car.
“What’s the rush?” Jason asked, surprised by the way the wheels skidded on the dry road surface.
“Sorry, but Sam said that she was coming ’round at half 11 to talk to me.” I was trying to stay at the speed limit. I just hoped there weren’t any speed cameras about.
“What does she want to talk to you about?” he asked while fiddling with the stereo.
“I don’t know, she didn’t tell me. She just asked to speak to me, and said that she’d be ’round. She didn’t look that happy. I hope everything’s OK.”
“I’m sure it will be.” He looked up, and smiled warmly at me before putting his head back down to the stereo.
Finally, I drove into my road. I stopped in the driveway, whipped my belt off and jumped out of the car in smooth succession. I noticed that Sam wasn’t hanging around anywhere, so that meant that she hadn’t arrived yet. I fumbled around in my bag to find my keys. Taking them out, I shoved them into the lock, and ran into the house where it was warm and cosy. Jason followed in afterwards.
“God, it’s bloody cold out there.” He shivered as he closed the door. “Get the fire on, love, would you?”
I personally didn’t think it needed it, as it wasn’t that cold inside, but I put it on anyway. Just to stop him moaning. There was a knock at the door. Jason was there to answer it.
“Hi, Sam.”
“Hi, Jason.”
“I can’t believe this weather, can you?”
“Yeah, I’m freezing.”
He could tell Sam was just being polite, so he told her I was in the living room. She walked in with a glum look on her face.
“Hi, Beth.”
“Hiya, what’s wrong?”
I sat down and gestured for her to do the same.
“I think Russell’s seeing someone else.”
Her remark made me go cold all over. Had Russell told her something, and she was testing me? I wasn’t sure. I felt sick.
“Who do you think it might be?” I asked. My mouth had gone dry.
In my mind’s eye, I imagined her standing up, pointing her finger at me and bellowing, “YOU!!” Then all hell would break loose.
“I don’t know,” she said.
After that, I tried to relax, but I could tell that I had a headache coming. Jason walked in with two cups of what looked like tea. He handed one to Sam, and the other one to me. The cup was hot as I took it, and steam rose from its surface like fog from a mystical lake.
I took a sip and it burnt my tongue. Everyone was silent for a spell. Jason decided that perhaps we needed a little privacy, so he kissed me good night and went to bed. His presence must have been why she was quiet, because as soon as the door closed, Sam picked up the conversation again.
“What should I do, Beth?”
I looked hard at Sam. Her eyes were glistening. It looked like she was going to cry.
“Did you catch him doing something?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Why have you got these suspicions, then?”
“It’s the way he’s been acting.” She sunk back in the chair. “He doesn’t really talk to me; he never wants to go out with me. It’s as though he doesn’t want to be around me anymore.”
“Have you tried talking to him?”
“I’m too worried that I’m going to hear something that I don’t want to hear.”
We sat in silence again. I drank the rest of my tea. Sam began to cry. Standing up from my leather chair, I passed her the tissues.
“It’ll be all right.” Putting my arm round her, I felt a fraud. If only she knew that it was me ruining her life. She looked up at me.
“Would you talk to him, Beth? He likes you. He’ll listen to you.”
Shock struck me. I hoped this wouldn’t come up.
“No, I can’t, Sam. I’d rather stay out of it.
“Oh... All right.”
Over the course of our lives, she’d gotten used to me sorting out her problems. I couldn’t bear the sad look on her face.
“Sam, please; I can’t. I have my own things to deal with.”
“OK, I understand. I’d better be going now. It’s late.” She stood up to go. “Thanks, Beth; for the chat, I mean. I’ll see you later.” She dejectedly walked to the front door.
“Sam...” She turned ’round, distress in her face. “I’ll see what I can do,” I told her.
She tried to smile and look happy. “Thanks.”
I took her hands in mine. “Try not to worry too much until I’ve spoken to him. Try to take your mind off it, somehow. I don’t like to see you like this.”
She smiled weakly again.
“Do you want me to give you a lift?”
She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’m hoping the walk will do me good. Clear my head a bit before I get home.” We hugged.
“Please go careful walking home.”
She smiled, and then was gone. I walked slowly up to bed. I thought about what just happened, I didn’t really want to go and see him, I couldn’t trust myself. Every time I was with him, I would change into a different person.
Jason was sat up in bed.
“Is she gone?” He was dressed in a blue and white pyjama shirt. His hair was slightly mussed and the television was on. He had been watching The Godfather.
“Yes. She’s not happy.” I took my black dress off, and slipped on my pyjamas.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s having trouble at home with Russell.” I went quiet, dreading the next sentence that was about to come out of my mouth. “She wants me to talk to him for her.” I waited for his reaction.
“Why?”
“She thinks he’ll listen to me.” I said, wiping my eye makeup off.
“Do you think he will?” He had paused the TV. He was obviously interested in this conversation.
“I don’t know, but I’ve got to try for her.” I climbed into bed next to Jason.
“Do you think that sometimes you do too much for her?”
“Yes.” I turned to face him, and kissed him on the lips. “’Night.” I turned back and pulled the duvet under my chin.
“’Night.” He then pressed play on the remote.
The next morning, I decided to ring Russell instead. That way it didn’t matter what he said. I knew I couldn’t kiss him. Now when to do it? Well, I couldn’t do it this morning I had hair to style. I would do it this afternoon during lunch.
As I left for work, my mobile rang. It was Sam.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Beth. It’s me. I’ve been thinking about what you said about taking my mind off things.”
She sounde
d a bit brighter than last night.
“Yeah?”
“Well, mum and dad’s anniversary is coming up, so I thought, why don’t we throw them a party?”
“Sam, their anniversary is in two weeks.”
“I know. I’ll be too busy to think about anything else.”
I had doubts, but if Sam wanted to do this, then I was behind her.
“Well... OK, if you think you can do it.”
“Of course I can. Will you help me, too?”
I giggled to myself.
“Yes. I mean, I haven’t got anything else to do, have I?”
“Sarcasm gets you nowhere.” From her voice, I could tell Sam was smiling.
I looked at my watch. I was about to be late for my first appointment.
“I’ve got to go, Sam. Can we talk about this later?”
“Sure. ’Bye.”
I put the phone in my bag and rushed to my car. Unfortunately, lunch came far too soon. I sat in my car. I had gone to a cafe to get a cup of tea and a chicken salad sandwich. I had taken the lid off my tea, as it was too hot to drink yet. Even though I’d bought the sandwich, I didn’t feel hungry.
I sat there watching the steam hit the window while I thought about when I would speak to Russell. I didn’t know what to say to him. I already knew why he was acting the way he was.
I nearly decided not to call Russell at all, when Sam’s face popped into my head. Without another moment’s thought, I dialled his number and hoped he wouldn’t answer.
One ring, two rings, three rings, four rings. I was about to put the phone down on the fifth ring when it was answered.
“Hello, Beth.”
His voice was so smooth. Well, here goes.
“Hi, Russell.”
“It’s good to hear your voice. How are you?”
My throat was dry. “I’m good, you?”
“Fine. What do you want? Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Are you busy?” My heart was pounding, hard.
“No, why?”
“We need to talk.” I began to play with some fluff I found on my clothes. I rolled it round between my forefinger and thumb. It helped me think. Russell went quiet. “Hello, Russell? Are you still there?”
“Yes. What do you want to talk to me about?” His voice had gone small.
“Sam came ’round last night. She wanted to talk to me. About you.” I picked up my tea and took a mouthful. My throat felt like the Sahara desert, it was so dry.
“What did she say?” He sounded serious.
“She’s worried about you. She said that she thinks you might be seeing someone else.”
Again, he was silent.
“Well, she’s right. If I could, then I would be. What did you say?”
My stomach rumbled. I was hungry. “I asked her if she’d seen you doing anything. She told me that she hadn’t, then she asked me if I would talk to you. That’s why I’m ringing you now.”
“Oh... She asked you to ring me.” There was despair in his voice. “I thought...”
I wasn’t really listening to him. I kept talking.
I said, “What are we going to do? I mean, what good can I do?”
“Beth, calm down.”
“If she finds out, I don’t know what I’ll do!”
“Beth...”
“And what will happen when she finds out? Who will she tell? Everyone. Oh my God, she’ll tell everyone: Mum, Dad, Jason!”
“BETH!”
His raised voice brought me out of my panic. “What?”
“Calm down. You’ll explode in a minute.”
I gulped my tea. At this point, it was cool enough to drink and not get burnt. I rolled down the window I was getting hot now. The cold air on my face was refreshing. I could hear the birds in the trees and all the traffic going past. What was I going to do? I had to figure this out.
I said to Russell, “Right, there’s only one thing to do. You’ll have to try to be nice to her. Even if you don’t want to. Talk to her. Make an effort.”
“Why? There’s no point in pretending. If she’s gotten this far on her own, I may as well tell her. Get it over with.”
“No! Don’t do that. Please, for me.” If I had to beg, then that’s what I’d do.
“Beth...”
“Please, Russell. For me?”
“Jesus, Beth. What good will it do? Lying to her more will only hurt her more in the end.”
This was getting me nowhere. I was beginning to get mad.
“Russell, if you do tell her then, I will never forgive you. I’ve told you that before. I’m sticking with that, too.”
I drank the last mouthful of my tea and squashed the cup flat.
“Whatever, but I’m telling you this isn’t going to end well.”
“Thanks. I’ve got to go. I’ll speak to you later. ’Bye.”
“OK,” Russell said.
The line went dead. I just stared at the phone for a few minutes. I threw my sandwiches in the bin next to the car and went to my next appointment. This was going to be a long day.
When I got home after work, I just wanted to get in the shower and relax. As I turned the shower on, the phone started ringing.
“Who the hell’s that, now?” I walked into the bedroom and answered the ringing. “Hello?”
“Beth, its Sam.”
My heart sank. “Hi.”
“Hi, have you spoken to him yet?”
I suddenly had the urge to go to the toilet.
“Yes, this afternoon.”
“What did he say?” The trepidation in her voice was bare for all to hear. I had to think fast, as I hadn’t got anything prepared. I wasn’t going to tell her what we actually said.
“Well... Um... I couldn’t really get anything from him.” Unsure of what else to say, I left it at that.
“What did he say to you?”
“Not much really. He just said nothing was wrong.”
I could hear the shower still running, and splashing on the beige tiles. I was dying to jump in and wash the scent of betrayal off me.
“So how was it left?”
“I just told him to try harder.”
“How did he sound?”
Now, how do I answer that? I could make light of the situation and say he sounded American, but I think she would have taken this as me being sarcastic. I also could have said he sounded like he was in love with me. However, that would have been pretty bad, too. I told her what I thought wasn’t too much of a lie.
“He sounded like his normal self. Not happy, not sad.”
“How long did the conversation last?”
This was beginning to feel like the Spanish Inquisition.
“I’m not sure; 10 minutes?”
Hearing what sounded like tiny stones hitting the window, I spun round to see that it was raining outside. Heavily. I was becoming annoyed. I was tired and sick of all this. I was about to shout at her to “sort her own problems out” when she finished our little chat by herself.
“Right; thanks, Beth. I’ll go home and see how the land lies.”
“Good. No problem. There’s someone at the door. I’m going to have to go now. ’Bye.”
“Yeah; thanks again, Beth. ’Bye.”
I lied because I had to get off the phone. I needed a break. Turning the tap on, I filled up a clean glass and drank it straight down. Rushing up to the shower, I ripped my clothes off and delighted in the hot running water. It was heaven.
My mind wandered back to Sam and Russell. I couldn’t cope with this anymore. Something was bound to break, and you could bet it would be me.
In the weeks that led up to Mum and Dad’s anniversary party I had no other distractions from Sam or Russell. Obviously, this was good news and Russell was sticking to what I’d asked of him. Jason and I were getting on well and the party was planned without a hitch. Except that the DJ Sam hired fell through. That took a bit of rethinking, but we managed to get another one. Just.
W
alking into the party, Mum and Dad were completely stunned and surprised.
“Oh wow! This is amazing,” Mum said. Her eyes sparkled as she took in all purple and black balloons and streamers. The large rectangular banner hung high on the wall opposite the entrance bearing the words, “HAPPY 34th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.”
The lights were low, but big circles from red, green and blue spotlights intermingled to make purple, yellow and orange glows. The DJ was playing 1980s songs. Right at that moment, it was “Karma Chameleon,” one of Mum’s favourites. Mum began to wiggle her hips to the music, while waving to people she recognized around the room.
Dad, on the other hand, was trying to make light of it all. Walking in, he gave Sam and me a kiss, got a pint of Guinness, sat down and let Mum get on with her party.
I grabbed Jason’s hand. He swung his head down and pecked me on the cheek. My smile faded when I noticed Russell across the room with a furious look on his face. Suddenly uncomfortable, I removed my hand from Jason’s and told him I needed a drink. Jason disappeared into the crowd. I felt a bit out of place so I went and sat next to dad.
“Are you all right?”
Dad sipped his pint. “Yup,” he said.
“Mum’s enjoying herself.”
He looked up at mum. She was dancing and laughing with a few of her friends. He smiled.
“About time. She deserves it.”
That left me speechless. I was thunderstruck by the complete and consuming love that Dad still had for Mum after 34 years of marriage. That’s what I wanted and what I hoped I would eventually have with Jason. Jason and I had our ups and downs, and we hadn’t been together all that long, but he said that he loved me. One day I hoped I would love him back.
Jason came back with my drink and sat down next to me.
“Thanks, Jase.”
He smiled, put his glass to his mouth and drank. He looked very smart in his dark blue jeans and plain black polo shirt. I know it doesn’t sound like much but the jeans and top were ironed beforehand (which took him about an hour), he was clean-shaven and had a fresh haircut for a change. He looked a lot smarter than he normally did. As for me, this time I was going “casual smart.” Jeans, red halter neck top and fitted denim jacket. My hair was back in a tight bun. No fuss. After the time I’d been having, I didn’t really want any attention. Not that I had much choice in the matter. I wasn’t being conceited; I was talking about Russell. He hadn’t taken his eyes off me so far. I just hoped everything went well and stayed well all night.
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