Walls of Ash

by Amber Newberry

  When Julian returned from Aven Cottage, Celia and I were deep in conversation with the innkeeper’s wife, who was telling us of her daughter’s recent marriage to the blacksmith. It was spurred by Celia telling her we had only just come from Gretna Green. The woman, who was plump and jolly with reddened cheeks and silver hair, told us that her daughter’s marriage was a lovely affair.

  “Though I’ve not heard of a pair takin’ off from these parts to ole Gretna Green since that young woman an’ ‘er outlandish fella. Oh he were tall an’ han’som, but that young lady, she were known fer ‘er blue stockin’s, come from up there at Rhineholt. This would be nearly twenty year ago, now.” She appeared to be thinking excessively hard about the time frame.

  “Yeh would’ve been a wee one, an’ probably don’t remember that Camilla.”

  “Did you say Camilla?” I asked.

  “Yes, Ma’am, her lover were tall an‘ had a dark sort of demeanor. Yeh know the type... broodin’. The quiet sort. The word was that he dropped Camilla back here pregnant and alone sayin‘ that the weddin‘ were a hoax an’ he left with not a word. Oh it were the most scandalous thing I ever heard of in this little village an’ I ain’t heard the equal since.” She was leaning in to the table, still holding the teapot, and it was apparent that she often had her nose in the business of others.

  “Them said she were pregnant before they e’en left fer the Scots. An’ ‘er died before she e’en held that poor babe. What a sad way to go.” She shook her head at the finish of her story. Celia and I exchanged a look as Julian walked toward us.

  “Well, I’ll leave yeh ladies to have yer tea in quiet. Me mouth gets away sometimes!” The woman turned and was off to the kitchen with her teapot.

  “How strange that she would remember all of that after so long,” Celia said.

  “What was that?” Asked Julian, and we filled him in. It was no wonder that Bernadine and Fleur said they didn’t know anything, a family would go to a lot of trouble to cover up such a scandal.

  “This means that Fleur was most likely not the daughter of your Uncle Charles,” Celia said, and I was a little sad to finally know the truth. Fleur and I were so much closer and I had truly hoped that she was my family. Camilla had a history of keeping the company of many men, so it was even possible that Fleur was conceived with a different man than her ‘dark outlandish gentleman’ or Uncle Charles.

  “I suppose you are correct, the chance is slim,” I said.

  “Are you certain you still want to double her wages?” asked Celia, half-jokingly.

  “Quite,” I said looking at Julian, and I saw that he was smiling knowing that I would always have it my own way, even if it required a battle.

  * * *

  The following day we travelled home. I left as a Rhineholt and returned as a Hilbourne. Reginald came out to greet us and as he helped me descend from the carriage, he kissed my cheek and welcomed me to the family.

  “As far as I’m concerned, she already was,” Celia said taking my arm. She had loosened up considerably since we left Gretna Green. It felt like my life was calming, and I was looking forward to going to India with Julian. It was the final step in my recovery from all I lost over the course of that year.

  I wrote to an address that was left by Mrs. Eckhardt. I was not sure that it would get to her, but it was the only way for me to find out if she was somehow involved with what happened the night with the opium. If it was not her, then I did not know where to lay my suspicions. I would not have time to wait for a reply before we departed for Stuttgart, so I gave Celia my blessing to open the message, if and when it arrived. I wanted to be done with this sordid business.

  Julian and I prepared to leave for Germany immediately. We sent a message to Anbetung to announce Julian’s coming, but we did not mention the wedding. I wanted to surprise Li, and Julian agreed that it would be good fun to tell them on our arrival. It was only a week since their own wedding, so they would probably be just arriving to Li’s family. We would likely be in Stuttgart in about a week ourselves, and I was hoping to talk everyone into staying in Germany for Christmas. It was such a long time since my last visit.

  We planned to leave for India by early April and Julian expected that we would stay at Punam for six months, unless his caretaker had let business get out of hand, then we might have to stay longer. Leo was meant to learn all he could about the Estate from Julian, and he would eventually begin handling some of the transactions back home so that Julian could spend time deciding what to do with the old Rhineholt land.

  When we arrived in Germany, it felt like I had stepped back in time. I was so glad to be away from England, where Mrs. Eckhardt was, and according to the books she gave me, the rest of the illegitimate Eckhardts were, as well. I would be near the klostser and that would mean we would also be close to the old Eckhardt Estate, which made me a little nervous. Knowing that we would be so close to it, I was tempted to go and see it. It was, after all, where my Grandmother spent most of her life. The place was sold off, according to Mrs. Eckhardt. Julian would think I was mad if I told him I wanted to set foot anywhere near the place.

  There was snow on the ground when we arrived and a bundled up Li ran out of the house dragging Leo behind her. She kissed both of my cheeks upon seeing me, and I told her the news right away, not being able to hold it in. She was beaming, and I knew she was truly happy. Leo and Julian shook hands and then he kissed my cheek.

  “Now we really are sisters!” Li said as she took my arm and led me inside, out of the cold.

  Anbetung was not changed, though the people who lived there seemed a little different. Sigi was still a severe looking woman, she was more slender that I remembered and her hair was a little more grey. Conrad seemed much older, though it was only a year since I last saw him, he had been terribly ill since his mother’s death and it affected his appearance greatly. Li’s younger brother was away at Oxford, so we would not see him on our visit.

  It was not difficult to talk Li and Leo into staying for the holiday at Anbetung. Sigi and Conrad were overjoyed to have company to celebrate with. Then the four of us would go back to Hilbourne and begin our preparations to travel to India. Julian and I seemed to speak of nothing else, and while the prospect of staying such a long time at Punam made Li uneasy, she was warming up to the idea, listening to all the talk about the beautiful land and the people. Leo and Julian assured her that they would ward off any tigers that might try to eat her. We all laughed, but she was alarmed at the thought of the dangerous animals.

  Christmas was modest, but pleasant. Leo and Li were still in the throes of wedded bliss, and Julian and I, well, we were constantly at war, but I suppose it’s the closest thing to bliss we would ever come to. Sharing my room and my bed with Julian was comforting, though. Julian became a sort of dream guardian. If he noticed I was stirring in my sleep, he would awake me and disrupt the nightmare before it got bad enough to wake me up on its own. He would stay up with me until I fell asleep again. Even if we did still have our daily battles, and he still had a special way of infuriating me like no one else, when it came to the things that truly mattered, he would do whatever it took to make me feel safe.

  I missed Fleur. Li and I took turns fixing one another’s hair and Julian was helpful, though he was not at all good at fastening a ladies’ dress. I also missed Fleur for her quiet and comforting presence. I found myself thinking of her often and wondering if it would be wise to tell her of her mother’s false elopement. It was possible she would be happier not knowing any more than she already did. Bernadine certainly seemed to have felt that way.

  The days passed and the New Year was celebrated with a small gathering. Before I knew it, we were on our way to the coast. Leo insisted that we must be back at Hilbourne in time to have at least a month with his mother, who missed us all dearly. Though, in a letter she said that Reginald was enjoying the quiet. ‘Yes, Lord Hilbourne, I believe I am, as well,’ I thought. Celia had also mentioned that my letter to Mrs.
Eckhardt had been returned and while this worried me, Julian kept me calm reminding me that he would be by my side should anything happen.

  Traveling home took longer than expected because the weather was bad. We had to wait a whole week to cross to Dover. I did not mind so much. I was looking forward to seeing Celia and Fleur, but I was not longing to be back at Hilbourne. I had moved away from my misery, though I still had the painful imagery in my nightmares. I feared that they would affect me more, being back in that house.

  When we were greeted and brought into the drawing room for tea, Celia asked after our health.

  “You can’t expect us to worry about your grandchildren so quickly! Before you know it, she’ll be planning balls for their seasons!” Julian joked and Celia laughed but we all knew it’s what she was thinking.

  Julian and I were moved to a new room, larger and in the East wing of the house, while Li and Leo were on the Western wing in a larger room, as well. When we got to ours, there was a fire lit and Fleur and Bernadine were both waiting for me. I kissed them both on the cheek and they blushed at the gesture.

  The new room was much larger than I anticipated, with two additional rooms to be used as dressing closets, one for Julian and one for myself. There was an extravagant silk canopied four poster bed which seemed large enough to hold an army of people. Julian explained that the wing we were in was added on by one of the more eccentric Hilbournes and many of the rooms were decorated with large and gaudy items.

  In the afternoon, Li and I showed one another our new rooms. Li’s was much older, but just as large. The bed was also a four poster, but it was not as flamboyant as mine. The room was also less outrageously decorated, and I was a little envious, but I did not say so. When we were looking around Julian’s and my new room I noticed that the window was different and it appeared that there was a special lock on it. I was curious enough to go to the next room over to see if all the windows in that wing were like this. They were, and I wondered if Julian requested for our rooms to be in this wing because of the windows.

  * * *

  Apart from two dinner parties, most of the days were quiet, but lent themselves to constant preparation. There was so much to do to be ready to leave for India. Time seemed to be passing quickly, and I could not have been happier for it because, as I suspected, the nightmares of Eckhardt were awaking me more often in the walls of Hilbourne. My mother was not in them since we left the ruins of Rhineholt that day, and I supposed that it was because I, at last, felt a sort of peace toward that part of my life. There was still the old woman, holding a candle out to me, and her face would often melt into Eckhardt’s, laughing wildly and burning me and himself alive.

  I was afraid that Julian was becoming weary of being disturbed in the middle of the night, but he never said so. He would hold me for as long as it took me to calm down and I found it easier to fall back asleep with him awake, watching over me. I did not talk of the nightmares to anyone else. I was growing tired of Li and Celia begging me to see the doctor about another ‘remedy’ to help me sleep. The incident with the poisoned milk was enough to make me never want a sleeping aid, other than Julian, for the rest of my life.

  CHAPTER 19

  When we finished all of our preparations at Hilbourne, we set off for London accompanied by Celia and Reginald. We stayed in the Rhineholt London house. I passed by the room where Eckhardt lit the first fire, and it was restored to its original splendor. I could not bring myself to set foot inside, but I looked in from the doorway. I breathed deeply before turning away and closing the door.

  Celia took Li and me to buy the ‘imperative’ light weight dresses to help us combat the heat of India. She also said that when we arrived we should look into having a Sari made for each of us. They were the traditional dress for women in that country, and they were surprisingly comfortable against the warm weather. We were told that we were lucky to be arriving after July, which was known to be the hottest month of the year in Tamil Nadu, the region where Punam Estate was located.

  “The saris are beautiful, but you may find they reveal a bit more skin than you might prefer,” Celia told us, and Li and I exchanged a curious look.

  Li and I had to see a seamstress after all, since summer gowns were not in season yet. Celia recommended that we only choose light weight fabrics and that we would see why when we got there. The time she spent in India was uncommonly hot and though she was told it cooled with the rain, she did not feel much of a difference because it never failed to be humid. The winters, she told us, were rainy but the coolest it would ever get would not be cold to our English blood.

  “You will want to learn how to hold a fan properly,” she laughed.

  The journey would also be long and harsh, and we would be traveling by merchant ship, but most likely with a few other British families. There would be stops along the way in exotic places: Lisbon, Cape Town, and Mozambique. I was in an adventurous spirit and the prospect of seeing such places thrilled me. Li on the other hand, was becoming more and more uneasy about the journey, and after that being in such a strange place for so long.

  Slow moving days passed until our departure from the Port of London. My excitement was building, as was Julian’s. He began to tell me about the journey and how we would take our time in Lisbon so that I could soak it all in before moving on. He was impressed that I seemed to not be frightened at all. I reminded him that I was no refined socialite. Fleur seemed to be excited, as well, but Bernadine fell into a kind of quiet submission. I offered to Bernadine to stay in London, but she would not allow Fleur to go the journey alone, even though I promised to take good care of her. There was no doubt that she still felt a strong attachment to me, as well.

  On the day of our departure, Li seemed to have finally begun to relax. I had worried all week for her, but she said that Leo talked to her.

  “He talked about the people and they sound strange, but I am not frightened by them. Really, what is there that I could do to change everyone’s mind about going?” she told me as we made our way to the port.

  “You will be delighted by the plantation house, I’m sure. There are also several English families who live on the land to work it and manage the crop while I am away. It will not seem so unfamiliar with the presence of a few fellow Brits,” said Julian.

  Celia and Lord Hilbourne saw us off from the port. Celia teared up as she said her goodbyes and made us promise to write often, even though she knew that a letter would take a long time to arrive.

  “We will write from every port,” Leo told her. He was the last to kiss her, and we waved our farewell when the ship began to move. I was surprised to find myself a little anxious now that Li was so much calmer. Celia was my anchor for some time, and I was leaving her behind. Looking over my shoulder to where she stood drying her eyes, I smiled at her. She smiled back through her tears, and I turned away before I allowed myself to cry as well.

  * * *

  The ship was surprisingly comfortable. Leo and Li’s rooms were joined to ours by a single door, and Bernadine and Fleur shared a small room on the opposite side. Once we were settled in, we went up on deck to take in the air and meet with the people who would be our companions for the long voyage. It was a calm afternoon, and the sea was rocking us gently side to side.

  Immediately, two men began to walk toward us and it was apparent that they were acquainted with Julian. The first man looked about Lord Hilbourne’s age, but he was a bit more stout and had a rather large mustache. The other was certainly older than Julian, but it did not seem the difference was many years.

  “Julian! Leo! I did not expect to see you here, young man, and your brother as well, no doubt.” The older man shook hands vigorously with Julian and then Leo.

  “What a coincidence,” the younger gentleman said and then surveyed Li and myself.

  “Allow me to introduce my wife, Tamsin,” Julian said, and the surprise was obvious on both the faces of the men.

  “And this is Leo’s wife, Liesl.” The
men bowed to us, the younger of the men kissing my and Li’s hands consecutively. Julian continued and introduced the gentlemen to us.

  “Sir Rupert Hammond and his son Mr. Rex Hammond.”

  I saw Leo talking to Li, so I leaned in, and he was telling her that the Hammonds were responsible for some of the spice imports that came to London from Asia.

  “Well, my boys,” Sir Hammond said, “it seems I saw you only eight months ago in London, and you’ve made it a quick business of finding and securing wives. You might consider teaching my son a little something about your secret?” We all laughed, including Rex, noting that the man was evidently known for a rake.

  “Will you be coming along all the way to Cochin?” Julian asked. Cochin was the port where we would disembark for Punam.

  “Of course, and then we shall continue on to China. We’ve the grave business of expanding,” he said, laughing. It was a robust laugh that made us all smile along with him.

  “I wonder you did not let me know you would be traveling to Punam Estate, we might have made plans to stay a while in India,” said Rex.

  “Surely you can make room in your busy schedule for a few weeks at the Full Moon, you know that you are both always welcome,” Julian said, and Leo nodded.

  “We shall see, my boy,” Sir Hammond said and then turned to face Li and me.

  “So, this will be your first time in India, Mrs. Hilbourne? And Mrs. Hilbourne... My, that will get confusing, don’t you think?” he smiled.

  “Well, seeing as we will be spending the next few months in one another’s company, I think it would be acceptable to use first names. You are both Mr. Hammond, after all,” I said.

  “I do believe you have a good idea, there,” Rex said.