by K. A. Hobbs
“So…” he says quietly. “You came together?”
“In the car.”
“Niiiiiiice, car sex. Haven’t had that in a while.” he muses.
“Like, we drove here together, don’t be an idiot.”
“Have you heard from Jack?” he asks me, closing the door.
“Oh, how sweet, are you missing your boyfriend?”
“Please, Jack wishes. I just wondered if they were having a nice time is all.”
“No you don’t,” Megan calls from her spot on the sofa. “I told you they were after I spoke to Josie earlier. You are missing him and you know it.”
Harry scowls at his wife and tries to change the subject, asking if anyone would like a drink. Megan squeals again when Carmen produces three bottles of Dr Pepper and a giant bag of M&Ms from the bag by her feet. Harry looks at me and rolls his eyes.
“She asked, dude. Nothing to do with me.” I hold my hands up in surrender.
“Megs, if our baby comes out looking like an M&M and pisses Dr Pepper, I’m blaming you.”
“Harry, if our baby comes out swearing and asking what a blow job is, I’m blaming you!” she huffs at him.
“Point taken.” he grins at her.
“I’ll have a coffee.” I tell him.
“I’ll have one too, please.” Carmen smiles.
Harry looks at me and inclines his head in the direction of, what I imagine is the kitchen, I follow him and place the bag I’ve got on the counter.
“What’s in there?”
“Carmen picked out some cookies and chips and stuff. She’s going to find out from Megan if you’d like to have take-out I think.”
“You know an awful lot about what Carmen plans to do, Carter.” he smirks as he fills the kettle.
“Hold up, what are you doing?”
“Making coffee?”
“Dude, you’ve got a coffee machine right there. Use that!”
“I can’t be fucked, you make it if you’re going to be all American on me.”
I move him out the way and start up the coffee machine while he takes a seat on one of the bar stools. I keep my back to him the whole time but I can still feel the little shit’s eyes on me. When I’ve made the coffee, I turn around and he’s grinning at me.
“What?”
“Carmen.”
“Yes?”
“What’s going on, Carter? You two turn up together. You know her plans before she announces them. Are you two fucking? Is that it?”
“No we are not,” I scowl at him, handing him a cup. “It’s not like that. We’re friends.”
“Friends don’t check out each others arses like you were five minutes ago.” he looks at me, a knowing little look in his eyes.
“We’re not sleeping together.”
“But you want to be…”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t deny it either.”
“It’s complicated right now, can we just leave it?”
“Sure… For now. I will probe again though.”
“I’m straight Harry,” I tell him walking out of the kitchen. “I’m not interested in your probe.”
I don’t know how much longer I’m going to get away with sitting here and letting Megan do the talking.
Where are Carter and Harry?
I refocus my attention on my best friend and smile. She looks tired but still incredibly beautiful, she really is glowing.
“He won’t let me go to the loo alone, Carm. He escorts me to and from the bathroom like I’m dying.”
I inwardly wince at her choice of words then pray it doesn’t show on my face, she keeps talking without a second thought so I don’t think it does.
“He loves you sweetie, he’s just being protective.”
“I know he loves me, I love him. But right now, he’s driving me mad. Anyway, enough about me, what’s going on with you and Carter?”
The boys come back in then thankfully so I avoid having to answer Megan’s question. I don’t want to lie to her, so it’s easier if I don’t have to say anything right now. Carter takes a seat on the opposite side of me and Harry sits ridiculously close to Megan. She looks at me and gives me a see what I mean look. I swallow down a snort and take the coffee Carter hands me.
“So I was thinking maybe we could order in tonight if you fancied some company?” I suggest.
“Oooooh! Can we?” Megan smiles.
“Sure we can.” Harry smiles, resting a hand on her bump.
“Carmen already thought ahead, there’s more chocolate and stuff in the kitchen.” Carter smiles.
“How does Carter know you planned ahead?” Megan eyes me suspiciously.
“Because we’ve been out together today.”
“Uh-huh.” she grins at me.
“Yes, I took Carter to the Tower of London, he practically peed his pants!” I laugh.
“I did not!”
“Carter, people had to walk around us, you just stood there staring.”
“Okay, yes. I did.” he doesn’t look the slightest bit embarrassed.
I study his face, he’s all brown eyes and white smile. He has one of those faces, that when he smiles, his whole face lights up. He is ridiculously handsome and I’m not sure why he’s single. Does he enjoy playing the field? Is he a ladies man? I’m sure there are plenty of women who would love to be claimed by Carter Manning back in Chicago.
“Are we ordering in then?” Megan asks, reaching for her glass of Dr Pepper.
“Yes, we are,” I tell her. “And you get to decide what.”
“Easy, we’re having Chinese.” she grins.
“Because Megan has the worst craving for Chinese, our baby may well come out looking like they have a Chinese mother or father.” Harry laughs.
“So wait,” Carter says leaning forward. “Your baby will look like a Chinese M&M that pisses Dr Pepper, swears and asks what a blow job is?”
“Pretty much.” Harry frowns.
“That baby is already the best baby in the world.” he booms.
“Our baby will be perfect, stop teasing them, Harry.” Megan frowns at him, rubbing her tummy.
“Of course they will, it’s half me and half you, and look at us? Hottest couple in the fucking world.” he leans forward and kisses her and I have to look away.
I’m not sure how a couple can make a kiss seem so inappropriate, but they do. I feel like I’m intruding on something incredibly intimate. I meet Carter’s eyes and he grins at me, of course he doesn’t feel awkward, he’s a guy. The longer I look into his eyes, the more impossible it becomes to look away, he has me transfixed, like I’m in a daze. I can’t think of anything other than looking at Carter and maybe what it would be like to kiss him. Would he be a gentle kisser? Or would he pull me to him and press his lips urgently to mine, letting his hands travel up the length of my spine and tangle in my hair. I’m vaguely aware of someone calling my name and it’s not until Megan slaps my arm I realise I’m lost in some kind of dream with Carter.
“Excuse me!” Megan laughs.
“Sorry, what?” I cough, trying to cover my embarrassment.
“What was that?” she laughs, looking between me and Carter.
“Nothing, I just didn’t want to watch you two grope each other.”
“That wasn’t even remotely close to groping,” Harry snorts. “Want me to show you what groping looks like?”
“No thanks,” I shake my head. “You spent a lot of time at ours in Australia, remember? I’m fully aware of what you two can be like, I’m scarred for life.”
What the hell was that?
I need to stop that. Carter and I are friends, I’m in no position to be anything more than friends and I don’t even know if Carter would want to be anything more than friends.
“Carm, want to come see the nursery?”
I look at Megan who’s giving me the say yes look. I nod in agreement and follow her upstairs. So much for Carter keeping the focus off of me. I look at him as I
climb the stairs behind Megan and he mouths sorry at me.
I can do this.
It won’t be so bad, I’ll get Megs to focus on baby stuff, that shouldn’t be so difficult. I follow her along the hall to a room on the right, I step in and can’t help but smile. It’s decorated in a warm yellow with little rabbit stickers on the wall.
“It’s gorgeous.” I smile, sitting on the floor while Megs sits on the rocking chair.
“It’s only temporary, we’re hoping to be able to move into the house soon. This flat is huge, but we don’t want to be right in the city when this little one arrives. Harry has the new room all planned out, it’s going to be a penguin scene of course.” she grins.
“Of course, penguins.”
“Carmen… Are you okay?” she asks, looking at me a little too intently.
“Of course, why do you ask?”
“Something seems… Off. I can’t put my finger on it. Are you sure you’re okay, you’d tell me if something wasn’t, wouldn’t you?”
I swallow and smile at her, I have to convince her everything is okay.
I have to lie and I hate it.
I try to remind myself it’s survival and that right now, I don’t know what’s happening, that she is a few days from her due date and I won’t stress her out and have her worrying about anything that isn’t herself and the little life she’s going to bring into the world soon.
“I’m okay, Megs. I just have a few things to sort out while I’m here.”
“You’re definitely going back to Oz then?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know… I just thought… I always thought you would come back, that Josie would come back too. I guess I’m slowly realising that that’s not going to happen.” her voice breaks a little at the end and a couple of tears fall from her eyes.
“Hey, don’t cry.” I crawl over and wrap my arms around her.
“It’s the hormones,” she sobs. “I can’t control it.”
“It’s all a bit much?” I ask, rocking us both and trying to calm down.
“Right now, yeah. I just don’t know if I can do this without having at least one of you here. Josie is going to go back to Chicago, you’re going back to Australia and I’ll be here…”
“I don’t know what will happen, but I do know you’re going to be amazing. You don’t need to worry about it Megs, you’ll be the most incredible Mummy and you have Harry and your family and Harry’s. I know it’s scary but you’ve got this.”
“Okay,” she hiccups. “And you have to go back?”
“Let’s see what the next few days bring then talk, okay? I’m waiting to hear about a few things, then I’ll know what’s happening.”
I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes, pushing back the tears that fill them, that threaten to expose all my lies and fear. In twenty-four hours, my life will change and I’ll know what’s happening. I could tell Megan I’m staying, I could tell her that I’m not going back, but I don’t because if I start I’ll never stop and she doesn’t need my problems right now.
“I love you, Carmen, you know that? I’ve missed you.”
“I know, I love you too.”
“Take this food away from me!” Harry groans, pushing the food away from him.
“Pass it to me, I’ll eat it.” Carter grins, pulling the left over food towards him.
“Carter, where is all that food going? You’ve eaten more than all of us put together.” Megan laughs.
“I’m hungry, I’m always hungry.”
“So how come there isn’t an ounce of fat on you?” Harry asks, drinking his beer.
“I run, I swim, I go to the gym, not to mention I work on my feet all day. I don’t get a chance to sit down until the end of the day and I’m usually too tired to do anything except sleep then.”
“But I know you eat junk. Megan, he bought enough chocolate and junk to feed the whole of this apartment block on the drive back from Cornwall.” I tell her.
“I didn’t eat it all that day!” he tells us, trying to defend himself.
“How much is left?” I ask him.
“A couple of candy bars and a bag of chips.”
“You bought loads and you’ve basically eaten everything!”
“I had a midnight snack.” he replies, flashing me his smile.
“I love a midnight snack,” Harry announces. “Nothing better than a—”
“I beg you to keep it clean.” Megan groans, covering his mouth.
“How can you make it dirty?” Carter asks.
Harry pulls Megan’s hand off his mouth and leans back, I’m almost certain what’s about to come out of his mouth so I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes tight shut.
“If you’re eating your gir—”
“NO!” Megan shouts, getting up and climbing into his lap and kissing him.
I’m impressed with the speed she moves at. She silences her husband and Carter looks at me a little confused. I look at him and look at him and eventually it clicks.
“Dude!” he laughs.
“Stop it.” Megan scowls at Harry.
“I won’t say it.” he shakes his head and she nods.
“You really need to stop, when this little one arrives, you’re going to have to keep it clean.”
“Babe, they won’t know what I’m talking about for years.”
“I still don’t want you talking like that around them.”
“Time to be responsible, Harry.” I grin at him.
“If our baby knows that my favourite midnight snack is you, I’ll be seriously concerned.” he looks at Megs and grins.
“You had to say it, didn’t you?” she sighs.
“Of course I did, you’re delicious!”
“Enough of that, I want dessert, who wants some?” I announce, getting up to clear the plates away.
“Me! Harry doesn’t get any… And I don’t just mean chocolate.”
She sticks her tongue out and laughs at him. He scowls then flashes her the smile that has her practically melting in her seat.
“Don’t give me those eyes, Harry. Behave yourself.”
“Then can I get some dessert?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he gets up and walks around the back of her chair, resting his mouth at her ear. “And I don’t just mean chocolate either, gorgeous.” she visibly shudders when he kisses her just below her ear and I can’t help but feel a little jealous.
“Come on Carter, help me put these things away.” I cough, clearing some of the sexual tension in the air.
“Then can I get some dessert?” he asks, picking up a pile of take-out boxes.
“Yes, but only the chocolate kind.”
We’re driving back to my hotel, it’s dark and Carmen has Aretha Franklin playing. She looks lost in thought and I don’t know whether I should ask if she’s okay or let her work it out on her own. I don’t know how I’m supposed to help her and I hate it. Tomorrow is a huge deal and if I could take it all away, I would. But I can’t and it sucks. The hotel comes into view and I know I’ll have to say goodbye pretty soon. I try to think of something to say, something that will help her, but my mind is blank. She parks outside and everything goes silent when she switches off the engine.
“Carter,” she asks, turning in her seat to look at me. “Are you really sure you want to come with me tomorrow?”
“Yes. If you want me to, I’ll be there.”
“I do want you to.”
“What time?”
“I’ll pick you up at ten-thirty.”
I look at her and see she’s fighting tears and looks like she’s about ten seconds away from losing it. I unclip my seatbelt and lean over, wrapping my arms around her shoulders, five seconds later the tears come and they don’t stop for a long, long time. When she does pull back, red eyes and wet cheeks, I want to lean in and kiss her, I want to kiss her so she forgets everything bad and remembers everything good.
I don’t though.
Instead I press kiss to her forehead and run my fingers under her eyes, capturing a few stray tears.
“I’ll be here. I promise.” I tell her, cupping her face in my hands.
“Thank you.” she whispers, closing her eyes.
“You need to go home and get some rest before tomorrow. I’m only a phone call away. If you need me, I’ll come over, there are taxis all over the place, I can be there in minutes.”
“You’re incredible, you know that?”
“No, that’s you.” I smile, leaning in again and resting my head against hers.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight Carter.”
I climb out of the car and watch her drive away, as she gets further away I feel more empty, more hollow, than I’ve ever felt in my life. Everything is about to change for her, her life is going to be so very different after tomorrow and she’s trying to deal with it all alone. She’s incredible, the most amazing person I know and if I can make it even a little easier for her, I will.
I drive back to Mum and Dad’s and let myself in. They’re still awake, sitting in the lounge watching TV. I slip my boots off and head in to see them.
“Evening, love,” Dad smiles. “Have a good day?”
“Yes thanks, Dad. You?”
“Not so bad.” he smiles.
“You’ve been crying.” Mum states.
“Yes, it all got a little too much. I’m okay.”
“You’re not okay, sweetheart. It’s okay to admit as much.” she tells me sadly.
“I know.”
“While we’re talking about it,” Dad sighs. “What time are we leaving tomorrow?”
“I’m leaving at ten… But you won’t be coming with me.”
“What?” Mum half yells, shocked.
“I know you both want to come with me, but it’s not about what you want. I love you both so much, I promise to let you be there when I need you, but not tomorrow. I need to be strong, and I can’t be with you there. I’ll crumble and that won’t help me.”
“Carmen, please—” Mum pleads.
“You want to fight my battles for me, you want to make everything okay, I know you do and you have no idea how much I want you to. But I need to go and see what I’m facing and then… Then I’m going to need you. Both of you.” I look between Mum and Dad and feel helpless.