Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber

by T. Novan

  Rebecca shivered at the thought and smiled. "Charlie, what I want from you right now is to be with you. I love you and I want to experience everything you have to offer, but I must admit I am nervous. No one has ever effected me like you do."

  Very gently, Charlie stroked Rebecca's arm, caressing the tender skin on the inside of her elbow and wrist with just the tips of her fingers. "I am right here, love. All you have to do is ask me and if I do something you are not comfortable with, then tell me."

  She nodded, a nervous smile still playing on her lips. "I have a question for you."

  "Anything, love."

  "The other night……when you……well……" she had the good grace to truly blush and look away for a moment. "How often do you do that?"

  Charlie blushed from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes. She laid her head down on Rebecca's shoulder and rested her hand gently on Rebecca's hip. In a choked whisper she finally figured out how to answer. "I used to do it occasionally, usually when being lonely got too bad. Now. Ummm. When the need to touch you and be touched by you gets to be more than I can handle without breaking my word to you." She lay there, expecting Rebecca to draw away.

  She sighed and held Charlie as close as she could. "I just wondered. I have never……un……well, I have not."

  Charlie ran her hand from Rebecca's hip up her ribs until again her thumb rested on the tender skin under her breast. "What do you feel, dear heart? You talk about 'these feelings,' so tell me about them."

  She gave a small nervous laugh, "my heart beats faster, my stomach flutters wildly and I get a warm feeling all over my body."

  Charlie traced small circles on the very sensitive skin with her thumb. "Does this bother you?"

  She released a half moan half sigh and her eyes closed slowly. "No. Not at all."

  "Tell me what you feel. Tell me what you want."

  "I feel warm all over. My heart is beating so hard I feel light headed……" She licked her lips, trying to breathe normally, "I do not know what I want. I have never been asked."

  Softly, Charlie let her thumb slide up and caressed the obviously hard nipple beneath the thin material of her nightgown. "You can use your imagination, love, and if you find you do not like something, tell me."

  Rebecca gasped softly. "I do not know anything other than being……" She stopped, refusing to say the word. She knew Charlie would never hurt her like she had been hurt before, but still she had no idea and she was afraid this fact would disgust Charlie. Fear was starting to war with the new feelings of arousal.

  Charlie stopped immediately. "Tell me, love. I want to know. I need to know what you are feeling, and more importantly, what you are afraid of."

  Rebecca noticed immediately Charlie had stopped touching her. She smiled and tried not to look disappointed. "My husband never cared how I felt. Never cared that he hurt me. Never tried to be tender. I am afraid I really do not know much about the more intimate matters of life. Especially with someone like you, who is so kind and tender with me." She laughed a little. "If you came in, pushed me to the bed and did what you would, that I would understand."

  Softly, Charlie started stroking Rebecca's cheek, neck and shoulder. "I want to come to you with gentleness and with all my love and want and desire and tenderness. I want to gently explore every inch of your body, first with my fingers, and then with my lips. Then I want to bring you to the absolute height of physical excitement and passion, so that at least for a moment, you will know how much I love you, how much my heart and soul and body longs to be linked to you."

  "And I want that so much. I am just afraid that I will not please you."

  Gently but firmly, Charlie drew Rebecca's face so that she had to look into her eyes. "There is nothing you can possibly do that will not please me. All you have to do is touch my body with your hand - anywhere - and a fire runs through me. You kiss me and I ache for you. You caress my breasts and I tremble with need. When you entwine our bodies together, so close, so sweet, I soar to heaven."

  "Is there not some part of you, that would like to have a wife who is more versed in loving? Who is not terrified that she’s going to do something wrong? I am truly damaged goods, Charlie."

  Charlie dropped her head and very gently kissed directly over Rebecca's heart. "I want no one other than you. And you, I want very much. You are no more damaged goods than any other woman with no experience of loving. Few women have experience in loving another woman. I think I would like to try and heal the hurt he dealt you with my love and loving, sweetheart." Her lips brushed gently over the swell of Rebecca's left breast. A soft puff of warm air engulfed Rebecca's nipple.

  Uncontrollably, Rebecca’s body arched toward Charlie and she moaned. Her hand found the base of Charlie’s neck and she felt herself even more engulfed by the tingling sensations in her body.

  Charlie caught the tight nipple in her lips and traced the fine tracks of the puckered flesh through the thin gown. She cupped Rebecca's other breast in her hand, using her thumb to softly caressing it, circling the taut nipple with the lightest of caresses.

  "Charlie……" She felt her body responding. She was shaking under Charlie’s touch. She was powerless to do anything but squirm under her lover’s caress. Her hands roamed over Charlie’s body as she enjoyed what was happening.

  Charlie looked up at Rebecca. "Does this scare you, love? Shall I continue or would you like something else?"

  "Not scared," she managed to get out, as her brain tried to come back to itself, "warm, very warm."

  "Do you want me to continue?"

  "Hold me? Let me just learn this feeling."

  Charlie slipped her arm around Rebecca's shoulders and drew her close, so that the length of her body fit against Rebecca's from shoulder to ankle. She left her hand resting on Rebecca’s breast, motionless. "I am right here, love, right here."

  "I know." She placed a kiss on Charlie’s neck. "Thank you. Are you sure this is all right?"

  "I am very, very sure. I would spend my whole life just holding you if that is what you need."

  She snuggled closer, wrapping herself around Charlie. "I am going to need more, Charlie. I am just not sure what that is. I know it sounds silly." She looked to her lover. "So it is not wrong to want pleasure? I think I am scared by what my body is doing lately. Umm, I have noticed that something very odd is happening, you know." She gestured vaguely. Then she laid her hand in the area of Charlie’s groin. "Here." She absolutely could not believe she was having this conversation.

  Charlie suppressed a smile. Anything that could even vaguely be construed as making fun of her would not do, even when the smile was from knowing that Rebecca's body was responding to her in every way. Rebecca's mind and fears still needed reassurance, though. "Love, it is really very simple. This is the area where you feel the pleasures of passion most intensely. Nerves and muscles tighten in preparation of your release. More blood flows there, too, intensifying your sensitivity. I suspect you also find that you are damp there as well."

  She nodded, hiding her face in her shoulder, completely embarrassed. "Yes. Very much so. Surely there must be something wrong. Maybe I should talk to Elizabeth."

  "There is nothing at all wrong, sweetheart. It is just your body providing lubricant so that as I touch you and stroke you, there is nothing to detract from your pleasure. Just as you oiled your hands to give me a back rub, your body provides lubricant for the most intimate of caresses."

  "I feel like a fool. You would think I would have some clue of these things. But no, this has been happening so much lately I thought there was something wrong with my courses."

  "My love, if there was no one to teach you these things, how could you possibly know them? And what you are telling me pleases me immensely. It means that I do to you what you do to me - excite you with my touch, with my presence. That, my love, makes me exquisitely happy indeed." Charlie took Rebecca's hand and laid it on her chest. She could feel Charlie's heart pounding under her touch.
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br />   She laughed and ran her hand over Charlie’s chest. "You have no idea how much you effect me. I have been embarrassed for days."

  "And I have been changing my underwear twice daily, so that I would not embarrass myself."

  Rebecca burst out laughing then calmed and laid her head back on Charlie’s shoulder. "That makes me happy too, Charlie."

  They lay, facing one another, with Charlie holding the smaller woman tenderly in the crook of her arm. With her free hand, Charlie gently caressed Rebecca’s shoulder, her arm, her back, her side, the rise of her hip, then back up to her shoulder. She placed soft kisses on Rebecca's face, her cheeks, forehead, lips and the tip of her nose. "Be gentle. This is the safest place in the world. Let yourself enjoy my body touching yours."

  Rebecca nodded and gave Charlie a kiss. "All right. I trust you."

  Charlie's hand continued to stroke gently, tickling the fine hairs at the base of Rebecca’s neck, tracing the lines of muscles and bones along her spine and across her shoulders. Then those teasing fingers came forward, tracing the tendons in her neck, caressing the hollow at the base of her throat and then, with one finger, tracing a path that carefully spiraled around one breast to end by rolling the tight nipple between finger and thumb. All the while, Charlie placed kisses as soft as a butterfly's wing all over Rebecca's face. "You doing all right?"

  "Oh yes, now that I know I am supposed to feel this way." She whispered in her ear. "I am all right."

  "You are very all right, my love." Charlie continued to hold and caress her, gently, tenderly; hoping that her gentleness and undemanding love would be the healing for the injuries that this gentle woman had sustained.

  Chapter 16

  Monday, D ecember 12, 1864

  "Charlie, sit down."

  He looked at the chair she had placed on the back porch. "Umm, Rebecca, dear heart, you know Jocko usually tends to these things for me; shaving, haircuts, you know, the basics."

  "Yes, I know and I also know eventually the good sergeant will not be around to do it and you will just have to trust your wife to tend to these things. Now sit."

  Charlie continued looking at the chair, but made no movement toward it. Rebecca approached and waved the scissors under his nose. "What is the matter Colonel Redmond, do you not trust me?" She teased. "Certainly an army Colonel is not afraid of a tiny woman with a pair of scissors."

  "No, of course not, dear. It is just that I have certain ways that I like things and Jocko knows them." The look on her face made it clear that his preferences and old habits were not a sufficient excuse. "And I have invited Jocko to come back with me when the war is over..."

  "Yes, and I am sure he will have more important things to do than cut your hair. Now sit down, Charlie." She pointed to the chair with the tip of the scissors. "I assure you I know how to cut a gentleman’s hair. I did it for my brother and my husband and I did not scalp either of them."

  "Yes, Ma'am," meekly, Charlie sat down.

  Rebecca chuckled and settled a towel around his shoulders. "You would think I planned to lop off your ears with the way you are acting." She picked up a comb and began running it through his hair.

  "No, dear, it is not my ears I am concerned about."

  "Then what would it be?" She pulled a length of hair between her fingers and made the first cut.

  "Um. My reserve? My sense of propriety? My ability to keep my hands off you?"

  She laughed, making another cut. "Good Lord, Charlie, I am cutting your hair. How could you possible find that in any way intimate?" She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Now, if we were in our room……."

  "My dear, just being this close to you and having you run your fingers through my hair is seriously distracting."

  "Think of something else, Charlie. Think about putting up a tent, or better yet, sitting down to a lovely Sunday tea with Mrs. Williams."

  Charlie chuckled, making very sure to hold his head still. After all, she was holding a large pair of very sharp scissors. "You certainly do know how to dampen a fellow's ardor, my dear."

  "Hopefully, I will learn how to build it as well." She made another cut just as Jocko rounded the corner.

  The Irishman stopped in mid step, his eyes went wide and he laughed. "Well now, what do we have here, Colonel C?"

  Charlie ignored Jocko for a moment to respond to Rebecca. "You do, my dear, you already do."

  He then looked at his batman with a slightly sour look on his face. "Obviously, a haircut. She felt that you had failed to tend to me properly."

  "Oh, now, is that so?" Jocko looked to Rebecca who just smiled and shook her head. The batman knew he was being played with. "Well, if you would bother to come back to camp once in awhile instead of staying up here at the main house like a proper gentleman then I might find time to give you a suitable haircut."

  "Rebecca, dear, do we have a closet where we could stash this reprobate so that he could do his job properly?"

  "I am sure we could find a space, however, you know that after I get done with you I could always cut the sergeant’s hair, too. He looks like he is about due for a trim himself."

  Charlie's eyebrow rose and an evil little grin played around his lips. "Yes, my dear, I do believe my batman is looking a little shaggy around the edges. And there is the matter of a widow he met on one of our rides. One whom I suspect he would like to impress."

  Rebecca looked to Jocko. "Is that right? Have you found a lady to woo, Sergeant? If that is the case, then we most certainly should fix you right up. I am sure Sarah would be happy to boil water so I could give you a shave too. I still have Mr. Gaines’ razor. Of course it has not been used in years and may be a little dull but I am sure that you would manage a nick or two and I know Colonel Redmond has some wonderful cologne we could put on you."

  "Ah, thank you, Miss Rebecca, but I am perfectly capable of shaving myself, ma'am. And Tarent usually gives me my haircuts."

  "And you usually cut the Colonel’s hair." She gave Charlie a little nudge even as she continued to torment the batman. " Times are changing, Sergeant. I think having a lady cut your hair would be a nice change of pace." She evened up the hair at the back of Charlie’s neck. "I am sure the Colonel would be happy to help."

  "Why, Jocko, I am sure that Miss Rebecca would be more able to give you the kind of hair cut that any lady would find attractive, instead of looking like Tarent put a bowl on your head and trimmed off anything that stuck out. Just let her finish up mine and you can have this chair."

  Jocko looked around nervously. "You know I think I hear Duncan calling." He gave a crisp salute. "Have a good day, Colonel, Miss Rebecca."

  It was all Rebecca could do to hold in the laughter as Jocko managed to take off running without actually running away. "What is it about a woman with scissors that a man finds so dangerous?"

  "Perhaps, dear, any woman with scissors is in a position to um... create an instant eunuch... or at least a symbolic one. Men are so proud of their hair and beards that it may as well be the other appendages. And you know how protective men are of certain portions of their anatomy."

  She chuckled again as she began working around his ears. "I know it is important enough that you find it necessary to add some rather impressive padding to your trousers."

  "Well, love, that padding does not hurt either your standing or mine in this community."

  "This is true." She very carefully trimmed the hair from behind his ear. She gave him a tap on the shoulder when he squirmed. "Hold still. As I was saying, Mrs. Cooper is impressed."

  "My love, the only person I need to impress with my skills and ability as a lover is you. The padding is not for you; it is to protect you. Of course, if you like the things such equipment can do, I can at least provide a simulacrum."

  She stopped just before the next cut. "Excuse me?"

  Charlie blushed. "I, uh, I can, uh, use a, uh, prosthesis if you like."

  She stepped around and looked at him for a moment before going back behind him. "Yo
u have done this before?"

  "No, but, um, I have heard of such things. And I believe I know where I can get one, if that is what you would like." Charlie's head dropped, his chin on his chest, his voice low. "I want to be as much of a man as you need from me."

  Rebecca rubbed his shoulders and leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Charlie, in the privacy of our bedroom, you are exactly what I want. I think you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I love touching you and having you touch me in return." She kissed him on the cheek. "I trust you to show me what things are possible there, but I desire only you."

  Charlie looked into her eyes, hoping to see truth. "Just me? I am enough for you?"

  "Yes, my dear Charlie. Just you. You make me happy and you are more than enough for me."

  Charlie grinned happily. "Well, then, I guess I shall just have to learn how to live with that."

  Rebecca went back to the haircut. "Yes, I guess you will. I am sure you will adjust quite nicely." She ran her fingers through his hair checking the cut. "Now are you going to hold still while I take the razor to your neck, or do I have to tie you into that chair?"

  Razor? My Neck? Blunt razor? "I will be very, very still. I promise. Please, do not slip? My neck is very sensitive."

  She took the razor and ran it over a leather strap. "I promise not to cut your throat, Charlie and I was only teasing about the razor. It is quite sharp." She handed it to him. "See for yourself."

  "No, dear. I trust you." Charlie bent his head forward, exposing his neck to her hand and blade.

  At that moment as Rebecca put the blade to Charlie’s skin it made her realize how much he really did trust her. If she were a confederate spy, she could easily cut Charlie’s throat and there would not be anything anyone could do about it. She very carefully and very lovingly began to scrap the short hairs from his neck. "I love you, Charlie."

  He waited until she was through trimming his neck. Then he turned to look into her eyes. "I love you, Rebecca. I trust you with everything I am and everything I have. I trust you with my honor."