Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber

by T. Novan

  "Then I suggest we go to our room, so we can be alone."

  "After you, Mrs. Redmond." Charlie escorted her up the stairs with all due formality.

  --*--

  Charlie held Rebecca close in her arms, their hearts pounding in rhythm with one another, their bodies damp, boneless and sated. All Charlie could do was murmur over and over, "My love, my love."

  Rebecca shifted, getting as close to Charlie as she could. "I love you, Charlie. So very much."

  "I love you, Rebecca. You are my heart, my reason for living."

  "I doubt I will sleep tonight. I want to spent every moment we have..." she stopped and buried her nose in Charlie's neck. "I want to remember everything."

  Charlie smiled. She knew exactly what Rebecca meant. "Ah, darling. I believe I have memorized every single mole, freckle and dimple on your body. The smell of your soap; the color of your hair in the sun, in firelight, in moonlight; the texture of your lips; the skin at the hollow of your throat. I hold you in my memory. Each smile and laugh and kiss is a jewel I can hold in my heart."

  --*--

  Tuesday, February 28, 1865

  Dawn brought sleet and freezing rain. The men, grumbling, pulled themselves out of their warm cots and efficiently packed up their last few personal belongings. Rebecca woke to the clash and call of men pulling down tents and loading wagons with poles and rolls of canvas.

  A small head poked up over the edge of the bed, "Mama? Papa? Cuddles?"

  Rebecca smiled and moved to lift Em into bed with her. "Good morning, my little darling. I will be happy to give you cuddles, but Papa is already up and out with the soldiers."

  Em’s face fell, "No Papa? He pwomised."

  "Emily, listen very carefully to Mama. Today, Papa has to leave and it is very important that we are strong for him and make him proud of us. Papa does not want to leave but he must. So we must be strong."

  "Em not stwong." The little girl shook her head sadly, "Em little."

  "Emily, you are a big girl of two now and Papa needs us to support him. He does not want to go away, but he has orders. He will be coming home soon. So this morning, when it is time to say goodbye, we have to make Papa proud."

  "Yes, Mama. Em be good." The toddler sucked on her finger for a minute, then looked back up at Rebecca, "Mama cuddles?"

  --*--

  By eight o’clock the sleet had settled into a steady freezing rain. Charlie was huddled in his greatcoat, his oilskin slouch hat on his head, a warm woolen muffler wrapped around his neck, and an entire regiment of rather grumpy men ready to march on his orders within the half hour. He left the final bits and pieces to the company commanders, and rode back to the house for a private farewell.

  Rebecca was in the parlor waiting. Em was dressed in her best dress and sitting like a little lady on the davenport.

  Charlie stepped in and stopped at the door, surveying the scene before him. Somehow the two of them managed to capture the grace and elegance of the time before the war, until he looked into their eyes. Both were fighting to keep the tears from falling. Charlie stepped farther into the room then opened his arms.

  Em immediately squirmed off the davenport and flew into his arms. "Papa!"

  Charlie swept the child up into his arms and held her close. "My little girl. Will you be good while I am gone and help Mama Becca? I will be home just as soon as I possibly can. I love you, Em."

  "Yes, Papa." The child could no longer hold her tears, "Love Papa."

  Charlie dug in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Jocko had known he would need it and conveniently stashed a spare in his greatcoat pocket. "Now, no crying. I will be home as soon as I can. I love you, little one."

  Rebecca stepped forward and took Em into her arms. Then she hugged Charlie tight. "I love you. Come home soon."

  Charlie wrapped his arms around them both. "God willing, my darlings, God willing I will be back as soon as I can."

  Chapter 31

  Tuesday, February 28, 1865

  The day had been hard and long. Since they had wintered in Culpeper, no one in the entire regiment was used to being in the saddle all day long. The cold rain and sleet, and the mud that mired horses’ feet and wagon wheels just contributed to the misery. At the end of the day, after seeing to all of the myriad niggling issues that were part of making camp, Charlie finally sat down in his tent. A single oil lamp, hung haphazardly on the center pole, provided a flickering light. Jocko had unrolled his bedroll on the folding cot. There, in the middle of the bedroll, was an envelope addressed to Charlie in very familiar script.

  Monday, February 27, 1865

  Dearest Husband,

  I am writing this letter even as I watch you slumber just a few feet away. Right now, at this very moment it does not seem as if there is anything that can hurt us. However, I know that in just a few short days that will change.

  I can still feel your touch from our lovemaking tonight. I savor it, Dearest, and will let the memory wash over me to keep me warm and safe when you are far from home.

  You know I will worry, but I will try not to do it every moment of every day. I do not know how to express the abundance of emotions that I am feeling.

  I am scared, of course, but there is also a great deal of pride for you. That you would see this through so gallantly and stand fast until the end, yes I am very proud of you.

  I believe the thing that concerns me the most is that we have no way of knowing how long you will be away. Will it be a few weeks or many months?

  Just know, in your heart, that however long it must be, I will be here, waiting and praying.

  I love you Charlie, please know that. I love you, all of you, and I want you to come home.

  Eternally yours,

  Rebecca

  Charlie immediately sat down and, balancing his lapboard across his knees, wrote his response, trying to keep the ache of missing Rebecca from his letter, with only marginal success.

  Tuesday, February 28, 1865

  D earest Wife,

  Oh, how joyously I write the above words. Wife. I never thought I would have a partner in all of the love and joys, trials and sorrows, challenges, defeats and victories of life. Then you came into my life and changed it in more ways than I will ever be able to express to you.

  Finding your letter in my bedroll was such a gift. It is as if a little bit of you is here with me, and I have placed your letter next to my heart.

  This first day of travel has been about as miserable as any I can remember. The complaints from the men are legion! I doubt there is a single dry anything in this camp, yet there is a strange energy among the men. I think that, like me, they feel the end is in sight, for better or worse. At this point, an ending –– any ending –– will be greeted with great thanksgiving.

  We travel south, along the rail lines until we can turn west. It is no secret that General Grant has General Lee ’ s forces surrounded with a three-prong pincer. I believe the way the war ends will hinge on the supply lines –– as General Meigs so aptly reminded me, an army moves on its belly, and the siege of Richmond and Petersburg has seriously limited the South ’ s ability to feed its troops.

  I have to say, my loyal cavalrymen are less than thrilled at the idea of guarding rail lines. The more glory-hungry boys want to be part of the great charges that only cavalry can pull off. I am perfectly happy to be on this duty, though, as the risks are fewer, and I hate having to write the sorrowful letters to the bereaved families those glorious, foolhardy charges tend to engender.

  So rest easy, my love. We are up to our hocks in mud, but are basically on reasonably safe ground in terms of how we are being deployed.

  My love and kisses to our little imp. Please write and let me know each wonderful thing little Em learns. I know this is a time when she will grow up quickly. I am sorry I will not be there to see her in the coming weeks. Has she settled on a name for the little monster called a dog that D uncan and the boys gave her?

  All my love, my heart an
d soul, to you my dear. I will dream of your head on my shoulder tonight and every night until I am back beside you.

  Your Charlie

  --*--

  Thursday, March 2, 1865

  Charlie’s regiment moved with great urgency. Sheridan was determined to prevent Early’s troops from crossing over Rockfish Gap and supplying Lee’s beleaguered forces. Charlie’s orders were to defend Rockfish Gap at all costs. As his forces arrived at the eastern end of that easy passage over the Blue Ridge mountains, couriers and telegrams started arriving, reporting that Custer had successfully engaged Early. Instead of riding into battle, Charlie’s troops spent a very tense day scanning for escaping rebel soldiers. When Charlie returned to his quarters that night, a letter from home was waiting in his non-urgent dispatch case.

  Wednesday, March 1, 1865

  Dearest Charlie,

  Things progress here as you might expect. A few of the men that you mustered out have decided to stay on and help me get the crops in and we are currently deciding what would best be put where, when the time comes.

  I must say that I am surprised they come to me for my thoughts. They seem to understand I am, until your return my darling, the head of this household. Of course, I do believe that Tarent keeps them in line as well.

  Em misses you terribly and I have had my hands full trying to make her understand that you will be home. It is not unusual for me to find her plastered to the window in the front parlor. We try to keep her occupied, but she is easily distracted when her thoughts return to her Papa.

  Constance is not improving at all, but at this moment she is still holding her own. The baby certainly seems healthy enough as it moves around almost continuously.

  I went into town the other day for a few supplies. It had been raining as if the Good Lord was bringing another flood. To this end the roads were a complete mess, filled with water and mud. As I was going into the mercantile, Mr. Cooper was getting a shipment of supplies. (He said to thank you for assisting him in that endeavor as well.) Two very sturdy young men were unloading a crate from the wagon when it slipped and splashed down in a large mud puddle. Guess who was standing near the puddle? I swear Charlie; it was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. I have never seen Mrs. Williams turn that particular shade of blue. It was truly amazing.

  I miss you so and the place seems empty without you and your troops around.

  Please give my best to Richard and the others and give Elizabeth a hug for me, as I miss her like a sister.

  Eternally yours,

  Rebecca

  He immediately sat down and composed a response. These letters were a lifeline to him, he had discovered.

  Thursday, March 2, 1865

  D arling Wife,

  The rain, sleet and mud continue here as well. I begin to believe that all wars are fought against the weather, as well as against the opposition, whoever they may be. I am sure Mrs. Williams managed to inform the clumsy young man of every failing he had ever had. Ah, the sweet wine of charity does not run in that woman ’ s veins, does it?

  We reached Charlottesville with no major problems other than a couple of mired wagons. The men unloaded everything, and with horses pulling and men pushing, we managed to free them from the mire. Then, of course we had to reload them until the next muddy bottom trapped the wheels again.

  Upon reaching Charlottesville, we turned west, toward Rockfish Gap. Before we could join with the rest of Sheridan ’ s forces over in the Shenandoah Valley, his troops encountered the remnants of Early ’ s forces. Custer ’ s cavalry surprised them in the early morning in Waynesboro. It was a rout. We took up guard positions on the eastern side of the Gap, but very few of Early ’ s forces got through. Most of the Confederate forces surrendered –– I have heard as many as fifteen hundred men. General Early and only a handful of men escaped. I suspect most of them headed south down the Valley toward Lynchburg.

  We are to wait here until General Sheridan ’ s forces manage to get across the Gap, then we head east to join the western flank of General Grant ’ s forces.

  I am sorry that the little imp is being such a bother. Tell her that Papa says she has to pay attention to her lessons, that I love her and am proud of her.

  I pray daily that Constance can find the health she deserves, but if not, that she goes to her Henry with a full heart and a clear conscience. I know you and I will be the parents to her children she hopes we will be.

  I love you, darling, and miss you and little Em more than I can tell you. Please keep me advised as to Constance ’ s condition. She looked so pale and frail when I left.

  All my love, my heart, and soul to you.

  Your Charlie

  Eventually, all of Sheridan’s forces made it across the Gap. There was much milling and confusion as the troops reorganized, so Charlie had no time to write. Each night before he went to sleep, he pulled his little packet, carefully tied with one of Rebecca’s blue ribbons, from his pocket and read each letter in sequence. Some men prayed every night. Others drank. Charlie read his letters.

  Elizabeth, who had been swamped with managing the complexities of mobile medical services, finally found a few minutes to herself on Saturday evening. She found Charlie sitting there, just holding his little package of letters between his hands and looking wistfully into the night sky. "You miss her?"

  "You have to ask? I left my heart and soul back there, my friend. I can only pray that the rest of me can rejoin it when this is over."

  "You will, Charlie, you will. Why else do you think they call you Lucky Charlie?"

  --*--

  Monday, March 6, 1865

  The camp was packed and would move out at first light. Their objective was the great locks on the James River at Goochland Courthouse, which would cut yet another route to supply Lee’s forces. Without those locks, the Southern forces could not get boats or barges down river to provision the troops at Petersburg. It was an engineering problem, not a battle they were facing, and the cavalry would be used to guard against raiders to give the engineers time to complete their task. Rebecca’s letter was a welcome break from very routine action.

  Saturday, March 4, 1865

  Dearest Charlie,

  I am sorry to hear the weather is causing so many problems for you. I wish this campaign could be an easy one. Or at least, I wish I were there to help.

  I spoke with a lady the other day who is looking to possibly start a school here when the conflict has passed. She told me there are such things as 'camp wives' and she was one until her husband was killed at Antietam. You are very lucky I did not know that, or ……

  I love you and miss you so much.

  It was lovely to speak with her as she knew Andrew and had spoken with him just a day before his death. She said he was a delightful and charming young man who spoke proudly of Culpeper and his sister. That is why she has decided to come here.

  Em has finally named the puppy, Papa. Sounds like our Em does it not? She is not crying as much now. Every night at prayers she remembers you, her mama, the puppy, and me, in that order.

  I hope the weather clears for you soon and I hope you continue to draw the less dangerous duty. I cannot help it, my love. I want you home, safe and sound.

  My love to Richard and the boys and a hug for Elizabeth.

  Eternally yours,

  Rebecca

  --*--

  Monday, March 6, 1865

  Darling Wife,

  Elizabeth and Richard stopped by my tent last night, so I had no opportunity to answer your letter as soon as I received it, as is my usual pattern. I conveyed your message to them, as well as tales of young Em and ‘‘Papa’.

  I am not sure I am particularly happy about having the dog named after me, although perhaps the little bitch is more aptly named than Em knows. But if it keeps her from grieving at the window, I will suffer the animal to carry my moniker.

  We move out this morning, headed east and south to block as many supply routes as possible. I will
continue this letter when I have a moment.

  Charlie hastily tucked the unfinished note into his traveling secretary, stuffed the leather folder into his saddlebag and mounted up. Finally, the rain had stopped, the only blessing in an otherwise miserable campaign.

  --*--

  Tuesday, March 7, 1865

  Rebecca and Em where on the floor playing with a new carved horse Charlie had sent along with his last letter. Duncan had taken some spare time to whittle it, and the proud papa sent it along as soon as it was ready.

  Em held the toy up for inspection. "Papa sent?"

  "Yes, sweetheart, Papa sent you this toy."

  "Miss Papa." She put the toy down on the floor gently, making it run across the floor in small movements. "Papa come home?"

  "Papa will be home just as soon as he can. I promise."

  The door opened into the parlor and Beulah entered. "Miss Rebecca?"

  "Yes?"

  "Ma'am, uh, there is a woman here, wanting to speak with General Charlie."

  "I will tend to it. Can you take Em up for her nap?"

  "Of course."

  Rebecca got up from the floor, leaving Em in the care of the maid. She walked to the entry where she found a young woman with a carpetbag at her feet and a baby bundled in her arms. "May I help you?"

  "Good afternoon, ma'am. I am looking for General Charles Redmond. I was told he had headquartered here."

  "I am sorry. General Redmond and his men left a few weeks ago. I am his wife. How can I help you?"

  "His wife! How could he?"

  "It was only a matter of getting the minister to officiate. Now would you mind telling me why you are calling after my husband?"

  The woman started crying. "But, but he promised... he told me that he would take care of me and our child... oh, how could he." She dissolved into loud wailing.

  "Excuse me?" Rebecca tried to bite back a grin. She knew she was going to have to get to the bottom of this.

  "Look. Look at this child. The hair, the eyes. This is Charlie's child. And I was to be his wife. And now, nothing, nowhere to go, no home..." The wailing got louder.

  Rebecca managed to remove the infant from the woman. She had to admit it was a handsome child and, if Charlie had been capable of procreation, it could have been his. "Let us go to the parlor and discuss this shall we?"