Playing for Keeps

by Hill, Jamie

  Maddie walked in to the baby's room and looked around. It was all set, just waiting for the new little occupant to arrive. She bought a crib, dresser, and rocking chair shortly after she moved in. Then with each paycheck, she purchased a few more things. Classic Winnie the Pooh blankets and sheets in soft yellow, red and blue colors, a Pooh mobile, a baby monitor, and a car seat. Her co-workers showered her with all kinds of baby clothes, a baby bathtub filled with the necessary lotions and soaps, and an infant swing. Maddie felt truly blessed with everything she had, and the new friends she made in Lapham.

  Sandy and Suzie were great. Maddie knew she could tell them the truth about Rob and they'd be fine with it, but she didn't want to have too many stories to keep straight. It was easier to go with the 'hunting accident' story to everybody. She and Sandy had gotten pretty close. Maddie ate dinner with her family, occasionally. Sandy's children were school aged, and really nice kids. Her husband was a joker who teased everyone. Maddie enjoyed being in their home. She wanted a home like that someday. It was appropriate to have married friends now, with the baby coming. Rosa was her 'go to a bar' single friend, but Maddie had a new life these days.

  Not quite a week later, Maddie felt lousy when she woke up. She put on shorts and a t-shirt, and took her hospital suitcase to work with her.

  "Hey, nobody told me it was casual Friday," Sandy greeted her in their room.

  "It may be Labor Day, if the way I'm feeling is any indication."

  "Then what are you doing here?" Sandy practically screeched at her.

  Maddie shook her head. "I can't sit home alone. I thought maybe I could hang around the break room until we figure out if this is for real."

  "Come on." Sandy led her to their kitchen and lounge area, where Suzie was making coffee. "Hey Suz. Today might be the day."

  "What?" Suzie shrieked. "Why are you here?"

  Maddie chuckled as Sandy settled her into a chair. "I don't want to be home alone. Can I just sit in here real quietly until we see what happens?"

  "Are you having contractions?"

  Maddie nodded. "Off and on for a few days. Today more on than off."

  "Okay." Suzie nodded. "But don't be a hero. Let Sandy take you to the hospital before we even get close to having a delivery here. Got it?"

  "Got it. Thanks." Maddie groaned to herself and rubbed her stomach.

  The center opened and everyone went to work, popping in on Maddie regularly. There were four rooms of children from infant to kindergarten age, with two adults working in each room. The employees were all women except Raul, an extremely friendly man who loved children and took classes at night to become a teacher. He worked in the kindergarten room, and the children thought he was great.

  "So this is it?" Raul passed through the room and pulled a yogurt from the refrigerator.

  "God, I hope so." Maddie groaned again. "This kid is going to kill me if he doesn't come out soon."

  "Get your mind off of it. Get up and do something."

  Maddie looked at her basketball-shaped stomach then back at Raul with disbelief. "How do you suggest I get my mind off of it?"

  He tossed her some magazines. "Read about someone richer than you who paid a surrogate to go through this for her. Work a crossword puzzle."

  "Thanks," she called after him. "Spoken like a typical man."

  Sandy poked her head in. "He's right about one thing, if you were in the hospital they'd have you up and walking. It's supposed to make things happen quicker."

  Maddie nodded, and struggled to her feet. "I'll walk, but it won't be quick."

  Sandy rolled her eyes. "God, you're a pain." She went back to work.

  Maddie alternated walking around the center with sitting in her comfortable chair. Her contractions were not regular. but they were painful, and she knew this was probably the real thing. She found the 'Farmer Says' talking toy and pulled the handle as fast as she could, over and over again. The cow refused to cooperate. It would only say "moo". This distressed Maddie, and she took it as a personal challenge to teach the cow a lesson.

  After a couple of hours, Suzie walked into the lounge and took the toy from Maddie's hands. "We put it to a vote, either the cow goes or you do."

  "Take it." Maddie made a face. "Stupid, defective toy anyway." She stood up to walk around again and felt a gush of water between her legs. "Oh, Jesus, my water just broke!"

  "Great!" Suzie grabbed some towels and sat Maddie back down on them. "Now we know for sure. I'll clean this up, and get Sandy. You call your doctor, and get ready to go."

  "Sorry to disrupt the center." Maddie looked at her apologetically.

  "Don't be silly! I'll help Tammy for the rest of the afternoon, and tomorrow, if Sandy's gone that long. You just take care of yourself, and go have that baby!" Suzie hugged her, and Maddie felt suddenly very alone. She called her doctor's office and told them she was going to the hospital, but it felt like there should be more people to call. Rob's face came to mind, but she pushed him aside. She flashed on her family and Rosa and swiped at tears as she gathered her things and met Sandy in the hallway.

  "This is it!" Sandy put her arm around Maddie's shoulder and squeezed.

  Their other co-workers poked their heads out into the hall to wish Maddie good luck and a speedy delivery. She waved goodbye, got her suitcase from her car, and let Sandy drive her to the hospital.

  Things progressed rather quickly after that. Maddie had already registered at the hospital, so check in was simple. The nurses did their thing, the doctor did his, Maddie did a lot of complaining and Sandy did a lot of soothing and reminding her to breathe. Hee hee hee, ho ho ho. Roughly six hours later, Maddie pushed a healthy, seven pound, three ounce baby boy into the world.

  "He's just beautiful," Sandy assured her.

  Maddie's eyes were so filled with tears, she couldn't tell.

  "Blond hair, ten fingers, and ten toes."

  Maddie nodded and wiped her eyes, so when the doctor finished checking over her son she would be together enough to hold him.

  "He's perfect," the doctor called from across the room where they examined the baby. "APGAR score at five minutes is ten, which is perfect."

  "What's APGAR?" Maddie sniffed, still wiping her face.

  "A scale they use," Sandy told her "skin tone, breathing, that stuff. He's perfect!"

  A nurse handed the swaddled baby to Maddie. "Here you go, Mom."

  "Oh my God." Maddie looked into the tiny face and melted. He's amazing! "He is beautiful, isn't he, Sandy? I'm not one of those mothers with an ugly baby who just thinks he's beautiful?"

  "Nope." Sandy sat on the edge of her bed. "He's gorgeous. I thought he might have your red hair. Was his daddy blond?"

  "Yes." Maddie sniffled again, determined not to cry anymore. She was secretly glad the baby had blond hair. Red haired men never attracted her that much. But if the baby's hair had been red, she would have loved every lock of it.

  "So." Sandy touched the tiny hand. "Does this guy have a name?"

  "Yeah." Maddie smiled. "Samuel Robert Cooper. Sam."

  "Sam." Sandy studied the baby. "Cooper?" She looked at Maddie questioningly.

  "His daddy's name."

  "You didn't take your husband's last name when you got married?"

  Maddie smiled at Sandy. "We never got married. I was trying to make myself look respectable."

  Sandy grinned at her. "So the tragic hunting accident?"

  "Merely a figment of my devious imagination. Probably came deep from my subconscious. I guess I wanted to shoot him when he walked out on me."

  "I wondered, but I never wanted to ask. So, does he know about the baby?"

  "Nope. I haven't figured that one out yet."

  "He should," Sandy said softly.

  "I know," Maddie touched Sam's cheek. "I've got to figure it out soon. I kept telling myself I had time. I guess time's up."

  Sam and Maddie stayed in the hospital two nights. She felt pretty good by the time they released her, and Sandy d
rove her home. Her friend offered to stay and help Maddie, but Maddie declined. She was ready to be home alone with Sam.

  She walked him through the house and talked to him softly. She showed him his room, and they rocked in the new rocking chair. He got hungry, she nursed him, burped him, changed his diaper and laid the little boy in his big crib to sleep. Maddie went to the closet and pulled out a football jersey she bought on a lark when she was pregnant. It was a toddler size four, way too big for Sam for a couple of years, but she couldn't resist it. The white Oklahoma State jersey had red letters spelling out the star quarterback's name on the back above the number '8': Cooper. Maddie hung the jersey on a hook on the wall, and smiled.

  They settled into a nice routine. Sam was a good baby, an angel in Sandy's opinion, and he rarely cried. He slept well, had a good appetite, and loved to be outside. April turned to May and the weather was mild, so Maddie took him for long walks during her six-week leave from work. She enjoyed the exercise, and it didn't take her long to get back into pre-baby shape.

  Some days, Maddie thought about never going back to work and leaving Sam. Financially, it was not an option, unless perhaps they moved back to Hartford. Maddie knew the bad would outweigh the good in that scenario, and let it escape quickly from her mind. Once, during a bout of homesickness or loneliness or whatever the name was for what she was feeling, Maddie mailed a picture of herself and Sam to her parents. It was a particularly good photo that Sandy had taken. Maddie's hair looked good, that day, full and flippy. Sam had a little smile on his face, as much of a smile as a month old baby could. Maddie had several copies of the picture made and framed one for her dresser. She wrote on the back of the one she sent to her parents:

  This is Sam, born April ninth. Sorry I didn't stick to the M-name thing, but I guess you're used to me being contrary. Maddie

  She mailed it using her P.O. Box address, knowing Lapham was big enough her parents couldn't just show up and find her. But if they did, maybe she wouldn't really mind. She was lonely, even with Sam in her life, and tired of being alone.

  Sam turned six weeks old, and Maddie went back to work. The people in the infant room were great with him, and everyone in the center liked to hold and cuddle the new baby. Maddie slipped away on breaks and lunch to nurse him, and felt a little happier being back amongst people.

  She bought a stroller that worked in tandem with Sam's car seat. She could snap the seat in and use it as a stroller, or snap the seat out and fold the legs of the stroller into an umbrella-sized roll. This worked especially well for Maddie to walk to work, but in the evening if she was tired they could catch a ride home with Sandy.

  The morning walk invigorated Maddie, and put her in a good mood. She was in a particularly good mood one morning in early June when Suzie came into her room.

  "Sandy, I'd like you to meet a prospective new family—"

  Before she got the sentence out a child's voice called out, "Maddie!"

  Maddie looked up from the book she'd been reading aloud, in time to see Sophie hurtling toward her legs. "Sophie!" She scooped the child up into a hug, set her book down, and stood up with Sophie still clinging to her neck. She looked toward Suzie and saw Rob standing by the door with a smile on his face. Maddie tamped down her shock and walked toward him. She couldn't believe how wonderful he looked. Almost the same, his hair was longer and still in his face. The scruffy beard was back. She looked into his eyes and smiled. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine."

  "Hello Maddie." He smiled back at her, taking her in with his eyes.

  "Maddie, you cut your hair!" Sophie exclaimed.

  "I sure did." She looked at Rob. "I knew you'd hate it."

  He grinned. "Probably the main reason you cut it!"

  She grinned back. "I took the first chop myself."

  He shook his head. "I hate to disappoint you, but I think you look fantastic. Sophisticated." His eyes ran over her body quickly again and he added, "Beautiful."

  Maddie blushed for the first time in a long time, and looked down. Suzie said, "I guess you two know each other. Maddie, would you like to give Mr. Cooper the tour, and see if he has any questions?"

  Sandy stood close by and her eyes popped open when she heard, "Mr. Cooper." She glanced at Maddie, who looked and felt like a nervous school girl.

  "Sure." Maddie turned to Rob when Suzie left. "What are you doing here?"

  "Like the lady said, looking for childcare. I've got Sophie again for the summer, and I need to find a new center."

  Maddie had so many questions, she didn't know where to begin. "For the summer? What's Dionne doing?"

  He looked at her apologetically. "Dionne and I haven't been together for a few months. Long story."

  Maddie's heart soared up out of her chest and flew a couple of laps around the room. She smiled again. She couldn't stop smiling. "I have time."

  Rob chuckled. "Do you get a lunch half hour here?"

  "I bet I could even take an hour if I wanted to."

  "We passed a McDonald's a couple of blocks back. Maybe Soph could play in the ball pit and we could talk."

  "I'd like that." Maddie nodded. "Let me take care of a couple of things real quick, okay?"

  He nodded. Maddie set Sophie down and went over to Sandy.

  "Oh my God, he's gorgeous!" Sandy whispered. "No wonder Sam is so beautiful!"

  "Shhh!" Maddie grinned, her heart still flapping around wildly. "Do you mind if I leave for a while?"

  "Take all the time you want. We'll be fine."

  Maddie slipped down the hall and told them to give Sam a bottle of expressed milk because she wouldn't be in for lunch. She hurried back to Rob and Sophie. "Let's go."

  They walked out into the bright sunshine and Maddie saw Rob's truck. "Aw, still running I see."

  "Better than ever." Rob opened the door for her. "And no car seat, so we don't have to be squashed."

  "Too bad." Maddie batted her lashes.

  Sophie got in between them so she wasn't touching Rob at all.

  He grinned as he started the engine. "Soph finally hit the weight limit, so we could get rid of the car seat and just use a seat belt."

  Maddie smiled at Sophie and rubbed her hair. "How have you been, Sophie? Good?"

  The child nodded. "We opened the pool for the summer! The water's still cold, but daddy says it'll warm up soon."

  They pulled into the parking lot of McDonald's, and got out of the truck. As they walked to the restaurant Maddie commented, "Lapham would be quite a commute for childcare if you're living in Meridan again."

  Rob grinned and held the door open for her and Sophie. He didn't answer, just started talking about what they wanted to eat, and they all ordered. They took their lunches to an outside table where Sophie inhaled hers then ran to play in the big plastic ball pit and climbing monstrosity.

  Maddie nibbled her French fries slowly, watching Rob. "What are you really doing here?"

  "Like I said, childcare…" he trailed off, because they both knew he was lying.

  Maddie smiled. "Rosa told you I was here, didn't she?"

  "I'm not supposed to mention that. Did you know that she and Smoky got married?"

  "No! How great for them." Maddie looked down. "I—uh—have been busy. I don't talk to Rosa much these days."

  "So I'm told. How are you, Maddie? Happy?"

  She smiled. "Very happy. Things are good." She was happy that he was sitting across from her. Maybe I should clarify that. She didn't know how, so she changed the subject. "So what happened with Dionne?"

  Rob shook his head. "I was remembering things the way they were when Soph was a baby. We were happy back then. But now, Dionne's got this whole law practice built up. She works all the time and when she's not at the office, she brings work home. There are social occasions every other night. She loves that stuff, but damn it, I don't. I hate wearing a suit."

  He looked at Maddie, and let his thoughts tumble out. "It wasn't at all what I thou
ght it was going to be. She drives around in this little BMW car that cost about as much as my house. She loves her condo, and I felt boxed in. She's changed, or maybe I've changed. I don't know. But we don't want the same things anymore."

  "And does Dionne agree with this assessment?"

  "Oh yeah. A couple of months with me and she was packing my bags to get me out. She hated my house and the pool. I got her to go there for a couple of weekends, but she brought this mountain of paperwork and ended up working all the time. It just wasn't what I thought it would be," he repeated.

  "Doesn't sound like much fun." Maddie shook her head. Their eyes met. We had fun together, and we both know it. She smiled. "Of course, I could never be with a guy who didn't like to cuddle up on Saturday nights and watch movies."

  Rob smiled. "Is that what you do now, for fun?"

  "Every weekend." Maddie brushed her hair back from her eyes and reflexively searched for Sophie in the ball pit. The child, who was taller but still looked exactly the same, played contentedly. Maddie looked back at Rob.

  He had a strange expression on his face. "I suppose I should get you back, if you're finished."

  "There's no hurry. Sandy said she'd cover for me."

  Rob gathered up their trash and put it on the tray. "We should probably get going."

  Maddie reached out and touched his hand. "Please, tell me why you came all this way. I know it wasn't for childcare."

  He looked at her. "It's too late. Damn it, I should have tried to find you sooner. It's too late." He stood up and shoved their trash into the trash can. "Sophie, let's go."

  Maddie followed him, confused by his sudden change of temperament. "Rob!" she tried to talk to him, but he opened the door to the truck and didn't look at her.

  "That was fun!" Sophie buckled her seat belt and wiped her face off. "It was hot inside, though."

  "Yeah." Maddie took a tissue from her purse and wiped Sophie's face. "Those ball pits get hot for sure."