One Size Fits All

by Courtney Cole

  Turn that heat all the way up that phrase played over and over in my head. Soon, I took the words of the talk show host to heart. I had never thought of our room as dull and bland. I felt the plain conformity of egg shell and pale yellow walls was calming and provided a sense of serenity.

  Now I reasoned this minimalist style was one of need and necessity. I never wanted to fool with the upkeep of too many items, not when there were children to run after and raise.

  I was depressed. Why couldn’t I bring all the kids back, give myself another year until I was better prepared for this. I snapped out of my blues when my cell rang. Secretly hoping it was Sarah I picked it up on the first ring.

  “Hello.” Ruby said in a sing-song tone. I did my best to hide my disappointed in my tone.

  “Hey there Wanda, I wanted to check on you and see how you were doing?”

  “I’m alright I guess. Bill’s away at work again for the week.”

  “Well, why don’t you go to lunch with me. I’ll pick you up at 12.”

  “Ok. Sounds good.”

  I disconnected the call and looked at the time, it was 11:15 A.M. I needed to get motivated to shower and throw something decent on before Ruby showed up.

  Punctuality was something Ruby prided herself on, today was no different. It was precisely 11:55 AM when she sounded the horn.

  I stopped to glance at my reflection once more before I opened the door. I hoped that she wouldn’t notice the eyes that dulled from lack of sleep or the bags and dark circles I carried under my eyes.

  “Hi Ruby. Thanks for coming to get me.”

  “Like I said, I’ve meant to call you several times to see how you were. Today I finally said ‘Ruby pick up the phone and tell Wanda you’re going to lunch’”.

  “Thanks again. I appreciated the offer. How are things with you?”

  Thankfully all Ruby needed was a nudge and she was easily involved with telling me all about the happenings in her house. Like how her daughter was getting settled in, then at some point I stopped paying attention as my mind drifted.

  “What do you think?” Ruby asked.

  “Oh that would be great.” I replied.

  “Did you hear what I said? We’re thinking of selling that big house and downsizing.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re awfully quiet.”

  She was right, I was unusually quiet, I hadn’t heard a peep of noise in the house lately. It drove me nuts.

  We pulled into the parking lot and Ruby turned off the car when she found a spot.

  She reached over and put her hand on top of mine.

  “It’ll be okay. It’s just going to take time.”

  I gave her a forced smile back then we headed through the door.

  “How many will be joining us today?” The hostess asked.

  “Two for lunch.”

  “Hope you don’t mind coming here. Their crème brulee is to die for.”

  “No, it's really nice.”

  The waitress walked over to our table.

  “Hello ladies, I wanted to tell you about our lunch specials today. We have a seared tuna over a bed of mixed greens salad. A crab cake topped with a lemon butter glaze. Also, we have a dollar fifty bloody Mary or a martini. Do you want to start with a drink order?"

  “I think I’ll have a bloody Mary.” Ruby said.

  “I’ll just have water. I answered.

  “No. She’ll take a martini dirty please.”

  “It’s awful early to be drinking, don’t you think?”

  “I’ve worried about you. I thought you would have reached out to me. I haven’t seen you getting out of the house much either. It’s not healthy to keep yourself cooped in the house like that. I’m here as a friend. You can talk to me.”

  “I watched this talk show yesterday that really got me thinking. It’s time to make a change.” I admitted

  “Wanda sweetie, Seriously?” She said.

  Oh God, I cringed not wanting to tell her.

  “I didn’t know things were that bad with you and Bill. You seemed so happy.”

  “Things aren't bad.” I said trailing off. Not wanting to give her the wrong impression.

  “Bill not interested in sex isn’t really the issue. It's more of what were we going to do with all our time alone. All of our conversations revolved around what was happening with the kids. What if we don’t have anything to talk about? What if he gets bored with me?”

  “Well, let me tell you something.” She said with an arched brow.

  I wasn’t sure I needed to hear what went on in my neighbor’s bedroom.

  “Look, this isn’t one of your school PTA meetings. We’re adult women with sexual needs. Things have never been better for us. Last night, I treated my husband to an evening of absolute pleasure.”

  “Do tell.” I beamed.

  “Well, the evening started with a great meal. Finger foods so that we had to feed each other and then he was dessert.” She didn’t say anything, but the grin on her face said it all.

  “Maybe you’re right. It’s been a while since we’ve been free to be spontaneous. The last failed attempt was right before Sarah graduated, and she walked in on us. It was so embarrassing.”

  “Well how have things gone since then?”

  “They really haven’t. I’ve been battling my emotions and it seemed like Bill has been in a world of his own. I need to do something to get his attention.”

  “Well anytime I try to get Hank’s attention, I just give him a good old fashioned blow job.” Ruby admitted.

  “Really?”

  “Of course. Men go crazy over blow jobs and are willing to give up their firstborn for one.”

  “All right. I will give it a shot. Give him something unexpected when he’s home next Tuesday. I’ll make his favorite meal.”

  “And I know what’s for dessert.” Ruby said with a wink.

  I filled the bathtub with hot water and poured in a cap full of bath salts. I soaked in the tub and then shaved every inch of my legs and trimmed my bikini line. When I was done, I lathered my body in lotion. Vanilla bean. His favorite. I slipped on a negligée and pulled a sundress over it. Now I just needed to get dinner going so that it would be ready for when he got home. With a smile from ear to ear I raced downstairs and started to prepare pork chops and mashed potatoes, His favorite.

  I continued to check the clock in the kitchen several times even though I was staring at the numbers on my phone. I dialed his number again and it went straight to voicemail. Where was he? Normally Bill is so punctual. He should have been back over an hour ago.

  I put plastic wrap over the plates and wondered if something was wrong. My imagination went wild picturing him in an accident, lying on the dark pavement bleeding out, alone and scared.

  Just then, I jumped from the startling sound of the garage door opening.

  Bill was finally here. Goosebumps of anticipation spread across my skin and I feel like a teenager all over again. I didn’t want to just sit at the table and wait for him to come in the door. I moved over and leaned a hip against the counter, giving him my best sexy pose.

  Chapter 4 -Bill

  Today at work seemed to go on forever. I sat in my office still going over in my head that the kids are gone and that my wife is not someone that I have to share now on a daily basis. I want to show my wife I love her; I still want her in so many ways. I just am so out of the loop; I do not know even where to start. While I am lost in my head, there is a knock at the door. As I turn around, I see my friend Robert, smiling.

  “Hey Bill, the guys are heading out to dinner for a few and I wanted to see if you wanted to tag along?” He asks.

  “Sure, who is all heading over?” I say getting up to close the office for the night.

  “You, Me, Ted, and Charles are heading over to this new place that is supposed to make some mean ass tacos.” He says as we walk to the elevator.

 
; The restaurant isn’t all that far from the office, so once we get there we see that the guys already have beers waiting and are well on their way to getting drunk.

  “Bill, Robert, it’s about time that you all got here!” Ted laughs and hands us our beers. “We ordered a bunch of shit, so I hope that you are ready.”

  We take our seats and the guys continue to talk about whatever they were talking about before we got there. As soon as I hear that Ted is talking about his wife, I listen. Maybe heading out with the guys is just what I needed.

  “So there we are, Friday night all alone and I want some. I lay the work all day being nice, sweet, and paying so much attention to her. I go in for the kill and low and behold, her damn period starts. Then she acts like it’s nothing and wants to keep going. Sorry but that is no go man!” he says while shaking his head.

  “My wife won’t even let me near her at all a week leading up to it and the week during. I swear I only get to touch her once a month and that’s calling it lucky!” complains Charles.

  Roberts looks at me and laughs “Well let’s ask Bill, his kids are all grown and gone! Please tell some of the young guys here that it will get better!”

  At that moment, I wish I could lie, but nope, word vomit happens “Hell no it doesn’t get any better. Wanda is so depressed and withdrawn now that Sarah has left the house. It’s been months and I am lost on how to get the fire going again!” Once I am done, I look and see the guys literally just staring at me and not sure what to say. Finally, after a few minutes Ted starts to speak!

  “Dude, you don’t have to plan things! They just have to flow. Maybe the loving from you is just what she needs to get past the kids being all gone! Wanda is in her prime man, use that! Show her some love and attention and she will become putty in your hands. Dude what I would not give to not have kids that continually cock block me!” as he finishes he slaps me on the back and goes back to talking to the others.

  Charlie starts in next, “Bill, I can’t imagine what Wanda is going through. She has always been an amazing wife and mother. Remember this is the time for you and her to rebuild and start a new chapter! Give her some finer attention if you know what I mean, and she will fall in love all over again! All the ladies want are orgasms.”

  Robert is next with his advice and at this point, I am not sure why I even came! “Bill, take it from some of us younger guys!! Take care of her first and she will take care you! Inside and outside of the bed! I make sure my wife gets off three times or so before me! That’s the magic!!”

  Maybe that is all I need, to show Wanda that I still want her and need her and maybe she will take the lead. Or maybe the fingers that Charles talked about will make her melt. Who would have thought after all these years of marriage I would be the one that was lost? Our love life was always so awesome but with kids, it took a hit years ago.

  “Just keep an eye out for the warning signs.” Ted warned.

  “What signs would those be?”

  “Oh you know; they suddenly start making plans to go places with friends you’ve never met or suddenly start cleaning out your savings. You know you’re in trouble. That’s what my dad always warned me about.” Ted said.

  I took another pull from my beer then ordered another while I thought about what Ted said. Nope that wasn’t us. I refused to believe Wanda could do that to me…to us.

  The food comes and the guys continue talking around me on topics from sports, to work and finally before I know it it’s time to head home.

  All the lights were off in the house when I pulled into the driveway. It struck me odd that Wanda wouldn’t have every light blazing through the house to make it seem more lived in at the moment. I knew she was having a hard time with the adjustment. I just needed to do something to make her see this was a good thing.

  ***

  “Hello? Honey, you here?”

  “Of course I’m here. where else would I be Bill?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Why would anything be wrong Bill. Where were you?”

  “Taco Tuesday with some of the guys.”

  “Ok.” I knew from her tone even if I hadn’t seen her face that I was in trouble for something.

  “Did you make dinner?” I asked, suddenly feeling guilty for not telling her I wasn’t coming straight home.

  “Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter.” Taking both plates, she pressed her foot to open the garbage can and tossed them in, plates and all. She walked passed me in a huff, so I made my way upstairs to the bedroom.

  When she opened the door to head to bed, I stopped her.

  “Wanda. Look at me.” I plead but she won't do it. “I’m tired and want to go to bed.” she says. She crawls underneath the cool sheets.

  “No Wanda. In all of these years we have never gone to bed angry. I’ve also never seen you get so upset that you throw plates of food along with pots and pans into the garbage. Something’s wrong. Please tell me what it is.”

  “Bill, you’re right. In all these years I’ve never acted like that, but why is it so hard for you to see what’s going on with me?”

  I crawl in behind her and pull her back to my chest.

  “I’m here and I’m listening now.”

  “Everything has changed; the kids are gone.”

  A sigh of frustration escapes my mouth. "Why can’t see this for the blessing it is?"

  “See. I don’t know why I bother.” She says curtly. I know I’ve done it again.

  “It’s what kids do honey, they grow up and leave home. Did you want to keep them as babies forever?”

  “No Bill! We hardly had time to be us before we started having a family and now that we’re alone I thought, just maybe, you’d want to use that time to reconnect with me. I bought a book, put on makeup and lingerie and made your favorite meal. All because I’ve been thinking about you; about us. Instead, you’re off traveling on business and hanging out with friends and don’t even give me a second thought."

  “Honey, I always think about you. I love you. We decided when we had kids that you would stay home. That doesn't mean I’ve forgotten you.” As I spoke it seemed as if the light bulb has finally come on. Wanda went to college the same as me. She gave up using her degree to take care of our family not wanting to put the kids in daycare or afterschool programs while we both worked. I can see why she would suddenly feel abandoned. Her world has completely changed, while mine has basically stayed the same.

  “Wanda, I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t appreciate you. Look at me.” I roll her over so that she's on her back, looking up at me through her tears.

  “Oh sweetheart, don’t cry. I am a very lucky man to have such a wonderful wife like you, and the kids are blessed to have a wonderful mother. I’m an idiot. I didn’t realize how much things have changed for you. I’ve always worked and traveled and you were the one here keeping things together."

  “It’s okay.” She sobs.

  I shake my head. “No. It’s not” I whisper and lean down to kiss her wet cheek.

  “I think it's time that I take my beautiful wife on a trip. Just you and me, two weeks anywhere you want.”

  She looks up at me, “Really, two weeks?” Her mind starts to race through ideas. We've never been on a real honeymoon. Our vacations were always kid related things, like Disney and parks.

  “Yes, I mean it, but can you do one thing for me?”

  “Sure. Anything you want.”

  “Will you go back in there and put this on for me?” I hold up the nighty she had thrown in the trash.

  She bites her lip. “Okay, just give me a couple minutes." She slips out of the bed and heads back into the bathroom.

  “Ready or not, here I come.” I hear her say. I'm sitting up in the bed, pillows behind me. I have Adele playing on low. The ceiling lights are off and the lamps on our nightstands are lit, giving a warm romantic glow to the room.

  “Come here, Mrs. Swift” I sa
y. She’s beautiful. The tears have been washed off her face. It has a warm glow with the lights. Her hair drapes seductively down to her shoulders. God I love her hair when its down and flowing wildly around her.

  I began a slow seduction that had her heart thumping. I know she loved every minute of my touch.

  Then she was gone. “How about a raincheck? After everything I’m suddenly not feeling it. I’m going to make a cup of tea.” She whispered.

  “Okay.” I said.

  Then she was gone.

  At that moment my disappointment faded as pains started to plague my stomach.

  Between the tacos and the dollar beers, I felt off. I headed into the bathroom to find something to settle things down. I drank some pink liquid to settle things down and headed back to bed.

  I just about drifted off to sleep when I felt her get into the bed. In the dark I waited for her to say goodnight to me, as she did every night for the past twenty some odd years. If this happened I knew everything was alright and she was no longer upset with me.

  I laid still partly in shock as she slid beneath the covers as if on a mission. As she made her way across my leg her I felt her weight give way when her hand slipped. If I wasn’t mistaken, it felt as if my dick poked her right in the eye. Yep, I determined it was her eye because I felt the lashes brush over it as she blinked.

  She grabbed my cock firmly with her hand, I felt hot breath pass over the tip. Then her tongue licked around the head. The muscles in my stomach clenched. Oh God Yes!

  That’s when it happened. Just as things start heating up I could feel the tacos making their way back through my stomach. I felt the gas as it bubbled in my gut. Maybe if I burped I could manage to keep the turmoil inside at bay. No such luck. I clenched my cheeks tightly trying to hold it in. I hoped she’d come up for air soon, so I could just let off the pressure in my stomach.

  She started to suck with fervor. My mind raced on what to do. Should I try to hold it in? the more I concentrated on holding it in, the less enjoyable this had become. As she picked up the pace, so did the activity in my lower stomach. It rolled just like the alien life form did before it popped out of Sigourney Weaver’s friend. It made me feel weird and uncomfortable, so I moved my hand from her head for two seconds just to make sure my stomach hadn’t just moved.