by Gina Kincade
"Look, Sid. I'm sorry. I can keep saying this until I'm blue in the face but it won't stop the fact that I fucked up. Big time. Yeah, I had my reasons, but I thought it was the best thing to do." Two blobs of colour sat high on her cheeks and I knew that wasn't a good sign.
"Do you even hear what you're saying? You walked away from me, like I meant nothing, Alexei. That day of all days after you offered me forever. You did an asshole thing and left without a word. I didn't know whether you were dead in the gutter..." Her voice quivered and all the guilt I'd felt about that particularly evening rushed back and hit me upside the head.
"Sid, I don't know what I can say to you right now to make it right—"
"Nothing, there's absolutely nothing you can say to make that right. Don't you get that?" she pushed against my hand holding her arm.
"Please don't be like that," I said, not blaming her in the slightest for her reaction to me. "I don't want to fight with you."
"Well, what are you doing here? Because it's not the fun little reunion you probably had in your head, is it?" The truth, my inner human chanted. It's time. But my voice stuck in my throat and the words mimicked barbed wire.
Sid shook my hand off her arm and, in turn, jabbed her finger into my chest. "You never could tell me the truth, could you? I was always low on your list of priorities—"
"That's not true."
"Bullshit." Her finger dropped from my chest and she went to walk away again, but I had to stop her, had to make her know that she was important to me—regardless of whether I could physically tell her the truth.
"Sidney, it wasn't like that," I said as I caught her hand in mine. My large one wrapped perfectly around her smaller one. It felt normal. Like home. I scoffed. I'd lost that a long time ago and I was about to lose it again now if her face was anything to go by.
"What was it like, Alexei?" Her voice dropped low.
"You know I cared for you," I conceded, trying not to show my hand to her completely. "It was simply time for me to leave."
Fuck! Why couldn't I form the words? Why couldn't I tell her the whole reason?
A large tear formed at the corner of her eye and threatened to drop. I made a deal with the devil in that moment for her not to cry. I'd never seen her cry. And here she was, welling up over me. I'd never deserved her—she was too good, too pure. It was part of the reason I'd never stayed in any of the lives I had with her. And it was part of the reason I was cursed to see her die over and over again. The Dark Lord had a sick sense of humour.
"Well, sunshine," She rubbed the cuff of her sleeve against her leaking eye. "It's time for you to leave again." But I was already shaking my head.
"I can't do that. Not yet. Not until you forgive me." Another lie tripped over my tongue.
"I forgive you, Alex. Does that make your conscience feel any better? So now you can go back to wherever the fuck you came from and not bother me ever again." The combination of her soft voice and glaring eyes had me simultaneously wary and horny. She was ready to tip. And I needed to push her over if I was going to buy myself time to stay with her.
"Kiss me." Backed into a corner with nowhere to go, I was willing to take a chance with this particular command. I fully expected to have her punch me in the nose, but I had to try.
"Are you crazy?"
"Yep. Kiss me. I dare you to."
A battle raged inside her. I could feel it as well as see it in her face. Slowly she stepped forward.
"I'm only doing this to prove you mean nothing to me. If I kiss you, that's it for us." I never acknowledged her proposal. If I agreed it would simply be another lie to break.
Sid stepped into my embrace and I immediately secured her in my arms. Her eyes grew like saucers as she looked up at me. Cute nose, luscious lips and eyes I could have drifted in forever watched me carefully.
This kiss, when it came, was gentle. She stood on tip-toe and leaned in, holding my gaze until the last second, then her lids fluttered close. There would have been nothing I wouldn't have given to stay here, to forget the past and the present, forget why I was a risk to her and her life. Forget that it was because of me she wouldn't see her next birthday...
Pulling away reluctantly, I took a step back.
Sid's hand wasn't steady as she lifted it to push at the blue strand of hair away from her eyes. I needed to break the silence, give her a reason to keep me around instead of kicking me to the curb.
"See, you mean nothing to me. I think that proved my point." She paused. "I need to get back to work." Sad eyes watched me and I had to battle to stay focussed on what I was saying instead of closing the gap between us and taking her in my arms again.
"I can help you here for a little while—"
The laugh that erupted from her was glorious, even if my pride was taking a major kick in the balls.
"You help here?" I narrowed my eyes at her, staying silent and letting her get whatever it was out she needed to. "Unfortunately all we heal here is animals, Alexei. There are very few women you can attempt to twist around your little finger." Bitterness poured from her. If I argued with her about this, I'd lose. She wasn't ready to forgive me, if she ever would be.
I changed tack. "I can feed Baby, here." Sid looked at me. "I can help clean out and walk dogs and stroke the cats. Whatever you need me to do. I just want to be here for a while. I have no ulterior motive and I've got nowhere else to be, I want to help you."
Lies, lies, lies. They left a bitter aftertaste. Why don't you tell her you're really a selfish bastard and it's only a matter of time before she finds out for sure?
Sid shook her head and went to walk away but stopped outside the still open door.
"Fine, but if and when I figure all this out, you're gone. You better get your arse to work." She opened the door and walked away. I let go of the breath I had been holding without realising it. "Now, Alexei. Go find something to do." The last words were said over her shoulder, and I smiled.
"Yes ma'am." I mumbled. I walked out of the room with a quick glance back at the sleeping kitten. I'd be back later for her.
Chapter Six – Saturday, 6:00PM
Late into the afternoon, I stroked dogs, petted cats and fed bunnies. Once I started looking for things to do around the facility, I couldn't stop finding them.
From the grounds, I leaned up against a large tree and watched as the last members of staff finished up work around six-fifteen. I shook my head at how hard Sidney worked. She'd done well to build this up from nowhere. She had been a locum vet when we'd been hot and heavy, but I always knew if she had the opportunity, she'd do well for the animals that were her life.
Val had spoken very highly of her. "She means the world to me, that woman." The nurse approached a cat with a bandaged leg as I was removing dishes and litter tray from a pen where a cat had been re-homed. The cat hissed at her, swiping several times. I stood back, not wanting to get involved in that shit. In one swift movement, the cat was held, given and tablet orally, petted affectionately and let go. "If you're trying to show her you're worthy of a second chance, you're on the right track. I know she's breaking down her defences again for you." The older woman had turned to look directly at me. "That also means if I come in after the weekend and you're not here and she's in tears, I'll know who to hunt down. I help castrate tom cats, you know. A large man with a little dick won't be a problem at all."
I swallowed down a choke.
My thoughts came back to the present. Balan would be back tomorrow morning to take the life of the woman I loved. There was nothing I could do except watch her energy fade away.
A noise had me looking up and I scowled at a passing car, scrutinizing the driver as it neared me. Nothing. Random woman with screaming kids in the back seat. All the years of being vigilant and fighting had me nervous. I was waiting for the inevitable but my brain was thinking hard of all the consequences and actions.
The Sanctuary was on a large piece of land on the outskirts of town. It was secluded. The perfect pla
ce for a death. I shook my head. It wasn't right that a good person like her was going to die and someone like me—who actually deserved to be punished—would live. For a long time yet.
Sid had been dodging me since she'd set me alight with that kiss. And I'd let her have her way for a little while, keeping out from under her feet. But we had a lot of unfinished business between us. She resented me for walking away and not telling her why. I hated myself for doing the one thing I'd never wanted to do because I was scared.
Yeah, I'd seen it before but it didn't get any easier. It got worse.
"Beautiful night." I startled out of my thoughts of Sidney to find that very woman in front of me, kicking her trainers in the gravel.
"It's getting better by the minute." She rolled her eyes at the cheesiness, but still I saw a flicker of a smile touch her mouth.
"We haven’t discussed your sleeping arrangements."
"No, we certainly didn't." I gave her my full attention.
"I have a sofa in my house, at the back here." She motioned behind her with her head. "You can stay there if you need to. It should be long enough to take you." Her eyes dropped down my body and I felt everything tighten in response to a simple gesture.
"That would be great, thanks."
"Obviously there wouldn't be any sharing beds."
"Obviously."
"Well, not unless we both wanted to, of course."
My brain back-tracked then exploded. "Of course," I slowly agreed, then repeated. "Not unless we both wanted to."
"Yeah, because, we're both adults, and we can make that decision."
I nodded, making an effort to keep my excited dick from poking out her eye.
"Unless we both decide that this is a bad decision and we shouldn't drag up the past for one night only." Her whole argument was pouring out and I had to stop myself from going to her, holding her in my arms, and telling her it would be all right. Another lie.
Because who the fuck knew what was happening here? I certainly didn't.
"Maybe just the one night would be all we needed to say what we needed to say. Then move on." I added, stepping closer to her.
"Maybe. The thought had crossed my mind." She shrugged, "The body wants what the body wants," she added. She hesitated. "Well, I've closed the shelter up and fed the animals. Everyone is settling down so I guess I'll go back home."
I nodded. "See you soon, then." Wow, I impressed myself with my sexy, dirty talk.
Sid turned and headed in the direction of a small attached house, situated right next to the vet practice. "Sid?" I said when she was a few steps away. "Why the sudden turn around?" Maybe I shouldn't be jinxing all this, but I needed to know.
"Val said I should live for now and not think about tomorrow. She might be right. I plan too much ahead. You definitely haven't been in my plans for a long time. Sometimes we need to eat that treat even if we know it'll give us heartburn. I was happy with you, Alexei. I know six months isn't a long time, but I thought we had something special, unique even."
"We did." Instead of arguing with me again, she simply nodded.
"If I can capture that perfection for a few short hours, I can put that in my head to replace you walking out on our wedding night."
Briefly closing my eyes, I went back to the fateful day. It had been the best day of my long life, and then Ballan had appeared to me at the wedding ceremony.
"Marriage won't stop the inevitable," He'd told me. "Sometimes ripping the plaster off quickly is for the best. You need to confront the problem and find a solution. Marriage isn't the answer right now." He was a demon prince with a shit load of wisdom. Balan had never been mean to be, simply carried out the terms of the curse. I trusted him.
The decision was made almost without my consent and I'd gone along with the madness, despite it breaking my heart and the heart of my new bride.
The beautiful woman in front of me had her guard completely down and I could see the pain and sadness in her eyes. "We never did get the wedding annulled." I murmured and she shook her head in response. "If we spend the night together, we make it official." It was a ridiculous notion, but somehow it felt special to know we could do this after all this time.
An owl hooted in the background as we both stared at each other. Wordlessly she turned, walking quickly away toward her house.
My mind turned to shit as I stood there, watching until she disappeared.
The words swirled around my mind. Marriage. Commitment. Me bonded to her. Even if it was only for a short time, I needed to do this. My mind and body hungered for her.
Turning to follow her, I stopped. I was a paid killer and I gave up on people a long, long time ago. Except Sid. I'd never given up on her, and that was another reason why I walked. It made things too hard, too risky to have someone I cared for in this life. And now it didn't matter anyway. Everything was too late. I needed to tell her the truth, to see if she wanted me even after I told her all the bad things that I'd done in my extended life.
I was just a fucking demon, asking a woman to love me.
I'd walked and thought and found myself in the middle of her porch minutes later, staring at her front door. It was almost déjà-vu of this morning.
Self preservation urged my feet to move, and I chanted inwardly all the reasons why this was a very bad idea.
Still I knocked. I couldn't help myself. I'd been fighting the impulse for years and now I was tired and I needed to love and be loved. If only for a few short hours. I needed to make love to my wife.
Chapter Seven – Saturday, 6:38PM
"I thought you'd had second thoughts."
Sidney stood there looking gorgeous. Her hair was fluffed up, she'd renewed her lipstick, and she was out of her work clothes. And she looked nervous. My feet stuck to the ground. Everything about this was a bad idea. And everything about this felt so right it frightened me even more.
"Would you like to come in?" Sidney moved back, opening up the door for me. I hesitated for a long moment.
"Are you sure about this?"
"No, are you?" I was already shaking my head. "All I know is that I want to feel your body under my own again."
A slight nod of her head and she shrugged. "Well, that'll have to be enough because I feel the same way." She smiled, showing her almost perfect white teeth. "We always were sexually compatible."
There was something very mechanical, almost scientific about her phrasing and I frowned. "For a six month relationship, we were more than good fuck buddies, Sid."
Her skin blossomed into a beautiful pink and she dropped her eyes to miss my gaze. "Maybe, maybe not. You still walked away so it couldn't have been that great."
I shook my head and looked away. There would always be that in between us. And there was no other way to deal with it either. I walked away to attempt to save her life—and I've regretted every moment since.
The silence lengthened until the tension was palpable. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she mumbled, looking up into my face.
I nodded, maybe it wasn't. On the other hand. I stepped onto the threshold, claiming her with my hand around her neck and pulling her close, my face dropping to an inch from hers. "Fuck that," I whispered as my lips met hers in a ferocious, emotion filled kiss. I pulled away just enough to step into the house and secure the door behind us, making sure to flip the dead-lock.
"First, I need to tell you the truth." It was time, my mind and body told me. But Sidney was already shaking her head.
"We've had time to talk and that didn't work. It's time for us, Alexei. Let our bodies do the talking this time."
I couldn't argue with that logic. "Where's your bedroom?" I picked her up in my arms, striding down the narrow hallway and following her directions.
Nudging the door fully open with my foot, I surveyed the room in a quick glance. It was neutral coloured, no personal touches. Not at all like the woman I'd known years before.
I wondered what had changed. I wondered whether I was the reason. Anot
her reason to hate myself. Anger and guilt threatened to bubble over inside me until I tamped it down with much effort.
"Please tell me you have protection." I looked down at the woman in my arms and my heart melted a little bit more. For every reason I shouldn't be doing this, there were a thousand more inside me that were telling me I was home.
"Yup." I couldn't say anymore. At this point I needed to feel her.
I dropped her down on the bed and followed her down. "Do you know how many times I've imagined you inside me these past few years?" The question was asked softly, and I closed my eyes before I could respond.
My mouth found hers again and I knew this was as good as life would get for me. My hand trailed down her neck and over her large breasts. Her nipples were hard, and I couldn't resist a squeeze. Sid arched her back to me, a groan escaping from her lips.
"You ruined me for other men," she said as her eyes flickered closed.
"Good. There are no other men for you. No one but me." A jealous twinge tightened my whole body as I pulled at her top, popping open three or four buttons to expose her generous tits to me.
Searing my tongue to her skin, I licked across the mounds, enjoying her taste. There had never been a moment I'd forgotten the way her skin felt against my lips, but my memories were black and white compared to the techno-colour I was feeling right about now.
My fingers slid down her body, toward her pussy. Toward my own personal paradise. I hardened against her hip and knew I wouldn't last much longer without entering her.
"Take your clothes off, baby." Sidney scrambled to loosen her shirt, shrugging it off her shoulders. Then moved to her skirt, and shucked the elastic band down her hips and was quickly down to her underwear. She went to take off her bra and I stopped her.
"Leave those on." I admired the black lace. I could see her darkening nipples through the sheer material. "Lay back and make yourself comfortable." I grinned at her excited little smile.
Opening her legs, I admired her from the bottom of the bed where I kneeled down. She was perfect. From her toned legs to her generous arse, to her long fingers. There was nothing I'd seen in my lifetime that could compare to her.