Cutting Ties (Book 2) (Piper Anderson Series)

by Danielle Stewart

  Michael felt hurt as he took in her words. Maybe he wasn’t sitting in church every Sunday, or any Sunday, but he certainly wasn’t basking in the warmth of the devil’s fire either. She was making his part much easier to execute now. Step two: turn the conversation around. Forget what she’s asking; make her feel like she never should have asked in the first place. He knew it was manipulative and very wrong, but this was just how it went with him and women. Even if being with Jules felt different, even if he could see himself with her for the long haul, this was how he dealt with the question of labeling a relationship.

  “I hear what you’re saying. You don’t want to have some casual fling, I can understand that. If you aren’t comfortable, I’d never want to pressure you. Let’s just keep things from getting physical. We’re adults, I think we can both handle that.” Michael laid that line down like someone showing a winning hand at poker.

  “That isn’t what I’m saying at all. I love what we’re doing physically, I’ve never had anything so fulfilling in my life. I don’t want it to stop. I’m sorry that I’m not being clear, I’m having a hard time saying what I mean.” Jules bit again at her lip, and Michael could see her eyes growing glassy with tears. No, he thought to himself, please do not cry. Normally he could ignore the tears of a woman, but Jules was different. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but she’d managed to worm her way through deeper layers of his heart that anyone before.

  “Well, that’s the thing, Jules, if you don’t know what you’re trying to say, how can I be expected to understand it?” He’d used this line multiple times in court. It was very effective at unsettling a witness during cross-examination and seemed to have the same effect on Jules. Her mouth was now closed tightly as she physically tried not to speak until she could feel confident in her words. But Michael knew she wouldn’t, he was making sure of that. He was cutting her off, making her uneasy. He was bullying her right out of asking him how he felt about her. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge any feelings for her, so instead of doing the adult thing, he attacked. And now, he thought to himself, the final blow, “Jules, you were right when you started this conversation. It isn’t the right time. None of this should be about us right now. Not until Piper is out of danger.

  “I know it’s hard for someone like you to understand, but sometimes it’s not about you. You have to put your own feelings aside. I guess that just comes with maturity.” In a brief couple of sentences he had exploited every one of her insecurities. She knew she could be slightly dramatic and selfish, but now, as Michael spun the words smoothly, Jules realized this is how he saw her, and it crushed her. He had done it.

  “I’ve been trying really hard,” Jules stuttered. “I know that I can be a little over the top sometimes, but I thought you would have noticed that I’ve been working on that.” A few warm tears rolled down her cheek and her lip quivered.

  Damn it, Michael thought to himself. Why did he have to be so good at controlling a situation that he could have a perfectly amazing woman feeling like dirt? He didn’t want her to be hurt. She had every right to be curious about how he felt about her, every right to want more from him. The truth was he was utterly captivated by her. And because of that, he was afraid, terrified. But instead of facing his feelings like a man, he cut her down. The words he wanted to say were, I have noticed. You have been such a wonderful friend to Piper and such a big part of making everything work right now. But, like the fool that he was, all he could muster was, “It’s good to try I guess, but it’s more about results.”

  With that Jules stood. “I guess you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought this up today. I’m really sorry for being so silly.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and grabbed her coat from the hook by the door. “I need to get a little air; I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “I don’t think that’s a great idea. You shouldn’t be wandering around down there. It’s not safe.” Michael was concerned about the danger but, more so, about watching her leave wounded, especially as he was the one inflicting the pain.

  “It’s the middle of the day, I’ll just be a minute,” Jules called as she closed the door behind her.

  Chapter Seven

  Dark. That’s all Piper could feel. Her insides felt shadowy and twisted. She hadn’t anticipated the difference between being betrayed by people you always knew would hurt you versus people you think never would. Piper likened it to floating in a murky swamp all her life, feeling cold, dirty, and utterly alone. Then a boat came along, warm, welcoming, and safe. But all of a sudden her boat was capsized by betrayal. The water is much colder, the darkness and loneliness more intense, the pain more acute. She never knew what she was missing when she was born into the swamp, but damn the people who pulled her out only to throw her back in. They are the most dangerous of all. That’s how she saw Bobby’s call to the FBI—as pure betrayal.

  Now here she was perched in a cabin Michael had arranged for her. She was exactly where she was meant to be. Her soul felt woven into the knotted weathered wood. She was one with the ticking clock and humming florescent light. There was nothing personal in this house. No family pictures, no height chart carved in the threshold of a doorway measuring the sprouting children that might have lived here. This place was void of life, past or present, and that was exactly how she felt. She had barely paid attention to its exterior, but vaguely remembered it was small, nondescript, and tucked away among the sturdy oaks and towering pines that were so characteristic of North Carolina. This was the perfect retreat for her.

  In the two days she had spent in the cabin, Piper hadn’t turned on a single light. She didn’t even know where the switches were, and she didn’t care. When night fell, she sat perfectly still, dozing occasionally, but mostly just staring, fixing her gaze on a random picture or decoration in the unfamiliar house. She could hear the moving water of the Eno River that cut through the clearing just twenty feet behind the house. She had perched herself in the living room, eaten only enough to quiet her stomach, and let the sadness blanket her.

  She couldn’t believe the contrast she felt between the comforting quiet of Betty’s porch and the suffocating silence of this place. But this was a tried and true method for easing her pain. Sit still. Sit perfectly still, don’t make a single ripple in the world. Contain yourself to the smallest space, and fight the voice in your head, beat it back. Keep it quiet. Keep still.

  Maybe people diagnose this as depression, but she didn’t want the terms, the medicine, or the therapy. This ache was familiar to her; part of her didn’t want it to heal. Piper returned to this darkness the way some people returned to a place they had visited as a child, wanting to feel the comfort of a friendly hug. This was where her childhood memories resided; this was the feeling most familiar to her.

  The only force that kept pulling her out of her own black hole of sorrow was the wet nose of Bruno. He would occasionally nudge her arm and lay his heavy head on her lap. Michael had insisted she take the two-year-old German Shepherd with her to the cabin. He implied it was for her protection, but she assumed he also wanted Bruno to keep her company. As much as she hated to admit it, Bruno was pretty decent company. He wasn’t overly excitable; he took his lead from her. When she sat motionless, he curled beside her feet and his body rose and fell with steady breaths, just as hers did. When she stood to get a drink or something to eat, he stood, followed, and watched her every move.

  There were only two rules in caring for Bruno. Rule one: don’t take any cocaine in front of him, as this would initiate his training as a police dog. Piper knew this “rule” was an attempt at humor on Michael’s part. But the second rule he clearly meant. He had told her that under no circumstance was Bruno to eat anything except his special food. No treats, no table food. As part of the positive-reinforcement-training schedule utilized by the K-9 program, the dogs are given treats after they appropriately perform desired tasks. Giving them treats while they are not “on the job” can confuse the dogs and undermine their training. Michael
reiterated that Bruno was still in school, so he was very impressionable, and therefore Piper needed to stick with his feeding and exercise routines. The thought of that conversation made Piper grin as she handed Bruno another potato chip. She patted his head lightly as he licked at his chops for more.

  So far he had taken a liking to pickles, lunchmeat, and bread in addition to the chips. Piper had such a lack of appetite it seemed a waste to throw out a sandwich after just two bites. She loved the way Bruno’s eyes lit every time he heard the crinkling of a food wrapper. His ears would perk up, and he would move closer to her, politely begging. She wasn’t sure what it was about defying the clearly spelled out rule that made her slightly happy in the face of such sadness, but when that sweet-faced dog got a mouthful of bologna it eased her pain a little. Why shouldn’t Bruno taste the best parts of life? Why should he be forced to eat the same meal every day, to sniff some smelly shirt and track a criminal through thick brush and rocky terrain. He didn’t seem like he really even wanted to be that kind of dog. He loved lying around, cuddling on the couch, and eating junk food. And Piper liked having him here. He didn’t make any promises he couldn’t keep, he didn’t profess any deep feelings, he just existed next to her, kept her warm, and, most importantly, made her feel safe.

  His hearing was incredible. Every unusual noise had him sitting at attention, just as he had learned in his training. Piper had been given the code phrase, “Bruno, defend.” When accompanied by a snap of the finger, this command would send him into a fierce growl with exposed teeth that would frighten anyone. But if it didn’t frighten them, she had been assured he had the strength and ability to back up that growl. His primary job, however, was tracking. The trainer had told her and Michael the day they picked Bruno up that he had never met a dog with a keener nose. He really didn’t have all the other skills of a police dog perfectly mastered—he had a tendency to be distracted and bordered on lazy—but that nose, it was something special.

  Piper offered him another handful of chips and tried to work up the energy to walk over to the back door and let Bruno out for some fresh air. The trainer had insisted that it was crucial for the dog to go out for at least two runs a day, consisting of at least two miles each. At the time, Piper eagerly agreed to this condition, though she had no intention of fulfilling her end of the bargain.

  So far, the dog hadn’t walked more than ten feet from the back door to do his business before lazily slinking back into the house to plop himself down next to her. Bruno’s head shot up suddenly, causing Piper to pull her hand back and cover her heart as it jumped with fear. He quickly dismounted the couch, which he was not allowed to lie on according to the trainer, and headed for the front door. Someone was coming. Piper crept behind him and peeked out of the lacy curtain on the front door as she nervously flipped open the cover to the alarm system. She let her finger hover over the panic button. Michael had assured her that it was linked directly to the police and the owner had paid buckets of money to make sure it would result in immediate response. She hadn’t asked who the client was or what their need for such a system would be, she was just glad to have it.

  Bruno let out a low growl as a rusted blue car pulled up the driveway. Like a weight being lifted off her chest, Piper huffed loudly and gave the command, “Bruno, stand down” and snapped her fingers. Bruno immediately lowered his ears and sat obediently by her feet. As Betty stepped with purpose out of her car, Piper readied herself for an emotional encounter. She thought for a moment. Maybe she’d let Bruno’s loud bark scare Betty away. But who was she kidding? This dog, any dog, would be no match for a woman like Betty. Piper would have to let her in and face reality.

  Betty rapped softly on the glass, and Piper pulled the door open without a word. Betty was better at finding words, at knowing what to say. It was easier to be silent and wait to hear what she’d come up with.

  “Oh sweetheart,” Betty’s arms were stretched wide and her face was pulled down with emotion. Piper stepped backward, evaded Betty’s offer of a hug and crossed her arms over her own stomach instead. Her lesson had been learned, if you let yourself feel the joy that comes from being hugged by someone who loves you, then you have to prepare yourself for the hole it leaves when it’s no longer an option. But if you avoid the warmth of the hug, then the cold you live in all the time doesn’t feel quite so cold. Betty didn’t need to hear those words to interpret Piper’s behavior. Her first instinct was to barge in and lecture Piper on the idiocy of protecting your heart. Of how isolating herself was not the solution. That’s the speech she’d have given to almost anyone in her life, but Piper was different. There was no blaming her for what she’d been through, and just the fact that she woke up every day and found a way to put one foot in front of the other was a testament to her strength. No, Betty thought, this child doesn’t need harsh words today.

  “I’m so sorry how things have happened, Piper. I wish I could take all this away from you. This burden is far too heavy for one person to carry alone. Will you let me come in and try to carry some of it with you?”

  Piper swallowed hard as she thought to herself, Damn you Betty, why couldn’t you come in here with verbal guns blazing and try to snap me out of this with some no-nonsense sermon about feeling bad for myself. Then at least I could blame you for being overbearing and insensitive. But no, here you are trying to carry my burden. “Come on in,” Piper said finally as she gave up arguing with herself.

  Betty, fearing the invitation might be fleeting, stepped in swiftly. “This place seems nice, have you been sleeping okay? I brought you some groceries and some moonshine. I figured if you weren’t up for eating at least we could get boiled as an owl together.” Betty gestured down to the old jelly jar filled with the potent concoction.

  “I’m doing fine. I really just want to be alone. I know that’s hard to understand. I’m sure you like to be surrounded by people when you are going through something tough, but I do better by myself. I appreciate your coming, but really, I don’t want you to get in the middle of any of this. I’m not sure Bobby and I will ever get this right, and I know he’s like a son to you.” Piper felt weary as she spoke, the hours of not moving and hardly eating had caught up with her now that she was forced to be upright and actually use her brain.

  “I’m not in the middle of anything, I can promise you that. I’m firmly planted on your side of the fence on this one. That boy was flat-out wrong. He owed you a warning. Hell I’m not even sure calling those uptight know-it-alls at the FBI was the right thing at all. He handled it in a very cowardly way as far as I’m concerned, and he’s hiding behind the job again. I told him if he keeps putting his career first, the only thing he’s ever going to wake up next to is that badge. Ain’t no one going to keep sitting second fiddle to his ideals. Don’t get me wrong, I want you safe, and I feel terrible for those girls that have been hurt, but you deserved better than that. You’ve earned it from him.” Betty had made her way into the kitchen as she finished speaking and pulled open the refrigerator, loading it with food she had brought. Piper was speechless for a moment.

  This wasn’t at all how she imagined this would go. Well, short of the food. She knew Betty would never dream of visiting empty-handed. She fought the urge to speak earnestly with Betty, but as the woman packed the refrigerator with all of Piper’s favorite things, she couldn’t help but cave.

  “Thanks, Betty. It means a lot to me that you’d come here and that you have my back on this. I can’t understand why he didn’t call me first and let me know what he was doing. How could he just storm in like that and then let Agent Carlson ambush me? I felt like I was looking at a stranger instead of the man I’m in love with. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It hurt so much, and he doesn’t even seem to think he did anything wrong.”

  “I swear that Carlson lady better not cross me. I’ve heard all about how she treats you, and I won’t stand for that. As for Bobby, he knows he screwed up, I can assure you of that. He’s had an earful from me, and I k
now it’s hitting him hard.” Betty moved back toward Piper but wasn’t about to attempt another hug. “Every path has its puddles— yours seems to have a few land mines, too. It don’t make you any less than anyone else, it just makes what you have to do harder. Love that grows through adversity is stronger than any kind of regular love. I’m not saying to forgive him. I’m not saying to run back to him. All I’m saying is, if you do make your way through this with him, you’ll have something that’s been tested and survived. But either way, you’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Why?” Piper asked, feeling the burning come back to her stomach at the thought of Bobby. “Why are you still here? What have I ever really done to make you care about me? I’m the child of a monster. His blood runs through my veins. I’m the product of something truly evil, and even if he isn’t here in Edenville, he’s a part of me. Why do you keep fighting so hard to see me as something better than I am?”

  “You are one mixed-up girl sometimes, Piper. I’m not fighting so I can see you differently—I’m fighting for you to see yourself differently. Your parents don’t make you who you are. My daddy was a shamefully racist man. I’m not comparing it to what you’ve been through, but I wasn’t the daughter of a saint that’s for sure. I saw him do some purely evil things in his day. I heard him treat people like they weren’t worth the air they were breathing or the space they were standing in. I swore, when I was grown, when I could do it differently, I would. And you know what, I do. I open my heart and my arms to anyone who needs them. I don’t care what color skin you have or who you chose to love. If God made you then he wanted me to love you, and I’ll sure as hell find a way to do it. It might not sit right with everyone at my church, it might have my daddy rolling over in his grave, but I don’t answer to any of them. You don’t have to be what you come from. Now, I’m not here to tell you to shake this off, because that would be silly of me. You get to hurt right now, you get to hide. I’m here to tell you the world is still out there waiting for you when you are ready. I’ll still be here.”