GUILTY PLEASURE (STEELE FAMILY Book 13)

by Brenda Jackson

  17

  Cohen stepped off the hospital elevator. It was hard to believe that three weeks has passed since he’d left Virginia Beach. He’d been extremely busy taking on Bob’s patients, as well as his own. Understandably, Bob had taken a leave of absence to deal with his grief. To ease the workload, the hospital had hired another neurosurgeon from Tampa and the doctor was working out great.

  This would be the first day Cohen had left work at a reasonable hour since returning from Virginia Beach. He even had a full week off, now that things at the hospital had finally stabilized. But no matter how many hours he worked or how tired he was, he couldn’t stop thinking about one particular woman.

  Dee.

  Even now, he wondered where she was and what she was doing. He wondered what she was doing with the rest of her summer. While in Virginia Beach, she had helped him to enjoy some downtime. He hadn’t realized just how hard he’d worked over the past two years. He’d almost forgotten how it felt to relax. But Dee had introduced him to activities he’d never tried. Like snorkeling. His time in Virginia Beach had been good for him. He hadn’t realized just how good until he returned home and began working long hours again. It was only when he could find a few quiet moments alone that he allowed his mind to wander to thoughts of Dee, what she’d come to mean to him. He had to admit it, to himself, at least. He had fallen in love with her. What he felt for Dee was very different than what he’d felt for Amanda. And he knew, without a doubt, that Dee would never hurt him. He felt secure in his love for Dee.

  As Cohen walked out to the parking garage toward his car, he was barely managing to hold his emotions in check. Dee had known about Amanda, yet she’d still taken a chance on him. She still loved him, even after overhearing him tell Tyson that he couldn’t love anyone.

  Instead of giving up on him, she had agreed to join him in a noncommittal, uncomplicated arrangement with only one hope--that he would finally see her for the woman she was. A woman he could trust. A woman who loved him. But he’d felt so betrayed, so manipulated, that he hadn’t seen it. It had taken his talks with Dr. Frazier to finally open his eyes.

  Even while overwhelmed with grief, Dr. Frazier had told Cohen that he was thankful for the time he’d had with his wife and son. At the funeral, Bob had said that having them in his life had been a blessing, even if they couldn’t be with him for long. He’d said he was one of the lucky ones.

  Cohen had to admit, he was lucky too. Life had knocked him down all those years ago, but he’d definitely had help getting back up. Yeah, he’d been blessed by knowing some wonderful people, starting with the professor who’d recognized what he was going through and had stepped in before he reached rock bottom. Then he’d met his best friend Tyson. And at his sister’s wedding, he’d given Stacey away to a man who truly loved her, a man he was proud to call his brother. And last, but not least, there was Dee.

  Dee had done something no other woman had been able to do. She had breached the wall he’d built around his heart. He loved her. He knew that now. The thought should have terrified him, and for a second it did. Then, then just as quickly, it disappeared. Because his Dee wasn’t like any other woman he knew.

  His Dee…

  Dee was a blessing he hadn’t realized he’d had. Through all his rejections, she’d continued to love him. But no more, and he couldn’t blame her.

  But if she gave him one last chance, he would move mountains to prove to her just how much he loved her, how much he regretted not realizing it sooner. He needed to see her. Talk to her. Beg her, if he had to. But no matter what, he refused to give her up.

  Before pulling out of the parking garage, he used the app on his phone to book a flight to Memphis. Dee’s brother’s wedding was this weekend. He’d sent his RSVP last month, but had planned to cancel. Now, nothing would keep him away. He had to see Dee, tell her how much he loved her and throw himself on her mercy. He hoped more than anything that she would do what he hadn’t been able to do in the past--forgive.

  **

  “Hey, you okay?”

  Dee smiled over at Stacey before giving her best friend a hug. “I’m fine.”

  Stacey pulled back and studied Dee’s features. “Are you really?”

  Dee knew she couldn’t lie worth a damn. “Let’s just say, I’m dealing. I’ve kept myself busy by helping Beth with the wedding. That’s helped.”

  “I’m glad. I was worried about you. I assume you haven’t heard from Cohen.”

  “No, but then, I don’t expect to. I really didn’t expect him to show up at the wedding today, although he RSVP’d a month or so ago. But that was before things got kind of crazy, with me and his work. I guess he forgot to cancel.”

  She sighed. “I know I’m the last person he wants to see. He made it pretty clear there will never be anything between us. I get it this time. Immediately after Lawyer and Beth take off for their honeymoon, I’m flying out to New York for a week, compliments of Justice.”

  Her brother had surprised her with an early birthday present. Considering her birthday wasn’t until November, the gift had warmed her heart. She knew her brothers had been very worried about her since her return from Virginia Beach. Justice had told her that she had sad eyes, and had asked her what was going on. Of course, she hadn’t told him anything. She would accept the trip with the love it had been given and enjoy herself.

  “Well, I hope you have fun. You deserve it.”

  “Thanks. I plan to take in a couple of plays and shop to my heart’s content. I’m already packed. Once the wedding’s over, I’m heading out for the airport.”

  Stacey’s eyes suddenly widened. Dee was about to turn and see what her friend was staring at when Stacey grabbed her hand. “Don’t look.”

  Dee raised a curious brow. “Why?”

  “Cohen just walked in.”

  Dee’s heart began pounding in her chest. “Cohen is here?”

  “Yes. He’s talking to Eli and Justice. I’m surprised he came.”

  Dee had to admit, so was she.

  **

  Cohen heard what Justice was saying, but he really wasn’t listening. His attention was on the woman standing across the room talking to his sister. The woman who had his heart.

  Due to flight delays, he’d barely made it to the church on time. Luckily, there was still room at the back for him to sit—the place was packed! He had seen Dee walk down the aisle as one of the bridesmaids but was pretty sure she hadn’t seen him.

  “You okay, Cohen?”

  He glanced over at Justice. He’d always liked Dee’s brothers. They were good men. And he was sure they looked after Dee the same way he’d always watched out for Stacey. So he had to wonder at Justice’s question. Had the man noticed that he couldn’t take his eyes off Dee? Did he wonder why? As far as Cohen knew, no one in Dee’s family knew of their involvement. But maybe Dee had said something… “I’m good, thanks, Justice.”

  He couldn’t tell the guy that he was dying to talk to his sister. It seemed getting Dee alone would be a problem. He figured there were over five hundred people at the wedding and even more at the reception. It wasn’t surprising—Lawyer had a lot of friends and colleagues in Memphis. It was even rumored he might enter politics.

  A short while later, Cohen watched as rice was thrown while the newly wedded couple dashed toward the waiting limo that would carry them to the airport. They would be spending a week in Barcelona before taking a cruise to Italy.

  When the crowd began to disperse, he glanced around but didn’t see Dee anywhere. He caught sight of his sister, though. She was standing across the room with Eli, speaking with an older couple that he remembered as Dee’s aunt and uncle from New Orleans. He quickly made his way to where she stood.

  After several minutes of conversation, he turned to Stacey. “May I speak with you for a second?”

  She smiled up at him. “Sure.”

  He led her to a private room off the huge ballroom where the wed
ding reception had taken place. He closed the door behind them.

  “What’s wrong, Cohen?”

  “Where’s Dee?”

  “She’s gone.”

  He frowned. “Gone where?”

  Stacey frowned. “Why do you care? Don’t you think you’ve hurt her enough?”

  “I was a fool. I’ve made a huge mistake. I’m sorry and want her to know how I feel.”

  Stacey crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. “And how do you feel Cohen?”

  He rubbed his hand down his face in frustration. He really wanted to express his feelings to Dee before he told anyone else, but he couldn’t do that without knowing where she was. He met his sister’s gaze. “I love Dee, so damn much. I can’t imagine my life without her, and I intend to make things up to her. Hell, I even plan to ask her to marry me. I have to have her, Stacey. She’s my world.”

  Stacey stared at him, obviously not yet convinced. “Years ago, Cohen, you made me promise not to get involved in your love life. Remember that?”

  Yes, he remembered. “That was then Stacey, this is now. You have to tell me where Dee has gone.”

  “If she doesn’t tell you, I will.”

  They both glanced around to find Justice standing there, straightening his clothes. From the look at the disheveled woman standing by his side, it was apparent that Cohen and Stacey had interrupted something going on in one of the closets.

  Cohen nodded. “Thanks Justice. You won’t regret it.

  **

  Dee tossed her shopping bags on the bed. She’d been shopping all day. There was no place like New York. She couldn’t help wondering what her brother was up to. A message had been left for her at the front desk that a special private dinner had been prepared for her in the Ambassador Room of the hotel. She couldn’t help wondering which of Justice’s romantic escapades was making it necessary that he have an alibi.

  She would call him later and chew him out the way she usually did whenever he tried involving her in his shenanigans. But if he wanted to pay for her to have a special meal tonight, then she’d take advantage of it. After spending the whole day on the town, she was starving.

  A short while later, she was escorted to a private room on the top floor of the building, overlooking a beautiful Manhattan at night. A table was set for two. Two? Did they assume she had a date? She turned to ask the maître d’, only to discover the man had left, closing the door behind him.

  Sighing, she moved toward the table then stopped when she sensed another presence in the room. She turned quickly and her heart began pounding in her chest. Cohen!

  She stiffened. “What are you doing here?”

  He came out of the shadows to stand in front of her. She didn’t want to think about how good he looked. She’d heard from Stacey this morning that he’d been at the wedding. But she’d missed him, mainly because she’d immediately left for the airport.

  That was yesterday. So how did he get here? More importantly, why was he here?

  “You know why I’m here, Dee. You wished it on me. But I’m tired of having a miserable life.”

  Dee tried to harden her heart against anything he had to say. “You brought it on yourself.”

  “Yes, I did. But I’m hoping that you’ll forgive me for my foolishness.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why should I?”

  He tilted his head to that position she found irresistible, and met her gaze. “Because you love me. And someone once told me that love couldn’t be turned off and on. That love didn’t work that way.”

  If he thought he could use her words against her, then she had news for him. She lifted her chin in defiance. “And I recall you saying you didn’t care how love worked. That it wasn’t for you and you didn’t want any part of it.”

  He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Yes, I did say that and I was wrong. In my defense, I honestly thought I meant it at the time. But over the last three weeks, I’ve discovered a few things.”

  “Such as?”

  “Just how much I needed love in my life. And not just from anyone, but from you. I discovered that you were right. Dealing with depression doesn’t make a person weak. It makes them human. But it’s how someone deals with it that matters. I believed that if I ever gave my heart to someone again, I would be susceptible. But I learned something else. If I didn’t make you a part of my life, I would be susceptible anyway. I guess you could say it was one of those damn-if-you-do and damn-if-you-don’t situations.”

  She lifted a brow. “Oh, so that’s what I am? A situation?”

  He shook his head. “No.” He took a few steps toward her, his movements mesmerizing. “What you are, Dee, is the woman I love and will always love. I think I loved you all along but refused to admit it. Why else would I have followed you to Virginia Beach if I didn’t love you?”

  She tried not to let his words sway her. “You rejected me, Cohen. Again.”

  “Yes. Because at the time I was confused.”

  “And now?”

  “And now I’m one hundred percent certain that I want you to be a part of my life, Dee. Please say that you will.”

  A part of her wanted to turn around and walk away. To reject him the way he’d rejected her. But she couldn’t find it in her heart to do that, because he was right. She did still love him. But hers was the forever kind of love. What kind was his?

  “For how long?”

  From his expression, it was obvious that her question confused him. “For how long, what?”

  “For how long do you intend to love me, Cohen?”

  She held her breath as he crossed the room to stand directly in front of her. He reached out, gently touching her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes. “I, Cohen Carlson, will love you, Dee Lewis, for as long as I live.”

  Dee couldn’t stop the tears that welled in her eyes. She wanted to believe him, but when she remembered how he had rejected her, rejected her love, on three different occasions, she couldn’t help but keep her guard up. “I’m afraid to put my heart on the line with you again, Cohen.” Then lowering her head, she took several calming breaths. Her heart was aching so much…

  She was aware of the moment he moved closer. “Dee?”

  She lifted her head and gazed into his eyes. Eyes that were staring back at her with an intensity that nearly snatched the breath from her lungs. “Yes?”

  “I do love you. It might have taken me a long time to admit it, but I do now. After Amanda, I thought I’d never be whole again. Then I met you.” He took a deep breath. “If I have to, I will fight for you. I’ll do anything to make you love me again.”

  “But you said…”

  “And I was wrong,” he countered. “I can’t lose you. I love you and I need you, Dee. I intend to love you forever.”

  More tears formed in Dee’s eyes. She couldn’t stop them. Nor could she stop the softening of her heart. “And I will love you for just as long,” she whispered.

  He drew her into his arms and his mouth captured hers in a deep, drugging kiss that immediately began stroking her desire. When he pulled away, he said, “I love you Dee. I will keep saying it until you believe it. And I will prove it to you, every time we kiss, make love, share a meal or even just the same space. It won’t matter.”

  He drew in a deep breath. “And you know something else I’ve realized?”

  Dee was so filled with emotion, all she could do was shake her head.

  “I realized that all this time, I’ve been worried about the hurt and shame I would endure if I let you into my life, knowing I couldn’t give you what you need. Now I’m overwhelmed with hurt and shame because I don’t have you in my life…and it’s my own damn fault. Now I know what it could be like for you and me, together. And I don’t want to lose my chance at a future with you.”

  A tender smile touched his lips. “I want you, in my bed, sharing hours of unforgettable pleasure. And I promise, I won�
��t feel guilty about any of them.”

  She swiped at her tears. “That can be arranged.”

  I hope so.” And then he was kissing her again and she forgot everything else.

  When he finally broke off the kiss, he looked down at her and smiled. “Let’s eat, then. We’ll need our strength. After all, we have a lot of making up to do.”

  She nodded. Yes, they definitely did. But first, there was a question she needed him to answer for her. “How did you know where I was? I told Stacey I was coming to New York, but I didn’t say what hotel I would be staying at.”

  He wrapped his arms around her. “Justice told me.”

  She arched a brow. “Justice?”

  “Yes. I was trying to get Stacey to tell me where you’d gone, but she was refusing to budge, even after I confessed how much I loved you. We didn’t know Justice was in the room, hiding in one of the closets.”

  “Why would my brother be in one of the closets?” No sooner than the question left her lips than Dee knew the answer. She quickly held up her hand. “Don’t bother answering that.”

  Cohen nodded. “I guess he felt sorry for me, so he told me where you’d gone. I got in late last night. I had hoped to see you this morning, but the woman at the concierge desk said you left early to go shopping. So, with her help, I planned this dinner instead.”

  She glanced around the room. “It’s so romantic. Thank you.”

  “I am the one who should be thanking you, for loving me and believing I deserved to be loved. And just so you know, I’m not a big fan of long-distance romances.”

  She smiled. “Neither am I. What do you suggest?”

  “I know you love Memphis, but my job is in Florida. If I promised that we could visit Memphis regularly, would you be willing to move to Jacksonville and become my wife?”

  Dee’s mouth dropped open. “You want us to get married?”

  He chuckled. “Yes. If I need to get down on my knees, I will, sweetheart. And I figure that while we’re here in New York, we can get your engagement ring.”

  Dee was past trying to control the tears, at this point. “B-but don’t you have to return to work?”