by Kathi Macias
Chapter 13
Kate closed her eyes and leaned against the front porch railing as the mid-morning breeze washed over her in gentle waves. The restful scent of juniper and pinion pine reminded her once again of the pleasant afternoon she and Jason had enjoyed with Mark and his parents just two days earlier. Actually, she had spent a lot more time thinking about that Fourth of July barbecue than she wanted to admit—even to herself. What was it, beyond the delightful surroundings and the delicious food, that drew her mind—not to mention her heart—back to that day? Was it simply the feeling of belonging to an extended family, even if only for a short time? Or was it something more?
She jumped at the sound of the ringing phone, annoyed at the interruption of her brief reverie and annoyed also with the violent thumping of her heart, which seemed to start up automatically these days every time the phone rang. Taking a deep breath, she hurried inside to the living room and snatched up the receiver from the phone on the end table.
“Hello?”
“Kathryn?”
“Lyle,” Kate said, flopping down on the couch and stretching her bare legs out in front of her, all the while keeping her tone guarded. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he answered. “Well...actually, that’s not true. I’m not fine.” He paused briefly, then went on, his voice soft and husky. “I’m lonely. I miss you, Kathryn. I’d like very much to see you.”
Kate swallowed. She’d known this was coming. She’d set herself up that night on the phone when she’d sounded so desperate and he had hurried over to offer advice and comfort. Though she’d managed to keep him at arm’s length during that brief visit, she’d known it was just a temporary reprieve.
“Kathryn? Are you still there?”
“Yes, of course. I...” She cleared her throat and pulled nervously at a loose thread on her cut-off jeans. She was going to have to be firm with him, whatever he proposed.
“I thought maybe we could have dinner,” Lyle said. “Tomorrow night? I know how much you enjoy the Inn at the Rock. I could reserve that table by the window again.”
She hesitated. It was now or never. She had to cut Lyle off once and for all, convince him that there was absolutely no future for them and that he might as well stop pursuing something that simply was not going to happen. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried to get that message across to him before, but apparently her lack of resolve, combined with her needy, fear-driven reaction on the phone a few nights earlier, had convinced him that he still had a chance.
“Lyle,” she began, “I appreciate your concern more than you know. I could never have made it through all the legalities of settling Dad’s estate without you. I will always be grateful for that, but…”
Her slight hesitation gave him the opportunity to jump in with an argument, which he did, with the skillfulness of the successful attorney that he was.
“Kathryn, this is not about simple concern for your welfare or helping you with the details of your father’s estate. This is about you and me—and a future together. You know how I feel about you, how I’ve felt about you for a very long time now. I think you’re the most beautiful woman I know—sweet and kind and vulnerable. Kathryn, I need you in my life, and you need me. I want to take care of you—and Jason too, of course. Please, won’t you just have dinner with me so we can talk about it? Is that asking too much?”
In spite of herself, Kate nearly wavered. After all, one dinner to talk wasn’t asking that much. And yet…what would they talk about? What future could there possibly be between them? Though other women would jump at the chance, Kate just couldn’t picture herself being married to Lyle Montgomery, even with his good looks and charm and successful law practice. Somehow a life with Lyle just didn’t seem to measure up to…to what? To a bachelor from California who owned a bookstore and had the bluest eyes west of the Mississippi and talked about God all the time?
She shook her head. This wasn’t about Mark. Kate had made no commitments to him beyond attending a couple of summer functions with him, and she saw no reason to believe their relationship would ever be anything but a casual friendship. And yet…
Lyle was waiting, and she owed him an answer. She took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “Lyle, thank you for the invitation, but I have to decline. I can’t go to dinner with you because we simply have nothing to discuss. There is no future for us—not now, not ever—and you need to stop putting pressure on me to make our relationship something it isn’t. I’m your client, and you’re my lawyer. That’s it, Lyle, and that’s all it will ever be.”
She waited then, her heart pounding in her ears as she wondered how he would respond and hoping she hadn’t hurt him. After a moment of silence, he said, “I understand; goodbye, Kathryn,” and ended the call.
Kathryn stared at the buzzing receiver, glad she had said what she did and hoping that Lyle really had believed and accepted her words this time. She had no desire for a repeat performance.
After she hung up, she sat quietly, unmoving, for several minutes, only faintly aware of a dog barking somewhere in the distance, the rumble of an occasional car driving by, and the steady squeak, squeak coming from Jason’s swing set in the backyard. She sighed, then pulled herself up from the couch and made her way slowly into the kitchen and over to the back door. Peering out the window, she felt her heart constrict with love as she watched her young son and his best buddy swinging back and forth, back and forth, laughing and chattering animatedly, their contrasting black and red hair blowing in the breeze.