To Tell The Truth Series 01 Spirit Guide

by Melanie

  "Better," he rasped. "Physically anyway."

  *That is to be expected.*

  "Who are you?"

  *I am the companion of the one who led you here.*

  Tom thought this statement over for a moment. "Chakotay," he guessed at last.

  *Yes.*

  The cougar said nothing, merely intently observing him. Tom returned the stare for a moment then smiled slightly. "Tuvok."

  The big cat inclined his head.

  A small movement immediately before Tom caught his eye. Tilting his head slightly downwards, he saw a little lizard sunning itself on a rock between Tom and the birds. It cocked its head to one side then the other, watching him.

  *I am the companion of another who is concerned about your welfare.* the lizard explained.

  Before he could puzzle out who that might be, a bear with a racoon riding on his massive back sedately lumbered up to them. The wolf padded over to them and took in her powerful jaws the odd coconut-like, half shell the racoon was balancing on the bear's moving back with its forepaws. Skirting the other animals, the wolf came to Tom's head and tipped the shell ever so slightly over Tom's cheek. A small amount of ice cold water ran down and over his parched and cracked lips.

  After a few moments of this, Tom felt strong enough to lift his head. The racoon scurrying off of its back, the bear ambled over and gently sat next to him. Two huge arms crudely encircled Tom's shattered torso, turned him over onto his bruised and bloodied back then heaved him up into a sitting position. While the bear settled Tom back against it's chest, Chakotay's companion adjusted her own position. Once close to him again she tipped the half full shell to his lips and let him drink. Mindless of the water dribbling down his chin, he took in as much of the liquid as he could before letting his head fall back into the bear's coarse fur.

  'Neelix,' Tom thought to the bear, 'you're Neelix's companion, aren't you. He's always been one for bear hugs.'

  If it were possible, the bear seemed to chuckle softly. *It is good to see your sense of humour is returning.*

  Tom sobered. 'And he has the inner strength of a bear.'

  The animal did not answer this time. He laid his chin on the top of Tom's head and tightened the arms ever so gently. To Tom, it almost felt like one of Neelix's bear hugs.

  The racoon by this time had scampered over to Tom's side and was seated beside his left knee. He stared up at him, concern radiating from the fuzzy face. Delicate fingers carefully were laid on the torn material and an equally torn leg.

  The mischievous nature of racoons gave Tom a clue as to the identity of this ones human counterpart. The concerned look in his eyes clinched it for him. 'Harry.'

  The racoon seemed to smile at that.

  The lizard was next to come closer. It scrambled its way up the bear's right leg then arm, finally coming to rest on Tom's right shoulder. It was too much of an effort to turn his head, but Tom knew the little reptile was there, watching him. The feeling of the Captain's hand resting reassuringly on his shoulder came to mind. One tiny forefoot reached out and patted his cheek as acknowledgement of his correct guess.

  *Normally you would not see the others, but their companions have great concern for you. That is why they are present.* the eagle explained, guessing Tom's next question before he could think or voice it.

  Scalding tears ran down Tom's face unbidden. "That will change."

  *Because of what you now know to be true about yourself?*

  His eyes closed. "You don't know any of it."

  *True, we do not know what happened there. We were not permitted to know that.* The tone was one of consternation at being kept in the dark about something which had occurred in their realm. *What we do know is this -- that you are a good man. Our companions know it, too. The question is -- do you know it?*

  His eyes closed. "I am not a good man. They are wrong and so are you."

  *No, it is you who are mistaken. You do not see the truth about yourself.*

  Tom tried to laugh at the irony of that statement yet it came out as more a choked gasp than the sound of derision it was intended to be. "I know exactly what the truth about me is. It is nothing good."

  *One day you shall see things differently. When that day comes, know all of us and all of them will be here for you.*

  He opened his eyes and suddenly realised they were not alone. Around their little group were well over a hundred other animals of all shapes and sizes.

  *Many are concerned about your safety.*

  More tears rolled down his face. He knew despite the words about their knowing he was a good person, he was not and never would be. Even now he could feel the beginning of a war between the Tom Paris who had existed for the past five years and the Tom Paris who had been created and modified over the course of the twenty-five years before that. And he knew it was only a matter of time before Frankenstein's Monster won.

  -------

  Leaning against the tree, she wiped away her own tears. While he had said so little, his tears had spoken so much. At long last she knew she probably had found him. "Probably had found" was close but not definite a "had found" yet she decided it "was" sure enough to return to her people and risk having their hopes dashed yet again. To be one hundred percent positive he was the one they had to make contact with him, all of him, not merely his consciousness. And she was going to be the one to do it.

  With a final look at the gathering, she left.

  -------

  The EMH's programming seemed to fail him for a moment as he stared at the tears sliding down Tom Paris's drawn face. It was not until the lieutenant's heretofore-rigid posture began to sag did he remember this was his patient and he was supposed to be monitoring him.

  "He is waking," he announced rather unnecessarily to B'Elanna and Harry before repeating the news to the Captain over the Comm and his intention to take him directly to Sickbay.

  With Tom finally waking, his friends threw all caution to the wind. B'Elanna slipped around and kneeled behind her mate, catching him as he slumped backwards in exhaustion. Deceptively strong arms wrapped around him to hold him to her as muscles which had been tense for so long quivered with the effort to relax. Harry, still seated in front of his friends, moved the offending akoonah as Tom's hand fell away. He set it on the coffee table then placed his hands on Tom's left leg and carefully straightened it out then did the same with his right, trying to make him comfortable.

  "Transporter Room, four to beam directly to Sickbay."

  The beam transporting them to Deck Five did not seem to register on the half- Klingon. Murmuring softly, B'Elanna gently wiped the tears from Tom's face as his long golden eyelashes fluttered open. "It's okay, Tom. Everything's okay now." Whether the words truly were meant for him or as reassurance for the rest of them, neither one of them could tell.

  "How do you feel, Mr. Paris?" the doctor questioned quietly, squatting next to him, tricorder in hand.

  Physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, Tom did not think he could find the strength to form an answer. The immediate appearance of Chakotay and the Captain spared him trying to. "How is he?" Kathryn asked.

  "Dehydrated, malnourished from nearly two days without food, and in need of serious sleep but otherwise all readings are within acceptable levels. I need to examine him further for brain damage and give him a vitamin shot. Knowing his allergic reaction to being in Sickbay as a patient, I'll release him to his quarters if everything checks out as normal. Someone will have to stay with him for the next few hours." He smiled at B'Elanna who, refusing to relinquish her hold on Tom, was helping Harry and Chakotay lift him onto the biobed. "I don't think we'll have to worry about trying to find volunteers for that duty."

  Rising with the EMH, the Captain grinned and nodded.

  "Tom," Chakotay began, "do you remember what happened."

  The Doctor nearly opened his mouth to remind the Commander this was HIS Sickbay and HIS patient so HE should ask the questions, but he did not. As it was to have been
one of the first questions he was going to ask anyway, he went about performing his scans and let the others do the talking.

  Shaking his head in the negative, Tom's clouded blue eyes focused on the ceiling.

  "Nothing at all?"

  Another negative response.

  "What is the last thing you remember, Tom?" Kathryn asked, standing next to B'Elanna.

  "Chakotay's quarters," he rasped, still looking straight up.

  "Nothing else?"

  "No."

  "I find no evidence of brain damage of any kind," the EMH declared, closing the medical tricorder with a snap and applying a hypospray to Tom's neck.

  "But he can't remember anything about the last day and a half," Chakotay insisted.

  "Commander, you and I have had this discussion before. It is debatable whether what happens when you use your device actually is real or some hallucination created by your subconscious to provide you with what you are expecting to see. I still have no definitive answer on that. However, I can tell you there is no medical reason for Mr. Paris to have memory loss of any kind which leaves me leaning towards the latter explanation. You said he was uncertain if it would work for him. Clearly that uncertainty manifested itself in an absence of an hallucination."

  "Then what about the screaming? And the strange readings from the akoonah?"

  "Nightmares, not spirits. As for the device of yours, I'm sure once Mr. Carey has dismantled it some small malfunction that was missed in his scans will present itself. There is nothing medically wrong with Mr. Paris, as I have been saying for the last day and a half," he answered smugly.

  The argument abruptly ended as Tom, with great effort, rose to a sitting position. He waved off all assistance and after a moment, he summoned what remained of his strength and lowered himself off of the bed.

  "Mr. Paris, I really must insist you lie down. Just because I said there was nothing medically wrong doesn't mean you-"

  "Am I released to my quarters?" the patient asked quietly.

  "Well, you need a good meal and a long rest..."

  "Thank you, Doctor."

  B'Elanna and Harry hurried to catch his arms yet pulled back when he shook his head.

  "Tom?" they chorused, confused.

  "I wish to be alone right now."

  "But...." B'Elanna protested.

  Neelix bustled into Sickbay and automatically wrapped Tom in a warm hug, not noticing the hug-ee's stiffness. The others present did however. All but the stunned B'Elanna exchanged looks.

  "We were so worried, Tom," the Talaxian informed him, giving him a second squeeze.

  "I need to go to my quarters," Tom insisted again, distancing himself from his friend and leaving.

  "Tom?" Neelix looked at the others. "Did I miss something?"

  Ignoring her cook/morale officer's question, Kathryn's narrowed gaze was on the closed Sickbay doors. "I don't think he is telling us the whole story."

  Her First Officer looked at her then the doors. "What do you mean?"

  "I mean I think he does remember some if not all of what's happened. His saying he remembers nothing of what happened may be his way of keeping it to himself until he is ready to share with someone else."

  "Given the fact he was screaming most of the time he was there, that would be a logical conclusion as Tuvok would say."

  "He just needs some time to rest and collect himself," Kathryn asserted, gently touching B'Elanna's shoulders. "Once he has had some rest, I'm sure he will be okay. We all need to be there for him when he is ready to talk about whatever happened."

  B'Elanna, somewhat shell-shocked now that it was all over and Tom had rejected her desire to comfort him, did not respond. She merely walked out the doors without a word. With her heart breaking for the young woman, Kathryn tried to smile reassuringly at Neelix and Harry. Ever the morale officer, Neelix put an arm around Harry's shoulders and drew him out of Sickbay, chattering inanely about how the young human needed a good meal.

  "Since he wishes to be alone, I'll monitor him from here and beam him back here if the need arises," the more-than-a-little miffed Doctor stiffly announced once the others were gone. He nodded to the officers then headed to his office.

  The Captain looked at Chakotay who had a thoughtful look on his face. "What is it, Chakotay?"

  He shook his head. "I just can't get the sight of the forest out of my head."

  She placed a hand on his bicep.

  "The feeling I got from that place. It's stuck with me and won't go away."

  "What kind of feeling?"

  "Evil." He looked straight into her eyes. "Pure evil. I don't know if that place really was an arena for fighting his inner demons or what, but it scared me, Kathryn."

  Forgetting who they both were for the moment, she drew him into a hug. "Whatever it was, he survived. It's over now."

  "Is it?" he asked her. "I'm not so sure."

  -------

  Joe Carey and Ensign Vorik puzzled over the wreckage of what had been the akoonah. The moment the Captain informed them Tom was being beamed to Sickbay and no longer needed it, Vorik had retrieved it from the Commander's quarters and rushed it to Main Engineering. That had been over twenty minutes ago and they were no further ahead in deciphering the mystery than they had been before.

  "The visual inspection confirms the results of the readings, Lieutenant," Vorik pronounced. "There is nothing wrong with the equipment."

  "There has to be an explanation," Carey insisted.

  "With all other possibilities eliminated, your original hypothesis must be correct. Lieutenant Paris must somehow be responsible."

  Carey sighed. "Agreed, but how?"

  -------

  Bedroom in full illumination, the shell of the man who had been Tom Paris cowered in a corner, back to a bulkhead, silent tears soaking the cloth covering his updrawn knees. He could have told the Captain just how wrong she was about it all being over. It was only beginning. Likewise he could have shown the puzzled engineers the results of the diagnostic he had performed on himself the second he arrived in his quarters. Once shown what to look for, they too would have blamed the past two days on the bizarre coincidence of two identical frequencies fighting to cancel each other out. In the end, it was the akoonah which had triumphed. It had rendered near useless the circuits of the cloaked, subatomic device hidden in Tom's brain and known only as "The Implant." He could have explain both of these things to them, but he had no plans to do so.

  Nor did the woman who stood less than three metres away plan on telling anyone what she was seeing. In his private Hell, he had missed hearing her key in the override code and enter moments ago. Now, she stood there, indecision freezing her in place. His saying he wanted to be alone and the Captain's words about giving him time replayed over and over in her head. Finally she ignored her head and listened to her heart and approached him.

  Tom jerked as the hands gently touched his hair. He scrambled to try to press himself even further back into the corner, eyes wild. The soft murmuring of a familiar voice calmed him enough for him to register the face before him.

  "B'Elanna?" he whispered.

  She nodded. Tears formed in her own eyes at the sight of this man totally vulnerable for the first time in their relationship.

  They stared at one another for a long moment then he unfolded his limbs and wrapped his arms around the waist of the woman kneeling beside him. She seated herself in his lap as he buried his face in her neck and cried.

  In holding her so close, his overwrought senses were momentarily were assailed with her scent and feel and all other thoughts vanished. For one sweet moment he forgot all he had so recently been forced to remember.

  Then the memories were back and it finally and truly sunk in that there was no chance of forgetting everything again. With The Implant so heavily damaged The Sleep, The Implant function which repressed certain memories of those like him until they were needed, was over, probably for good. Now he was Awake, aware of his past and his true self,
and trapped in the Delta Quadrant. His creators, The Protectors, were not going to be able to return him to that precious obviousness to the life that they had forced upon him. He was fifty plus years from the farthest reaches of the galactic region controlled by them with no hope of a miracle to return them home ahead of ETA. He was doomed to spending the remainder of the trip conscious of his other life and his crimes.

  *And one day the others will know the truth, too,* Camet sneered in Tom's mind. *But don't worry you won't be totally alone when they ostracise you and this woman who loves you so much leaves you. You'll have us to keep you company.*

  Tom could not argue with the dead Cardassian because he knew he was right.

  -------

  Far away, on a distant plane, she looked at those around her. Everyone had been puzzling over her abrupt silence and the waves of sadness emanating from her earlier. Now they puzzled over her guarded smile.

  "I believe I have found him," she slowly announced.

  The sigh of relief from the others was short lived.

  "I must go to be certain it is him.

  "You, personally?" her chief advisor asked.

  "Yes, me."

  She said no more. She never explained the sorrow. She never explained why she personally had to be the one to go when another typically was sent. She merely went.

  The End of Part 01