Kit made him see that. They feared her too. Four years passed and she never changed. She looked just the same as when she first came into town selling fortunes. He was ten when he left with her and he never asked how old she was. She may have been willing to take the blows for him that night, but he wouldn’t let anyone who would strike her live. From the day they walked away, it only took him six years to become an Arch.
He was young and fragile, and it would have been easy to die where he was born. He could never forget that he lived because the others were too weak and afraid. That’s why burning that place to the ground was the easiest decision he ever made. It was his first act as an Arch, and the most troublesome part of the whole thing was convincing Za’in that such a pitiful town could house anyone that could ever be a potential threat. His new lord probably never believed it, but he had the kindness to humor the youngest soldier ever to reach that rank. It was the beginning of something. Jeremy never again had to taste blood after hearing that word Saros spoken. Za’in gave it new meaning.
It was you who made that name yours. Rise and continue to forge your path.
Jeremy stood. “What will I do…?” He echoed the voice’s initial question.
You know what you’ll do.
“If you know me as well as you pretend to, you know that can’t be true.” He walked with his head down, his hands tearing holes in his pockets. He felt constricting pressure above the bare flesh in the crooks of his elbows, and he struggled to recall if the bones had reached that point last night. He couldn’t remember. It didn’t benefit him to try and hide any of his thoughts. He had to admit that his own sight was too muddled to be of much use to anyone. The only thing he knew for sure is that he would keep moving. He would find her.
22
“No school today?” There was amusement in Sebastian’s earnest voice, and Kayla moaned softly, struggling against this vision. Every time she tried to sleep he dominated her dreams, and even now in her own subconscious, she found herself again the helpless captive of his soothing manner and his seamless arguments.
“What?” Michael raised his gaze from under his furrowed brow, his dark green eyes glinting sharply through the screen of his lashes.
Kayla couldn’t feel her body and she didn’t know exactly where her tension was held, but her stress immediately dissipated when she saw his scowling face. She clung tenaciously to this vision, determined to remember every detail of her young father. He was different from the mature man in her locket, or even the coldly determined youth she had seen in her vision. This boy seemed to be almost her age, his tangled red hair pulled back into a ponytail, the sides of his head shaved. He sat on the floor, slumped against a bookshelf, his limbs bony and his posture insolent. He was surrounded by open books, a ragged notebook smeared with scribbles held tight in his grip. This had to be before the Eclipse. Michael’s clothing was disheveled, but this affect was achieved with great care. After a few of these visions, she was becoming accustomed to the difference, although she didn’t understand many of the motivations that moved people in the Pre-Eclipse world.
Sebastian looked down at him from over an open book. He was young — the same undefined age he appeared at present. He hadn’t changed at all since then, except for perhaps the addition of more dark marks on his arms. Za’in wore black then just as he did now, but instead of the understated, smooth and clean clothing she was used to seeing him in, he was dressed more similarly to Michael. “I’m just wondering why someone would skip school just to study.”
“And I’m just wondering if you would mind your own fucking business.” Michael turned back to his books, uninterested and unthreatened.
Sebastian was quiet for a moment as he glanced at the titles Michael had collected. “Astrology, yoga, anatomy, psychology…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “None of those things can stop you from hurting someone again.”
The boy stiffened. “Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you are.”
“It’s nothing like that. I’m someone that understands the power the right hand can wield.”
Michael gripped his notebook hard, but it still trembled. “If you understand that, then you know to leave me alone.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Michael. And if you come with me, I can teach you to no longer fear yourself.” His voice was comforting, and Kayla’s heart clenched, rejecting the emotion that sound still arose in her.
“I don’t know how you know my name, but there’s no way I’m letting you pick me up. Seriously, dude, I’ve seen enough after-school specials that warned me about guys like you.” Michael grabbed his backpack and leapt to his feet.
“Whose blood will be on your hands next, Michael? Will you be able to stop yourself when your bones move according to their own purpose? Will you even want to, when you know how easy it is to strike them all down?” Sebastian’s words were low and hard. Although he didn’t touch him, the boy appeared to be frozen still, his face straining with his halted movement.
“What do you know about that?” The panic that twisted his features wasn’t fear of the dark-eyed man. Michael clenched his right fist, his left hand holding his wrist tightly.
“I know that feeling. It isn’t wrong. You don’t have to fight it. But it would be a waste to let it destroy you.” Sebastian met his eyes to see two light green rings pushing his terror outwards, leaving only defiance.
“And you can stop that from happening?” Michael’s question was thick with sarcasm, but it didn’t completely obscure his need.
Sebastian’s smile was both the guarantee and the bait of a man with answers. “I can show you a way.”
Kayla let the vision soften and dissolve. She didn’t want to see this anymore. She didn’t want to remember how much she too needed a way, a place to belong and be understood, a guide to angle her to the sun. Michael needed it too. She didn’t want to remember how it turns out when you give yourself over. It already happened. She couldn’t stop it.
She felt her arms, chest, and back knocking hard against an enclosing pressure, and it was then she realized how violently she was trembling. It took some time before Kayla discovered it was Asher holding her body still, but she still couldn’t understand what he was murmuring along the side of her face. She watched a trickle of water run down his forearm and collect on his elbow before it fell, leaving dark spots on her dirt-smeared pants.
“I could never ask you what happened. I can’t even ask now. I could never…I can’t…” Kayla kept letting the words fall, repeating endlessly.
Her ears began to clear, and she could finally understand the sounds Asher breathed to her. “Wake up. It’s over…it’s over. Wake up, Kayla. I should have never made you ask. I’ll tell you everything and free you of your dreams. Just wake up. It’s over.”
Kayla shook her head, pushing herself to fully awaken. “It happened that way, didn’t it? Who did my father hurt, to make him want to follow Sebastian?”
“That’s not the question that we’ve been avoiding.” Asher stopped, steadying her as a new shudder shook her body. She felt him grow heavy against her as he released a long breath. His voiced dropped, hard. “Who was I protecting, not telling you from the beginning? I wanted you to choose, without my emotions swaying you. But it’s damaging both of us. Nothing needs to be feigned. Not strength, or duty, or inner peace. You’ve drawn your own line, even though you’ve only sensed the truth, even if you’ve hoped otherwise. Kayla, why do you think I chose this path? Za’in ki—”
“Both of them?” Kayla’s words collided loudly with his in a desperate attempt to keep what she already knew unsaid.
He nodded painfully, finding no relief in their unspoken understanding.
“Everyone knows.” Her voice was flat with realization.
His silence stung. She lay still in Asher’s arms, thankful that her weakness allowed her to remain enclosed in his embrace, sparing her the sight of his face at this moment. He was right. She sensed it for a long time — no, she knew — but
she couldn’t ask anyone, least of all him, the one she sought out for answers. Her uncertainty seemed preferable to the strange gentleness that softened his face every time he had come close to telling her the truth. It was then she discovered that the body’s reaction to real pain was sometimes surprising and often unnerving. She found that witnessing that response in someone strong could hurt more than the knowledge of its source.
Asher spoke again suddenly, but his voice was soft and tranquil, letting the words wander with his memory. “It made sense to me that Michael stayed with Za’in for so long. They were similar in that they both wanted to know…everything. But first, Michael wanted to know why he was different. Why his anger hurt those around him. There were times that, because of his own pain, he didn’t even care, but when that weapon tore from his palm, he was always remorseful afterward. His Angel blood must have come from his father, but he never met him. No one knows what happened to your grandfather…maybe Za’in took his Intercessor too. Michael’s mother was fragile and couldn’t protect him or herself, so the first time his power surfaced, he didn’t try to stop it…”
Kayla wasn’t sure exactly when Asher’s words became images, the sound of his voice lost beneath a loud crash and a muffled scream. She could hear a man’s labored breathing, and she squinted her eyes in the dim, yellow light. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you…” a child’s voice spat out, over and over. Kayla didn’t want to venture any closer to the sounds, but the vision seemed to rush in her direction. A woman was on the floor, hugging the corner of a sagging couch as silent sobs rattled her thin frame.
“Go away. Never come back.” The red-haired child held his right arm with his left hand, struggling under the weight of the sharp bone that protruded from his palm. The boy couldn’t have been older than ten, but she got the impression his staring, green eyes had seen more than a decade of suffering. He watched the man before him with an expression that was a strange fusion of wonder, satisfaction, and apathy.
“Fucking freak…” the man drawled through his cut mouth, both hands holding the wound that traveled from his cheek down to his hip. He stumbled backwards towards the door, dragging his body around the kitchen counter, leaving smears of blood in his wake. He glanced for a moment at the woman on the floor, his face reddening with an embarrassed anger that drove out his fear. Impulsively, he lurched forward, skirting sloppily around Michael’s small frame, violence loosening his swinging limbs.
The boy whirled around, letting his weapon lead his movement. The sharp bones twisted forward, slicing a jagged wound across the man’s back and thickly catching the flesh behind his knee. The man fell forward with a low cry, rolling onto his side to stare up fearfully at Michael.
The child was unmoved. “You should leave. I don’t care if I kill you.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I don’t care,” he said again softly to himself.
The man slid across the linoleum floor on his own blood, avoiding the boy’s piercing gaze. Michael kicked the door open and watched dispassionately as he crawled out into the night. The door creaked closed as the boy’s Intercessor retracted, the sensation sending a visible shiver through him. His eyes were intent on the smears of blood that marked the floor. He had finally stood up to him. That’s all it took. He’d never have to see him again, he was sure of it.
Kayla recoiled from the scene, less disturbed by the red-streaked floor when confronted with the horror of that severe expression lingering on her father’s young face. She struggled to escape the vision, reaching out for Asher’s voice again, for the awareness of his touch. Her body wasn’t flailing about like her thoughts; she could feel once more that warm pressure holding her still and his words falling back down to earth.
“…but he was wrong. You can’t change everything so simply. It’s true that his mother’s boyfriend never came back and its true Michael saved them both that night from the usual treatment, but although he took a stand, it was still just another thing that happened to them. He didn’t know he had that within him and it moved without his conscious will. You know. It happened to you on the shore. A vague emotion, no matter how intense, isn’t enough. It’s a poor guide for one’s actions. But at that time, he had nothing else that could steer him. He—”
Kayla tried to make a sound, to pull her hands up to her face. Maybe if she could, it would stop these images from flooding in, but the visions still came. She could feel everything that Michael had endured. He was so alone. As he grew, so did his rage, and the power that fed off it. How could they not see that wasn’t his true nature? It seemed so clear to her, even as she watched him wound those who opposed him, even as she watched the boy ensuring his isolation by every act of fear he committed. No one could console him. Not even his mother…she kept making the same mistakes. It was always the same damn thing, over and over, the same thing, always. She just didn’t get it, she just wouldn’t see, and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. But that dark red line across her hand, beading up and spilling over…she didn’t deserve that. He had to finally stop this, somehow. This all started out with his desire to protect her; he couldn’t let himself hurt her again. He’d find a way to control this curse, or he’d never come back. She’d be better off without him.
There was that man with the answers — the first person he’d ever seen that looked like he knew anything for sure. That’s why he sought him out after their first meeting at the bookstore. He promised Michael he would tear down all his present constructions, and build him into a tower one hundred stories tall. That was his only chance: to gleam like a skyscraper instead of mirroring that dirty house with the kitchen counter stained with blood, his mother always reminding him they’d never get their security deposit back now…as if they would ever leave. There was no place else for him to go, until now. Tear it down. That’s how it should be. He never liked things the way they were, anyways. Make something new. Anything would be better than this.
Kayla watched a dark mark spread across his chest — a sharp black cross that seemed to draw in and swallow the light. She couldn’t bear to see it mar her young father’s body. The darkness threatened to consume her, but when she pulled herself free, it was Jeremy that stood in Michael’s place, his arms covered with those blackened bones, but this time, they reached almost up to his shoulders. Kayla returned his bitter stare with desolate eyes, struggling to escape the vision so that she could delay the inevitable battle between them. Desperate for a way out, she dug her nails into her own flesh, cool air flooding her nostrils and clearing her sight. Kayla was in Asher’s arms again, the morning light stinging her eyes. She had seen enough. It didn’t seem right to do this in the presence of the sun. She felt suddenly trapped by Asher’s embrace, her face warm, her eyelids heavy with shame. Kayla had been wounded, cast aside, and she consciously understood there could be no sin in taking comfort from this man, but still she felt as if she was revealing to the world her participation in some grand betrayal. She opened her mouth, unsure if she just was in need of air or ready to cry out, but regardless of the reason, she was immediately released. Asher stood and gathered his travel gear, his movements stirring Kittie and the pirates from sleep. He didn’t speak or look at her. It was as if he knew who suddenly had crashed her thoughts and shattered her vision, as if he could sense which memories spoiled the solace they found in each other.
“ ‘A vague emotion, no matter how intense, isn’t enough…’ ” she whispered, letting Asher’s words replay over her tongue.
He stopped moving for a moment. “You understand that?”
“I’ve seen where it leads.” Kayla stared down at her palms.
Asher’s voice softened. “I never meant to further complicate this for you.”
Kayla closed her eyes. All she could see in the darkness was that black cross. She fought to raise her gaze, breathlessly wondering which Arch’s face she would see above that mark. The cold determination in Michael’s features as he walked towards Sebastian on the night of the Eclipse was the same look that often hel
d Jeremy’s face still, and for both of them that expression was edged with the potential to explode.
She stood. “I’m not going to be caught in this crossfire. I’m going to stop Za’in. It’s my feelings that have led me here, in every victory and every mistake. I can’t help that. But now there’s a purpose behind those emotions. Za’in won’t take from me what he stole from my parents, and he won’t darken the world again. I won’t allow it.”
Asher’s eyes were weary, but clear. He raised his voice to be heard by the others, but his gaze was fixed steadily on her. “It’s time to go. Hold fast to your convictions. Where we’re headed, they’ll be tested soon enough.
23
“I know, we rock.” Bruno’s proud grin couldn’t be darkened by Asher’s scowl.
Kittie jumped into the vehicle, bouncing on the passenger seat and peeking out of the open door. Za’in’s black truck was no longer the sleek machine adorned only with his long-armed cross. It had been transformed into a pirate’s vessel: a colorful, ragged landship, meant to rattle through the dust, replete with trinkets and charms, as well as sayings and pictures scrawled on its exterior. “Well, it’s pretty, but I thought it didn’t run?” Kittie said, sitting with her arms crossed, the corners of her mouth drooping with the memory of how this truck was left with them.
All eyes turned to Fec, who was giggling wildly. Kerif kicked him hard, but when he hit the ground, his laughter only grew more raucous. The other pirate sighed, nudging him with his boot. “Fec stole the battery while Serafin was fighting that Arch. He was hoping we’d find another TV. But we made him put it back.”
Asher was rubbing his jaw, his brow knit in irritation. “We can’t ride in this. It’ll attract too much attention and we’ll be recognized. I already made arrangements for Kayla and me to take this motorbike I bargained for our first night here—”
Dominion of the Star (Descendants of the Fallen Book 1) Page 16