I gave her a kiss on the head, inhaled the shampoo we'd used on her hair the night before, and held her tight.
"A bad man killed him, and that bad man is trying to stop me from telling the world that I know."
Oh dear God, was I doing the right thing? She's only five years old. But kids see things, we think they don't. And if I did this, I wanted her to hear at least some of the... sordid details from me. I am her mother. It would be me who prepared her for what could possibly come.
"I love you so much, Daisy. You are my world, you know that, right?"
"Yep," she whispered.
"If I thought running from this bad man would work, I'd do it. I'd pack our bags and we'd run. But you know what I've discovered?"
"What?" Still one word answers, she was frightened and I was causing this fear.
I swallowed thickly, but pressed on. "I trust our new friends. I trust Detective Pierce. I trust Abi and Ben. And Genevieve and Nick. Adam and Kelly and Eva. I trust them all to keep you safe, even if there comes a time when I may not be able to."
"Mummy?" She swung her head towards me, fear and angst darkening her face and slicing through my heart. "Don't go," she begged, throwing her arms around my neck, burying her face in the crook of my neck.
Oh, hell, this was pure torture. This was insanely wrong. I'd made a mistake, I shouldn't have said anything. I can't do this to my baby girl. I can't sacrifice myself, cost Daisy her mother, I just can't.
But if I don't do this, what am I teaching my daughter?
I started crying along with her, so unsure if this was the correct thing to do, but so certain that one day I'd regret not doing the right thing in the end. One day she'd find out the truth, maybe from someone other than me, and how would she look at her mother then? Knowing I hid, I let a man get away with murdering her father, when I had the means to stop him and those he worked with. The means to do what was right.
I clung to her as she clung to me, rocking back and forth in the middle of a backyard. And even though my thoughts made sense, and were the only correct thing to do, I rebelled against them. This was my daughter. My baby. Mine. I could never let her go.
Strong arms suddenly wrapped around us, the brush of hot lips and tickle of a goatee beard across my cheek. The gentle murmur of Pierce's words as they caressed my heart and settled Daisy's whimper.
"I'll make sure your Mummy is safe, Daisy-girl," he said, and I watched as her tear-filled eyes lifted up to his face. A sense of wonder crossed her features when she looked up at the man who still held us both in his arms. "I won't let anything bad happen to her, I swear." Oh God, another promise that should never be made. "But she has to do this," he added and I sucked in a breath, surprised he actually understood. "It's the right thing to do, Daisy, and you want your Mummy to make you proud, don't you? Just like she's so very proud of you."
Daisy nodded, flicked her gaze between the two of us and then sniffed loudly, managing to wipe a hideous amount of snot on her sleeve at the same time. I forced myself not to cringe, not to reach for her sleeve and immediately clean it. Now was not the time to let my aversion to snot take over.
But I did make sure that sleeve didn't come in contact with my skin.
"You promise?" she asked Pierce, crossing her arms over her chest and holding his gaze.
"Daisy," I warned, about to explain how Ryan couldn't make such vows.
"I promise," Pierce said, squeezing the arm that was snaked around my back to let me know he had this, and I was not to interrupt at all.
"I know you got to do the right thing, Mummy," Daisy said softly, still eyeing Pierce with an expression I hadn't seen on her face before. It looked to be half awe, half determination. And maybe another half of child-like love.
I was so very proud of her right then, though. I smiled and leaned forward to give her a kiss and a cuddle, completely forgetting about the snot covered sleeve.
"But when you come back, can Deetetiv Pierce be my Daddy instead of Rick?"
Both Pierce and I stared at her, mouths hanging open. Where the hell had this come from?
"Um," we said together, then quickly swung our heads to stare at the other's face. He looked as stunned as I felt.
"Daisy," I began as Pierce said, "Not a bad idea," offering me a wink. Trying to lighten the moment.
And my five year old daughter added, "That's settled, then," in a perfect imitation of her Mum.
Chapter 16
Including The Guy Who Had Started It; The Detective Called Harvey Stone
"Just because you have bamboozled my daughter into thinking you're the best bet to keep me safe and therefore a prime candidate for fatherhood, does not mean she knows what she's saying," I said to Pierce in my bedroom.
We'd not mentioned a word of our conversation with Daisy over lunch, and strangely neither had she. It was as though she was content to keep it our secret, although she kept flicking glances at Pierce and I as we sat side by side across the table. Some of them rather pointed, especially when Ryan's arm slipped off the back of my chair in order to pass a dish to one of the others eating lunch with us. As soon as his arm returned to my chair back, he'd give Daisy a wink and she'd beam.
He was playing her. He knew he had an in with my child and he was milking it for all it was worth.
"We've known each other a handful of days, she has no idea how relationships form. Hell," I added, pulling clean clothing out ready to change for our trip to retrieve the ledger later tonight, "I've never even introduced her to a boyfriend before. She probably thinks I'm useless at finding a man for myself and you're just the best bet."
"I am the best bet," Pierce said from his recline against the closed door to the room. He'd shut it as soon as he followed me in here and no amount of furrowed brows and glares from me had made him move.
"Pfft," I inarticulately argued. "You've shown her five seconds of attention, the first male attention she's received practically her entire life, and she's sold on your being 'the one'."
"I am 'the one'," he said reasonably, a smirk gracing his lips. "Daisy has good taste."
"No," I replied, pointing a finger at him, which ended up making the shirt I held in the same hand flap around in the air. "You're just convenient. Right place, right time. And your ridiculous promise of keeping me safe, when you know damn well that you can't guarantee that, is what sealed the deal for her. You're attentive, a good protector, and you're available - although I'm sure that last one wouldn't have stopped her from placing you at the top of the list."
"I am attentive," he said, stepping away from the door. "And a good protector," he added, taking another step towards me. I backed up to the bed, realising I'd made a fundamental and strategic mistake. I should have had this argument out in the lounge. That had two different exits running off it. "And I am available," he conceded. "But is that all I am to you?"
"What do you mean to me?"
"Marie," he said coming to rest right in front of me. His fingers tracing my jaw and running down my neck before I could stop him. "I'm all of those things, Daisy is right. But that's not all I am to you, is it? Be honest, your daughter has seen what you're refusing to acknowledge right now."
"Don't be ridiculous," I breathed as his head dipped and his lips trailed over my skin, from my shoulder up to my ear. I shuddered, making him chuckle, his goatee tickling with the movement.
"I know it's only been a few days," he murmured against my skin. "I know a lot has happened in that time, a lot of external and internal things, to throw your world out of whack." A hot lick of his tongue against my heated flesh, the touch of his fingers into the dips above my rear, pulling me closer. "None of it matters," he whispered, his lips coasting over my neck and throat, bringing his attention to the other side of my face. "Because I already know," he finished.
"Know what?" I rasped, as he gently sucked my skin into his mouth, his tongue laving the slight bruise he created.
"I know I'm not letting you go. I know I'm not letting you face thi
s alone. I know I want to explore this electric sensation that arcs between us whenever we're close. I know that the beauty I see inside you reaches deeper than I can ever envisage. I know that I've already lost myself to you and I haven't even had a taste yet. And I know once I do, there'll be no going back, because I imagine you taste utterly divine."
His body quaked against me, as though the picture he was painting inside his head affected him deeply.
"Do you?" he asked, retuning his lips to my neck and suckling again.
"Do I... what?"
"Taste divine?"
Oh God. How the hell did I answer that?
"Um..."
He chuckled, the rumble coming from deep within.
"Yeah, I think you'll taste divine," he declared. Then I lost all train of thought as his lips finally met mine.
Firm, hard, soft, gentle, purposeful. A nip, a stroke, hot breath, hotter tongue. The world burst apart as his mouth devoured mine. Tingles starting in my fingertips, ending up at my toes, and exploding everywhere in between.
I groaned before I realised the sound was coming out. He stoked the fire, slanting his head, searching with his touch, tasting what I had to offer.
And if I tasted half as good as he did, then he was right; divine. Although I was aware that the taste he'd referred to was not on my lips, in my mouth. Which made me blush and wonder if he'd locked the door. And if he had, did he intend to take advantage of our privacy and... taste more?
Panting, I met him stroke for stroke, touch for touch, taste for taste. Climbing up his body, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, hands up into hair, fisting. Chest to chest, groin to groin. A blast of heat and fire and sparks of electricity arcing between us, just as he promised.
"I want you," he rasped against my lips. They felt bruised, smoothed, plumped up on his touch. "Tell me you want me too?"
God, yes! I did and I was adult enough to admit it.
"Yes," I breathed.
"Yes what?"
"Yes I want you too."
And then my feet were on the floor, his hands were on my upper arms, steadying me or holding me away from his body, I'm not sure. And his forehead came down to rest on mine.
"I want you," he repeated. "But I want all of you. Including your beautiful daughter."
He was breathing rapidly, flushed, wild eyed. Sexy.
I sucked in air while I tried to understand his words, his meaning. The intense look in his eyes.
His thumb came up and gently rubbed over the furrow in my brow. He smiled; a small, sensual smile.
"Marie," he murmured. The sound of my name, right then, on his lips was erotic. "I want to be a part of your lives. Not just a satellite. Not just a fading star. I want to be your sun. And I want you to be mine."
I blinked up at him, unable to form words. Unable to comprehend what he was saying. But knowing in my heart he couldn't have said it better.
"Now get dressed," he ordered, making a startled and disappointed breath of air escape me.
His thumb found my open mouth and gently closed it with a press against my lip and a finger grip on my chin. He could be so commanding sometimes, in such a tender and intimate way.
"I need to catch Dominic before he leaves. I've got an idea," he murmured a little distractedly, then pulled me close again for a quick kiss.
I missed the electric one. I realised just then, that he was right. I wanted more. I wanted it all. And I wasn't going to let him go either, even though I hadn't had a taste yet.
Heat flushed my cheeks and he let a sexy growl out. His lips giving me exactly what I craved in the next instant.
When he pulled back finally, it was with great effort, and a husked promise of, "Later."
Then he was out the door and gone, and I was left feeling shaken. But conversely thrilled.
I stood for several long moments in the middle of the room, my shirt from earlier discarded on the floor. I hadn't even realised I'd dropped it, when I'd climbed his body like a monkey and delved my fingers through his hair. But there it was, on the floor taunting me. A bubble of laughter sprang from my lips, a smile spreading them wide. Despite what lay ahead, despite the unknown danger that lurked, I was happy. A deep seated happiness from right inside my heart.
How was that even possible?
I shook my head, dumbfounded, and reached down to pick the shirt up off the floor. And before my mind could conjure up any more beautiful recollections, I started to get changed, putting on dark jeans and the dark shirt, and following it all up with a dark jacket. I'd hidden the ledger in the most inappropriate place. A place Roan McLaren would never dream of looking. But to get it, we'd have to blend in, use the shadows and hope we didn't get seen.
I'd taken a risk hiding the book where I did, but sometimes the most ridiculously simple places are the most overlooked.
When I came out to the kitchen everyone was once again sitting around the large dining table, this time drinking cups of coffee and nibbling on muffins Abi had obviously made.
"I can't promise anything," Dominic was saying, as he stood up from his chair. "This isn't a Police TV drama, you know. Real life situations involving immunity are few and far between in New Zealand law. But I'll do everything that I can."
"That's all we can ask," Pierce said, shaking Dominic's hand and offering a man-thump on his back.
"I'll be in touch," Dom said, turning to look at Genevieve as she leaned against the bench, mug in hand. "Walk me to the car, sweetheart?"
A knowing smile curved her lips and she hurriedly placed her cup on the bench, and then followed her man out the door.
Pierce pulled a chair out beside him and started to pour me a cup of coffee, adding the milk and sugar without having to be asked. I saw the odd look from the women around the room indicating they hadn't missed the familiarity he showed.
"You'll eat some dinner before you go?" Abi asked.
"That's the plan," Pierce replied, nabbing a muffin and placing it on a plate before me.
I tried to hide my amused smile, but failed. Pierce just raised an eyebrow and then sipped from his own drink.
"Any idea how you want to play this?" Nick asked.
"Yeah," Pierce said. "We go in, we have a few beers, we look like we're there for the atmosphere and Marie gets the book while the rest of us shield her from view."
"Easy," Adam remarked, but I think it might have been a little sarcastic.
"What if it's not there?" Nick asked. "It's been a while since you checked on it, Marie."
"The Birdcage never changes," I replied, sipping my drink and receiving a "Here, here!" from a couple of the guys at the table.
"Why on earth did you choose a Police bar?" Ben asked, his arm draped over Abi, as they leaned against the bench.
"It was either that or Mt Eden Prison carpark, but the odds of one of McLaren's men frequenting the prison for any reason, were greater than the bar."
Ben grunted an amused sound as he smirked into his mug.
"Why didn't you just put it in a safe deposit box?" Adam asked.
"Because McLaren could trace a registered box back to me given the right circumstance."
Silence met that statement, we were all aware of what kind of circumstance would enable a thug like McLaren to get that sort of information out of me. It wasn't a pretty picture, but for a moment we all let the images have free rein. Sometimes reinforcing why we were here, what was at stake, helped to put things in perspective.
McLaren was an evil man, capable of evil things. That ledger was proof enough of that.
"And once you've got the ledger?" Nick asked, directing his question to Pierce.
"That's where Dominic comes in. I won't proceed if Dominic can't hold up his end of the plan."
I wasn't sure how Dominic intended to persuade the Crown Prosecutor that I could avoid indictment. How he could organise such a thing without letting them know what information I held and about whom. But he obviously had an idea of how to go about it,
or he knew someone, another lawyer perhaps, who did. Either way, it was my only hope of doing the right thing and surviving the fallout afterwards.
Nerves were still getting the better of me. Gut wrenching, soul destroying nerves. I was walking a precarious tightrope between right and wrong. The desire to stay on the side that didn't threaten to tear me away from Daisy was unfathomable. But the need to finish what I started over five years ago, make McLaren pay for the death of Rick, and give Daisy a reason to respect her mother, was just as great.
Unfortunately I vacillated between the two. Right in this second the need to protect my daughter and stay out of harm's way to do it was winning.
The room began to disperse once afternoon tea had been consumed, the ASI men all heading off to prepare, the women all moving into the lounge to pass the time with conversation. It was just Ryan, Daisy and me left at the table, and although I was trying my best to hide from Daisy the nerves that kept churning inside me, Pierce could see right through my shields, like he'd been able to from the very first day.
But rather than call me on it, he turned his attention to my daughter and started helping her finish her latest drawing. This time there were no penguins in it, but a colourful stylised picture of three people standing under a Cherry Tree, the pink blossoms brightening the paper and even tumbling to the ground at their feet.
"Who's this?" Ryan asked, pointing to what was obviously a little girl.
"Me," Daisy replied, cheerfully, taking extra care to paint a smiling face on the little girl.
"And this?" Ryan asked, although I was sure, like me, he knew exactly who Daisy was drawing.
"That's Mummy," Daisy announced, colouring in my light brown hair, but unfortunately making me look a little frazzled when she was done.
"Very pretty," Ryan said, his eyes on me and no longer on what Daisy was doing. I returned his smile, I couldn't help it.
"She is, isn't she?" Daisy remarked and then purposely started colouring in the third person's beard.
"And who's that handsome fellow?" Ryan asked, returning his attention to the drawing and pointing at the last figure. It was taller than the other two, larger, and more colourful. And most definitely a man; long legs clad in blue for jeans, short hair and the all important goatee beard.
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