"About time," Gen declared.
"The pheromones coming out of that back garden," Kelly offered, fanning herself dramatically.
"You'd know all about pheromones, Kels," Adam supplied.
"How do you know Kelly is into pheromones?" Abi asked suspiciously, flicking her gaze between the two.
"I am not into pheromones," Kelly retorted, swishing her curls over her shoulder haughtily with the flash of her delicate hand.
"Fuck, Kels," a guy said, as he entered the room from the side. He'd also been there earlier, but I still hadn't figured out who he was yet. "You wrote the book on pheromones."
"Jason," Gen complained. "Stop winding her up."
"But it's so much fun, sis," he shot back with a wink.
The men chuckled unanimously, all receiving very stern glares from both Kelly and Genevieve.
"Anyway," Kelly finally said, "it's not all about me." Her hand lifted and she waved in our general direction. "It's about the two raunchy lovebirds who practically set the Cherry Tree on fire in the backyard."
Oh, and here I was thinking we'd dodged a bullet with the tangent they'd all gone off on.
"So, what's the story?" Nick asked, from his seated position at the table.
"Well," Kelly started, about to launch into some debauched tale, no doubt.
Nick held up his hand for the woman to stop. Her mouth snapped shut a little petulantly.
"Pierce?" Nick pressed. "Where are we officially at now?"
I felt his chest rise as he sucked in a steadying breath behind me, and then the fall as he slowly released it. Hot air tickled the skin at the base of my head and I struggled, despite the current topic shift, not to react to the tingles Ryan's proximity created.
"Marie has a ledger that details all of McLaren's criminal transactions, debts owed, and how they were paid, over the ten years prior to Richard Costello's death."
Silence met Pierce's announcement and for the first time I realised that this decision had another consequence too. One I hadn't even considered until this moment.
The chance that all these people, whom I'd begun to feel like close friends, could turn away in disgust, once they heard what I had done and the reason why.
I wasn't to blame for where Rick took us, but I hadn't tried hard enough to stop him until it was too late. And my attempt had left him dead in the end, letting McLaren walk away.
How many crimes had McLaren performed since? How many people had been harmed because I hadn't succeeded, because I'd remained quiet for fear of my daughter's and my safety?
What would they think?
It was Abi who spoke first.
"A ledger?" she asked softly. Ben pulled her closer, a shadow passing over his face. "How did you get it?"
And there it was. The question that would reveal everything. That would reveal who I really am.
My mouth was dry, my throat was threatening to close. I think I was about to be sick.
"Marie?" Abi asked, and I wanted to run.
Daisy.
"Hey," a voice said softly from beside me. "Just breathe, Tiger. You can do it. I'm right here."
By the time I opened my eyes again the room had practically emptied. All that was left, was Abi, Ben and Nick. As well Ryan, holding me in his lap as he sat at the table and forced me to breathe.
"That's it," he encouraged with a sad smile. "In, out. And again."
I stared into his beautiful coffee coloured eyes and anchored myself to the man before me. Let him lead me back to the present. Let him keep me safe.
My breathing steadied, as his arms wrapped tighter around me and he tucked my head under his chin, against his chest.
"Do you want to try that again, Abi?" Pierce said, a note of warning in his tone.
"Yeah," she shot back, steel coating her tongue.
A chair shifted beside us, a scrape as its legs dragged over the wooden floor. Then Abi appeared in my vision, sitting herself down and turning to face me.
I tried not to hold my breath, not so soon after my last panic attack. But I couldn't help it. I liked Abi. I didn't want to go here with her and lose what we'd gained.
She offered a small smile, straightened her shoulders and said, "Marie. You are no longer alone."
I blinked. Pierce stiffened, but it was more from shock or surprise than anything else.
And then Abi said, "Let me tell you a little story. It's about as fucked up as it can get. But there's a happy ending, and lots of courage, and moments of enormous amounts of fear." She took a deep breath in and then exhaled. "But, sweetie, there's a light at the end that is blinding, and if you just trust us, we'll help you get there."
And then she talked, and the tears flowed as I listened to a young woman's tale about running for her life. About standing up to the bullies, when she feared for her safety and the safety of those she loved and cared for. About redemption and forgiveness. A father's sacrifice, a daughter's promise. About love and protection, and the possibility of a world filled with hope, covered in light, banishing shadows forever.
About trust and friendship.
About the fact that Daisy and I were never going to be alone ever again.
About... love. The love I felt whenever I walked into a room filled with these people. The glimpse of love I'd seen in Ryan's eyes, felt in his touch, heard in his promise of protection.
Just about beautiful, multifaceted, all encompassing, sometimes challenging... love.
Chapter 15
In A Perfect Imitation Of Her Mum
"I'm not sure I'm the right person for you to be talking to," the lawyer, Dominic, said. "You do realise my area of expertise is family and property law, not criminal?"
I sat, back stiff, on the couch in Abi and Ben's lounge, my heart in my throat, my head pounding. My aches and bruises magnified somehow just by the topic we were discussing: My possession of a document that described multiple criminal activities.
There was no way to spin this in a good light, and I didn't even know this well dressed imposing figure sitting before me. Maybe it was better he was a stranger, but then even though my interactions with Genevieve had been minor, she could hardly be called a stranger anymore. And Dominic was her fiancé.
"I understand that," Pierce said from my side, also sitting on the couch, "but you can offer advice and what you're not sure of, you could find out." The entire statement was a challenge. Pierce spoke to this lawyer as though he knew exactly what would make him tick. I guessed the fact that Genevieve and Dominic were here at all, meant that Pierce knew them in some capacity. But the way he interacted with this guy led me to believe he knew him pretty well.
Was that a good thing or not?
"Ryan, this is a serious legal quagmire," Dominic pointed out. "Beside the fact that there could be information inside the document that compromises Marie..."
"There's not," I interrupted, and then felt my cheeks warm when both men turned their attention to me. "Well," I said, thinking I needed to elaborate, "there is mention of Rick and he was my husband, but I never had anything to do with Roan McLaren."
There was something in Pierce's gaze I struggled to determine. I think it was surprise or shock, but also something else. Maybe he was angry I had let him believe the ledger was condemning for me as well as Rick. But the opportunity to explain had never come up. Hell, I'd only just told him about the blasted book.
"Well, that's a good thing. One less obstacle to tackle," Dominic pointed out. "But there's always the fact that you held onto the book. Clearly you understood what was inside it, therefore legally you had a responsibility to hand it over to the Police."
"She couldn't plead ignorance?" Pierce asked, finally taking his intense gaze away from me.
"She was married to someone who, from all accounts, was openly involved in a drug lord's activities." Dominic shook his head, and then directed his next question to me. "What exactly did your husband do for McLaren?"
I couldn't stop the tremors that snaked up my arms, ting
led in my hands, sent my back rigid. I'd never openly discussed Rick's involvement in that world. He and I argued over it. Constantly. But I'd never told another person. A natural born instinct of self preservation. Talking about it could only ever lead down a very nasty path.
Even now, knowing McLaren was behind bars. Aware that Pierce was trying to protect me. I had to battle the urge to clam up. Silence had been my protector. Confidence my shield to hide behind. Together both had meant our survival; Daisy's and mine.
I stared at the man sitting opposite me, then flicked a gaze towards Pierce. It was time to stop shielding. Time to face up to what Rick was and who he did it all for.
He sure as hell didn't do it for me.
Pierce reached over and grasped my shaking hand, offering warmth, a soft squeeze of reassurance, letting me know I wasn't alone anymore. I held his gaze for the longest time, then forced myself to turn and look at Dominic.
"He handled McLaren's accounts. His books and financials." I sucked in a deep breath and added, "He helped him hide money offshore, evade tax, and launder his profits."
So much to be embarrassed by. So much to make me feel shame. Rick had never pulled the trigger on a gun, but his crimes were just as heinous.
My hand came up and covered my mouth, the need to let a sob out was too great. I'd enabled Rick. I'd argued and fought over what he was doing, but in the end I still let him do it. I'd loved him. So, I'd buried my head in the sand, gone off to my staid, boring, legal job, while he cavorted with criminals, maximising McLaren's coffers, allowing the drug lord to do more harm.
McLaren became a very rich man because of my husband, but in the end even the money Rick had made him, couldn't save his life.
Dominic sat back in his chair and sighed. "It's quite simple, Pierce. She'd be considered an accomplice, regardless of her hands remaining clean. She knew what her husband was doing and for whom, she even had the evidence of some of his crimes in her possession. But she never did a thing to thwart it. Guilty by association and inaction. She could even be considered guilty of perverting the course of justice. It's a bit of a long shot, but with the right judge and a determined Crown Prosecutor, she could be charged and sentenced accordingly."
I leaned forward and placed my head in my hands, trying to still the nausea that rolled through me. I'd stolen the ledger to do just that, thwart Roan McLaren, stop Rick's involvement. My intentions had been noble, but I hadn't been able to follow through with them. McLaren killing Rick in front of me had been a good enough message to halt me in my tracks.
I'd never given the ledger back, I'd lied that it had been destroyed. Rick had backed me up, even going so far as to say he'd been the one to do it. Impulsive reaction to seeing it on our bed at our home. But it wasn't destroyed, it was just hidden. Waiting for what?
I lifted my eyes to the lawyer, held his gaze, let him see my regret, my guilt, but also my desperation. I didn't ask for any of this. And maybe it was all my fault, but now I had no choice in the matter. Now I either ran and continued to let myself down, to let the memory of Rick down. To let my beautiful daughter down. Or I...
What? Give myself up along with the ledger? Sacrifice my freedom, making sure Pierce saw to Daisy's safety from here on in? Is that what it had all come to?
"Fuck," Dominic suddenly muttered. "This is screwed up."
"We forget the ledger," Pierce said resolutely, making me suck in a breath of surprised air and Dominic simply gape at the man, as though he thought he'd gone mad.
"That's not who you are, Ryan," Dominic said very slowly and very carefully. Realising just how close to the edge Pierce was.
Ryan shook his head and stood up, starting to pace across the far side of the room.
"No, Dom. It's exactly who I am." His deep bottomless brown eyes came up to look at me. "Handing over that ledger doesn't bring justice," he said softly. "It might be what the law requires, but it is not just."
Dominic swore again and threw up his hands in defeat. "I can't help you if you walk this path. In fact, I should just leave now so I don't hear anything else." He stood up smoothly from his chair, but didn't walk out. Just stood there and stared at Pierce. "Look," he added, "I get that Marie did what she needed to do to survive. Nobody would doubt the fact that she needed to run from McLaren after witnessing her husband's death. I understand it. But you know as well as I, Ryan, that is not always enough to convince a jury and judge. Law is not justice."
Law is not justice. Even a lawyer used that phrase.
"I won't put her through this. We contain it here and now," Pierce vowed.
"Nick will back you. ASI won't divulge a thing. And you know Gen and Kelly will do what you ask, they consider you part of the family."
"And Harvey left before we heard about the ledger," Pierce offered. I wondered who Harvey was. But he'd obviously been here earlier and now was gone, and he was clearly not part of ASI or a friend. Maybe a partner? Another detective?
"So, that's your choice?" Dominic asked. Pierce nodded. Both men let out long breaths of air. "Good luck, then," Dominic murmured, shook his head and then walked out of the door without a backwards glance.
Silence wrapped around us, thick and uneasy. Weighted in lies and deception, and the criminal filth that was McLaren's mark.
This was wrong. I knew it with all my heart, that it was the wrong thing to do. But I couldn't deny a part of me was relieved, and utterly blown over by Pierce's fierce position on all of this. By the fact that I remained out of the spotlight, free not arrested. Able to care for my daughter and not have her visit me behind bars.
Daisy's safety was always forefront in my mind. If the ledger remained missing and my association with it forgotten, then I had a better chance of keeping Daisy safe and happy.
Didn't I?
Two jeans clad legs appeared in front of my vision. I'd been staring numbly at the floor before the settee. Ryan crouched down until he was at eye level, a sadness laced with conviction stared out at me from dark chocolate tinted eyes.
"Are you OK with all of this?" he asked, reaching up and touching my cheek. He seemed unable to resist touching me for long. I liked that he could openly reach for me now, but how long would it take for this decision to come between us? For him to realise I was not worthy of his touch.
"No," I replied quietly. "And neither are you."
"Marie," he began, but I sealed his lips with a soft brush of my own, feeling for the moment a type of bitter-sweet bliss, before it was ripped away forever.
"I need to see Daisy," I announced, standing up before he could deepen the kiss as he'd obviously been intending.
"What are you going to do?" he asked, a hint of wary fear looking back at me from his handsome face.
"Just talk," I said over my shoulder, letting his fingers slip free of my hand. I didn't add aloud, for now. But I thought it.
I walked in a numb kind of haze through the house searching for my daughter. She wasn't in the penguin painting room, or the room where she'd been sleeping. She wasn't in the kitchen, but as soon as I walked up to the sink, I could see her out of the picture window, swinging on the swing beneath the Cherry Tree, while Abi, Kelly, Genevieve and Eva looked on from the deck.
I wasn't sure where all the ASI men had gone, but for now their absence was a bonus.
I walked out, smiled at the chatting women, but didn't get drawn into their cheerful conversation, and headed straight over to my girl. She was singing softly to herself as she swung her legs underneath her seat, and then let them fly out in front.
And the song? It wasn't a Country tune, like those Eva had been singing. It was Daisy Bell.
She beamed at me as she kept singing, so I walked behind her and started to gently push. Before long I couldn't stop myself singing the last few lines of the song with her.
"It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford the carriage, but you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two."
"Daisy," I said, feeling my throat constrict and te
ars threaten my eyes. "I need to talk to you, sweetheart."
"OK, Mummy," she said merrily, slowing the swing as I walked out in front of her and knelt down in the grass.
The swing slowed even further when she saw the look on my face.
"What's wrong?" she asked, her little legs barely touching the ground beneath the seat. Each bare toe stretched like a ballerina’s in order to still the motion of the swing completely.
Where to start? And how much to tell a five year old?
"I loved your father," I said softly, and watched as her eyes widened in utter surprise. I'd never talked about Rick. Hell, I wasn't entirely sure if she knew his name or not. Time to change that. "His name was Richard Costello, but I called him Rick."
"Rick," she repeated, testing the name on her tongue.
"He wanted to give me the world, and that would mean, you the world too."
"The world?"
"Buy expensive things, live in a fancy house, drive a flash car. Those sorts of things."
"Oh," she said, her eyes lighting with possibilities.
"But those things cost money, Daisy-girl. And when I knew your Daddy, we didn't have much money." She slumped on the swing seat, not liking that part of the story. Well, this was never going to be a fairytale, was it? "I didn't mind that we didn't have money, I was happy to be with Rick. But your Daddy, he had big plans, big dreams. Ideas that needed money. And he didn't want to wait."
I took a steadying breath in, here was where it got difficult. For me. For Daisy. For the memory of Rick.
"Sometimes things don't go as you plan," I whispered, and felt more than saw Daisy slip off the swing and come towards me.
I looked up and there she was, an adult's gaze staring out of a child's innocent face.
"Bad things happened, didn't they, Mummy?" She crawled onto my lap, no doubt needing the comfort of touch.
"You are so clever, Daisy-girl," I whispered into her hair. "I'm so proud of the young lady you are becoming."
"He's dead," she said, snuggling in further.
"Yes," I agreed, voice slightly broken. "I'm so sorry, baby. He'd want to be here for you growing up, but Rick, well, he couldn't stop chasing his dreams."
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