Summa Risus: Collected Non-Fiction

by R. A. Lafferty

  Stairnon believed herself completely changed now, and of the Roman party; but there was this opposition. One day she would come to see not Serena, but Galla Placidia as the symbol of Rome; and her hate would return.

  The following action is an indeterminate tangle, and it cannot be unraveled. Stilicho split the Goths, treating with several of their leaders behind Alaric's back, giving them their wives and sending them back, under pledge of good behavior, to their home provinces. The force and influence of Alaric dwindled, and he roamed the countryside with what he had left, in strange indecision. Auxiliary Roman forces surrounded the Goths remaining with Alaric and traveled with them like a company of gnats, but did not attack them.

  Alaric was still defiant in council. We doubt the actual words that he is reported to have used, however. We are willing to believe that, in Gothic council, he swore angrily that he would not leave off the attack, that he would find in Italy either a kingdom or a grave. But we are not willing to believe that he put his declaration in such a jingle form of Latin verse as has come down to us.

  There were other actions in the Gothic-Roman conflict. There is evidence in Bury's great history that there was another battle near Asti, near to the site of that first battle of Pollentia. This battle was not of major importance, however, nor was the final engagement at Verona in June of the year 403.

  Alaric is described, after this action, as beaten, deserted by his troops, dejected, and despairing. He was, to some extent, all these things except the last. He was too young for despair. He was puzzled and baffled.

  He was deserted by his troops because he had sent those he still held along to their lands in Illyricum and Epirus, unwilling to hold them any longer against their will. The more important of the Goths, with their separate retinues, had long since given their pledges to Stilicho and gone home; intending to break their pledges later and return. King Alaric was in disrepute with a large segment of the Goths, and would have to re-establish himself.

  There was the day when Alaric sat with his brother-in-law Sarus on a high rock above Verona, after a skirmish that was no more than that. He heard from Sarus that Stairnon was now one with the Roman cause, and that Alaric himself should be. Alaric considered the matter through long hours of discussions with Sarus, and made his decision.

  He gave his word to Sarus to convey to Stilicho that he would maintain the Empire for the rest of his life; that he would support it in the middle provinces of Illyricum and Epirus, and would support it in the East and West. He pledged that, as King of the Goths, he would serve Rome as faithfully as Saul had served it as King of the Alani, as Uldin was serving it as a King of the Huns.

  The Gothic invasion had ended as a family affair. Sarus had been in command of the last Roman forces harrying the last Gothic guard, that of Alaric, back towards their own provinces. He had skirmished with them near Verona. Then, in an interval of the struggle, he had appeared in the middle of the Gothic Council, and had taken part in it.

  This action of Sarus would be the equivalent of a quarterback, in a modern football game, claiming and exercising the right of joining in the huddle of his opponents at a crucial moment of the game. But Sarus claimed the right to enter any Gothic Council anywhere; he claimed this right as a Blood Prince of the Goths. And when Sarus claimed something as his right, nobody had the temerity to stand up against him.

  He was in arms against them. He held a Roman commission to enforce their departure. But he demanded and was given entry to their Council. After this turn of events it had become very difficult to keep up the pretense of hostilities. Alaric had sent the remainder of his army home, and had remained for his own Council with his cousin and brother-in-law.

  Alaric gave his word to Sarus, and without equivocation, that the Gothic risings were ended forever. He assured his brother-in-law that he had now left off being a boy; that he would reassume his ascendancy over the Goths, that he would rule them as their King, and not be ruled by them. He stated that he would know how to handle the extravagant ideas of his people, as Saul and Uldin had been able to contain the dreams of their own tribes.

  Alaric pledged his word absolutely on this. Within a week he received back his wife Stairnon, brought to him by her brother, this same Sarus. Alaric and Sarus parted in friendship. And Alaric and Stairnon followed their troops into Illyricum, there to be faithful props of the Empire.

  Here we must make a statement that is directly at variance with an accepted view of history. Alaric kept his word. He kept it in every way for the remaining seven years of his life. Subsequent actions that seem to contradict this have been misunderstood and misinterpreted.

  Sarus, to whom Alaric had given his word, was one of those who would misunderstand. He believed that Alaric had turned traitor to the Empire, and he was wrong in believing it. Stilicho would have come near to understanding the events, but Stilicho would then be dead.

  There will have to be good explanations offered in contradiction to those great historians who wrote the tomes and those small creatures with initials who inhabit the footnotes of them. It's a fearsome essay to contradict established authority and then be called upon to produce the evidence.

  We will try.

  15. Of the Seven Waves

  The seven waves which Stilicho in his dreams had seen rising to engulf the Empire were these:

  First was the Gothic revolt in the years 402 and 403 which we have just examined. During this action Stilicho accomplished, for the last time, the old Roman trick of the containment of the Goths. Though the movement was well planned, and was aided by contrived diversions from beyond the Empire, the Master General smothered it completely. By the use of the Gothic wives as hostages; by the infiltration of the Gothic Councils; by appealing to the good faith of those who were in the process of committing acts of bad faith; by the fortunate appearance of maturity in Alaric, the Gothic King; by the assurance of the Gothic Prince Sarus, who was devoted to the Empire; and by singular good fortune in other details, Stilicho brought the Empire up, dripping but unharmed, from the overwash of that first wave.

  The second wave was the colossal barbarian invasion led by Radagais and comprising a third of a million warriors—the largest single attacking force in all history up to that time.

  The third wave was the series of Vandal risings under King Godigisel and King Respendial. These risings of Stilicho's own people were a continuing affair for several years. This third wave was, in some respects, contemporary with the first, second, fourth, and fifth; but in the main portion of its action it must take its place as the third of the series.

  The fourth wave was the rising of the Burgundians and the kindred Lombards, mostly along the German borders, though with considerable penetration to the heart of the Empire. It was closely connected with the third or Vandal wave, for the Vandals were always involved with the Burgundians and Lombards, were nearly of the same family, and sometimes shared the same Kingship.

  The fifth wave was out of Britain in the year 407. In this the British legions, intertwined with twice their numbers of auxiliaries, set up a usurper Emperor and crossed to the European continent as invaders. This was the final madness of that series that had afflicted the British legions for more than a century. It was final because, on their leaving the island for the mainland, the British connection was finished; there would never again be Roman rule or legions in Britain. When they left they left forever.

  The British legions had raised up a false Emperor Marcus, and then killed him after a matter of days. They had, immediately after this, raised up the false Emperor Gratian, and then killed him after about four months. Somebody then called out that they needed another Constantine. Constantine the Great had been so raised to Emperor by the British legions nearly a hundred years before.

  The soldiers of the British legions found a private soldier named Constantine, and they raised him to be Emperor. This man has been called, in verse by Sidonius, the Inconstant Constantine. He was about what could be expected of a seasoned sol
dier out of an old line legion, raised up for no other qualities than his name; yet out of a milieu that was rich in talent of the practical and administrative sort. There have been worse men come to power in more accepted ways. Constantine showed some ability, and he mounted a heavy attack against the Roman world.

  The sixth wave, following closely on the fifth, was a rising of the Celts in both Britain and Gaul, and especially in Armoricae—which is now Brittany. The revolt of the Celts was against both the New Germans and the Old Romans. There is some confusion about the parties of this. The Celtic revolt was first against the usurper Emperor Constantine, who claimed both Britain and Gaul in the first stages of his conquests. But it was a brief from the Emperor Honorius in Ravenna that gave the Celts their independence, which they already had, and was no longer the Emperor's to confer. There was the attempt of a three-cornered compromise in this. By this sixth wave the permanent loss of Britain to Rome was confirmed, and also the loss of a large part of Gaul.

  The seventh wave was the one that would take the life of Stilicho in the year 408. It was the only one that he could not correctly put the name to in his dreams, for it was vague to him. It was an amorphous, gray wave that was not from beyond the physical frontiers of the Empire; though actually it was from beyond the frontiers of humanity. In the framework of his mind Stilicho did not understand it, and he died not understanding it.

  In locale it was based on Ravenna, to which city Honorius had moved his Court from Milan. At the crest of this seventh wave were two men: Olympius the Greek, the king of the defamers, who had brought down Eutropius and others; and Solinas who, in the service of Arbogast and Eugenius, had worked the Frankish subverters into positions of authority around the Emperor Valentinian until that Emperor was a prisoner in his own Court.

  The defamer Olympius and the infiltrator Solinas worked in concert. They had become close to the resentful young Emperor Honorius while Stilicho was occupied with other things. This seventh wave was of a viciousness without parallel, and it rotted from within the Empire that had withstood every assault from without.

  It is true that the Empire had suffered from internal rot since the day of its birth out of the Republic. That had been only such rot as is common in all cumbersome institutions, however. It was accompanied, for most of the period, by a compensating new growth; and it did seem as though the Empire would endure forever. This final rot was deeper and more poisonous.

  There were these seven waves rising to engulf the Empire. It had been given to Stilicho to see them, as it had been given to the Emperor Theodosius to know the day and hour of his death. We are past the first of them, the Gothic rising: and are come to the second, the giant barbarian invasion that was headed by Radagais.

  There was a wave of absolute terror that went through the cities of the Empire at the news of the coming of the vast hordes of barbarians. It was a form of folk mania, though curiously it was confined to the inhabitants of the great cities. The foul breath from the north sent them into total panic, though the serious assaults of more seasoned hosts had hardly come to their attention. There was prayer and fasting that this wrath of God should pass. The litanies of the Church of the first decade of the fifth century came to contain seven additional petitions:

  Ab Impeto Gothorum, Libera nos, Domine!

  Ab Procella Barbarorum, Libera nos, Domine!

  Ab Rapina Vandalarum, Libera nos, Domine!

  Ab Trucidatione Burgondarumque Langobardorum, Libera nos, Domine!

  Ab Perfidio Britanorum, Libera nos, Domine!

  Ab Irruptione Celticarum, Libera nos, Domine!

  Ab Insidiis Diaboli Calumniatoris, Libera nos, Domine!

  “Lord deliver us,” they prayed variously, “from the Assault of the Goths; from the Tumult—or the Tempest—of the Barbarians; from the Rapine of the Vandals; from the Slaughter of the Burgundians and the Lombards; from the Perfidy of the Britons; from the Eruption of the Celts; from the Snares of the Defaming Devil.”

  It was the seven waves of the vision of Stilicho all over again, now seen fitfully by the populace of the cities.

  In times of turmoil and in the eras of barbarian attacks there are always prodigies seen and heard. This was almost a universal law with the Romans. Instances of such, at this time and earlier, are given by Pliny, by Strabo, by St. Augustine, by Ausonius, by Zosimus, by Appian, by others. Appian, writing at the time of an earlier barbarian threat, has recounted that dogs howled like wolves, that wolves entered the city of Rome, that cattle spoke in human voice, that newly born infants spoke. Statues sweat; some even sweat blood. Groans and dirges came from far underground. Loud voices of men and the tramping of horses was heard where nothing could be seen. Continuous lightning fell and spelled out words on walls and paving stones where it fell. Appian does not tell us what the words said.

  At the time of the appearance of the spectral force headed by Radagais there were all these wonders and more. Comets were seen in the evening sky. Stones fell from the moon. There were earthquakes and lava flow. Herds of monocerets (unicorns) came near to the habitations of men, which never occurs in years of good omen. A Roman matron gave birth to rabbits. Monsters were born. Sheep spoke with human voice. It had been cattle at the time of the earlier barbarian appearance.

  What was this horde of humanity from the north that so affrighted the cities of the Empire?

  A contemporary has written it crudely: “The Doors of the Empire had been left open, and the animals came pouring in.” It is stated by another that they were indeed like animals, or demented men. They stared and did not comprehend. They were the poor relations of the border Germans and of the steppe peoples. They were trolls who came up out of the ground in the north.

  It was denied by the Goths that these barbarians were Gothic, and by the Vandals that they were Vandal. They were the sweepings of the northern forests and tundras; and were driven, like animals, by famine. There were those who seriously doubted that these new barbarians belonged to the human race; as, two thousand years earlier, the Mycaenean Greeks had doubted that the first Dorian barbarians were of the human race.

  It is said that they were Alani; that they were Suevi and Burgundians; that they were Cimbri and Chatti. Perhaps they were, but they were not of the branches of those people who had been in close contact with the Empire peoples for more than five hundred years. They were much as the Goths must have been before they were taken over by their civilized nobility some centuries before and started to fermenting with new life.

  The barbarians were out of the northern timelessness, and could have been from ten thousand years earlier, before the ice had left. Cassiorodius called them a species of cattle; but they were wild, spooked cattle, not the well-tended beasts of the Empire. Though most of them had iron, some of them incredibly had lances tipped with stone. They were from a long way back, and were the true barbarians.

  Here we come to a semantic difficulty. Other peoples who were of considerable civilization had been referred to as barbarians for more than a thousand years. Others had been called by the names of the wolves. When the wolves themselves came, there was no other name to give them. The Goths, who were kingdom-founding Christians, had been called barbarians. The Gauls of ancient lineage had been so called, and the talented Vandals.

  Even the Huns had been called barbarians. This is a thing beyond all comprehension, and yet it is not safe to contradict the idea even today. The Huns were a race of over-civilized kings traveling with their Courts. In the ordering of military affairs and in overall organization they had no superiors in the world. They were skilled diplomats, filled with urbanity and understanding. All who came into contact with them, Persians, Armenians, Greeks, Romans, were impressed by the Huns' fairness in dealing—considering that they were armed invaders; by their restraint and adaptability; by their judgment of affairs; by their easy luxury. They brought a new elegance to the Empire peoples; and they had assimilated a half dozen cultures, including that of China. But the Huns were not barbarians; no
more were any of the other violent visitors to the Empire heretofore.

  The real barbarians who came now, however, may have been some kindred to these Huns, just as they may have been kindred to the Goths and the Alani. They were mongrel folks, and as such could not be spoken of as having race. But they were, the great horde led by Radagais, the true barbarians. Most of the people of the Empire did not know, or had forgotten, the difference. That is why they quaked on their couches and shivered with fear in the sun. If such a horde of barbarians should come down on them, how might they escape?

  But the astute generals, Stilicho, Sarus, Alaric, appreciated the difference instantly. They understood that these new people were in no way what they themselves had been; that this was something as timeless as the rocks—the people who had been before the people. It was because of this understanding that the generals considered the gigantic barbarian invasion in a different light than did the peoples of the Empire, and particularly the peoples of the cities.

  The action is generally set in the year 406, but it may have been a year earlier. Chronology, even in the last days of the Empire, is uncertain. A certain number of military adventurers joined the horde as it came into Italy and gave it such direction as it possessed.

  The multitude of savages could not take the securely defended Ravenna where the Emperor Honorius had now established his Court. Thousands of them sank out of sight in the quicksands that surrounded the fortress city of Ravenna; and the barbarians could not even come up to the walls of it. Nor could the horde take Ticinum (Pavia) where Stilicho had set up his headquarters. It bogged down in a siege of Florence, but it had swept the countryside of all animals as it went.