Rebellion Project

by Sara Schoen

  “Kayden, you aren’t making any sense. I’m not breaking up with you.” Yet, I silently added while I waited for him to explain more thoroughly. I wanted to give him a chance to explain, and give me a few more moments to live in doubt.

  He perked up instantly at my words and let a smile take over his features. “You’re not?”

  “No, what made you think that?”

  “Alexis and Jamie told me…” he said, but the way his sentence hung in the air told me he hadn’t finished yet. “They said you were going to break up with me. They told me what they said, and I realized I couldn’t do it anymore.”

  My heart stopped at his words. “They told me I was a bet, that you didn’t actually have feelings for me, and that you took advantage of my need for your help. Did you use me, Kayden?”

  Kayden tensed, suddenly nervous to talk to me. He started to stutter through an excuse, but each time he looked at me his story changed. Eventually he broke down. “I thought I could date you like a normal person, and just never tell you, but I can’t. The guilt is eating me alive,” he cried out as his hands went to his hair as if he was at a complete loss for what to say. The frustration etched perfectly into his features, and his sudden outburst was drawing a crowd. “I can’t do it! I just can’t, it’s impossible!”

  “What are you talking about?” I cried, suddenly fearful of what he had been keeping from me. I just wanted him to tell me, now that he was attempting to evade it my mind was jumping from one conclusion to the next. Each was worse the thought before it. “What haven’t you told me?” I asked, but all Kayden did was groan as he started to pace. “Kayden, tell me right now! What are you hiding from me?”

  “I can’t do it anymore, Lauren! Don’t you get it? I’ve lied to you, and I just can’t do this anymore,” he cried as if I should know the answer and I was just too afraid to admit it. “I also can’t bring myself to tell you the truth because…” He let the sentence fall, but I had a feeling I knew how he was going to end it. He was going to say he had changed, and he didn’t keep the lie going because he had to, but because he wanted to.

  “What do you mean you lied to me?” I questioned. I couldn’t delve into what had changed between us, not yet anyway. I needed the truth first, and then maybe I could listen to what had changed. I knew how he felt about me now, because I felt it too. I could also feel my heart shattering into pieces when he finally admitted his actual charade.

  “You were a bet!” he blurted out, gaining the attention of everyone within earshot of our conversion. “Well, not really a bet, more like a challenge or a dare. I did this to you for shits and giggles, it was all for fun! This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

  “What wasn’t supposed to happen? You telling me the real reason you took up our project, was that it?” I asked, angry and growing livid by the second. I wanted to know, I wanted him to tell me the truth. Just for one moment, I wanted him to be honest with me, just this one time.

  “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you, Lauren!” he stated, as his hand slammed against the locker door to showcase his frustration for everyone to see. “I was just supposed to get you to date me, seal the deal with proof we had done it, and then dump you. This whole long process of dating you wasn’t supposed to happen. I was dragging it out, I actually thought I could make it turn into a relationship. I could keep the dare a secret, and still somehow end up with you. I should have known that wasn’t possible.”

  “What made you take the dare in the first place? Why did you go through all of this—for the money?” My voice cracked; I heard it, everyone around us heard it. It was painful, and harsh to my ears.

  “No,” Kayden said. He rushed to me, and tried to touch me, but I moved away so he couldn’t. “I don’t get the money, the guys made a pot and placed bets when I started to drag it out. I took it because I’m a guy!” he exclaimed, as if that explained all of it. “They thought I couldn’t get you to go out with me or even hope for sex, so I took that as a challenge. I thought, no problem, especially when you wanted my help to change your reputation. I thought it would be so easy. I could help you, maybe not feel so bad about using you afterward because you really are a nice girl, and I shouldn’t have taken the challenge to hurt you. I did this for fun, and it was supposed to be so easy because they wouldn’t have to know that you came to me for help. It was supposed to be easy, but I fell in love with you, Lauren, so I can’t do it anymore, because it’s not right.”

  “Excuse me?” I asked in shock, I was having trouble processing everything. I was a dare. He used me to prove his friends wrong. That’s not possible, not after all we went through, the dates, the gifts, encouragement, and the support. It couldn’t all be a lie, a farce. “Right from the start you were so nice, treating me like a girlfriend, taking me places, protecting me, helping me!”

  “I did it to make it look believable! I felt awful for admitting your secret in school so I wanted to help, it just happened to work out for me as well.”

  “You’re lying,” I stated in total disbelief. I couldn’t believe this, even knowing how much of a jerk he was before this. He wouldn’t have put this much time and dedication into a dare. It just wasn’t just for a dare. “You couldn’t have done all this and not had feelings for me.”

  “I do have feelings for you,” he said, his voice and eyes pleading with me to see that. He just continued, and ruined any possible forgiveness I had for him, “But those came after. This started because they told me I couldn’t do it, and I was going to prove them wrong. But Lauren, listen to me. I was trying to find a way to tell you!”

  “I can’t believe you,” I said as tears started to well up in my eyes. My vision was blurry, but if I blinked then the tears would fall. I couldn’t have that yet. I needed to hear what he had to say, I could break down after.

  “You should. Yes, it was fake at the start, but I developed real feelings for you! I wanted to date you…that’s why I dragged it out. I wanted to start a real relationship with you.”

  “That’s not true! You used me!” I cried, as a tear slipped down my face…the first of many to come. I just hoped that I could hold out a little longer.

  “It is true, Lauren. I had to tell you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you. I just couldn’t hold it in any more, I had to tell you, but I love―”

  “Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” I cried. “You don’t get to finish that sentence after what you did to me.”

  “Lauren, I told the truth―”

  “That doesn’t fix things, Kayden! My feelings are real, were real,” I corrected. “They were real the entire time. You abused them for your own gain! I should have known that there was an angle you were playing. There always is with you!” I screamed as I quickly raced out of the hall and into Parker’s awaiting arms. It’s time to leave, I had to leave. I begged her to take me home so I wouldn’t change my mind. I couldn’t hear any more of this confession, and then hear him lie to me again when he said he loved me.

  “Lauren, come back,” Kayden cried as Parker turned us away from the crowd and led us out the door.

  Before we left, I turned to him and made sure I had the final word. “No, I’m not playing this game anymore, Kayden. Thanks, but no thanks,” I said as I pulled open the front entrance door. “I did love you, that’s why I didn’t care that Alexis and Jamie were trying so hard to break us up, but they didn’t even need to try. You do well enough on your own to ruin relationships.” There was nothing stopping me as we left school, and everyone who had been watching us, behind.

  “Lauren,” Kayden cried as the door slammed shut behind me.

  I couldn’t believe it had ended like this.

  Chapter 30

  Just Another Notch

  “Used is what came to mind,” I said as I plopped down on Parker’s bed and buried my face in her pillow. We had driven straight here after leaving Kayden, and most of the school, to watch me while I stormed out. We had been going home, but I was too embar
rassed to go home and hear my father say that he had been right about Kayden. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for the ‘I told you so’ and long winded explanation about how he had tried to warn me about Kayden, how I didn’t listen, and then this happened. I guess some things parents always knew better than their kids. After all, as he pointed out, he had been my age once. While times changed, I wasn’t sure all the problems they faced did.

  “I still can’t believe it,” Parker said as she sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on my back to comfort me. She been repeating that phrase since we got in the car, and restating it. She looked over at me in a fit of tears, unable to talk coherently. I knew it was hard for her to believe because she had been so sure he hadn’t lied to me from the start, and that he had fallen in love with me. She had even tried to spin it where he knew he had feelings for me and used the dare as an excuse to get close to me without anyone making fun of him. It didn’t help.

  While Parker had been partially correct, he had fallen for me, she was wrong on the most important part. He admitted that he did this to me for fun—shits and giggles as he called it. Both terms made me sick to my stomach and only encouraged the tears I had been fighting off. He told me the truth, and it cut deep. I hadn’t been prepared to hear the admission of guilt. I thought I had prepared for the worst case scenario, but I hadn’t expected him to almost blurt out he loved me, either. I refused to let him finish the confession, I couldn’t handle that. He was using it as a safety device, hoping to ease my anger, but it wouldn’t work. I refused to let him find a way out of this so easy.

  “Well, believe it,” I said, popping up from the pillow momentarily to look at her.

  She looked as if she was the one who had been told a relationship was just for a dare. She looked in pain, and trying hard not to show the extreme pain she was in. She put on a brave face before saying, “But he loves you. I heard him say it, and have seen it in his eyes. He truly does care for you, Lauren. Otherwise he would have let Mac have you at the New Year’s party you told me about. He really cares about you.”

  “That doesn’t make up for what he did to me, Parker,” I cried out. A few more tears slipped out as I remembered bits and pieces of our time together. They were all good times, the kisses, free spirited moments, and endless possibilities. It’s wonderful to be with him, and it was all for a dare.

  “No, it doesn’t, but you also have to think about how he’s helped you. You can’t just throw all of this away because of what he did before. He didn’t know you then, and when he got to know the real you he fell for you. He did tell you the truth in the end, so it’s worth at least hearing what he has to say instead of baiting him to tell you the truth you wanted to hear,” Parker said.

  I flipped over to give her a glowering glare. Why was she on his side? He lied, he used me, and he was never going to tell me about it. He had only admitted it out of guilt, and because I had confronted him on what Alexis and Jamie had said. If I hadn’t confronted him, I would never have known. At the start of school and all through December I would have expected this of him, but five months later I was ready to admit my feelings for him and he was ready to tell me he lied the entire time in hopes I’d forgive him and start an actual relationship with him.

  I scoffed at the thought before I considered Parker’s argument. “He doesn’t have anything else to say, and neither do I,” I grumbled, stuffing my face back into my pillow.

  “Then how about you listen to me instead,” Parker stated more than questioned. I rolled my eyes, knowing that whether I said something or not she was going to say what was on her mind. I wasn’t getting an option on this one. “Let’s look at how he’s helped you.”

  “By lying to me and―”

  “I thought you were going to listen,” Parker said, glaring me down until I shut my mouth and sat back for her to talk. If I wasn’t careful she’d duct tape my mouth shut to make sure I wouldn’t interrupt her again. “He’s done so much for you in the few months you guys have been working together. Look at how happy you’ve been lately! You’re no longer miserable because people are making fun of you,” Parker pointed out, which had been the main reason for the project. I wanted them to respect me and treat me better. “He went with you to dye your hair, which I know you love. He helped you live out long time desires such as buying new clothes that actually fit you, getting your ears pierced again, getting a tattoo, and you even got to stand up to Alexis and Jamie, who have tormented you for years.”

  “He did all of that because he felt bad for blurting out my family problems, and even then he only took up our deal for the dare,” I mumbled, earning an angry glare from Parker for interrupting. “No wonder he wouldn’t back down from the sex term in our agreement, he needed it for the dare to be completed,” I added before nodding to her to say I was done.

  “He assisted you in your change, and that’s dedication to the commitment he made to you. The old Kayden wouldn’t have cared if he made a deal with you. He wanted to just make sure it worked out for him, and with how hard I’m sure you struggled against his ideas, he made sure you didn’t back out. No matter what you say, you know for a fact that the old Lauren would have backed out without him.”

  “Maybe that would have been best,” I grumbled. “I only have regrets about trusting him now.”

  Parker scoffed at my remark and shook her head. “Trust, that’s what you’re worried about? How can you say you can’t trust him when he took the blame for you at the police station, comforted you during the trying times of this whole thing, and then was going to break the challenge with his friends to have a real shot with you? You can talk about trust and how he betrayed you all you want, but let me ask you one thing. If he hadn’t helped you then what would you have done when Florida sent that acceptance letter?” Parker asked, causing me to almost break my neck at the speed of which I twisted my neck to look at her.

  “How did you know about that? I haven’t told anyone about that yet.”

  “I found it on your desk, along with the scholarship offer they sent you,” Parker said. “I’m glad that you’re willing to talk to your dad about leaving the state now, especially since they’re offering to cover what you would have paid for instate tuition. What changed your mind?” I didn’t answer, but I could tell she got everything from the glare I cast in her direction. “Must have been Kayden who urged you to go after your dreams. What did your dad say when you told him?”

  I bit my bottom lip. She had figured it out, and there was no hiding it now. I had sat my dad down a few nights ago at Kayden’s urging, and explained that I wanted to go to Florida for school. He had been shocked, but proud of me for following my dreams. “He said that while he was sad it was so far away from home, we could make it work for the scholarship and my dreams.”

  “And isn’t that where you wanted to go to study Marine Biology or just Biology and Environmental Science in the first place?” I nodded. “Would you have done that before this?”

  “No.” I sighed.

  “Do you see what Kayden did for you?” she pleaded. While I did see everything Kayden had done for me I refused to admit it. I didn’t want to give him the credit when it had started with a lie. You can’t build a relationship from a lie, otherwise it would crumble down when the foundation was realized to be faulty.

  “He didn’t do anything for me.”

  “You’re doing exactly what your mom wanted you to do. You’re living your life, and you’re enjoying it! You got into this great college, which you wanted to go to, and you got a scholarship to go there. Your life is looking up because you had Kayden help you. He completed his end of the deal, and look at the life he gave you, Lauren! He gave you your dream life! All he wanted to do was tell you the truth so he could be a part of this new life. Sure, he could have told you sooner, but it wouldn’t have changed anything and you know it. This was a lose-lose situation for him, and there wasn’t a way to keep both sides, but he chose you in the end. He did the right thing, even if it wa
s a little late. He did his job, and now you have to do yours and forgive him.”

  “I can’t just forgive him, he hurt me!”

  “He also helped you—what’s holding you back from accepting this?” Parker questioned. “You’re so rational, you see that what I’m saying is right, but you’re holding yourself back again. Why?”

  “I had feelings for him!” I cried out, shocking Parker, who leaned back slightly to put some distance between us. “I had real feelings for him, and they were growing day by day. I didn’t fake them. I didn’t push them any further than he would let me. He was becoming everything I wanted in a guy and more, but then he goes and does this! How can I forgive him? I trusted him, worked with him, spent hours confiding in him with my secrets and deepest desires, and then he tells me that he did it all for fun. He did this for fun and nothing else. He didn’t have feelings for me, he wasn’t working to make it up to me, and he didn’t care about me from the start! He did it to mess with me, and it worked because I was starting to have serious feelings for him. I wanted a relationship!”

  “And so did he! He told you he wanted a relationship, but he had to tell you the truth first! He did the right thing; he did what you would have done in his place.”

  “After he spent all that time lying to me I’m not sure I can forgive him.”

  Parker’s face fell. “You’re just going around in circles, Lauren. It’s not lying since you never asked him, and it turned out well for the both of you. That’s like getting mad at me when I told you I liked your favorite book, but I just didn’t have the heart to tell you it was awful and I didn’t get why you liked it. There was no harm on anyone because of how he tried to make it work out.”