Once Forbidden

by TERRI BRISBIN

  "I am once more in your debt, Robert."

  "The laird haes made arrangements for us to leave at daybreak for Dunnedin."

  "So soon?" She rubbed her hand over the babe's head as he suckled contentedly.

  "Duncan sent a messenger early yesterday saying you had been found and that he would arrange an escort when you had recovered from the injuries you sustained in your journey here."

  "Did the messenger tell the rest of it?"

  "Nay," he said. "Duncan sent him at our approach, before anything more was kenned."

  "He is a smart man." Anice recognized the tactic—Duncan said only what needed to be said and did not lie.

  "I learned much from him in the years I spent here."

  "And in spite of the affection I can tell you feel for him and Lady Margaret and the welcomed place you would have here, you would leave and return to face the uncertainty at Dunnedin?"

  "Aye." His voice was low and he looked away as he answered her.

  "Why, Robert?" She hoped for some answer to the question that Lady Margaret posed to her. She needed to gain a better understanding of what drove him to help her in this way.

  "I have my own reasons, Anice. I told ye that before we married."

  "And you will not share them with me?" His face hardened as she watched and she knew he would not.

  "I will no' be at dinner in the hall this evening. There are errands I must complete today that will keep me away until late."

  Craig had stopped sucking so she lifted him up to burp him. Patting and rubbing his back, she looked at the man who had saved her life. How could this work between them when she could not give him what men wanted from their wives? A sense of depression filled her and she felt like crying. Her selfish fears had brought him into this. Her inability to obey those who were in charge of her life cost him any chance at real happiness. The only thing she could do to repay him was to stay out of his way and follow his directions.

  "Very well. Would you like me to keep a tray warm for your return?"

  "Nay, Anice, dinna trouble yerself. I can see to it when I return."

  She placed Craig in the crook of her arm and lifted him to her breast. When she looked up she was alone in the garden with her son. And wasn't that just what she told Lady Margaret she wanted?

  So, if this was how she wanted her life to proceed, why was she unable to stop the tears from flowing? Why was she filled with regret over her actions? And why did she want to beg Robert's forgiveness for entangling him in her plot?

  * ~ * ~ *

  "Did ye speak to her?" Duncan asked his wife as she entered their chambers. Although Robert had left, Duncan could still see Anice sitting on the bench with her babe. And, when the wind blew just so, it carried the sounds of her soft crying to him where he stood above her.

  "Aye, husband. I did as ye asked." Margaret joined him at the window and looked down into the herb garden below. "Is she there?"

  "Robert just took his leave of her. Things are no' going well between them, I fear."

  "Truly? What makes ye think it?" His wife had to stand on tiptoes to see over the ledge.

  "Listen."

  The wind carried the sad sounds to them once more and Duncan saw tears in his wife's eyes. He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips. Although discarded callously by Struan, Robert had been a joy to them in the time he lived at Dunbarton. Margaret had supported his decision about Robert's upbringing and training as soon as he'd made it and in spite of Struan's requests to the contrary. Neither one of them understood Struan's hardheadedness in the matter of his natural son.

  "He loves her already," Margaret said, sighing.

  "Can she love him, though? After what she's survived?"

  "I think she can, but does no' recognize it yet. She watches him when he does no' ken and I have seen the interest there." Margaret turned to face him. "She needs time to get over her fears, Duncan. Then, I think they could be happy."

  "Ah, time. I am no' certain that Struan will give them that time."

  "He will support her faither in this, do ye think?"

  "I wish I could say, Margaret. I just dinna understand his opposition to Robert. If I kenned his reasons for steadfastly refusing to recognize him, I might ken what he will do when he finds out about their marriage."

  "Robert does no' seem worried about Struan?" His wife looked out once more and they watched together as Anice gathered her son in her arms and left the garden.

  "He will no' tell me more about that, only that he haes a way to assure Struan's compliance."

  "Robert would no' be the first natural son to seek to raise himself by marrying an heiress. Even the MacNab found his fortune that way."

  Duncan laughed out loud and took his wife's hands in his.

  "'Tis best if ye dinna remind the man of that fact. Those recently titled dinna want to dwell on how lately they came to it. Or how."

  "Well, husband, all we can do is hope for them. Now, I will leave ye to yer work." She tried to walk away, but he pulled her into his embrace.

  "With all this talk of the newly married and wanting and loving, I find myself wanting you, wife." He took her mouth with all the passion she still enkindled in him after all these years together. When she was breathless, he dragged her to their bed and took her down with him. Kissing her again and again, he whispered to her, "Will ye have me, wife?"

  "Aye, husband. I will have ye."

  Her eyes were filled with desire and even as he tugged at the laces of her gown, he offered up two quick prayers to the Almighty—one of thanksgiving for finding her and one begging that Robert and Anice could find the same thing between them. Then he was lost in the love they shared.

  Chapter 25

  It was much later than daybreak when they were finally on the road back to Dunnedin. First, Duncan insisted that they break their fast together. A problem with the wagons they would take back put off their departure even later. Then just as he thought they were ready to leave, Anice became ill. Although it was surely her nervousness about returning to Dunnedin that caused her stomach to rebel, that explanation did not suit Lady Margaret and so he waited. Finally, after a dose of some herbal concoction that Ada and the laird's wife created, Anice's stomach calmed enough for them to leave.

  They left with much more than they arrived with, for the MacKillop was generous in giving to them on the occasion of their marriage. A mare with good bloodlines to match his own stallion, clothing, some jewelry, and even some matching gold cups were included. Although both he and Anice assured them that they did not need these things, Duncan would not hear of him refusing the gifts.

  So the two wagons, laden down with supplies and gifts, an armed escort of six warriors, all known to him, and two maids to accompany and see to Anice and the babe's needs made up his entourage as he returned Anice to Dunnedin. The journey progressed well, taking advantage of the warmth of the early August days and using the main road to reach Struan's keep in as short a time as was possible.

  He saw little of her during the trip; he spent his time with the other men, and she stayed with Craig and the women. They spoke only when necessary and he could see and feel the tension growing within her as each mile passed, bringing them closer to their destination.

  Robert wished he could share his fears with her about their future, but she was dealing with her own fears. Her eyes began to take on that haunted look and she seemed restless. He was not the only one to notice her behavior. Even Craig was off his schedule and became fussy as the journey continued. Robert realized that nothing would improve until they arrived and faced Struan with their actions. And with the knowledge he now carried with him.

  After three days of traveling, Dunnedin came into view and everyone in their group came alert. In a short time, they rode through the gate and into the castle. Shielding his eyes against the midday sun, Robert saw Struan standing on the steps, watching their approach. Struan said something to Brodie and then turned and entered the keep. Robert pulled up on t
he reins, bringing Dubh to a stop, and dismounted. Walking over to Anice's mount, he waited for her to adjust the bairn in her arms and then lifted her to the ground next to him.

  Firtha's cry could be heard throughout the busy courtyard as she saw Anice for the first time. Before he could say aye or nay, the woman had Anice in her embrace and was checking her over from head to toe. Then she claimed the bairn and subjected him to the same inspection. Every little thing that did not meet her standards gained Robert a frown or stare. As if it was his fault that she had run away by herself! But before she could spirit Anice away, as she obviously planned to do, Brodie called to them.

  "The laird would see ye both in the hall, Robert."

  Robert nodded and offered his arm to assist her up the steps.

  "Courage, lass. Here we go now," he whispered so that only she could hear.

  They made their way into the keep and then up and into the great hall. Struan and some of the elders sat at the table in front of the room. Since the evening meal approached, the room was filled with people preparing the tables. Robert led her up to the front and waited on Struan. They did not wait long.

  Struan stood quickly, knocking the chair he sat on over and then kicking it out of the way as he circled the table. His fury was palpable and Robert prepared himself for the confrontation to come. The laird strode down the steps and approached them. Robert felt Anice's shudder and her grasp of his arm tightened with Struan's every step. The hall quieted as the clan waited to see his response to Anice's flight.

  "How dare ye? How dare ye think ye could run and take my grandson from me?" Struan's eyes blazed with anger and he raised his hand to strike her. Anice threw up her hands to protect her face, but Robert was there first. Grabbing Struan's hand, he stopped the blow in midair before it could even come close to her.

  "She is my wife, Struan, and no one will touch her while I live and breathe. No' even ye."

  He grasped Struan's arm and threw it back away from her. The shock of his announcement roared through the hall until everyone present had heard. Struan stumbled back a few steps and then he caught himself and stood.

  "It canna be! She is to marry Angus MacLaren."

  His words brought on another wave of surprise and Robert could hear whispered gasps throughout the room.

  "The Demon MacLaren? Surely ye did no' plan to give her to the Demon?" Firtha's voice rose above the rest and Robert was puzzled by the name given to Angus, for he'd never heard it before. The women in the room clearly knew it for they all turned a disapproving look towards Struan, as though giving Anice to this man was a fate worse than death. And considering what Anice had already faced in her life, that was not a good thing. They actually began hissing at their laird.

  "She is my wife, Struan, and no' to be part of yer plans any longer. I will take care of her and her son from now on."

  "Nay!" Struan roared. Robert waited for Struan's next words and watched as his father struggled to regain control over his anger.

  "Is it true, Anice? Did ye marry him?" Struan asked, his breath coming hard for him.

  He looked over at her and waited for her words. Her face was a ghostly pale and she shook in the face of defying Struan. But she placed her hand in Robert's and nodded. "Aye, Struan, he is my husband."

  Robert contemplated kissing her here in front of the clan as he had in Dunbarton, but decided not to push her that far. Exhausted as she was, he feared she might faint before them. He turned and instead touched his lips to her forehead.

  "Firtha, take Anice to her chambers. She haes no' recovered from her injuries and needs to rest now." Struan started to object but Robert cut off his words. "I will speak to ye in private, Struan. Anything ye have to say to Anice can be said to me now."

  Struan recognized he'd been outplayed for the moment and acquiesced to his demand to speak privately. Allowing Struan to lead the way to the solar, Robert watched Firtha take Anice and the bairn out. Content in the knowledge that she was being cared for, Robert turned his attention to the battle before him. Closing the door as he entered, Robert waited for Struan to speak first.

  Struan faced him from across the room and Robert looked for some indication in his expression to tell him what to expect. There was no sign of the fury that had held him sway in the hall now. Only the cool facade of a master strategist planning his next move. Robert cleared his mind and waited.

  "Ye canna think that this marriage will stand? If the truth is kenned, she will disavow ye for the lying bastard ye are."

  "But ye have sworn never to acknowledge me as yer son before the clan, Struan. If I am no' yer son, then I am free to marry the Lady Anice."

  "Ye are my son, Robert. We both ken the truth of it. A marriage to yer brother's widow is no' a true marriage in the eyes of the church. It will no' stand."

  Robert fought the urge to cry out at Struan's words. For the first time in his entire life, Struan had called him son. The need within him to hear those words through all the years of his exile at Dunbarton had not lessened and he felt his throat tighten with unshed tears as he let the words sink into him. Why could it not be that simple? Why did Struan say them now and not when it would have mattered the most? He pulled in a ragged breath, trying to retain his control, for losing it could be the end of this.

  "Faither Cleirach married us at his church. I have the papers with me declaring us wed."

  "But he is a priest in the old ways. The MacNab will no' recognize it."

  "The old ways are just as accepted in the Highlands as the Roman Church, Struan. We both ken that. And an annulment will be just as difficult and expensive to get, since the Roman Church will no' take the chance of simply ignoring it."

  "Ye will no' thwart the MacNab in this, Robert. He wishes an alliance with the MacLarens and will get it with Anice's marriage to Angus."

  "No' any longer. She is my wife now, declared by the church and handfasted before witnesses at Dunbarton. The MacNab will have to look elsewhere in his clan for someone to bind them to the MacLarens."

  Struan paced back and forth across the room, clearly not done but planning another attack. He stopped and faced Robert with his fists on his hips.

  "If she says that ye forced her to this, all yer subterfuge will be for naught."

  "Ye were the one who forced her, Struan. She ran away from yer plans to take her bairn from her and wed her to another man." Robert crossed his arms over his chest. He would not be the one to relent in this.

  "And ye mean to tell me that ye did no' have this in mind? Ye dinna expect me to believe that ye never wanted her for yerself!" Robert must have let his guard slip and something show in his gaze for Struan latched on to his argument. "Does she ken ye want her because yer brother had her first? Does she ken that she is as much a pawn for ye as she would be for her faither?"

  "She came to me, Struan, begging my help." He strengthened his resolve not to show weakness.

  "So, ye have no' shared the truth of yer birth with her? She does no' ken that ye covet her just as ye coveted yer brother's place here in the clan? What do ye think she'll do when she discovers yer secret?"

  "And who will tell her? Surely no' ye, for it will mean acknowledging me to the clan." Struan opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. "I would propose a bargain between us, Struan. For the good of the clan, of course." Struan nodded and Robert continued.

  "I will agree no' to seek my place as yer son here if ye agree no' to oppose this marriage. Actually, ye will need to go further than that. Ye will need to convince the MacNab to give us his blessing."

  Struan looked at him and burst out laughing. "The MacNab haes already begun negotiations for the contracts. He will no' back down from those."

  "Then ye must find a way to make him see the wisdom in making his alliance using some other woman in his clan. Anice haes a cousin Wynda who is no' yet married."

  "Why would I when I agree that this way suits both of us?"

  Robert wanted to pummel the man for his complete disreg
ard of Anice in this whole business. Her needs and wants were of no account in the face of his decision. He knew that this was the way of it, but surely her sacrifices for his family should count for something, some small consideration in this. Robert walked closer and reached in his sporran for the item he'd carried from Dunbarton. Placing the feathered end of the arrow in Struan's hand, he stepped back and waited for his father's reaction.

  "Because, Struan, if ye share the truth of my parentage with Anice or support the MacNab's pursuit of an annulment of our marriage, I will share with the clan the story told to me by a fletcher who left here the day after Sandy's death."

  He got the reaction he knew would come. Struan looked at the arrow and then stumbled backwards into the table. His breathing became labored and his coloring turned gray. Although a laird was expected to be ruthless in his protection of his clan, most of Struan's allies would think that the coldblooded murder of his own son was going too far. His father appeared to age before his eyes. Sinking into a chair, Struan rubbed his face and mumbled under his breath.

  Robert remembered something Duncan had told him. "If the MacNab objects to my marrying his daughter, ye may want to remind him of his own climb to wealth and title by kidnapping Anice's mother and keeping her against her will until she was pregnant. I am certain he does no' wish his daughter to ken the truth of her beginnings either."

  When Struan said nothing more to him, Robert turned to leave. This extortion was distasteful to him, but necessary to ensure Anice's safety here. A part of him wished that Struan could have just accepted him and accepted the marriage without argument. And another part of him still wanted the acknowledgment that he had just forsworn away. Stopping at the door, he asked the question that still haunted him.

  "Why no' me, Struan? Why could ye no' accept me as yer son?" Robert swallowed deeply, trying to prepare himself for whatever words Struan said.