Mad Worlds Collide

by Tony Teora

  Robert looked at Sir James reading his mind. An immense sense of self worth emerged. Sir James loved himself more than anything in the world but now realized he was living in a device much worse than any robot he’d created. This caused a great sadness.

  "I’m a monster!" cried out Sir James.

  He lifted up his four piston arms. "Look at me."

  "It’s not that bad. You were able to add on a few extra thousand years," said Robert.

  Gill continued, "Yeah, and who knows with the advance of medicine, they can do wonders."

  "It’s bullshit!" said Sir James.

  Sir James swung his head. It started to swivel back and forth, jerking for a few seconds. Then it stopped.

  "I must get a new body, but it’s been over 30 thousand years. If I get a new body and if I can find my way back to Snokper, my company…yes that’s it!"

  Frick was chewing on a pencil, not really paying full attention. The pencil soothed his nerves, "What do you think your relatives are doing now?"

  "Why, I hadn’t thought of that…er…? "

  Robert shook his head. "Why Frick?"

  "Why what? I just wondered how long people lived on Snokper, to get an idea if he’d be ---"

  "Stop! My relatives, they’re probably all gone! There’re all dead!"

  Pistons started to hiss again and the hydraulic lines bulged. One line burst spewing out green fluid.

  Sir James shook like an unbalanced washing machine. He slowly vibrated toward the window.

  "Be careful Sir James, there’s a space window over there!" yelled Robert.

  Sir James hopped uncontrollably with fluid shooting all over the room. He hopped his way out of the two-way window and into space.

  Robert walked toward the window but was careful not to slip on the fluid. Outside Sir James floated, still shaking, toward the Moon.

  "Holy shit," said Robert.

  "Never trust a psychiatrist, they’ve all got something screwed loose in their head," said Gill.

  "I told you that window was dangerous, I told you guys," said Frick chewing into the number 2 lead of his pencil staying clear of the window.

  "What are we gonna do?" asked Gill sitting on a medical table.

  "I’m not sure, but I think Big Blue reprogrammed this TeleTrans. I’m picking up all kinds of stuff in this ship, " said Robert.

  "Reprogrammed?"

  "Yeah, it’s too long to explain, but Big Blue is kind of alive, and he knew that the US military sold his design plans to these aliens."

  Frick pulled a pencil out of his mouth. "Robert, you don’t think those pills are fucking with your head, do you?"

  "Yes, they are. Big Blue knew about the aliens because he tracked them getting into the AD2100. Big Blue was one of the hackers, but that’s a long story too."

  "Take the red pill Gill, take the green pill Gill…know what I mean?" said Frick.

  "I know what you are thinking, but trust me, --wait. I think I just picked up a command console in the ship, yeah, it’s near the corner. I will try to bring it up."

  "Take the red pill Gill, take the green pill Gill…." continued Frick.

  A rectangular control panel rose out of the floor. Robert walked over and starting hitting buttons. "That’s it, I found an escape pod. There’s only one."

  A metal cylinder popped up from the floor. A door opened, showing a coffin-shaped seat, barely big enough for Robert.

  Robert walked over toward Gill. "Gill, I know what you are thinking, I really do. You think you should go because you’re President of MicroIntel. And I know what you are thinking Frick, you are worried that you won’t see that girl Michel you met today at Club heaven again, and now your worried that I’m going to tell Gill…"

  "Robert, now that’s not fair! I believe you now, I believe you."

  Frick was thinking that if Robert really could read his mind he’d tell Gill how Frick had his friend short 250,000 MI shares after the last board meeting. It wasn’t illegal, (Frick was too smart for that) but it did not look good.

  "Listen guys, I am going to program this pod to take me back. I will find a way to come back and save you guys."

  "Yeah right, we’re fucked up here. How are you going to get back here?" said Gill.

  "I don’t know, but if I don’t go back and work with Big Blue these guys are going to take over the Earth. They have no choice."

  "No choice?" said Gill.

  "No, Big Blue said their planet is on course to collide with our sun. They need a new home and I think they want to take ours."

  Robert had awakened from a Big Blue hypnotic session. The pills reacted to regenerate stored memories. Without the codes stored in the pills the memories could not be extracted by Robert or anyone. Memories were really not much different than a floppy disk. Robert’s memories were encrypted, but now he knew the key.

  Robert continued, "I will leave you guys the TeleTrans. Put it on and try to use it to hide yourselves in the ship. It’s a quite a big ship from what I could read and---"

  "I’m not putting on that space helmet! Who knows what the hell it does to your head!"

  "Hey, I’m leaving. It works. As you know Frick, the pod is programmed for Tokyo. I’ll try to get back soon."

  Robert jumped into the pod and hit a button. The door closed. Frick backed off. The pod turned on its side rolled out the two-way window. From outside its engines blasted the re-entry engines.

  Gill and Frick sat at the medical tables. Gill put on the TeleTrans. "I’m going to try it out."

  "I’m not so sure Gill. Who knows where Robert is going? Maybe that thing tricked him into getting into that pod. Maybe they’re pissed about Sir James."

  "I don’t think so. Robert’s the smartest guy I know. I’m putting it on."

  Gill put on the head set. His mind felt like it had entered a large room where he could see all over the place. There were maps, computers, descriptions to other rooms, and codes to open doors. Gill looked at Frick and could sense that he was nervous. He could feel it and he also got the feeling of shorted MI stock.

  "You didn’t Frick."

  "Didn’t what?"

  "Short 250,000 thousand of our own shares"

  "No I didn’t, my friend Burt did."

  "Yeah, you knew the price would drop. That’s insider trading, and now you’re thinking you’re going to lose 5 million dollars to cancel the order, you shit!"

  "I’m sorry Gill. I’ll make it up somehow."

  "Ah crap! We’ve got to leave. I’m picking up a Zok Clone coming this way. Quick, follow me I’m going to open a door over here."

  A round hole appeared near the back of the room. Gill and Frick ran through, and it closed after them. They followed a gray metal hallway and turned left into another larger hallway. In that hallway metal doors were spaced every ten feet or so. In the TeleTrans monitor Gill could see that they were Zok sleeping compartments. Near the end was an empty sleeping room. He pushed a code he saw in his head and the door opened.

  "Get in Frick, hurry!" The two jumped down a short stairway and Gill closed the door behind.

  "What’s that thing doing?" asked Frick.

  "I can see all kinds of stuff. I can see through walls, I can see hidden walls and when I want to open a door, the password shows on the door. Interesting, when I look at you I can see in your head, I can feel your thoughts.

  "Please take if off for a second Gill, please. It’s making me nervous."

  "Sure Frick." Gill took off the headset, "What’s the matter?"

  "Oh, just the 250,000 shares I shorted. I just feel uncomfortable about you reading my head like that."

  "I didn’t see anything else that bothered me, relax."

  "It’s not that, it’s just how would you feel if I wore it?"

  "I’d be fine, but you said you didn’t trust it."

  "I trust it now, let me try it out."

  Frick wanted to read into Gill’s head to see what Gill was going to do about the 250,000 shorted shares.


  "Well, I don’t think we have much time and I know how to use it now."

  "You’re afraid I’ll be able to read your head, aren’t you?"

  "No…but..."

  "No buts, give it to me."

  Gill reluctantly handed over the TeleTrans.

  Frick put it on to check out Gill, but the sheer amazement of seeing so much put Frick on another line of thought. He looked around the ship. He could move through walls just by thinking. He went back to the original room, and could see a Zok peering out the window. He was staring at Gork who was falling toward the Moon. In the distance there was the Zok pod with Robert inside. Frick knew the Zok was confused, feeling that the Earthman was trouble, smarter, and a feeling worst of all, that the Earthmen would be eliminated soon.

  "What are you doing -- reading my head?"

  "No Gill, picking up the Zok man. Boy, is he pissed."

  "Well, we need to figure a way to get the hell off this ship. Snoop around with that thing, I am going to rest here. There isn’t any way we’re leaving this room unless we have to. There is too much fucked up shit out there."

  "I hear you on that one. Shit, this is like a fucking military boot camp, and the kitchen, all they have are Kripits and ice."

  "Frick, just see if you can figure a way out, I want to relax and think. That Kripit feels like a hockey puck in my gut."

  "I told you guys not to eat that shit."

  "Just leave me alone, will you? Check out and see if you can find one of those pods or something."

  "Looking now."

  Chapter 21: Warning Lights are flashing

  The Earth reminded us of a Christmas tree ornament hanging in the blackness of space. As we got farther and farther away it diminished in size. Finally it shrank to the size of a marble, the most beautiful marble you can imagine. That beautiful, warm, living object looked so fragile, so delicate, that if you touched it with a finger it would crumble and fall apart. Seeing this has to change a man, has to make a man appreciate the creation of God and the love of God.

  —James Irwin, USA

  "COL. SANDURZ:" He's an Asshole, sir.

  "DARK HELMET:" I know that. What's his name?

  "COL. SANDURZ:" That is his name, sir. Asshole. Major Asshole.

  "DARK HELMET:" And his cousin?

  "COL. SANDURZ:" He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunners mate first class Philip Asshole.

  "DARK HELMET:" How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?

  "ALL CREW:" Yo!!

  "DARK HELMET:" I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes!

  —Spaceballs, the Movie

  Sitting in the phone-booth sized pod felt like moving up a roller coaster track and waiting for the ride to run down, except there was no sense of movement. The Earth was growing larger so Robert knew he was getting closer. Through the TeleTrans, Robert programmed the landing zone for Tokyo, but it was hard to imagine that a cylindrical box could really re-enter safely into the Earth’s atmosphere. When the Earth took up most of the frontal view the pod hissed liked a spray can. At first the noise startled Robert. He thought he’d hit a meteorite and was losing air. The craft pitched 90 degrees toward the Earth’s curvature. It slowed and Robert’s legs started to get heavy with gravity. The window changed to a red hue and Robert could no longer see outside. It was getting hot inside and Robert started to sweat. He prayed that there was some limit to the temperature rise.

  As gravity increased, the pod shook, with hissing sounds compensating for small rolls. After five minutes of shaking, hissing, and sweating the pod rolled sideways. The temperature decreased and Robert could see lights below. The pod descended near a crowded street and slowly landed on top of a ramen noodle shop behind a large heater unit. The doors opened with a depressurizing hiss. The heater unit hid most of the pod, but not all. Robert stepped out. His legs wobbled at first, but soon he got a solid footing.

  Thank God. Oh Thank God, good old Earth, home at last. Robert walked toward an emergency ladder and walked down. The sign in front said, "Welcome to Kabuchiko!"

  In the street, thousands of people walked by thousands of small noisy bars and drinking holes. The street was filled with smoke from cigarettes and cooking. The mix was uniquely Kabuchiko. Robert had heard of Kabuchiko, but had never walked its dirty streets. Once on the street Robert took safety near a Coca-Cola machine. This one American symbol brought some comfort. For 250 yen Robert was able to buy a hot can of coffee. The can burned in Robert’s hand but he didn’t care. He popped it open and took a swallow of the sweet milky coffee. The Kripit was filling but tasteless. The extra sweet Japanese can coffee mixed well with the blandness of the Kripit.

  A long dark-haired European man walked past Robert and stopped, looking at Robert drinking his coffee. "Hey mate, looking for some companionship tonight?"

  "No, had a big night already," said Robert rubbing sweat off his brow.

  "Oh really? Well I got one girl that can give you a night you’ll never forget! She’s a doll."

  "Believe me, I’ve already had a night I’ll never forget! Sorry to trouble you, but where’s the closest train line, or where can I get a taxi?"

  The tall man brushed back his long black hair. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it with match from a red matchbook with the name Mari printed on its cover. "You don’t look like you come round here much, do you?" The man took a long puff. "Would you like a smoke?"

  "No thanks, the coffee is fine. Naw, I’m from Michigan, but I got stuck in Seattle for work and now I’m stuck in Japan."

  "Yeah, me too. This place is a shit hole. Came from Hungary."

  "My grandfather is from Rumania and I think we have a few Hungarian roots too," said Robert.

  "Everybody has a little Hungarian in them. My name is Mitch." Mitch put out his hand and shook Robert’s.

  "Mine’s Robert."

  "Nice to meet you Robert."

  "Look Mitch, I’m in kind of a rush. Do you know how to get out of here?"

  Mitch chuckled. "I’ve been in Japan seven years my friend. Get out of Japan as soon as you can. It doesn’t matter where you go because if you don’t go, you’re stuck. I see slick business guys coming to Japan thinking their life is so important, but they’re fucked too. Tell me why you’re in a rush and I’ll get you out of here quick."

  Robert looked at the streets packed with people drinking, eating and smoking. It looked the same in every direction: lights, glitter and noise. This looked like Tokyo but Tokyos had sprouted up all over the world -- Hong Kong, Shanghai, Seoul, Mexico City and even NY. The future was now, a mad mix of culture and technology, like drinking a fine wine mixed with gasoline. Separately they had their purpose, but together they tasted like shit. The lights started to spin in Robert’s head and music rang in his brain:

  Warning lights are flashing down at quality control

  Somebody threw a spanner and they threw him in the hole

  'Goodness me could this be industrial disease!

  Robert shook his head, the music stopped. "Important, yeah, well you see I’ m on this job—"

  "Stop! That’s the first part of pain my friend. Do you like your job?"

  "I used to like it, but I have a wife and kids, so I kind of need the job."

  Mitch stepped on his smoke. "You don’t like your job but you need it for the wife and kids?"

  "Yeah. Sometimes I like it. But my wife is leaving me for some French guy, so I guess I’m doing it mostly for the kids."

  "Now, I get it. Your job is important because of your family and you came here for a piece of side ass because you’re wife’s cheating?"

  "I didn’t say she was cheating, but I think she is, and I don’t want a piece of side ass!"

  "This girl is some good ass." Mitch pulled out a picture of a young Japanese girl from his wallet and showed Robert.

  "Listen Mitch, I’m sure she’s great, but I want to see my kids."

  "Yeah, I hear you. I kind of wish I was married too."

  No you don’t, thought Robert. "Peo
ple who aren’t married want to be married, until they get married. People want kids when they’re married, until they have kids, then mostly count the days until their kids go to college." Robert felt embarrassed. He talked too much.

  "Well, guess I’m not doing so bad after all." Mitch looked at Robert with a smirk.

  Robert started to dislike Mitch. The trouble with Susan hurt, and she was leaving for another man, a French man, a cultured man. She didn’t know what the fuck she wanted. Robert was convinced of that.

  "Maybe you’re not doing bad, but a family is important," said Robert.

  "I know, but mine all got killed in a war. I came to Japan to make a better life, trying to save my money to start a family. I have a girl, but she wants me to get a regular job to get married"

  "Why don’t you?"

  "Man it’s tough here. It’s better than the war back home, but it’s a different kind of war here, you know what I mean?"

  "Yeah, sure do. Hey look, I’ll give you 20,000 yen if you just show me the hell out of here. You might not believe me but I need to save this planet."

  "Really? Why?"

  Why save the planet? Good question thought Robert. "Because you never know, there is a thin line between success and failure in life’s battles. Although this planet looks pretty bad, maybe this will turn into something good."

  Mitch pulled out another cigarette and put it in his mouth. He looked at Robert as one would a look at a bear walking in the woods, carefully. "You said you’d pass me 20,000 yen didn’t you?"

  Robert nodded.

  "Let me get you out of here. I not sure who’s more fucked up, you or this place," Mitch signaled him to follow.

  Robert walked past coffee vending machines, some selling girls’ used and unwashed underwear, some selling jeans, condoms -- selling almost anything. Hostess bars dotted the street with signs of semi-clothed women with prices: 10,000 yen first 60 minutes, free drinks. Robert’s head started to spin again. He thought this is what Snookers must have felt in her last few spins of existence. He shook his head and tried to focus.

  Mitch pushed through the crowds, Robert closely following. Mitch glanced at a fat Caucasian woman dressed in a cheap kimono, a prostitute. He leaned over toward Robert. "It’s a mad fucking world out there."