Wishing Pearl

by Nicole O'Dell

  Aha. It was God talk. But if Tammy felt Him here, why didn’t Olivia sense Him at all? Was Tammy crazy to say she felt God, or did God simply not care about Olivia? In her reality, those were the only two options. He wasn’t there at all, or He just wasn’t there for Olivia. Simple. Time was running out on her ultimatum with God. Olivia needed to know what to believe, but He didn’t seem to be planning to answer her prayer anytime soon, if at all.

  That was enough. Olivia needed to get away from Tammy and the God talk, so she reached for a branch and prepared to take a fork in the trail and climb on her own for a few minutes. She stepped up on a ledge and pulled on the branch closest to her face.

  WHAM!

  The lights went out as what felt like a dump truck full of snow piled on her head and slid down her face into her parka and beneath her shirt. Olivia sputtered and shook as she tried to free herself from the snow attack. “Who …? What happened? How …?” The ice-cold snow burned the warm skin inside her jacket. She frantically dug beneath her shirt, pulling out melting clumps of snow and shaking them off her freezing hand onto the ground, spraying anyone who stood near. She gave up after a minute and looked up. Twenty-three girls, three counselors, one director, and one very guilty-looking son of a director stared at her, openmouthed.

  “Are you okay, Liv?” Skye lifted her sunglasses.

  Ju-Ju raised her eyebrows and smirked.

  Tricia dug in her backpack and pulled out a sweatshirt, which she handed to Olivia. “This is probably too big for you, but you can use this to dry off or put it on. We can shield you while you change.”

  “Too big? More likely it’s way too small. But thanks.” Olivia dried her stinging cheeks with the sleeve.

  Justin stepped forward. “I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Why would you be sorry?” Olivia dried her chest and neck with the other sleeve of Tricia’s sweatshirt. No way was she going to change shirts out there in the great outdoors … oh right, God’s house.

  “Um. It wasn’t technically an accident.” His neck and the tips of his ears turned red. They seemed to do that a lot.

  “Justin? What are you saying?” Ben’s voice grew stern.

  Justin mouthed I’m sorry to Olivia before stomping over to his dad, hurrying as fast as his snowshoes would allow. “I was only having some fun. I thought it would land on you, Dad. I didn’t realize it was so much snow. It was a stupid prank. I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, son. I’m not mad. I always love a good practical joke. You just need to be careful.” Ben gestured toward Olivia. “There’s always the potential of an unintended victim. Come on over here with me while the girls help Olivia get straightened up.” He put his arm around Justin and led him to a clearing where, judging by Justin’s face, Ben started right in with a lecture.

  A long, slender hand with delicate fingers waved in front of her face. “Earth to Olivia.” Tricia brushed off Olivia’s concern with a wave of her hand. “Don’t mind Justin. I doubt he’ll be in any trouble. It’s just that he’s not really allowed to make friends with us. He’s supposed to stay all business.”

  “Oh? I wonder why.” Olivia knitted her brows as she watched Justin lope off in the other direction.

  “Well, you really can’t blame his parents. There are lots of girls coming in and out of here every year—messed-up girls at that. It would be easy for him to get off track if his parents weren’t careful.”

  “He kind of insinuated that he recently had to get over a rough situation with a girl.” Olivia shielded her eyes from the sun and watched him disappear in the trees. “What’s the deal with that?”

  Tricia jerked her head back and squinted. “He told you? Hmm. I’m surprised he mentioned it.”

  “Why?” Olivia stepped closer to Tricia. She had to know.

  “He’s usually more private than that, and I’m sure his dad hoped the story would fade away.”

  “What story? And where did he meet her?” Surely Tricia would know that much. Olivia figured she had to be from Justin’s school based on what he’d said earlier.

  “Oh, she was a Diamond girl.” Tricia chuckled. “You can imagine how upset his dad was when he found out. Actually, I was surprised Ben let it continue at all. Then it ended badly, and now we’re not allowed to have boyfriends at all.”

  “Is it someone who’s still here?” Couldn’t be. Olivia surely would have heard about it by now.

  “I’m not saying anything else.” Tricia shook her head. “I don’t know many of the intimate details, and honestly, you’d be better off leaving that alone.”

  Leaving what alone? The story or the boy?

  Too late for both.

  Chapter 17

  Olivia slumped down in her seat as the two-van caravan pulled into the church parking lot. If she slunk all the way to the floor and hid under the seats, maybe no one would notice and she could wait out the service in the van. Thankfully, they weren’t forced to wear orange jumpsuits, but the dress was bad enough. Who wore dresses to church at her age?

  She peeked out the window, careful not to raise her head high enough for anyone to see her. The place was the size of a mall. Oh wait. The sign boasted a bookstore and a coffee shop inside the building. It was a mall. Cars filed in through four entrances, and people streamed from their vehicles.

  Some suited men, standing tall and proud, escorted ladies in full Sunday dress—gloves, hats, high heels—with Bibles hanging from their wrists in handmade quilted covers. Young children were dressed in adorable outfits—cute, although too matchy-matchy for Olivia’s taste. Rebellious teens hung back, the agony in their eyes revealing they’d rather be anywhere else. Olivia saw one girl hitch up her skirt a fraction of an inch. Her mom saw it, too, and yanked it back down.

  Olivia gave a mental high five to a long-haired dude who had the nerve to wear a T-shirt with a beer advertisement on it. Judging by the grins, handshakes, and slaps on his back, he seemed well liked by everyone. Didn’t they see his shirt? Were they going to let him into the church in that?

  Ah, there they were, the happy families. Moms and dads held hands or swung toddlers between them. They were the types of families that would stop for lunch on the way home from church, change into play clothes the minute they got home, and then spend the afternoon doing yard work together. It wasn’t that she begrudged them their happiness. It was just … well, why couldn’t she have had a family like one of those? She almost did….

  Were people watching as the Diamond Estates vans pulled into the spaces in the back? She didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone to see for herself. The thought of the disapproval that would surely fill their gaze didn’t appeal to her one bit.

  The girls poured from the vans and headed across the parking lot toward the church in a double-file line. Dread filled the pit of her stomach as Olivia walked beside Ju-Ju and in front of Skye. Tricia trailed right behind. The two rows offered Olivia another reminder of criminals. She imagined them like a prison gang in an old movie, shuffling along, dragging the chains that bound them to each other at the ankles.

  “I’ve been working on a chain gang …” Olivia sang a few bars of an old spiritual before she could help herself.

  Ju-Ju choked.

  Skye giggled and covered her mouth.

  Several other girls glared back at them, their eyes shifting from one to the other—probably trying to figure out who sang the words.

  Tammy pretended not to hear her. Oh—she probably hadn’t heard her.

  The Diamond girls entered the auditorium. Many of them waved and greeted people as they made their way down the aisle. Some even stopped for a quick hug along the way. The people seemed nice enough—but there was no way everyone would be like these first few she’d seen. Clearly the gossipers and finger pointers just hadn’t arrived yet. They’d show up soon—they always did.

  Ben walked swiftly as he led them to the right and up toward the front. He held his head high. Why wasn’t he embarrassed by his ragamuffin
brood of troublemakers?

  Four rows of chairs stood empty with RESERVED signs on the sides. Ha. They made the Diamond girls sit up close—probably thought they’d get more out of the service that way. Plus people could keep a better eye on them. So much for sitting in back, hidden from prying eyes.

  The girls settled into seats. Olivia sat between Tricia and Skye. Ju-Ju took the end seat and crossed her ankles in the aisle, her body pivoted away from the girls. Olivia cast her gaze down at the floor. Disapproval would be bad enough, but what if she saw pity in people’s eyes—or worse, fear? What if they clutched their purses or held their child’s hand a little tighter in case she were a knife-wielding thug? She’d die of embarrassment. Olivia had never been the object of a stranger’s scorn before—that she knew of—and she didn’t like how it felt one bit.

  What might they think brought her to Diamond Estates? Probably assumed it was drugs or something worse.

  A life-controlling problem. Ben had explained that girls who came to Diamond Estates didn’t have to be addicts or criminals. They simply had to have a life-controlling problem that, according to Ben, in Olivia’s case, meant she didn’t have Jesus. Her own selfish desires, he said, were directing her life. She needed to surrender that control to the Lord.

  The Lord. It sounded strange. Like an otherworldly paranormal being. At least Jesus sounded more relatable—more real. But surrender to Jesus? She had no idea what that even meant. And how could she surrender to someone she couldn’t even find? Maybe He was right there in that two-story church auditorium with its basketball nets anchored to the ceiling. Did the bright, shiny tape on the padded floor outlining the boundaries of a court have anything to do with Jesus? How about the stage with the glass-enclosed drum set? Would that be what helped her find God? Why did it seem so impossible for her when everyone else seemed to understand Him and make Him a real part of their lives so easily?

  Olivia stared at the pocket on the seat back of the maroon chair in front of her. Visitor cards. She fought the urge to laugh. They probably didn’t want to know who she was. Just a Diamond girl—a temporary seat warmer who would disappear once she’d done her time. Maybe that did make her a visitor. After all, she sure wouldn’t be there forever.

  She pulled out a card and read the information it asked for. Name. Address. Family members. Phone number. And then there were several boxes to check about how long she’d known God. No box said Complete stranger. Funny, the only question she knew the answer to was her name. She put the card back in the slot and glanced to her right before she could help herself.

  Someone leaning against the back wall looked familiar. Olivia squinted.

  Mom?

  What was she doing here? Olivia stared in horror as her mother, fully dressed in head-to-toe couture, tried to go unnoticed. Her flashy clothes sure weren’t acting as camouflage. Wasn’t it poor form to mix designers? Mom never cared. The more glitz and glamour she could pour onto her body, the better—in her opinion. But why was she there? Olivia could get in trouble for the contact. She wasn’t supposed to see any family again until she moved to the next level of the program. Leave it to Mom to think the rules had nothing to do with her. Didn’t she care about how her actions affected Olivia? At least she didn’t seem to be trying to get to her. Yet.

  The stage came to life as the musicians took their places and the vocalists stepped up to the microphones. Olivia whipped her head around at the sound of an electric guitar. In church? Without prompting, the people stood and clapped to the beat. Tricia joined right in and seemed to be enjoying herself, even swaying to the music. A peek to the left revealed a slightly more reserved, but participating, Skye. Beyond Skye stood Ju-Ju, grinning and clapping offbeat, but she sure didn’t seem to care. It was the most life Olivia had seen in Ju-Ju yet.

  But what about Mom? Olivia tried to find her out of the corner of her eye and almost didn’t see her slip into a back seat. Thankfully, Ben hadn’t seen her yet. Olivia had no idea what to do. She peeked at the people in the seats around her. Could she sneak out of her row, go up the side aisle, and hide in a bathroom? Maybe Mom would be gone before she came out. But the people around her were engrossed in the music. Many closed their eyes as they sang and clapped. Some had a hand raised and others had both in the air, waving. Others stood stoically, mouthing the words but clearly not in their comfort zone—much like Olivia. She’d never be able to sneak past them all without causing a big ruckus.

  Maybe if she told Tammy she was sick, they’d just take her home and she could avoid Mom completely. But Tammy stood four rows in front of her, in the midst of a group of people Olivia had never seen before. They appeared to all be hearing impaired because an elegantly dressed gray-haired woman stood on the edge of the stage right in front of the group and signed for them. Olivia would cause a big scene just trying to get a message to her.

  After four or five songs—Olivia lost count—several prayers, and the passing of the offering plate, the preacher invited them to sit for the sermon. Sinking into her seat, she at least felt safe from her mom’s prying eyes for the moment. Olivia pressed her toe against the bottom edge of the hardcover Bible in the seat back in front of her. She pushed it up an inch with her black leather boot and then let if fall back down with a thud.

  Her boot had gotten scuffed somehow. Hmm. Wonder if Mom will keep the Chanel thigh-highs or give them away. Not like Mom could get them over her own thighs. Olivia slid a little lower in her seat and squeezed her eyes shut.

  “Livvie, sit still,” Mom hissed through her teeth as the preacher finished his prayer.

  Daddy pulled her onto his lap and scooted closer to Mom. “Now, if you don’t settle down, Livvie Love, you’ll have to go to your kindergarten class.”

  “Okay, Daddy. I’ll be good.” Olivia felt her curls bounce against her cheeks when she nodded her head. It tickled, so she did it again. Mommy always made her sleep in curlers on Saturday night so her hair would look pretty for church. “I don’t want to go to that class. Those kids are dumb.” Daddy squeezed her arm and pulled her back against his chest as the elderly couple behind them stifled a giggle.

  The people in front of them had funny hair. Olivia just wanted to play with the man’s ponytail. Maybe she could ride him like a horsey. The lady had short spiked hair, like a porcupine. Weird animal people.

  “… nearing the close of my sermon. I once heard that a sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending. In the best sermons, they’re as close together as possible.” The preacher laughed along with the congregation at his joke.

  “Daddy, that wasn’t funny at all.” Olivia sent the elderly couple behind her into another fit of giggles, and the man with the ponytail turned around to wink at her. Olivia gasped when she saw that his black-and-gray beard was as long and scraggly as his hair.

  The preacher stopped laughing, and the smile left his face as he cleared his throat. “In all seriousness, folks, this is it. This is what it all comes back to. Where are you with Jesus? Do you know Him as your personal Savior? I’m not going to preach another sermon, so I’m just going to ask you. Do you want to know Jesus? If you want a personal relationship with Him, raise your hand.” He looked across the congregation and nodded as several people put up their hands.

  Olivia slipped her tiny hand into the air and smiled at the preacher. “It’s okay, Daddy, right? I can know Jesus if I want to, can’t I?”

  “Yes, Livvie Love, you can know Jesus. In fact, I’m sure He’s smiling at you right now because He wants to know you, too.”

  So what happened? If He’d been smiling at her that day, if He’d met her as she made her way to the front of the church and stood beside the preacher to ask Jesus into her heart, where had He gone? Olivia strained to hear the bars of the old Sunday school songs.

  “Jesus loves me, this I know … “

  She dug in her memory to find some hidden snippets of Bible verses she’d memorized.

  “For God so loved the world … “

&nb
sp; What happened? If—and that was a big if—she knew Him then, why didn’t she know Him now? He took Daddy.

  There it was. Fact. Unemotional reality. There was no denying the truth she’d found in her soul. She blamed God. In a way, the realization freed her. On the other hand, even if Olivia reached out to God now—or soon—maybe He’d be so mad at her that He wouldn’t respond to her plea. Surely it wasn’t okay to blame God for things, right? Didn’t people get in big trouble for that in the Bible?

  “… stand and join me in a closing prayer.” The preacher lifted his hands as he prayed.

  Oops. Olivia had missed the whole sermon. She hoped there wouldn’t be a quiz on the ride back to the center. She stood to her feet and peeked at the people around her. Everyone’s eyes were closed. Tricia moved her lips in prayer. Skye had a serene and peaceful look on her face. Ju-Ju turned and met Olivia’s gaze for a moment. She gave one nod. That was all it took. It was a nod of assurance and understanding—acceptance.

  Olivia blinked and let the corners of her mouth curl up just a fraction. Enough to take Ju-Ju’s move a half step further. Ju-Ju didn’t respond to the mini smile. Not that Olivia had expected her to—she’d stepped outside of her comfort zone enough for one day. Olivia would take what she could get. At least there was hope.

  “… Amen.”

  The worship team launched a final song as people began to collect their belongings.

  Mom! Olivia had almost forgotten that when she turned to leave with the group, she’d be confronted with the one person she didn’t need to see—wasn’t allowed to see, actually. Should she go tell Ben and let him deal with it? At least then he’d know she had nothing to do with her Mom being here. They couldn’t blame her for something someone else did. If she didn’t tell him right away, Ben might think she and Mom had set it up ahead of time. That was all she needed. So hard to know what to do.

  Olivia turned and climbed over Tricia’s feet and squeezed out into the aisle against the flow of traffic. She tapped Tammy on the shoulder.