Bliss

by Fiona Zedde

  "Hello, lovely."

  Sinclair looked up to see Hunter's cousin standing near the table. "Ebony, right?"

  "At your service, beautiful lady. I'm pleased that you re member my name." She sat down in Hunter's chair. "So why is a pretty girl like you sitting here looking so sad? My egghead cousin put you off already?" She leaned back and propped her feet up on an empty chair. The silver ring in her right nipple winked at Sinclair through the tight shirt.

  Despite her annoyance, Sinclair chuckled. "No, she hasn't done a thing to `put me off.' I'm just having a bit of a family raucous at the moment."

  "You mean with Lydia?"

  "How do you know about that?"

  "She and I came here together." At Sinclair's raised eyebrow, she grinned. "She's trying out some new things these days." Ebony picked up the menu. "So I guess they're off somewhere talking, then?"

  Sinclair nodded.

  "Lord knows how long that's going to take and I'm already hungry." The waitress chose that moment to walk over to their table. "Perfect."

  After they ordered, the two women sat back to watch each other. Ebony's mouth tilted in a crooked smile. To Sinclair, it seemed pained.

  "I hope you don't feel bad about being a substitute for Hunter," she felt compelled to say.

  Ebony chuckled. "Not at all. I know that girl doesn't want me. She doesn't want my cousin either. We're both subs. That's life. At least I'm getting to enjoy the perks of that arrangement."

  "You're both substitutes? What do you mean?"

  "For Della. The girl never really got over her. Especially since Del left her for Hunter." Ebony shrugged. "I don't get that. A woman dumps me, I move on. Not try to fuck the girl she left me for just to prove something."

  Things suddenly became a little clearer. "But why is she still stalking Hunter if it's Della she wants?"

  "Don't ask me to explain the minds of crazies, my lovely." She looked up when the waitress came back with their food, the large tray almost overflowing with the lobster dinner, its various side dishes, and Sinclair's rather modest crab cakes and seasoned rice. "Ah! I've been looking forward to this all day. 55

  The two of them were well on their way through their meal when Hunter reappeared, minus Lydia. She sat down and greeted her cousin with a nod. "Sorry about that."

  "No problem, Hunt. We made the best of it despite being abandoned by our dates." Ebony scraped the last bit of lobster from the collection of shells on her plate and forked it into her mouth. "Where is Lydia anyway?"

  "I left her in the parking lot. She might come back in here, but she might not."

  "Then I guess I better go find her." Ebony finished her glass of wine and wiped her lips with the napkin before standing up. "Good to see you again, Sinclair." She looked at her cousin. "If you want to keep this one you should start acting better." She bared her teeth at Hunter. "Later."

  Sinclair nibbled on her rice. Hunter slowly turned to face her, her mouth twisted into a less than humorous expression. "I really am sorry about that. But her childishness was really getting on my nerves."

  "And that's all, huh?"

  "What more could there be?" Hunter brushed her thumb across Sinclair's bottom lip. "You had some ... sauce on you." She licked the speck of white off her thumb. "Is it too late for me to get something to eat?"

  "Maybe. How late do you want to keep the horses out?"

  "Good point. I'll just grab something to go." She raised her hand for the waitress.

  They rode back into the mountains with the sun chasing them all the way. Hunter's teasing slowly melted away whatever misgivings Sinclair had about the long talk she'd had with Lydia. She even offered to share her chicken sandwich, laughing when the slight woman ate most of it, saying that it was Hunter's fault that she had been too keyed up at the restaurant to eat.

  "I didn't know that Della and Lydia used to be together," Sinclair said as they trotted up the mountain.

  "Me either until fairly recently." Hunter slid her an ironic look. "Small world, isn't it?"

  Sinclair nodded. "Ebony was just telling me about that whole mess. Are you OK with it?"

  "Yes. I have to be. When Lydia and I talked at the party a few weeks ago, I found out that this thing ... was never really about me. Lydia still loves Della. And with all that going on she could never make love with me, much less love me. You know?" Hunter stared straight ahead as her body moved like a graceful metronome in the saddle. "That's why it made me so angry today that she was attacking you for stealing me, someone who she never really wanted." She shook her head. "Women."

  Sinclair's eyes caressed the other woman's profile. "You're the one that I want," she whispered. "No other."

  Ahead of them, the mountains were beginning to catch fire. The gold of full sun gave way to the stunning brilliance of sunset, steeped in shades of amber and orange and red. Beside her, Hunter, too, was draped in fire, her darkness haloed and magnified and magnificent as she rode quietly at Sinclair's side with her mouth curved in a faint smile.

  "What are you smiling about?"

  "Why do you ask? Can't I just be happy?" The smile remained, taking the sting out of the words.

  "I suppose." Sinclair rolled her eyes, but felt a smile tug at her own lips.

  "Want to go a little faster?"

  "What?"

  "It's easy. And the horses are restless. We'd be doing them a favor." She grinned. "Trust me." And she took off galloping up the gentle slope. Because Dahlia knew who was boss, the brown mare followed, forcing Sinclair to hold on for dear life.

  Hunter bent forward on Glimmer's back and the horse's mane, tail, and the dark woman's hair streamed out like a black and silver banner. Laughter poured out behind her. The hooves pounded across the mountainside, flying through the grass and dirt toward the woods leading them back to the stables. Glimmer began to slow down, so did Dahlia until the horses were at a canter, their chests heaving with their recent effort. Hunter's chest, too, was heaving, and the look of her made Sinclair's body flush hot.

  "Sexy, sexy, Miss Willoughby." Sinclair playfully licked her lips.

  "Baby, you say the most flattering things ..."

  They shared a heated look then rode quickly the rest of the way home.

  The next day Sinclair was so sore from riding that she could barely make it out of bed. Hunter knew, and showed up at her father's door not long after everyone had gone with a jar of something sweet-smelling to rub her down with.

  "Just cut off everything below the waist so I can feel better," Sinclair groaned when she opened the door to let Hunter in.

  Her lover, of course, looked disgustingly fit and pain-free in beige chinos and a white button-down shirt. "That's more pain in the long run for us all," she said. "Come on. Get back in bed."

  "That's the best thing I've heard anyone say to me all day.

  "It's barely nine o'clock."

  "And I've already experienced three hours of constant pain. Come fix me."

  She lay back on the bed and took off her robe so that Hunter could work on her.

  "You know that's not really necessary, right?" she said, gesturing to Sinclair's nakedness. "Not that I'm complaining. "

  "Then shut up and touch me."

  Hunter rubbed Sinclair's legs and thighs until she was jelly, until the pain receded to the back of her mind and she was falling back asleep. Dimly she heard her lover say something about being teased without the promise of satisfaction. Sinclair yawned from the pillow of her arms and rolled over to her back.

  "If you want it so bad then take it," she murmured then moaned softly when Hunter took her up on the invitation, stroking her throat and breasts with her tongue. That woke her right up.

  Chapter 21

  'he sun splashed like fine gold around Sinclair. Rain from last night had come and gone, rinsing the island clean and leaving behind the crisp scent of newness. Sinclair lay on her blanket in the sand. Coconut trees rustled nearby in the breeze, their subtle music almost drowned out by the shrieking
children running along the beach, playing tag with each other and with the waves galloping up on the sand. A few people lay on towels or sat in beach chairs a few feet away. Their presence was welcome; their conversation a soothing counterpoint to the clamor in Sinclair's head.

  In a week she would leave, pack up her American clothes, and go back to where she came from. The thought hurt. She would miss her family. Their cooking, their laughter, the feeling of belonging. And she would miss Hunter. Sinclair rolled over and pillowed her suddenly wet face in her arms.

  "Is there room on this blanket for one more?"

  Lydia stood next to Sinclair looking down at her through amber-tinted sunglasses. Surprised, she wiped at her eyes and sat up.

  "Sure." She curled her legs under her and moved aside so Lydia could sit down. Her sister faced her in silence, sliding her sunglasses to the top of her head.

  "I wasn't sure where you'd be today."

  "Papa and Nikki usually know where I am."

  "Yeah. Nikki told me where to find you."

  "So now that you have. . ." Sinclair looked at her in expectation.

  Her sister actually blushed and fidgeted. A sigh escaped her. "I came to apologize."

  "Why? I thought you were pretty clear about what you were feeling last time we talked."

  "I was clear, but I was also being stupid. I'm sorry about what happened at the restaurant and I'm sorry about what I said when you came to see me. I don't own Hunter. I never did."

  Sinclair nodded. "OK. If you don't mind me asking, what brought on this change?"

  "I thought Hunter would have told you what happened."

  "Whatever went on was between the two of you. I was just ... unhappy that you chose to confront the situation in such a public place and on a day when I was feeling really good."

  Lydia winced and looked away. "I'm sorry. The liquor I had before I got there was working on me and I didn't show the best judgment when I raised my voice at you in front of all those people. My conversation with Hunter made me realize that." She looked fully at Sinclair. "It also made me realize that I had no right to be angry because the two of you found happiness with each other while I ..." Lydia shrugged. "Anyway, I messed up."

  "You said some awful things to me. It's hard to forget that."

  "I meant them at the time, believe me." Her mouth twisted with bitter humor. "But I was wrong. My motives were wrong."

  "Apology accepted." Sinclair drew her knees up and rested her chin on them. "Thank you for coming to find me."

  Lydia stayed with Sinclair for a little while longer, chatting about nothing in particular then later promising to get together for a drink before Sinclair left for America. Then the younger woman drove away, leaving Sinclair to bask in the slow burn of the sun.

  Chapter 22

  Iey, Papa. You're home early." "Do you have plans for the house that I don't know about? Should I find an excuse to leave or something?" His eyes danced.

  Sinclair shook her head. "Not funny."

  "I thought it was." He looked over her shoulder. "What are you cooking?"

  "Boiled sweet potatoes, cassava, and dumpling. The ackee is already done."

  "It looks good. What restaurant did you get it from?"

  "Believe it or not, I cooked it-with a little help from Hunter."

  "That girl can cook?"

  Sinclair grinned. "Can she ever."

  "Hm, you find out all kinds of things every day." He peeked in the ackee pot and sniffed with appreciation. "Nikki and Xavier are visiting some relations in Stony Hill. They won't be back until late."

  "Then it's just going to be you and me. That's fine."

  "As long as you don't mind your old man's company."

  "As long as you don't give me a reason to mind his company." Sinclair smiled cheekily at her father.

  They sat down at the kitchen table with freshly made carrot juice and two plates piled high with food.

  "For a skinny girl you sure can eat."

  "I'm not that skinny."

  "True. Not as skinny as when you first got here. You gained a little weight since last month."

  He was right. Sinclair remembered standing in front of the mirror at Hunter's house staring at what she had suddenly realized was a new body. Her ribs, concave stomach, and hip bones that had stood out like bayonets were all now covered by healthy new layers of flesh.

  "Thanks. I feel really good. Thank you for allowing me to stay with you for my trip."

  "I'm glad that I have the home to share. When I saw you in that airport looking so much like your mother it made me feel close to her again. It's been a happiness having you here. I know Nikki feels the same way, although for different reasons."

  Moisture tickled the corners of Sinclair's eyes. That was the last thing she'd expected her father to say, especially after the disturbance caused by her affair with Hunter.

  "So you're not angry about Hunter and me?"

  "No. I'm not thrilled about it, especially since Lydia ended up being hurt, but I'm not angry. Nikki and I have been talking about this and she helped me realize that we all need companionship, whether it's for a lifetime or for a week, we crave it. It doesn't matter that you find it with a woman. At least it doesn't matter to me. I've never been in a position to tell another grown person what to do with their life, I'm not going to have illusions that I am now."

  "You know you're pretty enlightened for an old man stuck in the backwoods of Jamaica." Sinclair teased him with her smile.

  "I should hope so." He pierced a slice of cassava with his fork.

  After dinner, they moved to the verandah with a bottle of white rum and sat on the steps to share it. The night was fragrant and still. Moonlight turned everything to silver, includ ing the fat clouds hovering low in the sky. Crickets and fireflies serenaded Victor and Sinclair with their night music as father and daughter talked and breathed in the sweet, dewlathered scent from the crape myrtle trees at the gate.

  "I know you've had a good visit so far, but with less than a week to go, is there anything you'd like to do?"

  Sinclair leaned back against the column and thought about it. Everything had been so perfect-well, except for a few unpleasant moments here and there. "I'd love for us all to do something together before I leave. The family, Hunter, maybe even Della."

  "I'm sure we could arrange that."

  "Good."

  Chapter 23

  'he day of Sinclair's get-together dawned bright and sunny. She woke up with butterflies in her belly after she turned over and noticed that Hunter was gone. During the night, her lover had simply held her, breathing with her until the first trickles of light began to leak across the horizon. Sinclair had felt her pull away but instantly fell back into sleep even before the window slid open to let her out. Now, finally awake, she hated the cold spot next to her, and wished that Hunter had stayed.

  She left the bed for a shower, staying under the lukewarm spray until her skin pruned and the water turned cold. Nikki knocked on the bathroom door and came in, still in her night clothes, to talk. She stayed in the bathroom when Sinclair left to get dressed. Xavier was excited, chattering about the coming backyard cookout to anyone who would listen. He tugged Sinclair's skirt as soon as she stepped out of the bedroom, asking if Hunter was coming. When she told him yes, he bounded off, even happier, to get something that he'd made in school for his friend.

  Her father asked if she was OK. She reassured him, but could not reassure herself as she wandered through the day in a daze, appetite set on ravenous, but being unable to focus on anything except the floating feeling inside her. It wasn't pleasant.

  When the time came for the party, she showered and changed again, was prepared to be social and gregarious and charming, because this was the last time she'd see all these people in the same place again. Della came first, floating up the walk in something light and gauzy that made her look like a mother sex goddess. She greeted Sinclair with lavish kisses and extravagant compliments on her appearance and o
n how much Sinclair's visit had meant to her.

  Hunter and Xavier walked into the backyard together, giggling at some shared joke. Lydia came in behind them. Sinclair embraced her sister, touched her hair and face for what she felt might be the last time, then greeted her lover with a fierce hug. Hunter felt her tremble and held on tight, whispering Sinclair's name. This wouldn't be the last time for them, she reassured her.

  With the fire lit and blazing high, everyone gathered around laughing and eating. They pulled Sinclair into a circle of warmth and love. Her father talked to her quietly by the fire as they watched Nikki and Xavier play, darting through the trees like moths with the firelight flickering over them. Soon Della joined their play, then Hunter. Victor laughed, saying that he didn't know that he'd invited big children to the cookout, but it was a joy to see them play. Sinclair wanted to join them, but she couldn't. Her spirit was too heavy. Lydia and Della circled each other like wary piranhas, but managed not to shed any blood. Hunter rewarded them with frequent shouts of her laughter and teasing conversation that drew everyone in and made them forget about their differences for a while.

  People were slow to leave. They ate and played long after the fire dimmed, moving to the verandah to finish whatever games they had gotten started. Sinclair drank her carrot juice, rolled its milky sweetness over her tongue, and watched them. When it was time to go, she said long goodbyes. She held on to Della's hand, to Lydia's, and to Hunter's for as long as they let her before they slid beyond the myrtle trees and out the gate.

  After her family retired for the evening, she lingered in each room, touching everything with her eyes and fingertips, stretching out the moment before she, too, had to rest. Then, it was three in the morning. Then four. Then five. Her body got tired. She climbed into the bed, turned to the cold spot where she wished Hunter's body was then, finally, drifted into a light sleep.