Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light)

by Suren Hakobyan

  “Time passed. Jarrett died, but he didn’t leave a female heir. With the disintegration of that country, Jarrett’s offspring moved to Europe. There I lost track of them. Very difficult times followed afterwards. I had no place to go. I was wandering Earth, like a man fighting against fallen angels and Lucifer’s minions. But all that time, I was creating my future.”

  He trailed off. Samael opened his right wing and wrapped it around Lily’s naked body. She cuddled against his chest, putting her head on him. She wondered if Samael had a heart. With her ear on his chest she strained to hear his heart beat. But to her surprise she heard a knock deep inside his body. His heart?

  “The Garden of Eden needed a keeper,” Samael resumed, looking down at Lily. “God entrusted it to me.”

  “Why did he do that? You said he banished everyone who followed Satan,” Lily inquired.

  “I can’t set foot in Heaven, but I’m still part of that world, Lily,” he began explaining. “He knew that I saw what Lucifer was capable of. He’s very clever, and he knew I wouldn’t let him in the garden.”

  “And you wouldn’t,” Lily asserted confidently. “I heard that to do so means the fall of Heaven.”

  “It doesn’t mean that. Getting into the garden means a loss of God’s.” His one hand rested on her cheek. “And the teacher never loses to the pupil. God can’t lose to his own creation, do you understand?” His eyes gleamed, and a thin smile curled his lips. “You see, Michael and Gabriel will never let it be. They might lose the battle, and Heaven might fall – but not in this way. God can’t afford to lose. Do you think he truly isn’t cheating?” Samael winked at her.

  “God will order to kill me?” Lily’s voice hardly came out of her mouth. With fearful eyes she peered at her savior. Was it selfish to think about one’s own life when there was a bigger stake – the continuation of life? She realized that by dying she could give someone else a chance at life, but her heart didn’t want to stop. It itched to live in Samael’s arms forever.

  “No, he won’t. The archangels will give that order,” Samael said surprisingly unconcerned. “You don’t know Michael. He knows that by killing you he will be banished from Heaven like me and Lucifer, but he will opt to do that if there is no other way to save Eden’s gates.”

  “What is it in Eden that Lucifer longs for?”

  “Good question. I wondered that for a long time. The answer is somewhere ahead of me, but I can’t reach out my hand and grasp it,” Samael balled his hand into a fist. “You know, the garden was the first place God created life.”

  “But you existed, didn’t you?” she put in rapidly. “I mean angels. You were the life.”

  “No, saying life we mean creatures with feelings,” Samael explained affectionately. “Angels were emotionless, like machines.”

  “But Lucifer fell in love,” Lily protested. “And you. I know you feel something for me.” She looked at him patiently. Waiting. “You appreciate beauty. That’s why you didn’t let Lucifer conquer Heaven.”

  “Of course I am able to feel now,” he said, and pecked a quick kiss on her forehead. “Feelings came with time. First it happened to Lucifer. He recognized them on the first day of Eden’s creation. But feelings are very dangerous. They’re almost uncontrollable, and I daresay that God had a deal with Lucifer to figure out the consequences of the feelings. But even he didn’t realize the danger. And then the game began, when he let Lucifer go down on Earth.” Samael raised his left hand and pointed out the window. “Lucifer thought he won the first bet with God, that he could seduce Eve and tell her his plan. But he didn’t realize that that was exactly what God wanted to happen – he wanted Lucifer to think he had won, and lead humans to the Earth. By giving the taste of victory to Lucifer, he started the system. It’s the system you see in front of you every day. That’s why God’s created world is different – it’s beautiful and ugly at the same time, it’s happy and sad in the same moment, it’s cruel and wonderful within the same instant.”

  In Samael’s warm embrace, Lily threw herself into her own thoughts. Life was only a game, a system created on feelings. It was beyond Lily’s understanding. A God who didn’t know what lay at the end of life. A God who itched to see the real side of his creations. Mankind was only a pawn in this game. The figures were struggling against each other, but people were dying for their victories and losses.

  “Haven’t you seen God since you left Heaven?” Lily asked after a while.

  Samael laughed soundlessly. “I play chess with him every so often.”

  “Who wins?” she teased.

  “We haven’t finished yet. It’s a long game,” he said solemnly. “He likes it, as I’m good at it and He has to think hard. Therefore the game becomes interesting and intriguing.”

  He put his right hand over her shoulder and pressed her against him. They looked out the window at an empty spot, at a dense darkness. Even the sword of moonlight was unable to breach its defenses.

  “Where did you go today?” she broke his thoughts.

  “I was in Eden, preparing it for war,” he replied unfazed.

  “You think that it’s inevitable?”

  “Lucifer lingered too long to let this chance slip through his hands,” he boded. “With you he can reach the garden. If the archangels kill you, which means breaking of the Torah rules, then he will rise against Heaven anew. The world has no choice but to face him now.”

  “It’s inhuman business,” Lily remarked. “What is mankind supposed to do about this?”

  “Lucifer’s rising can’t remain unnoticed. You’ve been in here all day long, you don’t know what’s going on outside.”

  “What’s out there?” She forestalled worriedly. “Samael, what is it?”

  “Earthquakes, tsunami, death all over the world. Chaos,” he exhaled, excited. “I’m not the only one who has business on Earth. A lot of Lucifer’s fellows have power in a lot of countries. They have flinched. Inflation, crisis, economy, oil. They have a big influence on all of these factors.”

  “Will it reach here, too?”

  “It’ll reach everywhere. Now my brothers are discussing how to move the war away from Earth and man,” he explained.

  “Will you help them?” Lily asked impatiently.

  “This is not my war, Lily,” Samael hissed. “I just want to protect you. Nothing else is of interest to me.”

  “But if the angels fall, you won’t be able to protect me alone,” Lily thought aloud, her voice shaking.

  “It’s madness to get involved in the war with Lucifer as powerful as he is. Here we need some tactics. The problem is that Heaven and Eden are separated now. I can’t take my army and rush to rescue Heaven, and Heaven can’t come to my aid either–”

  There was a knock on the door, interrupting Samael. Both of them stepped back. The door opened and Raphael appeared behind it.

  He looked at them from head to toe with a strange expression on his face. Though Samael’s wing covered Lily, she still felt shy looking into Raphael’s eyes.

  “We can go now,” Raphael said to Samael with a faded voice.

  “We’ll be there in a minute,” Samael replied.

  Raphael nodded indifferently and hurried to close the door after him. As soon as he was gone, Samael unwrapped his wing from Lily.

  “Where are we going?” She asked stunned, watching Samael putting his clothes on.

  “We’re going to Dudael, the prison where Azazel is now,” Samael explained calmly, sitting on the bed. He picked up his shoes and went on. Lily still stood surprised in front of the window. “Azazel is the previous keeper of Eden. After the War in Heaven, when Azazel assisted Lucifer, God ordered Raphael to lock him in Dudael till the day of the great judgment. Only Raphael can take us into the prison.” He stood up and faced Lily. Samael propped his arm behind her back and whispered, “Azazel knows something that we need to get from him, otherwise I can’t save both you and Eden. I don’t want to put you in peril, but I won’t run the risk and leave
you here alone. That’s why I have to take you with us.”

  “No!” Lily said confidently, looking into his eyes. “I’d rather die with you then stay here alone. I’ll come.”

  The loneliness, the emptiness, even the pressing walls would kill her before Lucifer’s fellows arrived, if she stayed in that church. The church had power like it was a living thing, Lily dreaded staying in it alone.

  Samael smiled sneeringly. “Get dressed,” he ordered.

  Lily hurried into her shirt. There was something she wanted to tell Samael, but she didn’t know where to start.

  “Samael,” she said dubiously.

  He rolled his eyes on her.

  “I’m sorry that I believed Beelzebub,” she began weakly. “He told me you were dangerous and I don’t know what occurred to me, but a strange sense in me made me follow him–”

  “It’s not your fault,” Samael interrupted. “I told you that unearthly creatures aren’t allowed to use their power on Earth, but that doesn’t mean that we obey the law completely.”

  “You mean to tell me that Beelzebub used his power on me!” Lily suspected.

  “He used to,” Samael attested. “He squeezed your mind and made you believe he was the right person to follow. But you resisted him,” he smiled affectionately, “just as you did to me in the car at our first meeting.”

  “You tried to seduce me with your power, too?” she turned to steel, her jeans in her hand.

  “Sorry to say that, but yes,” Samael sighed. “I was caught by surprise, discovering that your mind resisted me. Never before had anybody been able to resist me. But you did. Putting two and two together, I came to the conclusion that you had to be the heir of Eve, as only unearthly creatures and the offspring of Eve could do that.”

  “How many other girls did you seduce with your power?” Lily wondered.

  “I told you this much, and you’re wondering about the number of girls?” Samael chortled and stood up. “I liked sinning once upon a time, and, I’m sorry saying this, there were a lot.” With a serious and apologetic air he tore his eyes away from her. Then, he heaved a silent sigh and walked out of the room, gripping his shirt, leaving Lily lying on the edge of the bed.

  13. Dudael

  Lily opened the door and slowly stepped into the hall. Her ears strained for any sound. Samael and Raphael stood beside the altar like they were praying, but Lily was sure that Samael wouldn’t pray to God for help. There was some kind of steel inside him, he was too proud of himself to bow his head to anyone, not even the Creator.

  She slid in noiselessly, but her appearance didn’t remain unnoticed. Samael tore his eyes from the altar and peered back over his shoulder. Although there was a large distance between them, she could still see his anxious eyes. What was it for? All the way down to the hall, Lily had been thinking about the prison they were going to – Dudael. What was she supposed to see there? Would it be like hell? What would happen if something went wrong? If she remained there forever, that would mean neither Lucifer nor the archangels could get her. The world would avoid the war. However, this was a life and death situation.

  Samael hurried to meet her. He took her hand into his. They were standing in the middle of the hall, staring at each other, and if Raphael wasn’t there, Lily would have thrown herself into his arms again. His magical look turned everything upside-down inside her.

  Lily spotted Raphael giving them a concerned look, and dropped her eyes. Samael put his arm on her back. Then, he glanced at Raphael, who still wore his staple black cassock, and nodded.

  “Lily,” he traced his finger on her cheek, “I want you to stay close to Raphael. Do you understand me?”

  “Why?” she whispered worriedly.

  “Azazel has been imprisoned for a very long time,” Raphael spoke up. The monk was already beside them. Lily hadn’t heard him approach, and she wondered whether he had used his power to appear next to her in an instant. “He has created his own eerie world in there. Maybe it’d be beyond your imagination, but you might see things you haven’t even seen in your worst nightmares.”

  “His creations can’t attack Raphael. They won’t touch the Angel of Light,” Samael gently tried to explain. “You’ll be safer with him than with me. I just want you to follow him everywhere he takes you if something goes wrong in the prison.”

  “But what about you?” Lily asked.

  “He can better take care of himself if he’s alone,” Raphael answered. “It’s something he has managed very well during his long existence.” Samael glared at the monk, but Raphael only grinned. “Believe me, you’ll be safe at my side. I’m invisible there, and I can hide you beneath my camouflage.”

  “Why don’t you hide him too?” Lily demanded.

  “I can hide earthly creatures only, Lily,” Raphael sighed. “I’d like to help my brother, but it’s beyond my power.”

  Lily looked from him to Samael. The green-eyed man nodded. “You have to stay near Raphael, Lily.” Samael took her by shoulders. “Don’t let the things you’re going to see in there crawl into your soul.”

  “What am I supposed to see there? Devils? Fire? Tortured souls? Dead people or–”

  “No, Lily,” Raphael cut her off. “There are a lot of people who accepted immortality but were sent to be locked in Dudael. Azazel seduced them and trapped them there. But they aren’t human anymore, though they still look like human beings. Try to look deep into them. It’s impossible to believe what man is capable of when he’s immortal and locked away forever without God. Don’t let them seduce you,” he finished vaguely.

  “You’ll work this through,” Samael assured her, and took her into his arms. “Are you ready?”

  “Yeah,” she muttered dubiously, her miserable eyes hidden in his chest. She put her arms around his neck.

  “Fine,” Samael announced. “Lead us, Raphael.”

  “Where is that prison?” Lily asked. She tried to move back from Samael, but he kept her strongly to his chest. “How are we going there?”

  “Just hold on to me tight,” Samael smiled wide. Regardless of Raphael’s and Lily’s worries, Samael seemed to be brimming with anticipation for the upcoming journey.

  Lily realized his meaning. They were going to take her to Dudael in the way the angels used to move – appearing and disappearing in light or flame. They were about to travel as Samael had on the highway when he had stolen Lily from Beelzebub, or as Michael had when he disappeared from the church in the morning using bright light.

  Lily’s stomach turned to water. Astounded, she looked around just in time to see Raphael’s cassock change into two wings, bright white and as beautiful as Michael’s. They grew on his back as if shaped from the very air, and then a heavenly light broke the roof open. Raphael shone, his blonde hair became pure gold, its brightness blinding Lily. He closed then opened his brown eyes. Lily saw Heaven mirrored in them. His kindness made his eyes more beautiful. But she didn’t see any of the confidence, cleverness and seduction she had seen in Samael’s playful eyes.

  Lily peered at Samael. His gray wings were already opened and ready to take her far away. Now she felt a jolt of happiness in her soul. It didn’t matter where they were going to take her, it only mattered whom she was going there with. With Samael, Lily felt ready even to go to Hell and face Lucifer himself.

  Raphael’s wings gave a wave, preparing them for the upcoming unearthly flight. Lily tightened her hands around Samael’s neck, her heart thrumming as if it might break out of her chest. Samael’s smile had already faded away. Now, he bore a serious look, his green eyes were narrowed and darkened.

  Within a second, Lily felt her feet lifting from the ground. Samael had covered her with his gray wings, and then they were rushing up into the cloudy sky with impossible speed. Lily didn’t feel the wind in her face. Their speed was extremely high, and the city under her feet was lost in a second. It seemed to her that they were darting up inside a vacuum pipe with invisible walls.

  The picture befo
re Lily’s eyes was changing too fast. At first she saw a glimmer of the city beneath, then it got lost behind the endless clouds they had passed through. Lily had flown in a plane and had been above clouds before, but even so she had never seen such a beautiful place as she was seeing now. The vivid rays of sun made the clouds look like endless cotton as they stretched toward the horizon. The air was warm.

  For a moment the time lengthened. Lily looked around flabbergasted, and then everything disappeared, as though somebody pulled a gloriously beautiful picture away from her view. Now she was swooping down like a bullet, no, faster than any bullet could manage. She tried her best to look ahead. There was a desert laid out in front of her. Just a second separated her from hitting the sands. She closed her eyes tight and shrieked in fear. But all was well as Samael, holding her tightly, tore through the sands like paper and drilled deep into the ground.

  Feeling some courage in his arms, Lily opened her eyes. Now they were rushing down through a tunnel in the ground. Raphael’s heavenly light shone brightly, illuminating their way. She tried to look at Samael. His gray wings had uncovered her now. It was as though Lily was being carried by a great eagle.

  In next to no time, Lily felt their fall slow down. Before she could examine their new whereabouts, they had already landed. Samael had yet to let her go. Finally, he lowered her warily to the ground.

  “How do you feel?” he asked. “Is your head swimming?”

  “No, I guess I’m fine,” Lily muttered, displeasure in her voice. She removed her hands from his neck, feeling giddy.

  “Fine,” Samael said dryly and came up to Raphael.

  The monk wore a bright white cassock now, and he laced his hands together as he stared ahead. Lily spun around to gaze in the same direction, but there was nothing there except foggy darkness. She peeked up; the darkness mingled with the air and hung heavy above her. She couldn’t see the ceiling, but it might be close enough that she could reach it if she tried. Lily dared not to raise her hand up. The ground was dry and solid. The light coming from Raphael was weak at her feet, and she couldn’t see the color of the ground.