Feels Like Home

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  The boys don’t respond; they continue to cry softly in my arms. I can taste the salt on my lips, my own tears making streaks down my face. After several minutes of crying and holding each other, I take in a shaky breath and, feeling eyes on me, look up. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen is Andy. I give him a small smile, which is returned with one of his own.

  He slowly walks over to us and places his hand on top of my head then tugs playfully on my ponytail. I stare into his eyes, so full of sadness and worry. My heart breaks all over again, for the loss the boys will feel for the rest of their lives. For knowing that no matter what their father or I tell them, or even Heather, for that matter, they’ll always think it was their fault for her leaving.

  Andy slowly sits down, his right leg wrapping around me, his left around Aidan. He reaches through the middle of our circle and grips Reece’s knee.

  “I love you boys. Forever. That is something that will never change. I will never leave you.”

  “We know, Dad.”

  “And it’s not your fault.”

  When they’re both quiet, he repeats his words.

  “Boys. It’s. Not. Your. Fault. This is all her. You two could not be more amazing. She just…”

  “What, Dad?”

  “She’s just not cut out to be a mom. But I’m grateful that she didn’t realize that earlier because I have you. I can’t imagine a life without you boys in it. I won’t.”

  “Your dad is right. You two are the best boys I know.”

  I don’t know what else we can say to make them understand, and quite honestly, I think words are not what they need. Actions always speak louder than words.

  “Wanna toss around the Frisbee in the back yard while your dad gets those burgers grilled up for us?”

  Reece and Aidan both look up at me then at each other before both gracing me with a slight smile. Reece has a dimple in his left cheek if he smiles a certain way, it’s one of the ways to tell the two apart. When I first met the twins I had a hard time, but after spending quite a bit of time with them, it’s pretty easy to see the differences.

  I don’t get the dimple smile yet, but that’s okay. I know we’ve cracked through the surface, and right now that’s all that matters.

  14

  Christine

  When did I turn into a high school girl, doodling someone’s name on my notebook?

  Today, apparently, as I look down at my desk and notice Andy’s name written all over my pad of paper that I had pulled out to make inventory notes on. It seems as though I wanted to order a whole lot of Andy.

  The fact that I’m over forty and shouldn’t be having these girly crush feelings doesn’t escape me in the least. Nor does the fact that he’s almost a decade my junior. Though, to be fair, he’s not like most thirty-five year olds. And it’s not really almost a decade. He’s wise beyond his years and one of the gentlest souls I’ve ever known.

  And strong. Don’t get me started on the muscles that man seems to build more of daily. Once he figured out it wasn’t safe for him to take out his anger on himself, or his boys, he took it out on the gym equipment he has in his basement. Bri’s boyfriend, Grady, helped him get it set up, to figure out what he wanted, and what worked for him. If Grady didn’t plan on going to school to become a vet, he would do well with personal training. It comes natural to him, and even though it’s one of his passions, he says it’s not what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

  A knock on the door startles me out of my musings, my imagination conjuring up images of Andy working out in his basement, sweat dripping down his chest and incredible abs that I happened to get a glimpse of one night when he lifted his shirt to wipe his forehead. The same movement he made two weeks ago when he had been helping James work at Balance.

  And that night I spent dreaming of Andy, and his boys, and Bri, and what it would look like to be a family of five. And in my dreams? It was beautiful.

  “Christine? You okay?” Aidan’s voice breaks into my thoughts.

  “Huh?”

  Reece laughs at me. “You were staring off into space. Didn’t even acknowledge us when we came in!”

  I look around my office to see all three of the Simpson men staring back at me, amused expressions covering the younger two and a heated look in the older, sexy one I was just daydreaming about.

  I lick my lips and divert my gaze, clear my throat. “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Boys wanted to ask you something,” Andy says.

  They both nod. Reece nudges Aidan in the side with his elbow.

  “So, this might seem weird, but we’re going to the cabin for spring break in a few weeks.”

  “The cabin?”

  “Yeah, the one I told you about that’s been in my family for years?” Andy reminds me.

  “Oh! Yeah. Yeah, of course! That sounds like fun! You want me to get your mail or something?”

  Reece looks at Andy who nods his head in encouragement. “Actually, we wanted you to come with us.”

  “You what?” I look to Andy, who simply smiles over at Aidan, who looks just as nervous as Reece.

  “Yeah. We want you there with us. It’s a lot of fun. We can fish and hike. The water by the pond will be too cold to swim, but there’s a big hammock on the front porch so you can relax and read or whatever. And you can bring along Bri if it makes you feel better,” Aidan rushes out the words.

  My heart is racing. “Are you boys sure you want me to come along on your spring break vacation? Wouldn’t I be in the way?”

  “Are you kidding? No way! We want you there!”

  I turn to Andy. “Is this okay with you?”

  His smile drops a little bit but his eyes soften. “Give us a quick minute, boys?”

  “But…”

  “Why don’t you go find Emma? She’s trying a new triple chocolate muffin recipe I think you both need to taste test.”

  They both hesitate a moment before they agree and walk out the door.

  As soon as they’re gone, Andy takes three steps until he’s behind the desk, spins my chair around so I’m facing him with his hands gripping my shoulders, and looks me in the eye.

  “Christine. We want you with us whenever we can get you.” He lowers to crouch in front of me and lowers his voice. “And, sweetheart, it would mean a lot to me. And the boys. They need this. They need you. She’s… well, she’s taking the cabin.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Don’t know. She just is. I get the boys.” He shrugs as if he’s not bothered, but I see it written all over his face. And it breaks my heart. “She’s taking something that doesn’t mean shit to her, but she knows how much it means to us. The boys want to show it to you before they lose the chance. After the divorce is final…” He trails off, not needing to finish his sentence.

  Well crap. What’s a girl supposed to say to that?

  15

  Andy

  The boys and I got to Barrett’s house about two hours ago. We ate dinner that we convinced James to make for us and are now currently sitting in the living room watching a basketball game on TV.

  The girls are all over at Christine’s, and I can’t help but be a little jealous. I know she loves her time with her friends, and I would never take that away from her, but I’ve gotten used to spending time with her on the weekends.

  “The boys and I asked Christine to come to the cabin with us over spring break,” I announce with little pomp and circumstance. Just put it out there.

  “I’m sorry. What was that?” Barrett asks as he’s wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, just after spewing beer over the coffee table in front of him.

  He reaches down and aims the remote at the TV to mute the game.

  “So, you two are serious, huh?” Josh asks, eyes wide.

  I shrug, not wanting to put too much stock in to the fact that Christine is coming with us to the cabin, yet… it’s a pretty big deal that she agreed to come to the cabin with us over spring break. Especially if it�
�s the first and last time we’ll get to bring her there.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t play dumb well,” James murmurs without looking at me as he tips his bottle of beer back and takes a long pull. He’s the picture of relaxation, complete with the fresh tan from the honeymoon he recently returned from. He has one foot up on the coffee table.

  “Fine,” I concede after not putting up a fight what-so-ever. “Start asking. What do you want to know?”

  “You’re giving us free rein?” Josh asks, rubbing his hands together.

  “Shh! Don’t spook him. I get first question!” Barrett shouts, as if someone were challenging him. Just then, Grady walks into the living room.

  “You’re starting what?” he asks his dad as he plops down on the other end of the sectional, sweaty and heaving a sigh.

  “What’s wrong? Did the boys wear you out?”

  When Barrett called to see if I wanted to come hang out with the guys tonight he made sure to let me know that the boys were welcome to join us. The minute we walked into the house, they immediately went to the basement to find Grady who, being the great kid he is, welcomed them both with open arms. They’ve been playing Xbox, had a Nerf war, and from the sounds of it earlier, had a little wrestling match when Grady’s friend Blake came over.

  “What did you feed them today? They have so much energy!”

  I chuckle. He speaks truth.

  They’ve exhausted me for fourteen years now, so this isn’t news to me.

  “You leave Blake down there alone?” Barrett raises his eyes wide as he leans on the back of the cushion to look around the corner.

  “Eh. He can handle it. He’s hyper, too. I think he downed a Red Bull earlier. So, what are you starting?” he asks again.

  “Oh, Andy’s just about to tell us all about his and Christine’s relationship.”

  “Uhhh…” Grady hesitates.

  “Grady?” Barrett leans forward, his voice a warning. A warning that says, “boy you been holding out on me?”

  “I know nothing.”

  “Starting out by saying that you know nothing when we never asked if you do only makes us more suspicious that you do know something. You know that, right?” James teases.

  “Wait. Guys. This… just no. If he knows something because of Bri, then Bri trusted him with that and Christine trusted her with it. It’s not right,” I say, hoping they’ll listen.

  “But they won’t know that you know,” Josh says, leaning forward in his seat.

  “Oh, they’ll know that we know,” Barrett jokes.

  James groans, throwing his head back. “Stop! Holy shit y’all are so damn annoying. Between the Friends shit and talking in circles… just… stop! Grady. Kiddo. Sorry, but you’re gonna have to throw Andy a bone here.”

  “I invited her to come with us to the cabin. Did I push it?” I blurt out the main question and concern that’s been on my mind.

  “Nah, man. You didn’t. She’s excited. Nervous, from what Bri tells me, but excited.”

  I blow out a breath.

  “Good. Good. That’s good. Anything else?”

  “Just that she seems really happy. Bri said she’s never seen her mom as happy as she is now.”

  We hear a grunt and some loud raucous laughter before Blake yells, “Grady! Get back down here! They’re too much!”

  Grady chuckles before standing up to head downstairs. “I’m glad you and Christine have each other, Andy. But as someone who’s loved her like a second — or third — mom for a long time now, I gotta say… if you hurt her? I won’t be happy. I mean that. She’s a good woman, a great mom. She’s one in a million, just like her daughter, and someone who means a lot to me and my family.”

  I press my lips together. A threat coming from an eighteen-year-old should be funny, but I know it’s coming from his heart. Christine is everything he said and so much more.

  I hold his eyes as I nod and reach up to shake his hand.

  “Got it, and you don’t need to worry.”

  “Good. I’m heading down to save Blake from your little heathens.”

  “Thanks for letting them hang out with you two. They really needed it. Been a bit of a rough week for them.”

  “It’s no problem. They’re fun to pick on,” he says with a grin.

  As soon as he’s out of the room, the men turn to me, Barrett speaking up first.

  “We wanna hear it from you, Andy. What’s going on in your head? You gonna keep that promise to Grady?”

  “I really like her,” I admit. “I know that sounds like I’m back in high school but… I do. I feel like there’s something bigger there. Stuff between Heather and me, it’s been over for a long time. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

  “The divorce with Heather? When’s it final?”

  “We meet with the lawyers the week after we get home from the cabin. Typically, it would take longer because of the kids. I’m not sure how my lawyer got it pushed through but I’m grateful. I don’t know why she’s dragging her feet.”

  “Probably to piss you off.”

  “It’s working.”

  “She’s really giving you the boys? No fighting?”

  “Oh, she’s fighting. Dirty. She’s taking the cabin. She decided to top off her year of bitchiness by taking something the boys have loved since they were babies. She told us when she picked up her stuff. It was either the cabin or the boys, and I wasn’t willing to continue to fight. I want the boys, and she knows it.”

  “Can’t you just look for a different cabin?”

  I glance over at James who’s now leaning on his knees, his beer bottle dangling between his fingers.

  “Could. But this one’s been in my family for generations.”

  He whistles. “Exes, man. They’re a real joy, yeah? There’s a reason she’s in your rearview mirror. Keep looking forward.” He tips his beer in my direction, and I return the gesture.

  “Right. Heather didn’t even like it there. She’s just doing it out of spite. And I think she caught wind that I was moving on — that I was hoping to keep things going with Christine and wanted to act like a supreme bitch one more time.”

  “How’d they take it?” Josh asks, motioning his head toward the basement.

  “Not good. They both yelled. A lot. Which was good. They needed to get it out, and Heather heard firsthand what her actions did to them.”

  After Heather left and Christine came over, it was like the calm before the storm. Over the course of the next week, the boys went from sullen to pissed off to happy then back to sullen again. It was like living with a couple of hormonal teenage girls starting their periods. It made me feel for Barrett, having Maggie in the house and for Christine having to deal with that all on her own when Bri was going through it.

  That’s when the decision to go away to the cabin came to my mind.

  A change of scenery had to be good for all of us.

  Barrett grunts. “Good. Serves her right.”

  “That’s what I figured. Called Christine after she left. She didn’t hesitate. Jumped in the car, came over. I walked in from the back yard to see the boys practically sitting on her lap, all three of them huddled together on the floor as she held them while they cried. Man…”

  “And that’s when you knew,” James says, eyes boring into me.

  One single nod. “And that’s when I knew.”

  “All right men, I think we’ve had enough girly chats for the evening. Wanna play some poker?” Josh asks the three of us.

  We all agree, and for the next few hours, I lose my ass at some Texas Hold‘em, my mind drifting to Christine, as usual. I know that as soon as I leave here, I’ll end up going to Christine’s house because I can’t go a day without seeing her.

  16

  Christine

  I love having the girls over. It’s good for the soul and right now, with the way my head is spinning over my building feelings for Andy, and our trip to the cabin for spring break, I think it’s n
eeded.

  Lauren is blending up another pitcher of margaritas, her face matching my own, white with the mask we just applied during our at-home spa day.

  I glance over at Tess, her face black with the mud facial she applied earlier, her one hand in a nail light that she brought from home while the rest of us mess around with each other’s nails to get them ready to be painted.

  Carly just emerged from my bathroom, wet washcloth in hand as she continues to carefully pat off the black mud that was just on her face.

  “What’s up with you and Andy?” Tess asks, her expression expectant; clearly she’s not going to let me get by with not disclosing what’s on my mind today. Not that I would expect any different from her.

  I shrug, feeling the mask on my face tighten and hoping that it hides the blush on my face. “I don’t really know.”

  “Pinocchio.”

  I almost roll my eyes at how predictable Tess is.

  Lauren crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows at me, the white mask cracking on her forehead.

  “We’re waiting.”

  “You guys are so damn nosey.”

  Carly scoffs. “You’re just now figuring this out? Remember what happened the first time we had margaritas? It was like y’all were part of the CIA and I was on the receiving end of a training session for how to interrogate suspects.”

  “You’re so dramatic,” Lauren teases with a smile on her face.

  “You got me drunk! For the first time in my life!”

  “Ladies! Stop! We always do this! Task at hand. Task. At. Hand.”

  Six pairs of eyes stare at me, waiting.

  “Ugh. Fine! Fine! Andy is… well… he’s incredible. He’s kind and sweet, and Heather is such an effing idiot because there is no one like him. He’s helped me move forward in a way that I never saw coming, and his boys? They’re just hilarious and so much like their father, thank the good Lord for that one.”