Feels Like Home

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  I nod my head, sitting quietly in the cab of the pickup while he strides into the store. I watch as the clerk in the front watches him enter. She stands up straighter and smooths her ponytail. Bitch.

  These stupid hormones of mine are all over the place right now. Getting older sucks sometimes. And lately, I can’t seem to get a hold of my emotions. I have had the fleeting thought that I’m going through menopause early, but that can’t be it. I’m barely over the age of forty!

  I lose sight of Andy when he turns down an aisle. I worry my lip, wondering what he’s doing in the store, what he’s buying. I’m also getting increasingly concerned over the fact that I feel so crappy lately.

  As soon as Andy makes his way to the front of the store again and places his basket on the counter, the clerk’s shoulders fall. His grin is wide as he pays then knocks his knuckles twice on the counter, grabbing the plastic handles of the bag and makes his way back to the pickup.

  He jumps into the cab and winks at me, placing the bag in the backseat. He stares at me for a moment, the grin covering his face making my hackles rise.

  “What?”

  “I could feel you watching me the entire time.”

  “I was not!”

  He’s so irritatingly confident. But, he has reason to be. He turns heads everywhere he goes.

  “You were.”

  “You’re such a brat!”

  “Men aren’t brats, Christine.” He’s smirking while he shakes his head in mock disappointment.

  I cross my arms over my chest and try my best to glare at him. “Well looky there, you’re defying the odds because you absolutely are a brat. A cocky brat, too.”

  “Cranky,” he teases.

  “Well, maybe I wouldn’t be cranky if you weren’t so secretive.”

  “Fine. I see you’re not going to snap out of it until I prove to you why I’m so happy and you have no reason to be cranky.”

  He reaches into the back seat and hands me the bag. Before I can look inside, he pulls me over to him, meeting my lips with his in a kiss that makes my toes curl. He turns his head to the side, and I lean closer, damning the center console for being in the way.

  His tongue slides against mine. I nibble on his bottom lip, and he groans, igniting a fire deep in my belly. We’re sitting in the middle of a Walgreen’s parking lot, making out like a couple of teenagers, and I have no cares to give. I hope that clerk is watching us, turning green with jealousy.

  And apparently, I’m a sixteen-year-old.

  We separate when we need to break for air, and he smiles, biting his lower lip. I love when he does that. It’s endearing and sexy and everything Andy.

  “I only have eyes for you, Christine. Not the Walgreens check out girl. Not some mom from the boys’ school. Not the lady from the mall who was helping me when we were getting jeans for the boys. Only you. You have no reason to worry. No reason to be jealous. Never forget that, yeah?”

  I’m a puddle of mush when I reply a watery, “Yeah.”

  Once I’m settled back in my seat, I look down at the bag still resting in my lap.

  “You got something for me in there?”

  “I did. Well, it’s kind of for both of us. And the kids. Look inside.”

  I spread apart the handles and peek inside the bag, feeling an instant rush of heat flood my system.

  I stare without blinking. Definitely without touching the contents of the bag.

  Andy’s hand gently grips my thigh and squeezes once. My eyes slowly lift from the bag to his face. I expect to see anything but the smile that’s spread widely.

  “You didn’t know?” His voice is soft and so reassuring.

  “I think the better question is, how did you know?”

  “Christine. I’m a man, not an idiot. I do understand a little about a woman’s body.”

  “But… what if I’m just off? Or what if…”

  “What if you really are?”

  “Oh my goodness. Andy! What if I am?”

  “Say the word, Christine. I’ve been rolling it around in my head for the last month and I gotta say, the first few times I damn near pissed myself, but now?”

  “Now?”

  “Now it feels pretty amazing to think about.”

  “Shit. I’m such a moron. This is why we have sex ed! Because women live in this state of confusion! My period is never normal. Never. It’s just all over the place so I just… craaaaap. When I stress, I never get my period.”

  “We weren’t exactly careful, either. My fault. I should have asked. I mean, we had discussed that we had both been tested, but we were pretty irresponsible about the birth control part.”

  “I suppose we won’t be asked to be teaching those sex ed classes anytime soon, huh?”

  “Yeah. Probably not.” His eyes twinkle. “I’m not some scared teenager, though. This might be unexpected, but I can’t say that it’s not an incredible gift.”

  I watch him for a little while, realizing that he’s being completely honest. I shake my head, closing my eyes. “Andy, we can’t… I can’t.”

  He places his hand on mine, and I lift my lids to look at him again. “We can. We will.”

  I don’t know how he’s so calm. I suppose because he’s smarter than I am and figured out that I could be pregnant. And don’t think I didn’t stumble over even thinking that word. “What’s Bri gonna think? The boys?”

  “They’re gonna know that we’re in love and the proof of it will be her.”

  I gasp at the surety in his voice. “Her?”

  “Of course.”

  “You’re really sure about this? And you’re really okay with it?”

  “Nothing would make me happier than to see you carrying my baby.”

  The tears that I was miraculously holding back start falling down my cheeks. His eyes soften before he presses a kiss to each cheek, then to my lips. I can taste the lingering salt of my tears on his kiss. When he pulls back, he doesn’t move far. He rests his forehead on mine, wrapping one hand behind my neck.

  Every time I exhale he inhales, taking in my breaths as his own.

  His hand comes up, caressing my cheek with his thumb.

  “Is this really happening?” My voice wavering.

  He lifts his head and winks. “Well, I have a pretty good guess, but we’ll need to use what’s in that bag to find out.”

  I look in the bag again and let out a giggle.

  “Andy, you bought over a dozen pregnancy tests.”

  He gasps. “You said the word! I’m so proud of you.”

  I roll my eyes. “Why did you buy so many?”

  He shrugs. “I just figured you would want to make sure.”

  “And the Cheetos and Wheat Thins?”

  He scratches the back of his neck and looks away before admitting. “I’ve noticed you’re eating the Wheat Thins a lot more lately.” He chuckles. “I assumed it’s something you’re craving.”

  My heart could explode from the sweetness.

  “And the Cheetos?”

  He grins, making his dimple pop, just like Reece. “They sounded good.”

  “You’re like a teenager sometimes.”

  He gasps, pressing his hand against his chest. “Are you mocking the age of your baby daddy?”

  “Eww! Nope. Don’t ever say baby daddy again.”

  “Is it as bad as moist?”

  I nod my head and shudder. “It is.”

  He laughs and leans over, kissing me once again.

  He places his hand on my stomach, and we both look down as his thumb makes a circle against the fabric of my shirt. “Ready to find out if I’m right?”

  “You’ll never let me live it down if you realized I was pregnant before me, will you?”

  “Yeah. Probably not.”

  “Ugh. Fine. Let’s go see if I’m carrying your child.”

  “That was quite literally the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  28

  Andy

  “I don’t think
I can pee, honey.”

  I smile from the other side of the bathroom door, she sounds so nervous and adorable and… I am so freakin’ lost to this woman.

  I knock my knuckles twice against the door.

  “I’m coming in, okay?”

  “In here?” she screeches.

  “Babe. You’ve peed with the door open after we’ve had sex. And I have boys who whip it out and pee basically wherever they please, so yes. I’m coming in. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

  “Okay. Just… I’m really embarrassed.”

  I creek the door open and poke my head in.

  “Hi.”

  Her shoulders sag, and she bites her lower lip, letting out a pitiful laugh before she drops her head.

  “Watching to see if anything will come out?”

  A burst of laughter leaves her. “No, you jerk! This. It’s all… I don’t know. It’s too much.”

  “Why?”

  “Are you kidding me right now? Why do you think?”

  “Honestly. I don’t know. I’m a little ecstatic.”

  “You’re mental.”

  “No. I just love you and I know this is pretty perfect. We didn’t get a normal start, and our family is blended, and we haven’t done this baby thing in a really, really long time, and we’re walking blind here, but there’s no one else I’d rather do that with than you.”

  “How do you always know the exact right thing to say?”

  “I don’t. Not always. Remember when I asked if you could fold my towels differently when you were helping out with laundry at my house? Or when I asked who taught you to drive? Or what about when I told you that I was going to take away your tools when the curtain fell on my forehead after you hung them? Or what about…”

  She holds up a hand to stop me from literally digging myself into a hole. “Or now? Seriously. I don’t need a reminder.” She rolls her eyes playfully.

  “See? I’m not perfect. We’re just perfect together.”

  “Daaaaaw! You say the sweetest things.”

  “Only for you, baby, only for you.” I kiss her on the forehead. “Now take a piss on that stick and prove to me that I’m right and that you’re carrying my little girl.”

  “Fine,” she grumbles. “But I seriously can’t pee!”

  I reach down and grab one of the bottles of Vitamin Water I picked up at the store and the curly straw, because it’s more fun to drink out of that way. I twist the top off and drop the straw in, lifting it to her lips, encouraging her to drink.

  “Good girl,” I coo when she drinks down several ounces. “Want me to tell you a story while we wait?”

  “What kind of story?”

  “Hmmm, how about a love story?”

  “Oooh — will I like it?”

  “Pretty sure you will, yes. Once upon a time…” Her giggles interrupt me so I repeat, “As I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted, once upon a time, there lived three bachelors. They weren’t the best at living. That is to say, they weren’t the happiest members of society. Too often, they would find themselves eating dinner in front of the TV, barely speaking to each other. They were angry and cynical and frustrated with life. Until, this raven-haired beauty and her daughter walked into their lives one day and reminded them that there’s an entire world out there of lightness and it’s dumb to let the darkness ruin everything. The two younger bachelors may have had a little crush on the daughter before they realized that they loved her for so much more than her looks. But the older of the three bachelors? Well he just fell. And fell pretty damn hard and fast for the beauty. He soon learned that it wasn’t just her outside that was so gorgeous. But her inside was, too. And it made him want to be… better. And it made the younger bachelors want to be better, too. So, after talking to the youngsters” —she giggles again— “he decided that she needed to be in his life more. And possibly, probably, absolutely, forever. And then she let him get a look at her rocking bod, and he was a goner. The end.”

  “Oh, my gosh! You were doing so good!” She laughs so hard and then… pees.

  “You’re peeing though, aren’t you?”

  “Well you don’t have to comment on it! Yeesh. It will scare the pee back up!”

  “I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think that’s medically possible. Did you get it?” I ask, nodding toward the stick dangling between her legs.

  She nods then swallows. “I think so.”

  She places it on the counter, stands up, pulls up her pants and washes up. I take her face in my hands and lean in to kiss her. “No matter what that says, you’re still mine.”

  “Promise?”

  “Forever.”

  “That’s a big promise.”

  I shrug and kiss her again.

  “Easiest promise I’ve ever made.”

  I kiss her hard and long enough that we barely hear the timer I set go off. But, considering that we’re waiting to find out whether or not our entire lives are about to change, we break apart and together look down at the stick.

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yup.”

  “But…”

  “Wow.”

  “I mean…”

  “Yup.”

  “Is that all you’re going to say?” she cries.

  “Well… I could start with I was right, but…”

  “That would go against me saying that you always know the perfect thing to say, though.”

  “Yup. Pretty much.”

  “You realize I need to pee on the rest of these, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “Stop saying yup!”

  “If I say what I want to say I’ll get in trouble!”

  She rolls her eyes.

  For the next hour, we go through the same process of me forcing more fluids down her throat while she tries to pee in front of me. Every pregnancy test she uses comes up positive.

  “They can’t all be positive, right?”

  She’s still sitting on the toilet, so I crouch in front of her, rubbing a hand up her calf.

  “Well, considering that you’re pregnant, yes. I’m pretty sure they can.”

  “I’m sure sometimes a bad batch is made.”

  I scoff. “Oh. Okay. Yes. That’s exactly what happened.”

  “Andy!”

  “Christine!” I mock with wide eyes.

  “You’re not being helpful!”

  “How am I not being helpful? I bought you the tests, gave you something to drink, told you a story to help you pee.”

  “But…”

  “Sweetheart. It’s going to be great. Why are you worried?”

  She gives me a duh look. “I’m not young, Andy.”

  “That doesn’t matter. I’m basically like a fifteen-year-old, so it youngs you down.”

  “That’s not even a word, and hey! Rude!” She backhands me playfully.

  I chuckle and pretend like she knocks me over. “We got this, yeah?”

  She sniffs, and I wipe her tears.

  “Yeah,” she agrees, nodding her head.

  “Want me to pee on one, too?”

  She snorts and quickly covers her nose. “You would do that?”

  “To expel your bad batch theory? Yes.”

  “Do you need some water?”

  “Nope. I’ve been watching you pee for over an hour now, I’ve actually had to go for a while,” I admit, causing her to laugh.

  We swap places, though I stand up, and she peeks around, watching me.

  “It’s so unfair that you can just stand and go anywhere you want.”

  “And we don’t get periods. Don’t forget that.”

  “You’re supposed to say something to make me feel better! Like, “well at least you don’t grow hair on your chest.””

  “Why would I say that? It’s pretty awesome. And sexy. Especially when I trim it and keep that shit tamed. And don’t deny that you love it — you play with it allllll the time.”

  “Whatever” she grumbles.

  “Done.” I place t
he test on the counter and zip up my pants then wash my hands. Because I’m a grown ass man and don’t need reminded to do so, unlike my boys.

  After three minutes, the timer goes off again and we both look down.

  “Damn.”

  “Yeah, baby!” I yell, spinning her around her small bathroom. I place her on her feet and take her face in my palms, kissing over every inch of her face.

  “I love you so much,” I tell her before dropping to my knees and lifting up her shirt. I kiss her now-bare stomach, not yet rounded with my baby. “And you, munchkin, trouble causer. I love you, too.”

  When I get back to my feet, Christine has tears in her eyes and a watery smile.

  “Andy…”

  “Hey. No tears. It’s going to be great. I promise.”

  “But the kids…”

  “Will love having a little brother or sister to help take care of. Just saying, the boys always wanted a little sister, so why don’t you work on that?” I tease her.

  She rolls her eyes and threads her fingers through my hair. “Ha ha ha. I’ll see what I can do. You know… since it hasn’t already been decided or anything.”

  “I’m happy.” I smile before dropping my forehead to hers.

  “Really?”

  “Really. This is a good thing, Christine. A blessing.”

  “I’m nervous.”

  I nod my head. “Of course, you are. I am, too. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy about it. Besides, the best things in life don’t come easy. I think God just wanted to shake things up for us.”

  29

  Andy

  “You ready for this?” Christine asks as she places the pan of oatmeal fudge caramel bars on the table. Our way of buttering up the kids.

  “No!” I scoff. “The boys might be aware their dad is dating, but now they know all that it entails.”

  She laughs. “You think I want Bri knowing? How am I going to convince her that she and Grady shouldn’t be having dorm room sleepovers?”

  I wince. “We’re screwed.”

  “Why are you guys screwed?” Bri asks, walking into the room. I didn’t even hear her come in, but it makes me happy that she’s comfortable enough in my house that she doesn’t knock anymore.