Freak

by Alicia Masterson

  "I am. You're new to this school this semester, too, right? Aren't you the exchange student, from Finland?"

  "Yes, my name is Helga Frederickson. It is nice to meet you. My English is still slow, please forgive me."

  "You speak very well. This is my best friend, Andy, he's new to this school too."

  The intimidating looking blond silently appraised him, scoffing quietly. "Men like you are a commonplace in my country. Nothing special. No, Christine, I only speak with you because I noticed in the hallways that you are close with the skinny, pale boy with the small eyes."

  Andy bristled at her judgment, frowning slightly. Christine noticed, but her curiosity got the better of her. "You're talking about Lee Johnson? Yes, we're good friends. What about him?"

  Helga noticed the uncomfortable look on Andy's face too, and scratched her head. "I am sorry if I offended you. I meant no harm. Christine, I think I have what your people call a 'crush' on Lee. His appearance fascinates me. Will you introduce us?"

  Christine blinked back her confusion. She looked over at Andy, who, despite his modesty, was also baffled. 'The only thing stopping me from jumping Andy on the spot is that he's gay, and dating someone. He's like the man from any girl's wildest fantasies, brought to life. And she just dismissed him as average, and wants to meet Lee. Damn, either I need to go to Finland, now, or she's been hit in the head too many times.'

  "Um… I'd be glad to?"

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  "Hey, Brian, what's up?" Christine asked, turning down the television. It wasn't unusual for Brian to call late on a Saturday night, especially with his crappy hours at Starbucks.

  "Hey, Christine, sorry about the time, I just got home. Anyway, I've been doing some thinking… and, you know that we've been spending a bunch of time with each other lately and everything, well, until I started taking more hours, that is."

  "Yeah… what's your point?"

  "Well, it became pretty obvious to me that after the… you know…" he said apprehensively, not wanting to bring up Brian's name unless he had to, "that I care about you a lot more than I thought."

  "Um… thanks, I think? Wait, what do you mean by 'more than you thought'?"

  "Well, especially after the first few days… I'll be honest; it was a little bit annoying how closed off you were from the world. But in hindsight, I really did enjoy being there to support you. This is a really long way of saying that I was too dumb to see it before, but I really like you. More than just as a friend."

  "Oh," Christine said lamely, not expecting him to say that. 'What the hell, did I just say 'oh'? Am I a retard? What kind of answer is that?'

  "Still there?" Brian asked, sounding a bit more desperate than he wanted to.

  "Yeah," she answered, still not sure how to answer him. 'Brian… and me? I've never given it any thought… I need time.'

  "Anyway, I'm sorry to bother you. One last thing. Especially with my new hours, I've genuinely missed being able to hang out with you, and Lee, and I guess Andy and Garret now too. You're right, it's stupid for me to complain since I chose to keep the job. If it means that I get to be able to see you guys more, I might quit." He waited, hearing silence. "You don't have to say anything right away. See you soon I guess, goodnight."

  He hung up, having mixed feelings about how that went. 'She didn't say no… but there's no way in hell that was a yes either. That was pretty damned awkward. I probably just ruined her night.'

  Christine heard the line click closed, shaking her from her thoughts. She stared at her phone for a while, and then turned the television back up, falling asleep soon afterwards.

  --

  The sound of her ringtone woke Christine up abruptly, so she flipped it open and put it to her ear without seeing who it was. "What do you want?" She snapped, more than slightly irritated at having been prematurely roused on a Sunday morning.

  "Oh… hey Christine, sorry for waking you up, it's Andy," he whispered, his unusually gloomy voice catching Christine's attention.

  "Damn it, sorry for snapping at you, I fell asleep on a couch. What's with the sad voice?"

  "Could I come over? I'm sorry to ask so early, but I'd really like to talk in person right now."

  "It's no problem, do you want me to pick you up? You don't sound so good right now…"

  "I'll be fine, see you in a few minutes."

  --

  Wide awake from concern, Christine quickly put herself together, brushing the bedhead away from her brunette locks and putting on decent clothes, waiting patiently by the door for him to arrive.

  Seeing his car pull in to her driveway, she went out to greet him. One day, she might look back and laugh at what she saw, but she pulled him into a warm hug instead, guiding him inside. He was a total wreck, his eyes bloodshot from tears, barely able to put together a coherent sentence. It was, to say the least, a different experience to see someone that looked as quintessentially manly as he did like that.

  When they reached her room, she had to blink back déjà vu as he plopped down onto her bed, waiting for himself to calm down. "Christine… I must be the worst boyfriend in the world, what the hell is wrong with me?"

  'Why are all my friends going weird on me this weekend…' she thought to herself, remembering Brian's off the wall confession from last night. "What could possibly make you think that you're a bad boyfriend?"

  "He dumped me. Not only did he dump me, but he said that he couldn't be with me anymore, since he realized that he was straight," he choked out, tears threatening to start again. "Damn it, I have to stop crying, when did I turn into such a pussy? No wonder he left me."

  Christine rolled her eyes, eying a bottle of water on her bedside table before splashing a small amount on his face, causing to shoot upwards in surprise.

  "What the hell was that for?"

  "Sorry, I have a low tolerance for bullshit lately. Quit talking like that, or don't think that I'm sweet enough to not kick your ass out," she sighed, sitting down next to him, placing a comforting hand on his back to steady him. "You're not a pussy, everyone's allowed to show emotion every once in a while. Care to tell me what's going on now, what do you mean, 'he realized that he was straight'?"

  He breathed, the water seeming to restore his resolve. "We were watching a movie at my place last night. It was just like usual, we laughed, talked, made out a little bit, nothing too rated R," he added quickly, seeing Christine's eyebrow raise slightly. "We fell asleep during the movie, or at least I did, I couldn't see him, he was behind me."

  "Sounds like fun, so what happened?"

  "He woke me up really early this morning; I was still in his lap. I wasn't really even awake when he told me. He kind of just whispered into my ear, 'I'm sorry, I can't do this, I can't be with you anymore. You're an amazing person, an amazing boyfriend, but you've made me realize, I'm not gay. It's not you, I promise. It's me. I'm sorry, again. I'll leave now. Sleep well.' Then he left." Andy paused, fighting back tears again. "I was beside myself for a while, I thought it was a joke, a misunderstanding, anything. I tried calling him, texting him, but he wouldn't pick up. Then it hit me… he's not here, with me right now. Of course he's not kidding. Then I called you. Now I'm here."

  "Oh, Andy, I'm so sorry," Christine said, giving him a tight hug, a small, familiar fury building up within her, her old protective instincts kicking into gear. 'Someone's got a lot to answer for. No one hurts my friends.'

  "Christine… I turned a guy straight. He can say it's not me all he likes, at the end of the day, I turned him straight. I really thought that this relationship was going to be something different. I can't even be angry at anyone. I'm sorry for talking so much, I'm just frustrated. How can I be mad at him, or myself, no one did anything wrong. But that didn't stop him from leaving me."

  "It's okay, shh, stop talking, it's okay," she let go of him and pushed him down onto her bed. She looked in momentary surprise that he fell fast asleep. 'He's so beautiful when he sleeps. Why would anyone leave that? I have to get t
o the bottom of this. Garret's not an idiot.'

  She left Andy a note on her bed before driving off, a dangerous glint in her eyes. It's unwise to be in Christine's way when she gets that look in her eyes.

  --

  She gracelessly pulled up beside Garret's house, trying to keep her thoughts clear as she stormed to his door, not really caring that she could be waking up people in the house when she started to bang noisily, calling for Garret to open the door.

  The door opened, a cocky looking Garret waiting inside, seeming not at all surprised to see her here. He looked at his watch, and back at Christine, who was already past enraged. "I'm pretty sure I left his house around two hours ago. What took you so long to get here?"

  Christine stopped, narrowing her eyes, feeling like she was set up. "You know I was going to be here? Why are you being so calm about this?"

  "No offense to any of you, but it was pretty clear what was going to happen. And I was counting on it. I've been meaning to break things off with Andy for a few days now, and I was racking my brain trying to find a good way to do it. In the end, I realized that there was no good way to do it, but I might as well kill two birds with one stone. One, I could get that nasty business over with, and two, you're here. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that he was going to call you, and you were going to try getting to the bottom of things like you always do."

  "You're being so nonchalant, do you even know how broken up he is right now?"

  Garret shivered a little bit, gesturing her inside away from the cold. "Of course I do, but there was no way around that. He'll get over it, he's strong, but it's better than lying to him. He deserves the truth as much as anyone else."

  "You're being evasive; you know why I'm here. Why did you break up with him, and what did you mean by 'I'm not gay'?"

  "I meant what I said. He probably took that the wrong way. He didn't turn me straight, it was my own realization. During our relationship, I had some time to put things in perspective. Like why I wasn't satisfied, for one. Andy is by far the best boyfriend I've ever had in my life, and between the two of us, that's a bigger compliment than he realizes. Then spending time with you and Brian with Andy, it came as kind of an obvious conclusion after a while. It's pretty simple. If I couldn't be satisfied with Andy, then I can't be satisfied with any man. Secondly, I realized that I was developing feelings for… someone else."

  The hair on Christine's neck was standing on end, and her instincts told her to not get baited, but she was starting to realize what this was all about. "Who?"

  "I can see it in your eyes, you've figured it out. You. Will you go out with me?"

  Her head was spinning, she was furious a second ago, now she was more furious with herself, for allowing herself to get tricked into coming here. 'He… used Andy to get to me. He used Andy's feelings. I should be pissed. Why am I not pissed? Why am I actually thinking about saying yes…?'

  The internal struggle going on inside of Christine was read plain as day by Garret through her eyes. "You know I'm not a bad person, and you know that there was no other way for me to get to say that to you, I had to use Andy. You wouldn't have come here otherwise."

  Christine bristled at getting her thoughts read again, and took a good long stare into Garret's charcoal black eyes. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding, and stopped staring. "I know you're not a bad person, I just wish that I didn't want to say yes. I feel like I'm betraying Andy. On the condition that you will fix things with him, and that you will stop fucking answering my questions with me asking them out loud, I'll say yes. For now."

  "That seems fair," Garret laughed, pulling Christine into an apologetic hug. She returned it reluctantly, still unsure of her decision.

  'I'm as attracted to him as the first day we met. Stupid hormones.'

  --

  The next day, the four of them met back in school, albeit with an unmistakable air of awkwardness. With prodding from Garret, Christine obliged to tell them the news. She wasn't sure who was more surprised, Andy or Brian, but neither of them were laughing.

  Brian chose to internalize the feeling of being totally forgotten, accepting that he lost to a good person. 'Not that I'm not used to it. Then again, being beaten by a gay guy. I guess that's a first.'

  Andy's mouth was hanging wide open though, staring bewildered at Garret at first, then back at Christine, who was blushing furiously. "You… dumped… me, she, you… straight… but why…"

  "Andy, calm down, use real sentences."

  He shook his head clear, looking at Christine now. "The note you left me sounded like you were going to beat the shit out of his face. I was almost concerned for his safety. Almost. So instead of beating him up… you decide to date him?"

  "I know, haha, crazy, right?" Christine said, laughing uncomfortably. She pulled Brian away, giving Garret a chance to fulfill his part of the bargain.

  Garret uneasily walked with Andy to their mutual first period, trying not to be bothered by Andy's cold shoulder. He tried putting a hand on his shoulder to catch his attention, but pulled it away, seeing Andy flinch.

  "I'm sorry for…"

  "Using me? Breaking my heart? I'm not stupid. You knew that she was going to confront you. Judging by the grin on your face a few minutes back, you consider this whole mess a success, don't you? Then again, we're all just the expendable pawns in Garret's master scheme."

  "You know that's not how I am. Calm down, you're making a scene…"

  "Where do you get off telling me that I'm making a scene?! The dozens of times you decide to make a point publicly using us… me. It's my turn now. This is important, I need to know why you left me," Andy stated, ignoring the people turning their heads to find the sources of the raised voices.

  "Andy, you have to believe me when I say that you were the perfect boyfriend. That's why I had to…leave you."

  "Run that by me again?" Andy asked, not amused.

  Garret proceeded to explain himself to Andy much in the same way he did to Christine the day before, and to his relief, Andy's stubborn front slowly dissolved. He inwardly flinched though when he saw what lay underneath; the built up sadness, self doubt, and loathing.

  Garret took a gamble and wiped away a tear that was threatening to form from Andy's eyes after his short rant, noticing for the first time the dark lines and bags developing under his lids. "Did you sleep last night?"

  "What do you think?" Andy was no longer angry, just cold. He leaned in to whisper something quietly, something that didn't add up in his head. "What about the sex, Garret? Was that acting you were doing then? As far as I know, straight men wouldn't react like that."

  "Have you ever considered it wasn't the fact that you are a man that turned me on, it was the fact that you're… you? You're hot enough to make anyone second guess their sexuality," Garret joked, leaving him to enter the classroom.

  'Anyone… except for you, apparently,' he thought bitterly, joining him after a moment, trying his best to ignore the smirks from people in the room who heard their short fight.

  --

  Brian's phone rang as he took the time before he had to go to work to gather his thoughts. Irritated that the silence was broken, he flipped it open, surprised to hear that Corey was the one on the other line. "Since when do you call me?"

  "Is it a crime to just want to talk? Brian kicked me out of the room, he says that I'm distracting him from writing a paper or something. I don't really see what he means, I was just-"

  "I don't need details, Corey. But seriously, you're not the chatty type. What do you want?"

  "Honest, I don't have the chance like this to just talk with you. What's been up?"

  Brian furrowed his eyebrows, trying to gauge the actual honesty of his claim. He's known Corey long enough to know that he's always got a selfish angle on everything he does. It was a good opportunity to vent his thoughts though. "Since you asked, I took your advice. I tried to ask Christine out."

  "Awesome dude, when's the first date
?"

  Brian sighed into the phone, preparing himself to rant. Corey would gripe, but it was mentally unhealthy to keep these thoughts in, and he really had no one else to tell. He told him his side of the story as he heard it from Christine's explanation, and to his surprise, Corey didn't interrupt, or hang up.

  "So… let me get this straight. You just lost the girl you've been interested in forever, your best friend, to a gay guy?! I'm sorry, that's pretty sad," Corey said, cracking up on the other side of the phone.

  Brian laughed too, the humor in the situation escaping him until just then. He stopped though, when it hit him again that he was being used as the butt of a joke. "I don't even know. It's like, she heard me when I told her, but then she forgot about it completely."

  "Women can be like that," he replied curtly. "About your story though. So… you're friends with Garret… does that mean that you're tight with Andy too?"

  "We hang out sometimes. Never just us though, only as a group."

  "That's fine, whatever. So how is he taking it? Pretty much my entire first period heard them go at it, he got dumped, didn't he?"

  "What's with the sudden interest in Andy?" He asked, his suspicion kicking in. Brian could smell the ulterior motive from a mile away. 'Corey never changes, does he…'

  "You caught me. Fine, I'll come clean. It's in Brian's, and by extension, my best interest that I keep tabs on that wild card of a friend you've got. I called to see if you two hang out."

  'I didn't just imagine it, he sounds jealous of Andy for some reason, but I'd better not push his buttons,' Brian thought to himself, drawing this conclusion from past experiences with Corey. "It's nice to hear that you called for something important then."

  "Just get on with it, answer my question."

  "Fine. Apparently, Garret turned straight, and dumped Andy. I think we're all still friends though. Andy's taking it really badly now, but Garret's got a silver tongue, I'm sure he's lightened up by now."

  "So in other words, nothing interesting about Andy. Back to Garret though, I just assumed that he was bi. Did you just say that he turned straight? You can't just turn straight. It doesn't work like that," Corey said. He would never admit to it, but he was trying to bait some kind of fatal flaw or something of Andy's from Brian. No one just dumps someone and does a one-eighty as far as sexuality is concerned; Andy must have done something wrong.