Paris a to Z

by Marie Sexton

  “Well,” I said, glancing at Jon, “I wasnt exactly his favorite person.” Because Jon had been dating me when he came out to his family, I always felt Id been cast into the role of the evil tempter. Carol had been friendly, but seemed to be on the verge of tears every time she looked at me, and George had tolerated my presence with cold civility.

  “Just talk football to him and youll be his new best friend,” Cole said, and I noticed Matt perk up at that.

  “Hes different,” Jon said quietly, so that only I could hear. “Since my mom died.”

  Id been wondering why nobody had mentioned Carol. “I didnt know,” I said.

  “She had cancer. They didnt catch it until it was too late.”

  “When?”

  “A year after you and I….” He let his words trail away.

  “Im sorry,” I said, and I wondered if I meant for his mom, or for not being there for him when he needed me.

  He shrugged, recovering quickly. “Youll be surprised, Zach. Hes a lot more accepting now than he was back then.”

  Back then. Back when Jon and I had stood together, hand in hand, and told his parents that we were in love. The weight in my chest seemed to grow at the thought. I looked to my other side, where Angelo sat. He was watching Jon and I, his eyes guarded. Was there an accusation in them, or was I only projecting my guilt? I wasnt sure.

  I took a drink of my wine, trying not to think about the pain Id caused the man I used to love, and the pain I might be causing the man I loved now. I wondered how much Id need to drink to make myself not care.

  “Youre staying at the hotel too?” Jared asked Cole. “Dont you own a condo here?”

  “I do, sweets, but it just seemed easier if we were all in one place. And let me tell you, it was nearly impossible finding a suitable hotel—”

  “Only because youre too picky,” Jon said. Cole looked over at him quickly, batting his eyes playfully at Jon, as if to say, “I am, but you love me anyway.” It was disgustingly cute, and it made Jon laugh. It lasted only a second before Cole turned back to Jared.

  “I didnt want just any old motel,” he said. “I wanted it to feel French. It would have been such a disappointment for you to come all the way here just to stay at a Holiday Inn. And I wanted to be able to hold the ceremony there. We looked at some of the older hotels, but the rooms were so dreadfully small. I just cant stand being crammed into such a tiny space.” He shuddered dramatically. “Of course, we looked at the Four Seasons, but it was terribly ostentatious—”

  “And you know its bad if even he thinks so,” Jon said to Jared, and Jared laughed.

  “If it were up to Jonny, wed be at the Motel 6 back in Phoenix.”

  “I suggested the Marriot,” Jon said. “Its not the same as a Motel 6.” I could tell theyd had this conversation several times already, and yet, they werent snapping at each other. They seemed to be having great fun.

  Cole gave Jon a wide-eyed look that seemed to be innocent and mocking all at once. “Ill just have to take your word for it, love.” His entire demeanor was carefree, his over-the-top behavior done as much for our entertainment as anything. He was fun, and I could see how Jon, who barely knew the meaning of the word, could have been drawn to him. Cole turned quickly back to Jared. “Do you remember that room in Mazatlan?”

  “How could I forget?” Jared asked, grinning.

  “Honey, Im quite sure repairs at the Vendôme would cost considerably more than they did in Mexico, so try not to break any more countertops.”

  “Ill do my best,” Jared said. He glanced at Matt, and a slow blush started to creep up his cheeks.

  Angelo either didnt notice or didnt care because he asked, “What the hell did you do?”

  I could tell by the look on Jareds face that he had no desire for the conversation to go any further. It was Cole who answered. “Well, it wasnt his fault really,” he said, grinning wickedly over at Ang. “Or, not only his fault, but it was a bit embarrassing trying to explain it to the management. I guess those bathroom counters just arent meant to hold people. Certainly not two people. Still, Im sure it must have been unstable before we even—”

  He was interrupted by a loud scraping noise as Matt abruptly pushed his chair back from the table. “Oh my God!” he said, looking over at Jared. “I have no idea how to handle this.”

  “Handle what?” Cole asked innocently.

  “You!” Matt said in exasperation.

  Cole turned to Jared, looking genuinely confused. Jared looked slightly amused, but he turned away from Cole. He reached over and put his hand on Matts arm. He looked into his eyes for a second, and what exactly was in that look I didnt know, but I saw Matt relax. His cheeks actually turned a bit red, and he grinned wickedly at Jared.

  They definitely hadnt been fighting back at the hotel.

  “Sweets,” Cole said to Jared, “are we supposed to pretend like we haven’t known each other for almost fifteen years?”

  “No,” Jared said, turning back to him. “But it might be best if we dont talk about Mazatlan.”

  “Its not like thats the only time we—” Jon shifted suddenly in his chair, and Cole jumped. He turned to Jon, who had obviously kicked him, but he quit talking. For a second he just glared at Jon, but then he turned back to Matt, and his face shifted in the blink of an eye from annoyance to obvious concern. “Buttercup, tell me how I should act.”

  Matt pulled his chair back up to the table. Whatever had passed between him and Jared had changed things. He wasnt mad anymore. Frustrated, maybe, and embarrassed. But not mad. “I dont know,” he said. “I honestly dont. Everybody at this table has slept with way too many other people at this table, and yet, I seem to be the only one who cant stand the thought of it.”

  “You think its strange that we could have sex and still be friends?”

  “Yes, I think its strange. In my experience, once you stop sleeping with someone, you stop seeing them. You dont….” He gestured around the table, as if words had escaped him. “Do this!”

  Angelo looked confused. Jared looked amused. Jon looked vindicated. I had a feeling hed tried to warn Cole ahead of time that this might happen.

  “You make it sound like every one of us has slept with everybody else,” Angelo said.

  “Close enough,” Matt said, raising one eyebrow pointedly in Jareds direction.

  “Youre exaggerating,” Jared said. “Ive only slept with two: you and Cole.”

  “Yeah,” Angelo said. “And only two for me.” He looked at me. “And two for Zach.”

  “And two for me,” Jon said. He turned to Cole. “And two for you?”

  Jared made a coughing sound. Cole let his hair fall in front of his eyes and batted his lashes at Jon. “Two. Three. Whats the difference really? The good news is,” he said, looking over at Matt, “since Matts at one, we still average two apiece. Doesnt that work out just perfectly?”

  Jon looked a bit stunned at that. He looked at Jared, and then me, and then his eyes slid sideways to Angelo. Angelo met his gaze unflinchingly, and Jon sighed, looking down at the table and shaking his head. “I should have known.”

  “Oh, Jonny, it was before we even met!” Cole waved his hand dismissively in Jons direction.

  “Now you know how I feel,” Matt said to Jon. Jon nodded, and I suspected he really was feeling a bit more sympathy for Matt now.

  “Its no big deal,” Angelo said to Jon.

  “Exactly!” Cole said. “Whats a little sex among friends, right love?”

  “„Sex among friends?” Matt asked. “Youve had sex with more than half the people at this table!”

  Cole blinked at him for a moment, thinking about that, and then he sighed heavily and threw up his hands, suddenly acquiescent. “Youre absolutely right, buttercup,” he said. “Its terribly inappropriate. In fact, I think its best if we all spend the rest of our week together only with people we haven’t slept with. Angelo, youll be with Jon and Jared.” He grinned wickedly across the table at Ang. “Dont do any
thing I wouldnt do, doll.”

  Angelo laughed, and Jared asked, “Is there anything you wouldnt do?”

  “Now, sweets, you know good and well theres at least one thing.” He turned to Matt. “And so, buttercup, I believe that leaves you with Zach and me. It will be nice for us to get to know each other better, wont it?” He batted his eyes innocently at Matt.

  Matt shook his head, apparently torn between being amused and being embarrassed. He chuckled grudgingly.

  Angelo elbowed Matt playfully in the ribs. “Maybe its not a matter of Cole havin too many partners,” he said to him. “Maybe its a matter of you havin too few.”

  “That makes sense,” I said. “After all, if were averaging two each…”

  “What an excellent point,” Cole said. “Theres only one solution. Somebody at this table is going to have to sleep with Matt.”

  Jared burst out laughing, and everybody at the surrounding tables turned our way.

  Angelo nodded, grinning mischievously at Matt. “Makes sense.”

  “Jared,” Cole went on, “youre disqualified for obvious reasons. And I suppose I am as well, since its my promiscuity thats brought us to this embarrassing predicament in the first place.” He said this with a theatrical solemnity that had me fighting to keep a straight face. “I propose that the rest of you draw straws.”

  Matt looked baffled, obviously confused as to how he had suddenly become some sort of carnival prize. His cheeks were slowly turning red. Jared made a valiant effort to stifle his laughter. Jon merely raised his eyebrows at Cole.

  Angelo held up his hands, laughing. “Im gonna have to sit this one out. No offense,” he said, turning to Matt, “but youre not my type.”

  Matts blush deepened. Cole looked at Angelo with a perfectly straight face and said, “And what if Zach wins?”

  Angelo grinned wickedly. “I think Jared and I can entertain each other while theyre busy.”

  “Wait a minute!” Matt growled at Angelo.

  “It is only fair,” Cole said.

  “Anyway,” Angelo said to Matt, “were doing this for you. You should be thankin us, right Jared?”

  “Absolutely,” Jared said. Matt turned to Jared with a look that should have vaporized him in his chair, but it only caused Jared to burst out laughing again.

  Angelo turned back to Cole. “Theres a flaw in your plan though, Cole, assumin your goal is to make us all even.”

  The growing mischief in Angelos eyes was mirrored by the spark in Coles. They were having way too much fun together. “Youre so right, doll!” Cole said. “Jonny, youll obviously have to sleep with Matt too.”

  “Exactly,” Angelo said.

  “And why is that?” Jon asked. He wasnt as amused by the conversation as Jared, Cole, and Angelo, but he wasnt bothered by it either.

  “Its the only solution, love.”

  “Right,” Angelo said. “Then well all be tied at three.” He turned to Matt, who was sitting red-faced and silent next to him. “Will you feel better once were all even?”

  Jared was completely gone now, holding his stomach and laughing so hard that tears were running down his face. Matt turned on him and snapped, “Its not funny,” which only made Jared laugh harder.

  “Any of you guys strict about top or bottom?” Angelo asked. “Cause if so, youll screw it all up—”

  “Literally,” Cole said.

  “And well have to start over.” Angelo turned to Matt. “If you got a strong preference you better say so now.”

  “Lay it all out, so to speak,” Cole said.

  “On the table,” Angelo said.

  “For all to see.”

  “Zach does like to watch,” Angelo said, winking at me, and I was relieved that with the direction the conversation was going, nobody took him seriously.

  “Then its settled!” Cole said. “Whos going where with whom first? Zach, I think youre up.” He winked at me. “Or you soon will be.”

  “Oh dear God,” Matt moaned, hanging his head. “I knew I shouldnt have come.”

  “Dont worry about it a bit,” Cole said. “Im sure Zach can coax at least one more out of you.”

  Jared laughed so hard, I was amazed he managed to stay in his chair.

  LUNCH took about three hours, which Jon assured me was normal for Paris. When we emerged back onto the street, it was colder than it had been earlier. Our breath puffed out in clouds. The sky was low and white, and the air almost seemed to sparkle in a way I recognized from Colorado—it was threatening to snow.

  Cole led us to one of the Metro stations. “I thought wed do the Arc today,” he said as we went. “It wont take as long as the Eiffel Tower, and I suspect youre all exhausted after that trip. Youll probably be ready for bed by dinner time.”

  After our huge meal, and a bit too much wine (Id lost track of the number of times Jon had refilled my glass), I would have been happy to go back to the hotel and climb into bed right then, but Cole assured us that the best thing to do was to persevere through the afternoon, eat an early dinner (by which he meant eat at a normal time for Americans as opposed to eight or nine oclock like the French), and then go to bed early.

  I was grateful that Cole knew where to go and what to do. The map on the Metro wall would have baffled me even if I hadnt been jet-lagged and a tiny bit drunk. Angelos eyes were huge, just as theyd been in Vegas, as he tried to take in everything at once. He brought our entire party to a halt in the Metro station to listen to a street performer sing as she played her guitar. Her clothes were dirty, and her eyes bruised. But her voice was low and sultry, sexy and seedy, and Angelo stood in front of her, mesmerized.

  “Whats she singin bout?” he asked Cole.

  Cole listened for a moment to the French words. “It seems to be about an empty cage,” he said, sounding puzzled. “A bird thats gone.”

  Angelo looked strangely spooked by that. “Is she sad?” Cole listened to a few more lines before answering. “Not exactly. It

  seems to be more about being free.”

  Angelo turned to look at me, as if that might mean something to me, but it didnt, and I shrugged. He turned away again, digging in his pocket and coming up with a few French bills. He tossed one into her open guitar case.

  “Dont let him use his own money,” I heard Cole whisper to Jon, reaching for his wallet, but Jon stopped him, shaking his head. It confused Cole, but I was glad that Jon understood. It wouldnt have meant as much to Angelo if it hadnt been his own. The others moved away then, but Angelo stood listening to a song he couldnt understand until the train came and I had to tug his hand to get him to follow.

  Once we reached the Arc, we spent a while at the bottom, looking at the carvings and in the visitor center. Then we started to climb. The spiral staircase was steep and narrow, but the view from the top was worth it.

  It was dusk, and streetlights were coming on. There were a dozen streets that led away from the Arc like wheel spokes. All dozen of them led into a roundabout with the Arc at its center.

  “The traffic down there looks insane,” I said. “No wonder they ride the Metro.”

  Angelo looked at me in disbelief. “Were in Paris, Zach, and youre lookin at the traffic?” He shook his head. “Youre so weird.”

  “What should I be looking at?”

  “Everything.” He gestured at the landscape around us. “A to Z says the view from heres even better than from the tower.”

  “Really?”

  “Maybe cause you can see that,” he said, pointing southeast at the Eiffel Tower. It was fully lit, glowing and majestic over the city.

  I stood behind him and put my arm around his neck. “It is kind of pretty,” I said.

  He laughed at what he probably thought was a ridiculous understatement. He leaned back, his weight so comfortable and familiar against me. “Thanks, Zach.”

  “I dont know why youre thanking me. Coles the one who brought us here.”

  “I know,” he said. “But I also know you wouldnt have come if it werent
for me.”

  I kissed the back of his head. “Theres nothing in the world I wouldnt do for you, angel.” And other than having to face my ex, a week in Paris wasnt exactly a sacrifice on my part.

  “Its too bad everythings dead,” Cole said, interrupting our quiet moment. He and Jon stood a few feet away, in much the same way Angelo and I were, Cole in front of Jon, although they werent touching. “Its so much prettier in the spring,” Cole said.

  “Why did you pick February?” Jared asked.

  Cole looked over his shoulder at Jon, and then he looked away from us, as if he were embarrassed.

  Jon smiled. He wrapped his arms around Cole and kissed the back of his neck. “I guess were just impatient,” he said, and then laughed as Cole pushed him playfully away.

  After leaving the Arc, we strolled up the Avenue des ChampsElysées, occasionally stopping to wander through shops and galleries. Cole and Angelo never seemed to slow down, although Jared, Matt, and I definitely did. Jon finally noticed and said something low in Coles ear. He looked back in surprise, as if hed forgotten we were even there. After that, it was back on the Metro. We made one last stop at a café for a quick dinner before returning to the comfort of our room.

  Angelo had showered that morning, but I hadnt. I stood for a long time in the hot water, almost falling asleep, before dragging myself into the bed. “Youll have to give me a raincheck on fucking your brains out,” I said to Angelo.

  He didnt even hear me. He was already sound asleep.

  HE WOKE me early the next morning, and we made love as we often did.

  At any other time, the sex between us might be rough, or fast, or crude. But in the mornings, it was always slow and tender. I kissed his neck and his shoulders, his wrists and the palms of his hands. His smooth dark skin still fascinated me. Even after two and a half years, he could inspire a reverence in me that took my breath away. I hoped that never changed.

  Normally, after making love, hed get out of bed, and Id sleep another hour or two, but the trip had thrown off both of our internal clocks enough that we rose at the same time. We got dressed and wandered downstairs to find the rest of our group in the restaurant.

  “You slept late,” Matt said to Angelo, and Angelo grinned at him. “Thats what you think.” It took Matt half a second, and then he glanced at me and quickly away, blushing. Jared and Cole laughed, but I noticed that Jon looked extremely uncomfortable. At least I wasnt alone.