“You didn’t come home last night,â€� Gram says as I walk in the door. I head to the coffee pot and pour a mug, avoiding her questioning stare. “Late night with Sam. Did you know that her and Ronnie are engaged? You didn’t tell me they were dating!â€� Gram chuckles. “They’ve been loved up ever since he came back from Philadelphia. I thought you knew, I was sure Sam would have told you.â€� A pang passes through my heart. “I guess we haven’t been talking so much lately,â€� I say. Gram nods. “How did Mr. McAllister get on with all the garden tools?â€� “Great!â€� I say right away, maybe a bit too loud. “Great,â€� I say again, burying my nose in my coffee mug. “That’s good. You make sure to thank him again from me for the hedges out front. I’m getting too old to garden now, it’s nice to have someone make the place look nice.â€� “Sure, Gram, I’ll say thanks, but I’m not sure when I’ll see him again.â€� “Mmhmm,â€� Gram says, turning towards the sink to wash a few dishes. “Ok, honey.â€� I look at the back of her head and can’t help but smile. Does she know? How would she know! Last night Sam and Ronnie could tell right away that there was something between us, but surely when Owen was here yesterday it wasn’t that obvious?? I shake my head and stand up. “I’m going to go to the shop today, do you need me to bring you anything back?â€� “Get some berries and a bit of beef,â€� Gram says, glancing at the fridge. “I’ll cook us a roast tonight.â€� “Sounds delicious,â€� I say as I slip out of the kitchen. I make my way upstairs and flop down on my bed as soon as I’m in my room. I put a hand to my forehead and sigh. For the first time since I left his room this morning, I feel like I can relax. I look around my childhood bedroom and shake my head. I never would have imagined that I’d be back here, having a secret love affair with the new owner of the Lex. I thought I’d come back and have some quiet evenings with Gram, see Sam and her mom, and maybe go into the Lex one night for a drink. My phone buzzes and Rosie’s name pops up. So?? Update?? I grin. I’m not coming back. Rosie answers right away. WHAT. He’s that good, hey? I laugh and turn onto my side, curling up in bed as I type my response. Better than good. Spent the night 🙊trying to sneak around town so no one knows. The phone rings. “Hey Rosie,â€� I say as I pick up. “I got sick of texting. Tell. Me. Everything.â€� “Well, I went over last night and snuck in the back door of the hotel to get up to his room.â€� I pause as Rosie laughs. “It was like Mission Impossible to get up there.â€� “And then… you didn’t sleep a wink because you were busy screwing each other’s brains out??â€� “Basically, yeah,â€� I laugh. “So what’s the plan,â€� she asks. “Are you going to keep talking to him? You weren’t serious about staying there, were you?â€� “No,â€� I laugh. “I’ll be back in New York in a couple days. I don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s no future for me in this town, the only reason I’m here is to see my grandma. I can’t imagine myself coming back here to be with a guy. It would be like moving backwards.â€� “Well, you never know,â€� Rosie says. A baby starts crying in the background and she sighs. “Whatever you do, just make sure you wear protection. You don’t want to have the choice taken away from you.â€� “Don’t worry,â€� I laugh. “I am a baby-free zone and plan on being one for a long time.â€� “Yeah, well, so did I, and then I got pregnant,â€� she laughs. “So take it from someone who knows and just be careful.â€� “Alright. See you when I’m back.â€� “I expect a full debrief of ALL details.â€� “You’ll get it,â€� I laugh. “Whether you want to hear it all or not.â€� We hang up and I lean back in my bed, smiling. Her words ring in my ears and I think back to yesterday. We definitely wore a condom every time, I know we did. I take a deep breath and get up. After a shower and some food I’ll be ready for another day and looking forward to another night with Owen. Chapter 30 – Owen
The next few days go by more quickly than I could imagine. Jess and I steal any moment we can together. Before I know it, it’s the day before she leaves for New York. She walks into the hotel with a smile on her face and my chest tightens. “Come on,â€� she says. “I want to show you something.â€� We walk through the streets all the way to the edge of town in silence. Jess guides me to a small trail leading to some trees and then slips her hand into mine. Our fingers interlace and she moves a tiny bit closer to me. Even the feeling of her palm against mine makes my body buzz. “Where are you taking me?â€� I ask. “Should I be worried?â€� She laughs and then winks at me. “Very.â€� We walk a bit further before dipping between some tall pine trees. We follow what looks like an animal trail until the sound of rushing water gets louder. The trees open up on a small clearing at the edge of the river. We sit on a big rock and let our legs dangle over the edge, just above the flowing water. Jess sighs before looking over at me and smiling. “Welcome to my special place,â€� she says, turning back to the flowing water.. “I used to come here when I was a kid. It was like my hideaway.â€� “It’s beautiful here. This whole town in beautiful. I didn’t think I’d like it so much.â€� Jess’s face darkens and she doesn’t answer. We sit in silence until I finally speak again. “Jess,â€� I start. She turns towards me and tilts her head to the side. “Why do you have such a negative view of this place? What happened? To me it seems like everyone is friendly and it’s a really pleasant place to live.â€� She’s silent for a long time. A bird sings in a tree behind us and the water flows under our feet. She leans against me and I wrap my arm around her shoulder. Sitting here, on this rock, she feels so slight in my arms. It feels like a strong gust of wind could knock her over. “I was dating this guy in high school,â€� she finally starts. “My first boyfriend. I was head over heels in love, you know how teenagers are.â€� She pauses again and I feel a sigh rake through her body. “I got pregnant, and he ran.â€� She stops talking. I can feel her heart beating through her body and I squeeze her a bit tighter against me. Finally she takes a breath and keeps going. “You know those rumours I told you about? The ones that drove me insane?â€� I grunt in response and then clear my throat. “Yeah.â€� “Well, my boyfriend left me. I was pregnant and alone and terrified. These rumours started that I’d gotten an abortion in a back alley. I hadn’t, obviously. I was still pregnant and everyone was whispering about me behind my back, staring at me as I walked past and not saying a word to me. One time I was spat on,â€� adds slowly. “And told that I was just like my mother.â€� Her body shudders and I look down to see her face contorted in pain. I hold her a bit closer as my chest squeezes. My throat closes up and I don’t know what to say. I want to take away her pain but I don’t know how. “I’m sorry, Jess,â€� I finally whisper. She shakes her head and sits up straighter. “I lost the baby. I was so confused. I was terrified, and I didn’t know what to do, but a part of me wanted the baby.â€� She looks over at me and smiles sadly, and then continues. “They found out I had a miscarriage and not an abortion and apparently that was enough to forgive me and treat me like a human again. That’s what really drove me crazy, it was going back to normal as if nothing happened. I couldn’t even grieve the loss of my child, I had to pretend like nothing had ever happened. I started spiralling out of control. I took a bunch of pills one day to try to end it all.â€� “Jesus, Jess…â€� I breathe. My throat tightens some more and I turn to kiss the side of her head. She lifts her hands up and wipes her cheeks. “You know that they say almost twenty percent of pregnancies end up in miscarriages?â€� She asks suddenly. I sha
ke my head and she continues. “They don’t tell you that in sex ed. They don’t tell you that until you have one and it feels like you’re insides are being ripped out.â€� She chuckles bitterly and then turns to me. “Aren’t you glad you came here with me today?â€� She says sarcastically. “I’m just a ball of sunshine.â€� I reach up and wipe a tear from her cheek. “Thank you for telling me,â€� I say. She smiles. “It was Gram who saved me,â€� she says, and then laughs. “Saved me again, I mean. She helped me heal and got me to refocus on school. I’d have never gotten out of here if it wasn’t for her.â€� “After all that, you got a full scholarship to Columbia? I mean, that seems like such a change, how…?â€� She nods and then turns her head and smiles bitterly. “I was pretty desperate to get out,â€� she laughs. “A bit of homework and extracurricular activities wasn’t going to stop me.â€� I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’ve been through all that, and you still managed to get your life together again.â€� “I haven’t told very many people the whole story,â€� she says, swinging her eyes up to mine. “Even some of my best friends don’t know.â€� “Why did you tell me?â€� She’s quiet for a long moment as she stares at me and chews her lips. Finally she shrugs. “I don’t know. I wanted you to know.â€� She turns back towards the river and nuzzles her head into my shoulder. I put my arm around her and pull her closer. My lips nuzzle into her hair and I kiss the top of her head. She moans gently and leans into me a little bit more. The words catch in my throat. I want to tell her my story. I want to tell her about working for my father and being accused of fraud. Everything she went through, people whispering about her and talking behind her back – I went through it all, and for me it was plastered on all the newspapers. I know how she felt, because I’ve been through it too. I’m surprised she hasn’t recognised me. The charges against me were dropped, and everything was supposed to go back to normal. That’s why I left New York, and that’s why she left here. I’ve never met anyone who understands that, let alone someone who’s lived it. I want to tell her everything, but how could I betray my father like that? He’s still in the middle of the trial, and I just want to get away from it all. I lean my head against hers and follow her gaze towards the water. We sit in silence, side by side, hearts beating together as we watch the river flow on and on and on. Chapter 31 – Jess
It feels good to tell him everything. I don’t even know why I told him, but it feels good to sit here quietly and know that he knows my past. Well, not everything. I didn’t tell him that it was Mary Hanson who started the rumours, and it was her who spat on me. I don’t need to tell him that. I don’t want to name names and make him look at people differently or put negative ideas into his head. I’d rather just leave it all behind. I am leaving it all behind all over again – I leave tomorrow. Usually I’m relieved to get out of this town, but now it feels bittersweet. I lean my head into Owen’s shoulder and sigh. Why did it have to be here that I met him? In this town! Surrounded by all these people that have been the source of all my pain! As if he can sense my unease, Owen pulls me closer and lifts his head. He brings his hand up to my chin and turns my face towards him. When he kisses me, it doesn’t feel like the burning passion that we’ve had all week. It doesn’t feel like we’re about to tear each other’s clothes off any second. Instead, he kisses me gently, sweetly. It sends a warmth through my body, spreading from my heart to every extremity. Suddenly my heart starts beating harder inside my hollow chest and he strokes the side of my face. He keeps kissing me and kissing me until I’m not sure if I’m hearing the river or my own heartbeat in my ears. Finally, our lips come apart and we stare into each others eyes. His dark brown eyes are shining as he tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re incredible, Jess, you know that?â€� He says softly. My heart beats against my ribcage and I try to swallow. “I’m glad I met you.â€� The words pass through me and it feels like there’s true meaning behind them. He strokes my face again and smiles gently. “I’m glad I met you too,â€� I croak. My voice is gone and it’s hard for me to swallow. Owen pulls me closer but instead of kissing me again, he wraps his arms around me tightly and holds me against him. I shudder and melt into his chest as all the tension in my bones dissolves with his touch. He strokes my hair and holds me tight until my whole body relaxes. I’ve never felt so safe or so at home as I do in this instant. I tilt my head up to meet his eye again and he moves his mouth to meet mine. I trail my fingers along his jaw, feeling the rough stubble as our lips crush together. He holds me closer than I’ve ever been held, and I feel more connected to him right now than I have to anyone else. I don’t think I knew the meaning of making love until today. I don’t think I even imagined it was any different from regular sex. Now I know. It’s more than different – it’s a completely new experience. Every touch, however gentle, feels electric. Ever look feels like it’s a physical touch, and every noise sends vibrations through my body. It’s less like sex and more like a dance that our bodies instinctively know. Our limbs are intertwined and our lips find each other so that every kiss is more tender than the last. We make love by the river, in the one place in this town that I’ve always felt safe. We make love with the blue skies overhead and the birds singing in the trees, and the cleansing water rushing past beside us. We make love and nothing in this world matters more than the man in my arms and the beating of my heart in my chest. When it’s over, we lie in the grassy clearing, staring at the clouds as they change shape and take a deep breath and sigh. Owen squeezes his arm around me and I smile. We don’t speak, because we don’t have to. It’s like our bodies have a language of their own, and every touch tells a million stories. The clouds puff and shift in the sky and the birds keep singing. The water keeps flowing and the two of us lie there in silence, perfectly content. This must be what happiness feels like. Chapter 32 – Owen
We walk back, hand in hand. We turn towards her grandmother’s house and my chest tightens. I won’t see her tonight, or the next night, or for countless nights after that until she’s back for Sam’s wedding. “I might be able to come to New York to see you. Two months seems like a long time,� I say as we walk under the shady trees. Jess turns to me and smiles. “That would be nice.� My heart does a backflip and I smile. She wants to see me again! We step out of the forest onto the edge of town and Jess squeezes my hand. I glance at her and hold our interlocked fingers up. “You’re holding my hand in public,� I say slowly. “Aren’t you worried about someone seeing us?� “Fuck ‘em,� she says with a grin. We both start laughing and I squeeze her hand a bit tighter. “Yeah,� I say softly. “Fuck ‘em.� I don’t understand what’s going on inside me. I know I’m sad that she’s leaving, but it’s way more intense than I’d expect. I only just met her! I wish we’d had more time to get to know each other. She’s just opened up to me, and given me a glimpse of who she really is. We’re only just exploring each other’s bodies and still making each other laugh all the time. I’m on a high, and she’s leaving. “You sure you don’t want to stay just a couple days longer?� I ask, glancing over at her. She smiles and looks up at me. There’s something in her eyes that I can’t place. “Tempting,� she says. I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not so I say nothing. She smiles again, a bit more sadly this time. “I have to go back to work. I wish I could stay. Actually, I wish you could come with me,� she laughs. “That would be the best option.� I would if I could. “Can I come visit yo
u?â€� My voice sounds insecure and thin, even to my ears. I steal a glance at Jess’s face and she squeezes my hand. I can hardly hear her when she speaks. “I’d like that,â€� she says. She turns her head and smiles at me again. This time her smile travels all the way up to her eyes. Her cheeks start to flush and her eyes look almost misty. “I’d like that a lot.â€� “Done,â€� I say. She smiles again and turns her head forward. We’re rounding the last corner to her grandmother’s house. Both of us are walking impossibly slowly. I want to savour every single second that we have together, and the inevitable goodbye is looming closer with every step. Jess holds my hand a bit tighter as we get closer to the house. It feels like there’s a hand gripping my throat, stopping me from swallowing. My vision starts to blur and I quickly blink to clear my eyes. Finally, we get to those familiar flagstones and walk up to her grandmother’s porch. Jess steps onto the first step and I pause. She turns towards me and puts her hands on my shoulders. With her standing on the step, we’re exactly eye to eye. She smiles at me and runs her fingers along my shoulders and back to the nape of my neck. I feel her interlace her fingers behind me as I slide my hands onto her waist. “This was a surprisingly pleasant visit,â€� she says. “I never thought I’d meet someone like you here.â€� “And I never thought I’d meet someone like you… anywhere, really. Especially not here.â€� Jess laughs and my heart starts to crack. I love the way the laughter makes her shoulders bounce up and down and how she tilts her head back and laughs as if no one is watching. I chuckle with her, I can’t help it. “You’re so different from other girls,â€� I say. Jess shakes her head and smiles at me. “No I’m not,â€� she replies. “I’m not different or special or anything. You and I just happened to click. We get along, and we found each other in this crazy town. That’s what’s special, not me or you.â€� “Are you saying I’m not special,â€� I answer as the corner of my lip starts to lift upwards. She grins. “Not even a little bit.â€� Before I can answer, her lips are on mine and I get to taste her kiss for the last time today. I pull her waist towards me and crush my lips against hers. She tangles her fingers into my hair and presses her body against me. My cock throbs in my pants and I wish she wasn’t leaving, not yet. She pulls away from me and laughs. “Well if no one saw us holding hands, they definitely saw that.â€� “Fuck ‘em,â€� I say with a smile. “Isn’t that what you said?â€� “I did say that,â€� she concedes. “And I stand by it.â€� She leans forward and lays one last soft kiss on my lips before pulling away. Her hands drag off my shoulders and fall to her sides as she turns slowly and walks up the steps. She opens the door and glances at me one last time. She smiles softly. “See you soon,â€� she says. I nod. “See you soon.â€� Chapter 33 – Jess
Knocked Up... Again!: A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance Page 9