“Sounds like that was hard to ask,� he teases.
“A little! I wasn’t sure if you’d think it was moving too fast.�
“I’m not going to lie, my initial reaction was to say no. But this whole week has been upside down and I’ve been breaking all my rules so what’s one more rule to break, right?�
He puts my foot down beside him and shifts his weight until he’s crawling over to me. Our lips meet and he kisses me tenderly, wrapping his hand around to the back of my head. It’s too easy, to comfortable with him. Every time I think about him leaving I have a pain in my chest.
“I’d love to meet the famous Emma. If she cares about you then I care about her,� he says softly, laying another kiss on my lips. My heart swells.
“You’re going to love her.� Or at least I hope so.
I need to remind myself there’s a time limit to all this. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other and enjoy this connection we’ve found. Having a bit of fun for a short amount of time is better than none at all, right? Loving and losing and never loving at all and all that?
He’s kissing my neck and moving his hands up my stomach to cup my breast. My body is melting again, legs spreading to wrap them around him. Even with Bryce I was never this comfortable, it was never this easy. It just feels good with Clay. It feels natural.
I use my hand to lift Clay’s chin up towards me. Our lips meet each other again and he kisses me passionately. The heat in my core increases as his body weighs down on me. It doesn’t matter that he’s leaving, it doesn’t matter that there’s a time limit. All that matters is him here with me, and the feeling of his arms around me and his lips locked with mine.
Chapter 34 – Clay
Saturday morning comes way too fast. I kiss Valerie goodbye and head in for a few hours of work, but all I can think about is meeting her friend. Meeting the friends is almost as bad as meeting the family. Worse, maybe. Why did I say yes! This is the exact opposite of taking it slow, of keeping it casual. Next thing she’ll want me to hang out with her friends, and I’ll have to introduce her to mine. And then, when things invariably go wrong, or when I leave, it becomes way more difficult to disentangle our lives from each other. I should have stuck to my rules. Sex one time only. Nothing more. But then I think about this past week, of rushing home to see her. I haven’t felt this alive in ages. Even when I’m shadowing at the hospital I don’t get the same excitement as when I see her walking through my door. My world has been flipped on its head and I can’t say that I care. We’ve both been in denial. We haven’t spoken about Seattle at all. I know it’s on her mind, because she says the same things as me about taking it slow. And then both of us proceed to do the exact opposite. I can’t resist her and she can’t resist me. Maybe she’d follow me to Seattle. I shake my head. Don’t be ridiculous. Here I am thinking meeting the friends is a big ask and then I want to move cross country together! Plus, I see the way she talks about her career. She loves her job and is excelling at it. I could never ask that of her. This thing has a time limit, and we both know it. I get to the office and busy myself with my work. It’s mostly catching up on paperwork which usually bores me, but today I throw myself into it to quiet my spinning brain. It works, and before I know it it’s nearly 11am and it’s time to leave. Time to meet her best friend. I check the address to the restaurant they’re at and start heading in that direction. It’s only a couple stops away on the subway so I should be there within a few minutes. My heart is pounding. I keep adjusting my shirt, my pants, fidgeting with my hair. Deep breath. This will be fine. It’s just one brunch, and then Val and I will leave and I can take her home and take her to bed. I’ll have her undressed in seconds. My cock twinges at the thought of it. I can’t get enough of her. I jog up the subway stairs and try to orient myself on the street. It’s a short walk up the block to the restaurant. It has a dirty green sign on the outside and dated checkered curtains in the window. Not the kind of joint I’d expect to have amazing food. But then again, if Val recommended it it must be good. I check the sign again and then push the door in. A bell jingles when I step through and I see the place is packed. The food must be good, there’s hardly any seats at all. I scan the room for Valerie and finally spot her in the back corner in a booth. I can’t help but smile. She’s wearing a tight blue top that I can’t wait to rip off her later. Her hair is pulled back and she’s laughing at something her friend said. She covers her mouth and leans over as she laughs. She looks amazing. Her friend has her back to me, but I see a big head of brown curls in front of Val. At least she’s funny, this brunch might not be as torturous as I thought. Val’s shoulders are shaking with laughter, her face is all scrunched up. I can’t look away from her, and I don’t want to. I weave my way through the tables and she finally spots me. Her face lights up and my heart grows in my chest. She makes a move to slide out of the booth to greet me. I can’t take my eyes off her. I take the final few steps towards her and wrap my arms around her, planting a light kiss on her lips. Her body feels so good in my arms, and she kisses me back tenderly. The feeling of her tits against my chest makes my cock wake up in my pants and I remind myself I’ll be inside her as soon as I get her through the apartment door. I pull away from her and her friend starts talking. “Well, well, well,â€� she says. I’ve heard that voice before. Almost as if time slows down I turn towards Val’s best friend. The curly brown hair. The red lipstick. The expression on her face is pure disdain as I struggle to connect the dots. I feel the floor dropping away underneath me as her face registers in my brain. She’s the girl from the night before I met Val. I’ve slept with Val’s best friend. My stomach drops and her friend stares at me with disgust, one eyebrow cocked up as she looks me up and down. My jaw is hanging open, I don’t know what to say. I glance at Val and see the smile fading on her face. She looks at me and frowns. “Do you guys know each other?â€� Chapter 35 – Valerie
I’ve seen that look on Emma’s face before, and it’s never been good. I look at Clay and see the shock on his face, his mouth open as he turns towards me. What is going on! “Do you guys know each other?� I ask. “I don’t know, do we?� Emma responds quickly, her voice dripping with snark. The three of us stand in silence for a moment. Both Emma and I are staring at Clay and he’s just glancing between the two of us, back and forth. “This is your best friend?� he finally says, turning to me. His voice is incredulous, almost pleading. “Yes, this is my best friend Emma. And again, do you guys know each other?� My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel the panic rising in my throat. Someone needs to explain what’s going on! “I, uh, yeah. We met,� he stammers. I frown. I still don’t understand, but I know I won’t like what I hear. “We met,� Emma repeats drily. She rolls her eyes and turns back to the coffee in front of her. “Why don’t you tell your new girlfriend how we met?� She emphasises the word girlfriend and for some reason it stings me when she does. She looks really, really angry. I still don’t understand. I turn to Clay and square my shoulders, searching his face. “Clay. Tell me what is going on.� My voice is hard, and I can feel my heart hardening with every second that passes. “We met on a night out,� he says quickly, and then inhales sharply. Emma snorts. I’m glancing from one to the other and finally the realisation hits me. My heart drops like a rock into my stomach and I feel my throat constricting. I turn to Emma. “This is the guy? This is the guy who never called you back?� Emma looks up at me with one eyebrow raised and she doesn’t need to say anything for me to understand. I d
on’t know what to think. I’m angry at him for hurting my friend but I’m also jealous and I don’t know why. I feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. “Val,â€� Clay says softly, bringing his hands up to my arms. “It was before I met you, it didn’t mean anything.â€� Emma snorts again and turns to stare at him. I pull away from his touch. I don’t know who to trust. “Didn’t mean anything, hey?â€� Emma starts. “What about you telling me I was the coolest chick you’d met in New York, and I was different, and you were breaking all your rules for me. What did THAT mean? Saying all that bullshit and then never calling me back. You’re a user.â€� My heart sinks even deeper when I hear the familiar words. Breaking all the rules, being different. I feel like a fool. I look at Clay and the tears start streaming down my face. I hate crying but I can’t help it. “Is that what you tell every girl you sleep with?â€� I ask. He’s not saying anything, just staring at me with his arms outstretched. I can’t even look at him anymore. I need to get out of here. The walls are closing in on me and I feel like I can’t breathe. I brush past him and rush out the door. I gulp in the fresh air and turn towards the subway station. Tears are still streaming down my face and I can hardly see where I’m going. My steps are unsteady as if I’ve been drinking all day. I hear the bell of the diner’s door jingle behind me, and Clay’s voice calling after me. “Val, wait! It’s not like that! I swear!â€� “Leave her alone, you pig,â€� Emma jumps in. She’s at my side now, with her arm wrapped around me. “Don’t listen to him, Val, you’re better than him. You deserve better.â€� Her words are like a punch in the gut and I start sobbing into her shoulder. My heart has been split in two and I feel a searing pain in my chest. I can’t walk straight, the ground feels unstable. All I can do is lean into Emma and feel the hot tears streaming down my face. She’s shushing me and guiding me towards the subway. I’m in a daze, my mind is blank and buzzing at once. I’m trying to gulp in the air, to calm my beating heart but all I can do is cry and lean against Emma. I don’t even care how many people are staring at me as I cry. She holds me the whole way back to my apartment, unlocks the door for me and sits me down on my sofa. I sit down and the realisation of who Clay really is sinks in. She’s right, he’s a user. Everything he told me he said the same to her. My tears dry and I stare into space. He’s been lying to me, using me. I’m no different than any of the other girls he sleeps with. He’s made a fool of me. Emma is in the kitchen making us some tea. I can’t move, I can’t speak, I can’t think. I thought I’d found someone that I could trust but all I found was a womaniser. I opened my body and my mind up to him, telling him my deepest secret. I thought he was genuine and he was just pretending the whole time! He said the same exact things to gain Emma’s trust. He slept with Emma. She told her they had a connection. It doesn’t even matter that it was before he knew me, now I know his true colours. The outrage is building inside me like pressure inside a kettle. Emma comes back with the tea and sits down beside me. “I’m sorry this has happened, Val. The way you were talking about him I thought he was a good guy.â€� “So did I.â€� I’m still staring into space. I don’t think I can’t look at her without crying. Clay, my Clay, the one person who can give me an orgasm, has been lying to me. He’s used me, and he’s slept with my best friend. Chapter 36 – Clay
I watch her walk away with her friend and my chest feels like it’s being ripped to shreds. I can’t move, I just watch as she is taken further and further away from me with every step. She walks down the stairs to the subway and out of view. The second her blonde head disappears down the steps I feel like collapsing onto the ground. The world is spinning around me, I feel like I can’t breathe. I want to run after her, to explain, to tell her how I feel but my feet are like lead. I can’t move. How can I explain to her that she’s different! I told her friend I was breaking the rules for her but that was just a pickup line. Ever since I’ve met Val my life has been better. My heart is being cleaved in half, the pain is too much. Just as I’m realising that she’s what I want, she’s taken away from me by my own stupid actions in the past. I haven’t even looked at another woman since the moment she walked into my office. I turn around and walk the other way. I’m practically stumbling away from where I was standing. My chest feels like I’ve been stabbed with a ten-inch dagger. I let my feet take me wherever they want to and I wander aimlessly through the busy streets. Everywhere I look I see happy couples holding hands or kissing or laughing together. It’s like a slap in the face. I didn’t know I wanted her and now I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s slipping through my fingers because of my own inability to keep my cock in my pants. I feel changed, different now that I’ve met her and I can’t let myself lose that. I’m still wandering aimlessly. My head hurts, my chest is in pain. I’m tripping over my feet. I need to get her back, I can’t lose her like this. And then, the pain is too much. All of a sudden I’m angry. This is why I have my rules! I never wanted to feel like this, to feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. This is why I never got attached to women! She just walked away from me and wouldn’t even listen to what I had to say. It’s like the time we spent together meant nothing to her. The connection we had, how easy life felt for the past couple weeks, that just got thrown out the window for what? Because her friend was mad we had a one night stand before I even met her? How is that supposed to be a bad reflection on me?! If her friend had the wrong idea about the both of us, that’s on her, not on me. And if Valerie won’t listen to her then that’s HER problem! You know what, screw her. I didn’t need her before and I don’t need her now. If she’s going to throw this away so easily, without even hearing me out, then she doesn’t deserve my attention at all. I make my way back to my apartment and close the door behind me. It’s quiet, too quiet in here. My anger evaporates as soon as I walk in to the door. I look at the sofa and think of Val sitting there, with the sun streaming through her hair, laughing at one of my stupid jokes. Everywhere I look I’m reminded of her here and how much better it felt to be with her. I collapse onto my bed and hate how cold it is without her in it. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I turn around and can still smell her on the pillow. This isn’t right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wanted her to come to Seattle with me and now she won’t even look at me. I need to try to get her back, to explain that she’s special. I need to at least try. Chapter 37 – Valerie
I’m stuck between my best friend and the one man I feel a true connection with. Emma is here, comforting me, but I can’t listen to her. If I go back to Clay, Emma is hurt. She’s been my best friend for years and I can’t imagine my life without her in it. If I don’t talk to Clay…. I can’t even finish the thought. I feel like I’m on the edge of an abyss whenever I think of my life without him. We’ve only known each other a few weeks but I’ve never been so happy, so complete. I feel a sharp pang of jealousy every time I think about Clay and Emma sleeping together. She told me they had a connection. It’s like a stinging pain in the depth of my chest when I think about him having a connection with someone else. I try to think about it rationally. At the end of the day it was before I ever met Clay, not that it makes me feel any better. I’d rather just never think of him with another woman ever, let alone my best friend. He and I have been inseparable ever since we met. If I could just talk to Clay, if he would just be completely open with me, I think I could get past him and Emma sleeping together. It was a one night stand, after all. I look at Emma and think of how hurt she was when he didn’t call her back. She liked
him, even after one night. Maybe that’s all that’s going on with me too. Maybe this crazy connection I thought we had is nothing more than me falling for his charms. But then I think about laying together in bed with our arms and legs intertwined and our bodies closer than possible, talking about nothing and everything. I think about the way he cooked me a romantic rooftop meal when he’d known me for three days. Surely that counts for something?
I wonder if she would forgive me if I wanted to be with Clay. Would she stand between us? She’s always had my best interests at heart, but then again I’ve never been interested in the same man as her. I would be heartbroken if this ruined our friendship.
Knocked Up... Again!: A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance Page 30