Shadowblack

by Sebastien de Castell

  ‘It’s all right,’ Seneira said, her voice closer than I’d expected. I was on my feet and she was next to me, her head on my shoulder, holding on to me as if a wind were about to blow me away. ‘It’s all right.’

  As gently as I could I separated myself from her, the darkness still burning behind my left eye. ‘You shouldn’t be near me right now.’

  She seemed unfazed. ‘Why is that?’

  ‘Because I have the shadowblack. The real shadowblack, not the thing they put inside you. There’s … There’s something terrible inside me that’s just waiting to come out, and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold it back. I’m not who you think I am.’

  Seneira reached a hand to my face. I flinched, but she carried on until her finger was tracing the winding black lines around my eye. ‘Maybe you’re not who you think you are either, Kellen.’ She took her hand away. ‘There’s one thing I know about you for sure though.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  She kissed me on the cheek. ‘You’re a far better person than you think you are.’

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I never do.

  Seneira hugged me once more, then said, ‘Come on. My father will have realised we’re gone and he’ll be worried.’

  ‘I can’t go,’ I said, exhaustion starting to set in as it always did after one of my episodes. ‘I have to keep searching in case Dexan has any more onyx bracelets hidden around here.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘but you’ll come back to my house straight afterwards. Don’t deny my father the chance to thank you.’

  Not knowing what else to do, I nodded.

  Ferius, Reichis and I spent the next few hours searching Dexan’s things, much to his dismay. Ferius found a journal Dexan had kept, listing the names and family details of his victims, along with a notation on a half-dozen of them that we figured out meant the bracelets were now in the possession of Dexan’s clients.

  ‘They’ll get to you, you know,’ he said to me as we were preparing to leave. ‘You don’t know what it’s like out there, Kellen.’

  ‘Now weren’t you goin’ on braggin’ about what a successful spellslinger you were?’ Ferius asked with a chuckle.

  Dexan spat. ‘It’s not any kind of life. It’s running from town to town, hoping some bounty hunter doesn’t kill you in your sleep. It’s scratching the dirt looking for anything – anything at all – to give you an edge the next time you have to fight. People don’t trust you, and you can’t trust them.’ He looked up at me. ‘Believe me, kid, you’re going to regret not taking the deal they offered. Those mages, whoever they are? They’re going to kill you.’ He pulled at his restraints. ‘That’s if I don’t get to you first.’

  I walked past him and reached down to pick up his black frontier hat with its copper and silver glyphs set in the band circling its circumference. ‘What are you doing with that?’ he demanded.

  I set it on my head and felt it slide down just a little low on my brow. It was too big for me and probably looked ridiculous, but I didn’t care. ‘It’s called the Way of Water, Dexan. You tried to kill me, so I get to keep your hat.’

  52

  The Offer

  That evening we did indeed return to Seneira’s home, and after a lot of explaining and a supper that ended in Reichis burping various compliments at me that he expected be promptly delivered to the chef, the house settled into a weary silence. Seneira and her father seemed determined to put on a brave front for Ferius and me, but you could see the sorrow of Tyne’s absence in every glance they shared.

  ‘Well,’ Ferius said, catching my eye, ‘it’s gettin’ late and the kid here needs his beauty sleep somethin’ awful so I reckon we’d best—’

  ‘Actually,’ Beren interrupted, setting his hands down on the table, ‘I was hoping to exchange a word or two with Kellen in my study.’

  I couldn’t think of a reason to refuse. Seneira had said nobody ever went into her father’s study, so I guess this private chat was meant to be something of an honour. Or maybe a consolation prize.

  ‘Some nice stuff in here,’ Reichis chittered quietly, as his eyes went to the assortment of sculptures and artefacts adorning the dark oak shelves. ‘Some very nice stuff.’

  I’d told him to stay outside but, well, he doesn’t take orders very well. ‘Stop drooling,’ I said, giving him a gentle kick in the butt.

  Beren took a seat in one of the room’s thickly padded chairs and motioned for me to do the same. ‘You’re a remarkable young man, Kellen of the Jan’Tep.’

  ‘Kellen Argos,’ I corrected, though that didn’t sound right either any more, but I didn’t want anyone ever mistaking me for one of the mages whose cruel machinations had very nearly brought ruin to the Seven Sands.

  Beren nodded. ‘Of course, of course.’ He reached over to a small table for a crystal glass bottle and poured its dark amber contents into two glasses before handing one of them to me. ‘Pazione,’ he said, as if the word should inspire awe in me.

  I took a sip. Now bear in mind that my experience of alcohol consisted of having got drunk once in my life, right before facing the lords magi of my clan to await their judgment, but this was maybe the most remarkable thing I’d ever tasted. The flavour was a mix of peach and some kind of spice that seemed to burn then cool then burn again on the tongue before finally settling into a deep warmth that soothed my throat going down.

  Reichis, peering down over my shoulder from his perch on the back of the chair, sniffed at the glass, then said, ‘Gimme.’

  The thought of letting a squirrel cat drink from my glass felt uncivilised – not to mention unhygienic – but hells, the little bugger had almost been eaten by a crocodile a few hours ago. Reluctantly I held up the glass to him. He dipped a paw in and licked it. ‘Oh, that’s good,’ he said, and his fur shivered briefly before settling into a brownish-amber colour almost identical to that of the contents of my glass. He dipped his paw into the pazione three more times before I pulled it away from him. Reichis drunk is never a good idea in polite company.

  Despite how disgusting it is to drink after a squirrel cat’s been at it, I took a second sip. It was even better than the first.

  Beren must have caught my expression of wonder. ‘My own private supply,’ he said, then took a long drink himself before setting the glass down on the arm of his chair. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s the most expensive thing I ever bought, after the Academy of course.’

  ‘What will happen to the Academy?’ I asked.

  He sighed wearily. ‘I’m not sure, Kellen. You can’t imagine how much wealth it takes to keep it running. The money required to persuade the best teachers and masters to come live in the borderlands, the envoys we have to send to try to convince influential families from Darome, Berabesq, Gitabria, even a few Jan’Tep now and then … It’s a lot to deal with.’ He slumped back in his chair looking suddenly exhausted. ‘More than that, it’s the time and work of keeping it vibrant, and convincing my own people that it’s not a threat to their way of life. Trying to keep everyone safe.’ He caught my gaze. ‘You could help with that, you know.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Don’t act so surprised. You’re clever and resourceful. You’re a lot tougher than you look, or than you seem to think you are. I’d feel a lot better reopening the Academy if I knew you were going to be part of it, Kellen.’

  I’m not sure why, but I couldn’t seem to make sense of his words. I wasn’t drunk and I was pretty certain the pazione wasn’t poisoned, but the idea of what he was offering was too much for me to hold in my head. ‘You’d be a student,’ he explained, no doubt noticing whatever confused expression had settled onto my face. He held up a hand. ‘Tuition free. Everything paid for. You could become a military strategist or a designer of contraptions or, heck, a philosopher if that’s what you want. I’d be grateful for your help.’

  Visions of myself striding along the Academy’s marble halls ignited within me. I pictured myself rushing into those gilded classroo
ms, quietly taking a seat among brilliant students my age who’d come from all over the continent. Respected scholars would stand before us, sharing their wisdom and remarkable knowledge, then stepping back, amused, as we, the leaders of tomorrow, debated and argued over deep philosophical questions. I felt as if contraptions and devices would be a subject I could be good at, but philosophy was the discipline that fascinated me most. Among my people, foreign philosophers are respected even if they don’t have magic. Spellcraft used to be called natural philosophy, in fact.

  But one thing you learn quickly in the borderlands: nothing comes for free. ‘You mentioned something about keeping people safe. Does that mean you’d want me to be some kind of guard?’

  ‘Nothing so formal. By my way of thinking, just having you there will make things safer.’ He gave Reichis a rueful smile. ‘You and that remarkable squirrel cat of yours, assuming you can keep him sober.’

  I turned my head and only then noticed that Reichis had been surreptitiously dipping his paw back into my glass. ‘Well, it’s not like you were drinking it,’ he mumbled, staring back at me glassy-eyed.

  Beren gave a polite cough to get my attention. ‘What I’m asking, Kellen, is that I be able to come to you, from time to time, if I think something unnatural is going on at the Academy – something that quick mind of yours might be more suited to investigating than my own.’

  ‘What about Ferius?’ I asked.

  Beren’s face took on an oddly compassionate expression. ‘The Argosi are wanderers, Kellen; they never stay in one place for long. I think you know that, and I also think you may be coming to realise that there’s more to life than following whatever road happens to appear before you.’

  I took another sip of the amber-coloured pazione. Once again the remarkable cascade of sensations came over me, ending in that calm, warm feeling that was the exact opposite of sleeping on cold, hard ground wondering when you’ll next be attacked by bounty hunters.

  Beren’s offer was more tempting than even he could know. To be safe, to have a place to live, to not always fear what’s around the next corner. The truth was, I was terrible at being an outlaw; I liked comfort and security, and studying things that made sense.

  ‘There’s something I’d need from you,’ Beren said, sensing I was leaning towards accepting his offer.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Seneira.’

  That took me aback. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘I think you do, Kellen.’ He stood up straighter in his chair and looked as though he was bracing himself for a fight.

  ‘She’s … Seneira’s loyal to a fault. Once she sets her heart on something …’ He kept pausing, which was odd, because I was sure he’d planned this entire conversation out beforehand. ‘She loved Revian, you know, loved him something fierce ever since they were kids. Our families had arranged for them to be married next year, and even when it turned out he … well, he loved her back, but I don’t think it was ever going to be in the way …’

  ‘He’s trying to say the kid liked other boys,’ Reichis said, scooping up another pawful of pazione from my glass.

  ‘Yeah, I figured.’

  Beren must have thought I was responding to him. ‘Revian was an exceptional young man. I’d have been proud to have him as a son, less so a son-in-law; it would have been half a marriage. Seneira’s mother and I, before she passed on … When you’ve had a great love, the kind that changes your whole life? Well, you can’t imagine your children having anything less.’

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that, but Beren went on. ‘My daughter, though, her word is stronger than any steel I’ve ever found. She’d have gone through with it anyway.’ His eyes caught mine. ‘Just like she’d stick with you, even though she doesn’t have the shadowblack and you do, and even though that means you’d be cutting off the future that’s awaiting her.’ He leaned forward in his chair and stared me straight in the eye. ‘You’d be safe here though, Kellen, at the Academy. We’d protect you just like you’d help protect us. It’s a good life I’m offering you, son. But you have to let Seneira find the destiny that’s right for her.’

  Reichis let out a growl. For a brief instant I wondered why, but then realised he was picking up on my emotions. I felt like throwing the glass into Beren’s face, shouting at him and telling him what he could do with his offer. I might have too, except that there wasn’t a trace of meanness in his eyes, not an ounce of judgement against me or anything about me.

  He rose from his chair. I did the same. ‘Just think on it tonight. The local puffery are determined to throw a big parade for you in the morning, to show their gratitude for all you’ve done for us.’ He shook hands with me. ‘Whatever you decide, Kellen, it’s been one of the great honours of my life to meet you.’

  I did something stupid then, something so embarrassing I can only figure it must have come from some deep desperation I wasn’t even aware was bubbling up inside me: I hugged him.

  Without even missing a beat, Beren hugged me back as if it were completely normal, as if we’d known each other our whole lives. That made me feel even worse somehow. Beren wasn’t some controlling patriarch. He was just a parent, a father who had lost his own son just days ago, not trying to lock up his daughter but just wanting to make sure she was free to find a path to her own happiness.

  I would have liked to have had a father like that.

  53

  The Path

  I’d planned to leave any decisions about my life and the Academy for the morning after whatever party or parade the local notables insisted on throwing for us. The Jan’Tep don’t have parades, but Ferius said those kinds of grand gestures make people feel good about themselves. Reichis figured it would be a good opportunity to pick a few rich people’s pockets. Me? I just wanted to enjoy a long luxurious sleep in a proper bed – with silk sheets and actual pillows.

  Comfort. It’s not for everybody, but I sure don’t mind it.

  I’d just settled into a nice warm daze when I felt a hand on my arm. For just a brief second I thought it might be Seneira, but before I could even decide how I felt about that, I heard that annoying frontier drawl half whispering, ‘Rise and shine, kid. Time for me to vamosey on out of here. The road’s calling.’

  ‘“Vamosey” isn’t a word, Ferius,’ I grumbled, shrugging off her hand and turning to nestle deeper into my pillow. ‘Nobody “shines” in the middle of the night, and the road isn’t calling. It’s asleep, like everybody else.’

  Even as I tried to force myself to drift into unconsciousness, I waited for whatever clever reply she had in store for me. When none came, I sat up in the bed and rubbed at my eyes. When I opened them again, she was gone.

  ‘Wha’s up …’ Reichis muttered, stretched out alongside me in the bed, front paws reaching out as if he’d been dreaming of chasing falcons in the air.

  I didn’t answer, because it suddenly occurred to me that during the past few weeks I’d said a lot of rotten things to Ferius; I’d given her any number of reasons to part company with me. Now that we’d dealt with the shadowblack plague, maybe she was ready to be free of me and this had been her way of saying goodbye. She hadn’t said it was time for us to vamosey – whatever ‘vamosey’ was supposed to mean. She’d said her.

  I jumped out of bed, dislodging Reichis and earning me a loud hiss followed by him suddenly jumping into attack position, front claws out and sleepy eyes opened wide. ‘Who’s out there? Who’d dare interrupt the sacred dream sleep of a squirrel cat? Show yourself, dead meat!’

  ‘Relax,’ I said, hurrying to slip a shirt over my head and putting on my trousers. ‘And get your stuff.’ Reichis’s ‘stuff’ consisted of his bag of stolen shiny objects, which I noticed was considerably more swollen than it had been when we’d first arrived.

  ‘We leavin’?’ he asked, looking mournfully back at the bed. Then he looked up at me and I could see in his eyes that he understood. ‘Or just saying goodbye to Ferius?’

  ‘I …’
I stuffed my own few belongings back into my pack and slung it over my shoulder before putting my boots on and sticking Dexan’s hat on my head. ‘I don’t know, but come on.’

  He snatched up his little velvet bag in his teeth and leaped onto my shoulder.

  I raced through the hallway and headed for the stairs as quietly as I could, trying my best not to wake anyone. As I passed by Seneira’s room, I paused for just a second, wondering if I should sneak inside and gently wake her to say something.

  ‘Creepy,’ Reichis warned in my ear.

  I guess he had a point.

  Down the stairs and out the back door, I found Ferius leaning against her horse, arms folded across her chest and a trail of smoke drifting up towards the starry sky from the red dot of her smoking reed. ‘Were you really going to leave without me?’ I asked.

  She didn’t reply, but nodded towards the barn, where a second horse was saddled and ready to go.

  Reichis sauntered over and leaped up onto the horse’s back, sorting himself out to lie on his preferred spot just ahead of the saddle and muttering a warning to the poor animal that he better make it a smooth ride.

  I hesitated, looking back at Seneira’s big white house and the promise of good food and effusive praise that the morning would bring. More importantly, her father’s offer of a life at the Academy pulled at me. A place to live, a chance to study and a purpose that would let me see myself as something passably noble: Kellen, defender of the Academy. Okay, I’d work on the name some other time.

  And what did Ferius have to offer? Long winding roads and convoluted frontier mysticism; hard living and a future that had no clear direction; no promises of who I’d be or what I would become. The choice should have been easy, and yet … it wasn’t. Maybe it was because Ferius had saved my life so many times, or because some of those ridiculous lessons of hers in dance and music and swagger were finally sinking in. Mostly, though, I didn’t want to say goodbye, because, crazy as she was, Ferius Parfax was the strangest and most daring person I’d ever known, and if I stayed behind, I was more sure than I’ve ever been about anything in my whole life that I’d never meet anyone like her again.