by Casey Peeler
We spend Sunday going to church as a family, fishing the Broad River, eating popcorn and watching Nick Jr. Whoever thought that the joys of a three year old would now be mine? As I tuck him into bed, Marleigh comes to tell him goodnight. Once he drifts off to sleep, we make our way to the front porch with a blanket to stay warm and we swing and enjoy the peaceful country life that we both enjoy.
“Mar, I don’t want to leave tomorrow.” She pulls her head from my chest.
“Gunnison, I completely understand.” She doesn’t try to make me feel better or reassure me because she’s the only person in this world who actually understands me in this moment.
The following morning, we spend as much time with Gunner as possible, and then say our goodbyes. I do my best to keep myself together but as soon as he’s out of sight, tears fill my eyes. Marleigh takes my hand in hers and kisses it without a word.
Chapter 38
MARLEIGH
It’s been a month since Gunner found out about Gunnison and I have been blown away by Gunnison’s desire to take over as a dad and the way Gunner has taken to him. It has made me realize that keeping him away from his dad was the worst mistake I could have made.
Each day we call Gunner and check on him. When basketball season is over, we are going to try to work out a schedule for him to visit every other week. My parents are unsure we can handle classes and a child, but let’s face it—it’s what we need to do.
Round one of the Big South Championship begins this week. I’m extremely nervous about this week and it’s not because of the game. It’s because Gunnison’s parents are going to be in town as well. Gunnison and I have done our best to try to prepare him for this, but bringing new people into his life is scary.
As Wednesday rolls around, I wish my classes would hurry up because I can’t wait to be with my entire family watching the first game. The professor looks at her watch and dismisses us for the game. I just love college! I text my sister and hurry to the gym where they are waiting. Daddy stands and waves me over to the seat. Gunner is standing there in his Del Valle jersey. Making my way to him, he meets me with open arms. Pointing to my shirt, he says, “Mommy we twins.”
“Yes, baby, we are.”
Scanning the crowd for Gunnison’s parents, I wave toward them when I see them. We have had a major conversation about how we will introduce them to Gunner, and we all agree that Gunnison needs to be the one to make that happen.
Taking my seat beside my son and family, I blow Gunnison a kiss when he winks at me. “Hey my kisses!” Gunner says to me. I hug him tighter and give him kiss on the top of his forehead.
As the game is underway, I don’t think I sit down the entire time Gunnison is on the court. I’m a nervous wreck, and I’ve never been this way about a game. At the half, I walk to the lobby and run into Brett, who looks as if he wants to say something.
“Everything okay, Brett?”
“Marleigh, I just wanted to let you know I’m glad that Gunner has his dad in his life. That’s important. I really did care about you and it was hard to walk away but I’m glad you are happy. ”
“Thank you,” I say as I give him a brief hug and grab Gunner a drink from the concession stand.
The rest of the game, I’m on pins and needles with the back and forth of the score. As the buzzer sounds and Coastal wins by two, the crowd goes crazy and I lift Gunner in my arms as his daddy makes his way to us.
GUNNISON
Watching the love of my life and my son cheer from the stands, I can barely focus on the game. I want nothing more than to be with them each and every minute. As the buzzer sounds, I shake hands and make my way to them. Kissing Marleigh briefly, I watch Gunner’s reaction after. I believe he’s adjusted to the fact that he’s not the only one she kisses these days.
As my parents begin to make their way to me, I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach, but as soon as Marleigh gives me the slightest bit of reassurance, they disappear.
“Hey, Mom and Dad,” I say as they approach. Mom embraces me in a hug and Dad gives me a good job pat on my shoulder. I take a minute to introduce them to Marleigh’s family and when I get to Gunner, I scoop him into my arms. “Mom and Dad, this is Gunner. My son.”
Gunner looks at me. “I have two Mimi and Pap’s?” he questions.
“Yup, little man, you do.” He squeezes his little arms around my neck and relief washes over me. I don’t push my parents on him, but I can tell my mom is about to burst to hold him. “How about we grab something to eat? How’s that sound, little man?”
Looking at me, he nods his head yes and we all make our way to River City Café for a melt in your mouth burger. As we wait on the food, the conversation between both of our families flow and it amazes me. Gunner points to a game, and when I start to walk over there with him, my dad asks Gunner if he can take him to play it. When he says yes, I see a light in my father’s eye that I’ve never seen before.
As they finish with the game, they come back to the table, and that’s when Gunner steals my heart completely. He walks to my mom and crawls in her lap without being prodded. I see the tears swell in her eyes as he places his head on her shoulder and within minutes, he’s asleep. Marleigh squeezes my hand and I know that regardless of what the future brings, we’re in this together.
Chapter 39
MARLEIGH
With both of our families here, this week has been nothing far from amazing. Gunnison doesn’t have a game due to the earlier win this week, and we use this to our advantage. We spend each and every moment together as a family. I hate having to send Gunnison home each night, but it’s only appropriate and his parents are in town.
On Thursday, Gunner asks me if he can go home with Gunnison. I’m unsure of what I feel in this moment. It’s not as if I don’t trust him or his parents, but this would be the first time that Gunnison has had him alone over night. When Gunnison looks my direction, it’s obvious he can see my fear.
“Mar, it’s okay if you don’t want him to.”
“It’s not that. It’s just the first time he’s been away and not been with either my sisters or parents. It’s hard on a mommy,” I say, hoping and praying I haven’t upset Gunnison, but it’s the truth. From the day he’s been born he’s only been with my family, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m scared to death.
“Mommy please me go with Daddy.”
Gunnison walks toward me and places his hands on my shoulder. “If you’re not ready for this, it’s okay.”
“No, I want him to, but I wish that this wasn’t even an option for him.” I want Gunnison to know that I want to be with both him and my son in the same house.
“Mar, I couldn’t agree more,” he says as he kisses my forehead. “Gunner, why don’t you go hang out with Aunt Tin while we pack your things.”
As he finds Tinleigh, Gunnison and I walk to my room to get his things together. When we are out of ear’s reach of everyone, Gunnison closes the door, wraps his arms around me and tells me I don’t have to do this.
“Gunnison, I want him to, but being a mother changes you.”
He lifts my chin so my eyes are looking into his. “Just as finding out I was a father changed me. I won’t let anything happen to him. I promise.” As he seals his promise with a kiss, I know I’m overreacting.
After packing Gunner’s clothes, I tell him goodnight and he promises to call me before bed. As soon as their headlights disappear, I walk back into the house and spend the rest of the evening with my family.
My phone begins to ring around eight thirty and when I see Gunnison’s name, I hurry to answer. After I say, hello, I hear the sweetest sound: Gunner. It’s obvious he has had an amazing evening with his dad and grandparents. When he is finished talking, he tells me that he’s going to bed and that Daddy will call me back.
As I wait impatiently for Gunnison to call, I start thinking about my life. It’s hard to believe that for the past three years I haven’t had anyone to rely on besides my family, and now
I have Gunnison and his parents. Could Gunner stay here full time? Maybe we could find a way to raise him together while we finish our last year of school. Shaking it from my head, I decide to get the laundry and other household things done while I wait for Gunnison to call.
Within the hour, I’ve finished a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and straightened up my room. As I take a seat and turn on the TV, Mama sits down next to me.
“Mar, I’m proud of you. Tonight, the way you reacted was normal. A parent feels that way regardless of who their child leaves with, but it’s the way that GC chose to handle the situation that impressed me the most.”
“Whatcha mean?”
“When he saw the hesitation in your eyes, he didn’t push. Instead, he let you process and explain it. When you sent Gunner to Tin, I knew that the two of you needed a moment, and it’s obvious that you handled it like responsible adults. I’m proud of who you’ve become,” she says as she gives me hug and then makes her way to her room.
I take a moment to think about what she’s said, and I know she’s right. To know that my parents are proud means everything to me, especially considering I haven’t been easy on them.
GUNNISON
Closing the door behind me, I realize that tucking Gunner in has to be the highlight of my parenting career so far. When Marleigh was unsure about letting him come home with me, I knew I wanted to get this right. I can’t blame her, but the only way I’m going to figure this out is to do the work. Walking back into the living room, I take a seat and enjoy some quiet time with my parents. The time I spend with them is rare.
“GC, he’s precious,” Mom says sweetly.
“Yeah, he is. I’m glad things went well after the game, and it looks like tonight has been a success. Thanks for being here with me. It means a lot and not just because of the game.”
“GC, we wouldn’t have missed the game and seeing Gunner has made this trip even better. I just want you to stay focused on school because reaching that goal will impact Gunner and Marleigh as well,” Dad says, and I can see he wants to say more.
“Go on, Dad. I know there’s something else you want to say.”
He looks at Mom and for some reason that scares me. “We’ve got an offer on the farm, and we want to know what your plan is for your future.”
“What?!”
“GC, things aren’t as good as they used to be. We’re getting older, and now that you have Gunner and Marleigh, I’m not sure you will want to move back to Pennsylvania.”
He’s right. Absolutely right. “Dad, honestly I don’t know the answer to that. I want to say I’ll go to Pennsylvania, but with Gunner and Mar, I can’t make that promise.”
“We don’t want you to feel pressured to choose the farm. You have a family now, and that is more important than the farm.”
“What would you guys do if you sold it?” Mom begins to smile.
“We’d move further south. We don’t want to be far from you or Gunner. We’ve talked about this and it’s not like we couldn’t buy a smaller farm closer to you. Plus, we’ll be retiring soon,” she says.
I rub my hands down the front of my jeans. “This is totally up to you guys. I know that once Marleigh and I get married, we will stay in the south. I don’t think I could uproot Gunner from where he’s lived his entire life.”
“I know I told you they come first. Once we sell the farm and retire, we’ll move closer to you. Whether you choose a CPA or the NBA, we’ll support you.”
After a few minutes of small talk to thin the air, my parents decide to call it a night, I take a few minutes to take in everything they just told me. Not only is my dad proud of me, but I’m free to be the man that Marleigh deserves and the dad that Gunner needs.
MARLEIGH
I answer my phone quickly when Gunnison calls because I can’t wait to hear how the night has gone and how he feels about parenting. Something doesn’t sound right in his tone, but when I ask him if everything is okay he changes the subject.
“Mar, Gunner is great. We played games and he hung out with my parents. I put him to bed and Mar, that has to be the best part of it, watching that sweet little boy sleep like an angel.”
“Yeah, it is. Remember the first time you saw him sleeping?”
“That was the moment I knew that my life was worth living and making us work was my top priority. I love you, Marleigh.”
“Gunnison, please tell me what else is on your mind.” I pause, unsure of whether he will or not.
“My parents want to sell the farm.” What. The. Hell. “They said they wanted to know my plan for the future, and if it doesn’t involve the farm then they want to sell and move closer to us.”
As he says it, it warms my heart. “Gunnison, we will go wherever you need us to go. That’s been your plan. I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Marleigh, my plan has always revolved around you. We planned on going to college, but we never got past graduation. If I went back to the farm how would you be a marine biologist, you’d have to stay by the water. You’ve given up so much for so long and you finally got to Coastal, maybe this is perfect for us. We could stay here and you could have your career and I could have mine. I can be an accountant anywhere.
“But what about your dream? You love that farm! He would adjust, and I would, too.”
“Mar, I also dreamed I’d play in the NBA, and we all know it’s a dream. The two of you come first. They mentioned buying a small farm close to Gaffney. If they did, it would be the best of both worlds. Gunner would have both grandparents, his mom and dad, and not change what he knows in the process.”
Taking a deep breath, I think closely about how to respond. “I thought I knew what was best for you when I found out I was going to be a mother and pushed you away, but now I know you are meant to be in my life, and I think you need to weigh the pros and cons. Think about what you really want for your life. Don’t make a rash decision like I did. Think things through. Regardless, we will be by your side… if you are in the Carolinas, Pennsylvania, or Timbuktu.”
“My parents don’t have to sell quickly, but I think someone must be interested. You’re right. I don’t need to decide tonight, but when I say I want you and Gunner with me, I mean every word of that. I won’t go where you can’t be with me. I love you guys too damn much.”
“I love you, too. Now if I were you, I’d get some rest because he’s going to be up before the rooster crows.”
Chapter 40
MARLEIGH
Saturday, we are up early to go to Gunnison’s game. Secretly I’m praying they win so that I can enjoy my two boys for the rest of the day, but if not, it’s basketball for us. At the eleven o’clock game, it’s obvious within a few minutes that this game is going to be a breeze. When the buzzer sounds, I grin knowing that my wish came true.
We spend the rest of the day going out with our families, and then take Gunner to play indoor putt-putt. At the age of three, his skills are quite impressive. As he hits the ball with too much force, Gunnison comes up behind him and assists him on his next putt. Being able to steal these sweet moments with the two of them allow me to realize how much I need both of them in my life.
Gunnison has to leave us early due to his basketball curfew. Tomorrow is a major day in basketball, and Coach is trying to make sure the team is well-rested. Not only is it the Big South Championship, but all the players know it’s the game the NBA scouts like to sneak into. After breakfast with our families, Gunnison asks Gunner if he’d like to come to shoot around practice before the game. As Gunnison speaks to him, Gunner soaks in his words and his eyes twinkle with hope as he looks my direction. Nodding yes, my precious little boy grabs onto my leg and hugs me.
Entering the arena, Gunnison excuses himself to get in uniform. As we wait on him in the hallway, Gunner’s excitement grows as teammates make their way to the gym. Gunnison exits the locker room and holds his hand out for Gunner while looking at me. Gunner smiles up at me then takes his daddy’s hand as they w
alk down the hallway together. I’m in awe as I watch the two pieces of my heart walk toward the gym.
GUNNISON
As we begin our typical shoot around, Gunner stays right beside me, and I take turns letting him shoot. Gunner takes the basketball and begins to attempt to dribble it, and it’s the cutest things I’ve ever seen. It’s like looking at myself, but with less coordination. Wonder if that’s how I was at that age? Then Wade comes beside him and begins to do the same, and before I know what’s going on, the entire team is dribbling with him. I fall in beside him and as the ball goes out of control, I give him mine and then teach him the proper way to dribble, as much as a three year old can.
Coach calls for us to get in game mode, so we make two lines and begin to pass and shoot toward the basket. As my turn approaches, I grab Gunner, put him on my shoulders and let him dunk the ball into the basket. When he does, the entire team goes crazy. Gunner begins to squirm and then I hear crying. He’s crying. Oh no! What did I do wrong? Taking him from my shoulders, I wrap him safely in my arms and tell him that everything is okay. When he looks into my eyes for reassurance, I tell him again it was okay, they were excited he made a basket and then look to Marleigh who is crying. What did I do?
“Daddy, we do again?” he asks. I shake my head yeah, look toward Coach, and have a “do-over.” This time he doesn’t cry; he claps and squeals with excitement. That’s the perfect way to end this shoot around. I jog over to Marleigh who is still crying.
“Mar, what’s wrong?” I plead.
She shakes her head as I continue to hold Gunner. “Absolutely nothing is wrong. Watching the two of you walk away, holding hands, warmed my heart, but the way you took the fear away from him … that, Gunnison Cyrus, is the moment I fell completely, head over heels in love with you.”