“Just keep walking and pretend I’m not here.” She didn’t look at him.
“And, why do you think I’d wish to do such a thing?”
She sat back on her heels and peered up at him. Something seemed different about her. The glow of her skin had dimmed, and if he wasn’t mistaken, she had lost weight. Her normally slender face appeared gaunt.
“You never know if I will attack you in order to get myself with child.”
He cringed. “I shouldn’t have accused you of that.”
After brushing her hands off on her skirt, she stood and faced him. “Then, why did you?”
“The women I know do not hesitate to manipulate men in order to get what they want. Then, when I saw your anger at my confession, I was positive you were exactly like them.”
“And, now?” Her closed expression hadn’t changed. “What made you alter your opinion?”
Running his hands through his hair, he studied her familiar face. Not for the first time, he was struck with how easy it was to be around her. Her eyes never strayed to his scars, and she never treated him differently because of them. Here, they were simply Carolyn and Edmund. He hated how he had forgotten that.
“I realized I knew you better than that. I’m sorry I questioned you.”
She smiled, and the sight awarded him with more joy and relief than he had a right to feel.
“I’m glad to hear that, but you are right about one thing, I was angry, but not at you. It was at myself.”
“Why?”
“The fact that you had remembered to prevent a child made me realize I hadn’t even considered the possibility. That isn’t like me.”
Feeling better than he had all week, he smiled. “It was good I was able to keep my wits about me.”
She frowned. “I suppose so. Regardless, I would like to apologize for my selfish actions that day.”
The idea that she would apologize for what happened between them was laughable. He would gladly allow her to be selfish with him whenever she chose. The experience had been his best to date.
“If you hadn’t noticed, I didn’t mind in the least.”
She rolled her eyes. “Now that we have moved past this, do you suppose we can go back to being friends? I could use help in the garden now that the winter weeds have decided to move in.”
Edmund nodded, and got to work beside her. The last thing he wanted was to be reduced to a friend, but he would rather have any part of her than none at all.
They worked in silence, and although it felt companionable, he wished she would talk to him. He spared a glance at her a time or two. He found her occasionally sitting with her eyes closed or taking a break from working. It wasn’t her usual behavior. He didn’t like it.
“Are you well?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“Very well,” she hastened to respond. “I simply have numerous matters on my mind as of late.”
He stopped working and faced her. Normally, she wouldn’t hold her thoughts back from him. It was something he admired about her. What had changed?
“Care to talk about them?”
She bit her lip and glanced away from him.
“Carolyn?”
After letting out a sigh, she began weeding again. “I received a marriage proposal.”
Edmund clenched his fists as white-hot jealousy burned him from the inside out. It had only been a week since they been apart. He didn’t like the idea of other men becoming so close to her in that time. And, for one to offer marriage meant he’d imagined she’d accept.
“And?” he pressed when she didn’t continue.
“I considered it, but I feel nothing for the gentleman. After what occurred between us in the cabin, I realized I could not do that with just anyone.”
Rage colored his vision and robbed his ability to speak. He couldn’t believe she had considered doing so with another man. And, she spoke so casually about it while he wanted to rip the nameless man apart for simply thinking to offer for her. How could this happen? She belonged to him.
The thought washed him with cold water. No. She didn’t. And never would. He needed to give her up now before matters got too far out of hand. Or, he needed to show her their secret meetings would be enough for her. He didn’t know what he would do if she married and completely disappeared from his life.
Chapter 8
Carolyn took another bite of the chocolate and sighed at the wonderful decadence of the treat. The delicacy wasn’t something they’d indulged in often, but she would never pass up a chance to enjoy a taste.
“What is the occasion that we should be gifted with chocolate twice in one week?” she asked Annalise.
“Gordon didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“It came from the Duke of Demoon over a week ago when you had been sick. I understand His Grace also sent a letter.”
Carolyn coughed, nearly choking on her favorite treat. “What?”
Ever the mothering one, Annalise handed her a cup of tea and waited until Carolyn regained herself. Desperate to hear what the duke had to do with them, she waved her sister-in-law on.
“It seems Mr. Avery told his cousin you were sick, and His Grace, having heard chocolate holds medicinal properties, sent a block over here.”
Carolyn’s stomach turned. How could she partake of something else from the Duke of Demoon? She still worried that Edmund hadn’t righted the duke’s hunting cabin. As soon as her brother had allowed her to leave the house after her sickness, she’d gone back to check. The cabin had been locked. Clearly, His Grace wouldn’t make the mistake of leaving it open again.
“Why do you suspect he would do such a thing?”
With a shrug, Annalise popped another piece in her mouth. “Perhaps upon hearing his cousin’s intended has fallen ill, he thought to lend aid. Or, maybe this is a way he can repay Gordon for helping him escape the fire all those years ago.”
“I’m not Mr. Avery’s intended,” Carolyn intoned, hating the fact that she had to remind Annalise this, once again.
“We both know that, but we have no idea what Mr. Avery has told the duke. If he is to keep sending gifts like this, I say we let him.” Annalise laughed.
Discomfort settled between Carolyn’s shoulders. She wished she could talk to her brother for some advice, but he would never understand. Although guilt weighed her down, there was no way the duke could know about her trespassing in his garden, hunting cabin, or his study. Dear God, she was practically a criminal.
If he found out . . . She swallowed. Certainly, he would regret his kindness to her today. The thought of giving up the garden made the chocolate stick in her throat.
“Annalise,” she forced out.
Concern crossed her sister-in-law’s face. “Yes?”
“Do you suppose I could have a small section of the garden to tend to as my own? In the back, perhaps?”
Silence met her request and depression settled upon her. She didn’t know if she could give up the duke’s secret garden and not have another to turn to. But, she would handle it. This was her life now.
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t want to overstep in your garden, but—”
“Stop right there. First, there is no sectioning off the garden, and second, it’s not just mine. Is that why I never see you out there?”
Although it was only half true, Carolyn nodded.
“You are welcome to each and every part of this house, including the garden.” Annalise took her hand. “I don’t ever want you to feel as though you don’t belong here. Treat any part of the garden as your own whenever you wish.”
Feeling much better, Carolyn removed her hand from her sister-in-law’s grasp and turned the conversation to easier topics. Once Annalise left to tend to
Jacob, Carolyn slipped from the manor and set out toward the secret garden.
It was earlier than usual, but she needed to have some time alone in this place before Edmund arrived. Once she pushed through the ivy for the last time, she let her eyes fall on everything, committing it to memory. Pride swelled in her breast. When she had arrived at this place, it had been neglected for a very long time.
“This is much sooner than your usual time.” Edmund’s voice came to her as bittersweet.
She turned to face him, again trying to commit his face to memory. The past few days as she’d recovered from her illness, his help in the garden had been invaluable. She would miss their working side-by-side more than anything.
“Yes.” She looked away, not sure how to say goodbye to him. “Edmund, how long do you intend to remain here for your visit?”
“My visit?” Confusion echoed in his voice.
“To the country. When we met, I could tell you don’t live around here.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I do live nearby, closer than you think, actually.”
“Oh.” The idea that he wasn’t leaving made her decision even harder. How could she handle knowing he lived so close and not be able to see him?
“You were hoping I’d be leaving?” His disappointment was clear.
“Not at all. It’s just that we can’t keep coming here. I thought if you weren’t going to be here, it would make things easier.”
He moved to stand in front of her. “Why can’t we keep coming here?”
“I think we’ve taken enough advantage of the duke. He deserves better than to have us take liberties on his property.”
His jaw clenched. “So, you have another location you’d like to meet me? Or, are you casting me off like you are doing to this place?”
“Regardless of what you think, this isn’t easy for me.”
He scoffed. “Somehow, I don’t believe that. You have what you wanted from me, so you have a convenient excuse to rid yourself of me.”
Unable to stand him thinking badly of her, she grabbed his arm. He didn’t move away. Hope infused her. Perhaps, he wanted to understand. To believe her.
“Listen to me, the duke—”
He shrugged her off then, fury darkening his face. “I don’t understand your obsession with Demoon. If I didn’t know better, I would think you have designs on the man. However, I don’t suspect he would give in to your wiles.”
Glaring, she clenched her fists. “Perhaps it is you with the obsession. You found this place just as I had, but you were the one to bring me into his study, and his cabin.”
“That was for convenience. If the duke doesn’t protect his property by leaving everything unlocked, he is just asking for trouble.”
“And, you will ensure he’s found it?” She shook her head, her fury exploding as she thought about the duke’s gift of chocolate. “He deserves none of this. For all you know, he’s the kindest, most generous gentleman out there.”
Shock seemed to melt Edmund’s fury. “Are you defending him? A man whose reputation you maligned a number of weeks ago?”
Heat infused her cheeks. “I was simply relaying idle gossip. It wasn’t very well done of me. We just don’t know anything about the man.”
Edmund took a step toward her. “Would you like to know more? To sit down with the Duke of Demoon and get to know him? Become his friend?”
Her cheeks were on fire now. The way he’d said it was a caress, and it did strange things to her insides. How could he want her to feel thus about another man? She didn’t understand him at all.
“Someone should.”
He reached her then and ran a finger down her cheek. She shivered.
“I agree, but I can’t help but feel a little jealous. I’d rather you reserve your time for me. If you’d like, I can ride to Moonlight Castle right now and request an audience. Once I told His Grace what you’ve done here, I’m certain he’ll insist you visit as often as you’d like.”
Although she wasn’t sure if he was jesting or not, a hint of fear crept across her skin. “What if I am wrong, and he is angry. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being punished for what I’ve done here.”
His hand cradled her jaw, tilting it up toward him. “I know you just want to be friends, but I want to kiss you right now.”
Her heart pounded. “How convenient, for if you don’t kiss me right now, I’m afraid we can’t be friends.”
As his lips came down on hers, Carolyn gave into the sensation of him. Although she hated herself for being weak, she knew she would always give in to him. She wanted him too badly to resist.
For the time being, she would put aside her concern, continue to tend to the garden, and to see Edmund. After all, if the duke hadn’t caught her yet, surely she could steal another month or so.
~ ~ ~
Edmund laughed and clapped his cousin on his back as they made their way to the stables. “You’re right. Women are confounding, but trying to understand them can be quite entertaining.”
“For some.” Thomas pulled his coat closer against his slender frame. “I don’t know why you keep going on all these rides. The weather doesn’t exactly make me think of spending time outdoors.”
A smile took over Edmund’s face as he thought about the warmth of having Carolyn in his arms. Although she’d refused to join him in the cabin, he made sure to kiss her senseless every time he saw her. After these weeks of denial, he’d begun to believe he’d go mad before long.
Thomas snorted. “Since when are you allowed to be this happy while I remain miserable?”
“What has brought about your misery this time?”
“My mother wrote again.”
“Ah, I see. So, what does Lady Dane want this time?”
“She has given me two more months before she forces me to marry someone like her.” Thomas shuddered.
Edmund shook his head at the countess’s antics. “Then, my gift to Miss Ashford didn’t help soften up the girl?”
“Good God, no. She made it very clear how she didn’t appreciate me bothering you with something so small.”
Surprised, Edmund stopped and faced his cousin. “Small? I understand the lady was greatly ill. What did you tell her about me? That I’m a monster as everyone believes?”
“Of course not. Actually, we don’t talk about you. With the rumors going about, I didn’t want her to dwell on the fact that she’d be living in your house.”
Edmund shook his head and continued toward his stallion, once again. Thoughts of how Carolyn had defended him filled his mind. Her passion for his cause had struck in deeply at the time, and hadn’t left him since. If only Miss Ashford would believe the same. Perhaps she could sit and talk with him as Carolyn had suggested.
“I think it’s past time you did talk about me.” He took his stallion’s reins from the groom. “Invite her to the castle. Let her talk to me, get to know me. Perhaps once her fears are relieved, she shall agree to your suit.”
“If it’s this you that greets her, perhaps. What am I supposed to do if the old you returns?” Thomas demanded as Edmund mounted his horse.
“Pray for that to never happen.”
With that, Edmund set his stallion to a gallop. Anticipation welled up inside him. With the threat of snow approaching, he knew his days of seeing Carolyn would be numbered, but he refused to dwell on that now. He needed to live in the present.
When he arrived at the garden, he saw her bundled against her mare. Guilt swamped him. His hunting cabin was so close, and here she was in the cold, waiting for him.
Jumping off of his stallion, he hurried to her and pulled her into his embrace. When her freezing arms slid inside his great coat, he sucked in his breath. This was getting ridicul
ous. He couldn’t join her in the drawing room, and she wouldn’t join him in his cabin.
“How long have you been out here?” He cradled her as close as possible.
“Long enough to cover the flowers,” she replied in a muffled voice.
“By yourself? I told you to wait for me.”
She slid her hands up and down his chest. “I can think of a better use for our time.”
He groaned. “Me, too, but you have to come to the cabin with me.”
“We can’t. It’s locked.”
“What?” He froze. Had she gone to the cabin by herself? Why?
“After our time there, I went back to make sure the place had been put back to rights. I think the duke realized someone had used it, and locked the door. Didn’t you fix it like you promised?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t believe she found her way back there. Honestly, he was glad he had locked the door. If she’d gone back before he’d done away with the sheets, he imagined she would have been overly distressed with the obvious bloodstain.
“Then, perhaps we’d simply been lucky that day.”
Feeling his opportunity slipping away, he rubbed his face against hers. “I’m sure I can find my way back inside. The duke will not—”
“No. We will simply have to stop meeting like this until the winter is over.”
The thought of months without seeing her made his throat thick. He couldn’t handle it. She was the light of his day, and he didn’t want to be cast back into his dark existence before her.
Desperate to communicate his feelings to her, he captured her lips, pulling her tight against him. Her arms were trapped between them, but he didn’t care. He’d rather keep her close to him without giving her the ability to escape him. Not right now. Not while his emotions were high.
When she moved her hand, he realized his mistake, and he let out a low groan. He didn’t think she was aware of it, but her efforts to dislodge her arms had rubbed against his aching member. Unable to stand it, he loosened his grip.
Enchanting the Duke of Demoon (Touched by Fire Book 4) Page 10