Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 12

by Fujino Omori

  “!”

  I grind my teeth. The “girl” shudders in surprise and quickly dives into the water. To tell the truth, it’s agonizing to see her go, but I have to get her out of my mind for the time being. I’m facing a fight with these winged monsters even though I’m still totally exhausted from the iguaçu.

  “SHAAAAAAAA!”

  “—AAH!!”

  Both the harpy and the siren have the faces of women and the bodies of birds. One has dark-red plumage, while the other’s feathers are a glaring shade of yellow. Both are uglier than old crones, their faces engraved with deep wrinkles. Now and then, a whiff of their body odor reaches my nose. It smells like excrement and is totally out of place in this Water Capital. Looking at them, I realize how far Rei and Fia have deviated from the norms of their race.

  While both types of monster are bird-human hybrids, harpies have greater flying abilities, while sirens are able to emit irregular sound waves as they fly. In other words, one can attack from close range and the other from a distance. As I move to intercept a harpy that swoops toward me with her hooked claws prepared for attack, I keep half my attention on the sirens hovering high above my head and releasing sound waves.

  “Yah!”

  “EEE?!”

  I dodge the hooked claws and slash the Divine Knife toward the harpy. As a fountain of blood and feathers spurts from her severed neck, the other harpies dive toward me. I use Hakugen to deal with them.

  I think back to my battle with the harpies in the Beor Mountain Range, where I got lost with the goddess and Aiz. These individuals are far swifter than those who live on land, but at least I know how they fight. That gives me a huge advantage. Even if I’m exhausted from fighting the iguaçu, opponents of this caliber aren’t going to take me down. I can feel the new level of toughness that my Level-4 status has brought. I drive my left foot into the last of the harpies, crushing her jaw.

  “—AAA!!”

  Leaping back, I barely avoid the sound wave a siren releases an instant later. Water splashes up where the sound wave makes contact with the shallows, and a crystal cluster nearby blossoms with cracks before crumbling into the water. She may not be as strong as Rei, but her power still poses a threat.

  The four sirens appear hesitant to engage me in close combat, and none shows signs of descending from high above.

  In that case…

  “Firebolt!”

  “?!”

  I extend my right arm, steady it with my left, and exercise my magic without restraint.

  The only thing I’ve got plenty of right now is mental strength. As I repeatedly fire at and miss the four sirens flying freely through the air, I take full advantage of the characteristics of my Swift-Strike Magic.

  I shoot rapid-fire and at random.

  Time and again, high-powered electrical fire pierces the air. The sirens swerve desperately to avoid the shots, unable to return my attack with their sound waves. They’re showing more and more signs of exhaustion. Without pause, I aim for them. One by one, the bolts of fire pierce the sirens, and their corpses tumble into the center of the plunge pool.

  “Whew…”

  I lower my right arm.

  I’ve taken out all my enemies…but as I feared, “she” still hasn’t reappeared. If I had the chance, there’s a lot I would have liked to ask her.

  I look around the now-quiet landscape…and hear something splash.

  I shiver. Has the mermaid returned? Relaxing my defensive pose, I turn around.

  “—OO-LA-LA.”

  The creatures perched on a clump of crystals near the shore are definitely mermaids but…not that mermaid!

  These are the real thing!

  There are two of them on the reef. Their hair is the drab green of a withered plant, and their bodies are half-fish, half-human. Mermaids are among the rare monsters of this floor. While they are more attractive than harpies, there is something distinctly creepy about the pure-white eyes and bluish-white skin that seems to have no blood running beneath it.

  They take advantage of my momentary lapse in wariness to smile at me and then open their mouths.

  “LAAA—…”

  A strange, ruinous song designed to seduce unfortunate travelers floats toward me.

  This is not good!!

  Outwitted, I realize too late they’ve beaten me to the punch. Still, I press my hands to my ears.

  Mermaids have almost no ability to engage in direct battle; their single atrocious weapon is the charm they inflict through their songs. These charms are uniquely nasty, even when compared to the limited number of other “irregular ailments” out there. The illness they inflict has its roots in the mind, and it cannot be healed with items or blocked with abilities. In other words, it’s a psychological attack.

  Adventurers seduced by these songs at times are lured into the water, and at other times they become deranged and fight with their own companions. The only preventative measures are to block one’s ears or resist the mermaids’ ruinous songs with unyielding mental strength.

  I’ve made the mistake of listening to quite a lot of the mermaids’ song. I clench my teeth and wait, but—

  “…Huh?”

  —nothing strange happens.

  I’m not drawn to them. I don’t stumble toward the water. My heart doesn’t flutter. They’re still singing their song of ruin as I remove my hands from my ears and look down at them. I rack my brain for an explanation. The mermaids on the reef are also clearly shaken by the fact that their charm is not working on me.

  “Uh…Firebolt?”

  “EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

  At a loss for what else to do, I thrust out my right hand and release a bolt of electric fire. The mermaids take a direct hit, let out a scream, and flee into the water.

  “What in the world just happened…?”

  As far as I know, I don’t have any pricey accessories or items on me that would render their charms ineffective…

  But then again, I did argue with Ishtar, the goddess of beauty, whose seductiveness is said to far outstrip the charm of a monster…so maybe I built up my resistance without knowing it?

  Sweating, I rub my fingers over my back, which seems to have been growing gradually hotter over the past few minutes.

  “…You’re okay?”

  I jump at the sound of a beautiful, bell-clear voice.

  When I turn my head, I see that she has popped up beside a crystal bank that looks like a rock. She sounds as if she’s worried about me. Her voice is timid, and she’s hiding her upper body, while her lower body is still underwater.

  I freeze for a minute, then slowly walk toward her so as not to startle her. Maybe she’s not very cautious, or maybe she’s extremely curious. The expression on her face is either uneasiness because I’ve neither tried to attack nor harmed her—a talking monster—or deep interest in me.

  She definitely was speaking in our language a second ago.

  Yup, I’m sure now—

  I get down on one knee in front of where she is hiding in the shadow of the crystals.

  “Are you…a Xenos?!”

  At the word Xenos, her jade eyes widen. The next instant, she hurls herself from behind the crystal and flings both arms around my neck.

  “Ack!”

  I reflexively try to lean back as her round, bare breasts leap into full view, but her arms prevent me from moving. Like an idiot, I turn red. The mermaid brings her nose to the base of my neck and sniffs.

  “You smell like Rei…”

  Hearing Rei’s name brings me back to my senses. So she knows Rei, a Xenos and a siren.

  “Um, do you know any of the other Xenos? Like Lido or Gros…?”

  “Yes! Lido is cute…and Gros is shy. Right?”

  I peel her thin shoulders away from my neck. She tilts her head and smiles.

  Cute…shy…those words don’t match up with the lizardman and the gargoyle I know…but this girl’s behavior is unmistakable. She’s a Xenos. You could call it pu
re luck that I met up with her here.

  I somehow get her to remove her arms from around my neck, and she peers at me from close range. I can’t decide what to ask her first. Finally, I open my mouth.

  “Uh, my name is Bell. What’s yours?”

  That’s what I’d do with a human. She shakes her emerald-blue hair and tilts her head again with a confused expression.

  “…?”

  I point to myself and repeat my name.

  “Bell, Bell, Bell.”

  After I’ve done this a few times, she smiles beautifully and claps.

  “Bell!”

  “Yes, that’s right.”

  “I’m Mari!”

  She’s both learned my name and shared her own.

  So I’ve met a mermaid named Mari.

  It’s hard to tell for sure yet, but compared to Wiene and Rei, her communication ability seems slightly weak. Her words strike me as immature or clumsy…

  As I’m thinking about what to ask her next, she slowly, quietly puts her pointer finger in her mouth.

  Then she bites it, and as blood oozes from the top, she sticks it under my nose.

  “Bell.”

  “Y-yes?”

  “Eat it!”

  What…?

  I stand there gaping, my mind frozen. She sticks her finger into my mouth. Wait a second!!

  “Lick it!”

  What?!

  “Suck it!”

  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

  My face is instantly on fire. Her finger draws a circle, invading the inside of my mouth. Oh crap—?! Stop wriggling it around in my mouth!! Now it’s tangled up with my tongue…!!

  I turn bright red and erupt with sweat. I can’t breathe correctly. I grab her right hand and try to pull it out, but she won’t let me. Instead she turns her finger into a hook and digs it into my gums. Ouch ouch ouch!

  “Hurry up—!!”

  She’s got her whole upper body glued to me now. My body is as stiff as a stone. She may be a monster, but she’s also a beautiful girl, and she’s pressing herself onto me. Tears are welling up in my eyes, but I obey her order.

  I lick her finger and suck in, drinking down the saliva that’s pooled in my mouth.

  She doesn’t act like my tongue licking her finger tickles. She just smiles happily. When I figure I’ve done enough and try to pull away, she cries out, “More!”

  My face is impossibly hot. Smoke is pouring from my ears. Almost literally. The truth is, this might be the most embarrassed I’ve ever felt. If not the most, it’s at least among the top three. It ranks right up there with seeing Aiz and the other Loki Familia women bathing and having Haruhime fall on top of me in the red-light district.

  For some reason, the memory of my grandfather’s refreshing laugh as he stuck up his pointer finger passes through my mind.

  If someone saw us now, they’d think we were doing something crazier than if we were lovers…!

  More people appear in my mind’s eye. There are Lilly and the goddess, arms crossed forbiddingly. There is Aiz, staring fixedly at me. And there is Eina, smiling with her mouth but not her eyes.

  As my body starts to shake violently and inexplicably…I finally notice something.

  “Fwha, fwhat?” I say, finger still in my mouth. I look down at my arms and body. The sluggish feeling is gone, and the energy I lost in my fight with the iguaçu seems to be back…

  No way…I’m fully recovered?

  My astonishment must be obvious. There’s no doubt about it. I’m completely back to normal.

  Mari narrows her eyes and finally pulls her finger from my mouth. That’s when I realize what happened. Her blood healed my body.

  “Oh right, mermaid lifeblood…”

  It’s a drop item produced by the rare species. Classified as a recovery-type item, mermaid blood is rumored to restore energy, heal wounds, and even reverse the effects of poison. There’s no need to process it in any way. It’s as exceedingly rare as unicorn horns…

  I see now. She was worried about my injuries and wanted to heal me.

  “Um…thank you very much.”

  I bow my head in appreciation, and the Xenos mermaid smiles brightly back at me. Then she stares down at her sticky, saliva-covered finger. The moment I see her do that, I grab her wrist by force.

  Using the bottom of the Undine cloth I’m wearing, I vigorously wipe her finger. Mari gives me a blank look, and I turn red. I’m trying to eradicate all trace of my saliva. To finish off my work, I plunge her entire hand into the water.

  Even though I’ve regained my strength, I’m panting loudly, and my shoulders are heaving like I’m going to run out of energy again.

  “Let’s go…there?”

  “Huh…?”

  “I…don’t like here.”

  Mari taps my shoulder, and I look up at her. She seems worried.

  I follow her gaze. Far above us, I can make out some shapes that are likely harpies and sirens, perhaps newly spawned from the Dungeon. Then I remember…monsters hunt the Xenos, too.

  Mari is right. Visibility is good in this large cavern, and monsters can easily target us. Adventurers who emerge onto the cliff when they arrive on this floor could even spot us. I agree with the mermaid’s decision to move.

  “Uh, over there? In the labyrinth…?”

  “Yes!”

  She points to a cave on the northeast side of the cavern. At first I’m skeptical that a half-fish, half-human will be able to walk overland to get there, but I manage to decipher her gestures and figure out that there’s a hole at the bottom of the plunge pool that’s connected to the waterways inside the labyrinth. Monsters that are swept over the Great Falls use this hole to get back inside.

  Mari dives under, and I step out of the shallow water. Gazing up at the ajura tree, I head back inside the crystal labyrinth for a second time.

  “But…how are we going to meet up? I have no idea where the plunge pool connects to the streams…”

  As this basic problem with our plan dawns on me, I stand bewildered at a fork in the path, which is already becoming complicated.

  Damn. We really should have figured this out ahead of time…

  I’m standing there worrying when I hear a song.

  “LAA…”

  The voice singing it is smooth and clear. This wordless string of la-la-las doesn’t seem to be a monster’s chant intended to lead humans astray. Instead, the gentle, sweet melody reminds me of an approaching wave or the ocean on a moonlit night.

  “A song that echoes through the labyrinth…”

  I let the song guide me forward, my soul trembling at its beauty.

  After I’ve proceeded forward for a while without encountering any monsters, I arrive at a small room. A mermaid is sitting on the boundary of water and land, singing. The sight of her illuminated by the moonlight-like glow of the crystals, eyes closed as she smiles and croons to herself, is so beautiful and mysterious that it captivates me.

  “Bell. ”

  The mermaid notices me and waves. I return to my senses and hurry over to her.

  The water in this room is not a stream but instead a spring. Mari is sitting on a rocklike crystal at its edge. As I approach this girl surrounded by crystal the bluish shade of ice…I turn red all over again.

  “…?”

  “Oh, nothing, it’s just…”

  I mumble incoherently as I stare at her defenseless upper body. Especially at her chest.

  Even putting aside what happened out in the plunge pool, which wasn’t what it seemed anyway, I can’t help looking no matter how hard I try. The locks of hair that hang down on both sides just barely hide her breasts, but still…

  After I’ve glanced at her chest a bunch of times and turned bright red, she claps as if she’s understood.

  “Wait!”

  Smiling, she dives into the spring, and I wait for around a minute. When she bursts through the water’s surface again, her long emerald-blue hair is pulled behind her head, and I hurriedly th
row my arm over my face to avoid seeing too much. Then I notice she’s covered her chest with something.

  “Sh-shell underwear…?”

  “Just like Bell and his friends!”

  While underwater, she’s donned a…um…b-bikini made of shells and string. The blue shells are plastered to the indigo-blue mounds on her chest.

  By “just like Bell and his friends,” she must mean the fact that she’s wearing clothes. It’s true that Amazons wear something similar…Aside from the pearl and shell decorations in her hair, she seems interested in the clothing of adventurers. Maybe she’s copied us.

  I smile wryly as she stretches out her arms and poses as if to ask my opinion. She’s acting like a little girl, but I can’t help finding it endearing.

  Still…her face is so gorgeous it’s like an eye magnet, and she likes to play dress-up. Could she really have hidden her true identity from other adventurers up till now…?

  Maybe because she’s noticed my gaze (or maybe not), she smiles and starts to fuss with her hair. She pulls the damp locks in front of her face as if to say, I always do it like this. The green hair sticks to her face, hiding most of it, including her eyes. Even though she’s smiling, I have to agree…if she did this, no one would guess a thing. Actually, she looks fairly scary.

  Maybe this is what the goddess meant when she talked about “horror.”

  She definitely doesn’t match up with the Xenos I’ve met in the past…For one, she clapped at me and talked to me in a worried voice. She’s innocent, and her words and actions are immature. She’s full of curiosity, too. But judging from the fact that she knows Lido and the other Xenos, she probably isn’t newly spawned from the Dungeon.

  Since meeting her, I’ve felt that she’s somehow different from Rei or Wiene. Now I’m sure she is.

  How can I put it? She’s less like a Xenos and more like…a spirit, which I’ve heard have less developed senses of self.

  “Uh, so, Miss Mari…”

  “Miss Mari? I am Mari.”

  “No, miss is a word we attach to names. It’s like a part of human culture…”

  “I am Mari.”

  “…Mari.”

  I can’t help giving in to her naive behavior as she brings her face close to mine. My face has been bright red this whole time as I watch her frolicking around happily.