The Playboy's Proposal

by Amanda Browning

  She quirked an eyebrow at him, not doubting it in the least. ‘The way they apparently keep falling at your feet, you must be tripping over them all the time.’

  Blue eyes glittered appreciatively. ‘It can certainly be a hazard to my health. I have to do some fancy footwork to avoid them.’

  It was amazing how heavy those light words hung in her heart. ‘Do you avoid many?’ she asked, with the scepticism he expected of her, and Joel shook his head reprovingly.

  ‘If I’d had all the women I’m reputed to have had, I’d be a physical wreck by now.’

  She forced herself to grin, amazed at how easy it was to keep up the appearance of insouciance. Which was as well, for it was necessary on her part. ‘I’m happy to say you’re in good physical condition.’

  That had his eyes narrowing. ‘I’m glad you like my body, because I’m rather partial to yours, too.’

  Kathryn’s heart flinched at the statement, which showed just how divergent their feelings were. His desire might be honest, but it hurt unbearably, and she struggled not to let it show. Her only defence was to be the light-hearted woman he expected. ‘Have you always been this incorrigible?’ she teased.

  His teeth gleamed as his smile broadened. ‘According to my mother, I was a perfect little angel, but then, she is biased.’

  ‘Which means she knows you have more than a little bit of the devil in you.’

  ‘If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be attracted to me,’ he pointed out roguishly, and she met the challenge honestly.

  ‘True. I never did go much for angels. Who would choose a saint, when a sinner could be much more fun?’ she returned with false brightness.

  ‘So when are you going to go to bed with me and find out just how much “fun” I can be?’ Joel charged outrageously, and Kathryn’s nerves jumped as if they had touched a live wire.

  ‘Oh, this year. Next year. Some time. Never…’ Her throat closed over, and when she spoke the last word of the rhyme her voice was painfully husky.

  A frown creased her brow, and her eyes dropped to her mug, although she barely registered it. It had hit her, with the childish rhyme she had begun so airily, that never was a long, long time. Opportunities were fleeting. These few days could be the only time she would ever have with Joel out of a whole lifetime. It was a prospect that made her feel so very, very cold inside. Their relationship had changed and so must her response to it. It was no longer a simple question of whether a brief affair would damage her self-respect or not. He had become more to her than that, and, consequently, this time had suddenly become precious.

  ‘Kathryn?’ Joel’s hand touched hers, and she looked up with a start. ‘You were miles away, and it didn’t seem a very nice place to be,’ he explained gently, with unexpected seriousness.

  His touch was like a brand searing into her soul, and she eased her hand out from under his, because right now it hurt too much. ‘I was just thinking how fleeting time was. Which isn’t like me at all. It must be all this white silence. It’s giving me the creeps,’ she lied, covering her emotionalism with an exaggerated shudder.

  ‘They call it cabin fever, but I imagine it takes longer than twelve hours to set in. For most people it should take days, if not weeks,’ Joel observed ironically, and she smiled faintly.

  ‘Well, that only goes to show I’m not like most people,’ Kathryn riposted neatly, and saw those banked fires in his eyes set off a few sparks at her words.

  ‘You certainly aren’t,’ he confirmed with a sensual growl, and her body responded with a shiver at remembered pleasure.

  ‘You don’t give up, do you?’ she charged with an exasperated laugh, genuinely amused despite everything.

  Joel leant forward across the table, holding her eyes with his. ‘Well, now, that’s because you haven’t given me any of the signals that would tell me I should.’

  Her brows rose, posting a challenge. ‘I said no.’

  ‘You didn’t mean it, though,’ he countered smoothly, and she had no comeback because he was right.

  ‘If I didn’t mean it, why did you stop?’ she asked curiously, and Joel reached out to brush a finger tenderly over her lips.

  ‘Because, as you said, I’m a gentleman, and you’re not quite ready yet.’

  The tantalising remark begged a response, and got it. ‘Not quite ready for what?’

  ‘For the next step,’ he told her simply, and she shook her head in bemusement.

  ‘But you’ll know when I am, right?’

  Joel’s smile was chock-full to the brim with male confidence. ‘My instinct hasn’t failed me yet.’

  She was damn sure she didn’t like being thought of as a sure thing. Even now she had a choice. He hadn’t ‘won’ yet. ‘There’s always a first time. This could be it,’ she pointed out coolly.

  ‘Kathryn, sweetheart, there is no if any longer, only when. If you’re honest, you’ll admit it. Which is why I’m willing to play the game.’

  God, the last thing she needed right now was to be reminded that this was all just a game to him. With a snort of disgust, Kathryn pushed her mug away and rose to her feet. ‘You know something, Joel. Just when I think I’m actually beginning to like you, you go and say something so arrogant I could hit you.’

  Laughing, he got to his feet, too. ‘You already do like me, or you wouldn’t get so mad.’

  Kathryn sighed helplessly, because of course he was right. Damn it, she more than liked him; she loved him. ‘There’s probably a latent streak of insanity in my family and it’s just manifesting itself,’ she declared sardonically.

  The message in the warmth of his gaze was unmistakable. ‘Call it what you like. Just accept that we’ll end up where we both want to be very soon now.’

  He was probably right about that, too, but she wasn’t about to say so. ‘I think this is where I make a dignified retreat. I’m going to dress and get working on retrieving your precious files. At least the computer is always logical, and it doesn’t answer back,’ she sniped, but with the faintest hint of a smile curling the edges of her mouth. It was impossible to stay angry with him for long.

  ‘How boring,’ Joel returned as she headed for the door. She paused with her hand on the knob and glanced back at him.

  ‘How restful,’ she countered, and quickly pulled the door to after her. She couldn’t hear Joel laughing, but she guessed he probably was. Sighing, she headed for the stairs and went up to her room.

  Safe inside, she felt the strength of purpose which had got her through those last minutes with him evaporate, leaving her feeling drained. She made no move to get dressed but instead curled herself up against the headboard, sweeping up a pillow to wrap her arms around as she took time out to ponder the discovery she had made. Had it really only been mere minutes ago? The knowledge filled her like an eternity.

  She had fallen in love with Joel. It ought not to be a shock but it was, and she was still reeling from it. Although she had always known love would strike her like this, she hadn’t expected it to strike her here and now, with this man. A man who, whilst he loved women, did not believe in the kind of love which had just dislodged her world from its foundations. There was no denying he felt a powerful attraction, one she felt too, but there was a subtle difference in what they felt. She had fallen in love with him. Never for a second did she doubt it. There was something extra where she was concerned. That indefinable something which put what she felt beyond the scope of any attraction she had felt before. That something was the magic ingredient which told her she had fallen in love.

  Unfortunately, love wasn’t part of Joel’s equation. So far as he was concerned, what was on offer was a little harmless affair to pass away the time. Had her heart not been engaged, she would perhaps have seen it in that light, too. The strength of their mutual attraction might have made her revise her notion of what was acceptable. Now that her heart was ruling her emotions, they were no longer playing the same game. There was more at stake than her self-respect. To have a brief affair w
ith a man you were physically attracted to was one thing. To have one with a man you had fallen in love with was quite a different proposition.

  Deciding what she was going to do about it had consequences she couldn’t ignore. Which was a cruel joke. What could she do about it? It wasn’t as if she had multiple choices. There were, in fact, only two. To sleep with him, or not to sleep with him. To have something to remember, or nothing. Common sense said it would be less painful in the long run to call it quits now, but to do that would require more strength of will than she knew she possessed. It would be like cutting her heart out. How could she do that, when this was what she had been searching for her whole life? Maybe it hadn’t turned out the way she’d expected. He didn’t love her and never would, but that didn’t change how she felt. She loved him, and the blunt fact was that this time would never come again.

  From the moment of revelation it had been too late to walk away with her heart intact. It never would be again. She could go, but she would be leaving the greater part of herself behind. Somewhere down the road she would meet someone else and love him as much as she was able, but it would never be like this. It couldn’t be, for she would never be heart-whole again. The irony was that meeting Joel had given her something precious, but she would be forever incomplete.

  Could she hurt any more or any less if she denied herself this moment?

  Put quite simply, Joel Kendrick was the love of her life. Any time with him, no matter how short, had to be worth it. She had to seize the moment and have no regrets.

  At the back of her mind a voice insisted that the potential for disaster was great. But it was a small voice, and, as often happens to small voices, it went unheeded.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  THE snow stopped about midday, and not very long afterwards Kathryn, who was once again ensconced in the study, finally heard the sound of the tractor working down on the road. Her fingers stilled on the keys. It ought to have been music to her ears, but the message it conveyed was that she should be able to leave tomorrow, and it brought the act of parting from Joel too close for comfort. It was ridiculous, really, but after only yesterday wishing for the snow to stop so that she could leave, today she would have been only too happy for it to have gone on snowing indefinitely. The proverb was right when it said you had to be careful what you wished for because you would probably get it.

  Sighing, she turned her attention back to the screen. This morning she had checked out Magda’s database, just in case the woman had made copies of the files for herself, but she had been innocent of that. Now she was attempting to log into Gray’s system. Which was proving to be something of a challenge. The man had state-of-the-art security installed. Of course, no program was fail-safe, but it made getting in as difficult as possible. Most hackers probably wouldn’t waste the time, but she had a purpose, so kept plugging on.

  ‘Lunch will be ready in fifteen minutes,’ Joel declared, poking his head round the door and making her nearly jump out of her skin.

  Pressing a hand to her throat, Kathryn turned and glared at him. ‘Don’t do that! Creeping up on a person can give them a heart attack!’ Not to mention the way he looked. The chunky black sweater he wore along with his denims and boots gave him a rugged, outdoorsy look and was incredibly sexy. Her eyes ate him up, and, seeing it, he grinned.

  ‘I’m glad you like what you see, sweetheart, because I do, too. The picture of you in those leggings that seem to make your legs go on for ever will keep me warm when I’m outside shovelling snow this afternoon.’

  She quirked an eyebrow at him. ‘A coat, hat and gloves will keep you warmer.’

  ‘Only on the outside, darling. Only on the outside. Now, don’t forget. Fifteen minutes. Don’t make me come and get you,’ he added, and departed with the threat hanging in the air.

  He might have gone, but the memory of him lingered, keeping her warm on the inside, just as he had said she would do to him. It was difficult to concentrate after that, but somehow she managed it. Time lost all meaning, and she was progressing well when suddenly the door was thrust open again, and she looked round with a start.

  ‘That’s it,’ Joel declared sternly. ‘Come and eat now,’ he ordered.

  ‘But you gave me fifteen minutes!’ she protested.

  ‘That was half an hour ago. You need a break, Kathryn.’

  ‘But I’m almost there,’ she argued, pointing at the screen. ‘Give me a few more minutes,’ she begged, hating to leave now, with her goal in sight.

  Joel’s response was to grab the chair and pull it away from the desk, then bend down and scoop her up in his arms. ‘Sorry, but you’ve run out of time,’ he stated firmly, swinging round and striding from the room.

  With a gasp of alarm Kathryn put her arms up around his neck. ‘Brute! How dare you?’ she wailed, but in truth the novelty of being carried in his arms smothered any real sense of annoyance she felt.

  A whimsical smile curved her lips. My, but he was strong. He carried her easily, and she was no lightweight. Nobody had ever actually done something like this to her before, and it made her feel kind of soft and molten inside. Without volition her arms tightened their hold fractionally, and she allowed her gaze to study the strong cut of his jaw. He was a man of strength in more ways than one.

  ‘Are you always this masterful?’ she asked in a playful little voice, and he flickered her a glance as his lips twitched.

  ‘Only with women who can’t be trusted to do what’s in their own best interests,’ he responded as he pushed through the kitchen door. The aroma of hot tomato soup assailed her nostrils and her stomach rumbled.

  ‘So you don’t usually do this “Me Tarzan, You Jane” act?’ she teased as he set her down on a chair.

  He crossed to the cooker, where a saucepan sat with its contents gently bubbling. ‘You seem to have brought out a latent protective instinct,’ Joel returned wryly, ladling soup into waiting bowls and bringing them to the table. Placing one before her, he nodded at the spoon. ‘Eat, Kathryn.’

  ‘Another order?’ she asked, though she did pick up the spoon. Smelling the soup had reminded her how hungry she was.

  ‘A request,’ he ameliorated, setting down his own bowl and taking the seat opposite her. But he didn’t start eating himself until she had begun. ‘Help yourself to bread.’ He pushed over a plate with chunky slices of bread piled on it.

  ‘There’s enough here to feed a small army,’ she remarked ironically, but took a chunk, ripping off a piece which she dunked and then popped into her mouth with a sigh of satisfaction. ‘Mmm, delicious. I was ready for this.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you come when I told you?’ Joel charged, and she shrugged and grinned.

  ‘I forgot.’

  ‘Do you often forget to eat?’ he asked curiously, and Kathryn nodded.

  ‘I get caught up in things, and the next thing I know, the day has gone. I look on it as an occupational hazard,’ she admitted.

  He watched her eat for a while, clearly amused by the way she was tucking in. When she reached for another slice of bread, he laughed. ‘My child, you need looking after.’

  Startled, she looked up, the spoon hovering at her mouth. ‘Are you offering?’ she asked, the question slipping out before she could think better of it. Her heart flinched anxiously as she expected a short, sharp response, but to her surprise Joel shrugged.

  ‘Why not? Somebody’s got to do it,’ he declared evenly, and she set the spoon down in her bowl with a little plop.

  Kathryn felt curiously giddy, and didn’t quite know what to make of that unexpected reply. It would be so easy to read too much into it, and she couldn’t afford to do that. Better to err on the side of caution, she decided, and treat it as a joke.

  ‘Why, Joel Kendrick, that almost sounded like a commitment!’ she exclaimed mockingly, whilst deep inside her her heart waited in an agony of anticipation to know just what he meant.

  He smiled. ‘Only in the short term. Whilst you’re here I’m going to mak
e it my number one priority to make sure you eat decently and on time.’

  Hope died painfully, and she could only pray it didn’t show on her face. ‘As I should be leaving tomorrow, weather permitting, that hardly amounts to much.’

  ‘I was hoping to persuade you to stay a little longer,’ he returned smoothly, and her heart lurched.

  It was something to know that he didn’t want her to leave so soon, but it fell way short of what, in her heart of hearts, she was hoping for. ‘I can’t. I have commitments. And whilst I can reschedule tomorrow’s meetings with clients, it wouldn’t be very professional of me to cancel them indefinitely just for my own amusement,’ she refused, hoping to see disappointment on his face, but his expression was bland.

  ‘Then I’ll just have to make the most of the time that you are here.’

  It was Kathryn who was disappointed, and she lowered her eyes to her soup, forcing herself to take another spoonful although her appetite had quite vanished. His remark was hardly encouraging to a woman who had, however foolishly, fallen headlong in love with him.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ Joel asked after a while, and she glanced up with a wry smile.

  ‘I’m thinking that I must be crazy to even consider getting involved with you,’ she replied, telling the truth.

  ‘So you are considering it?’ He latched on to that with a speculative gleam in his eye.

  She met the look square-on. ‘Like I said, I must be crazy,’ she said with a wry twist of her lips.

  Reaching across the table, he took her hand. ‘Sometimes crazy is the only way to be,’ he said with soft persuasion, his thumb running caressingly over her skin.

  Her eyes searched his for any sign of emotion, but she was fast coming to realise he only let her see what he wanted her to see. ‘Have you ever done anything crazy, Joel? I mean personally, not in business. Have you ever knowingly walked out onto a rickety limb and trusted that it wouldn’t break?’ That was what she felt as if she was doing. It was scary but she would do it anyway, for a faint heart never won anything of value.