His fist hit the doorframe, making her jump. ‘Well, I sure as hell am not!’
She wondered if he realised how revealing that statement was. ‘Would it hurt you to hurt me?’ she asked in a rather strained voice, for the answer was important.
‘Of course it would!’ he shot back instantly, but there was no ‘of course’ about it for her. He gave so little away she had to scrabble for crumbs.
Her smile was rueful. ‘So you care for me a little, then?’
That brought him up short, and he blinked at her as the import of the question sank in. Then he frowned. ‘I care for you a lot. That’s why I don’t want to see you hurt, Kathryn,’ he told her huskily and her heart turned over. It meant so much to her to hear him say that.
A wistful smile curved her lips. ‘I’m afraid that can’t be avoided now. No matter what you do. You have to decide where we go from here. As I see it, you have two choices. End it now, or later.’
Joel stared at her sombrely, clearly deep in thought. For a while she didn’t think he was going to answer at all. When he did speak, what he had to say was totally unexpected.
‘There is a third option,’ he said slowly, clearly churning over the ramifications in his mind. ‘We could get married.’
Kathryn’s heart crashed against the wall of her chest as if trying to get out. Marriage? The possibility had only presented itself to her as a sort of last resort, in case she’d been pregnant—but they both knew that wasn’t the case. That he would consider it as an option now stunned her.
‘You can’t be serious!’ she exclaimed breathlessly.
‘Why not?’ He shrugged. ‘I always intended to get married one day.’
Kathryn shook her head to try and clear it. ‘Are you seriously suggesting that you could marry me in order not to hurt me?’ she asked carefully, because it was the craziest thing she had ever heard. Of all the reasons to get married, that had to be at the bottom of the list.
‘Don’t you want to marry me?’ Joel countered. ‘Don’t you want to marry the man you say you love?’
Her lips parted on a tiny gasp. Of course she wanted to marry him, but not like this. It was too bizarre. ‘You don’t really want to marry me. You don’t love me,’ she pointed out shakily.
‘I care for you more than any other woman I know. We have a lot in common. The more I think about it, marriage to you makes sense,’ he told her firmly.
Kathryn shook her head dazedly several times and pressed a hand to her forehead. ‘You are serious.’
He nodded decisively. ‘Never more so.’
‘But you don’t believe in love,’ she exclaimed in confusion.
‘I don’t have to love you to marry you. I’ve told you that before. What I can promise you, if you agree to marry me, is to make sure you never regret doing so. I will honour our vows and be faithful to them. Think about it, Kathryn. Wouldn’t it solve everything?’ Joel urged, coming to her and squatting down, taking her chilly hands in his.
She searched his eyes, and realised with a sense of awe that he was sincere. She could have him for always. All she had to do was say yes.
‘You know this is crazy,’ she whispered, and he grinned, twisting her heart.
‘Sometimes crazy is the only way to be,’ he reminded her.
Kathryn licked her lips. ‘If I agree, don’t expect me to hide how I feel. I couldn’t do that. It’s been hard enough up to now. If I marry you, it will be because I love you, and I will make sure you know it. Could you live with that?’
‘So long as you don’t expect it to change anything,’ he agreed, laying down the parameters of their relationship. ‘Well?’ he prompted.
‘Don’t I have time to think about it?’
‘How much time do you need? What will you know in an hour that you don’t know now? Either you want to marry me or you don’t.’
He was right, damn it. She was just procrastinating. He was offering her more than she could ever have expected. He cared about her; she believed that. One day that caring might turn to love, but it would mean taking a gamble on her part now, with no guarantee for the future. Could she do it?
Kathryn drew in a deep breath and took that leap of faith. ‘Yes, I’ll marry you, Joel,’ she accepted, knowing there was no way back now. There was no shame in trying and failing. If all she ever had was what she had now, it would be enough. She would make it enough.
Something like relief flickered in his eyes for a moment, then was gone, and she told herself she must have been imagining things. What reason did he have for being relieved?
‘I promise you, you won’t regret it,’ he told her again as he stood and pulled her into his arms, holding her close.
Kathryn held on tight. She hoped not. Oh, Lord, she surely hoped not, she prayed.
CHAPTER TEN
THERE were times the following day that Kathryn felt as if she was living in a dream. She kept pinching herself to see if she was awake. Nothing seemed quite real, even when Joel took her to a high-class jeweller’s so she could pick out her engagement ring—a gorgeous solitaire diamond. Yet she could not doubt his commitment, for at the same time he insisted on buying matching wedding bands. All the same, she couldn’t help feeling that she would wake up soon and discover it had all been a dream.
The feeling persisted until Saturday morning, then vanished when her mother telephoned whilst they were eating a late breakfast at her place.
‘Kathryn, darling, I’m so happy for you. I forgive you for keeping me totally in the dark!’ Lucy Templeton declared as soon as she heard her daughter’s voice.
Kathryn’s jaw dropped in surprise. ‘Mother, I don’t—’
‘Is he handsome? Do you love him? Lord, what a stupid question. Of course you love him! Tell me all about him. I’m dying to know everything,’ her mother went on with scarcely a pause for breath.
Slowly, Kathryn turned to look at Joel, who was watching her over the top of the newspaper. ‘Yes, he is handsome, Mother. At least, I think so. And, yes, I love him very much,’ she responded when she could get a word in.
‘Have you set a date yet? Is it to be a church wedding?’ Lucy bubbled with questions, but they only served to puzzle her daughter more.
‘Nothing’s set yet. Er…how did you find out about it?’ Superstitiously, she had said nothing to anyone, not even her family. Now it appeared they knew.
‘Why, the engagement notice is in all the papers. I’ve had calls from friends and family since first thing. It was a little odd not to have any details to tell them, for I was just as surprised to hear about your engagement myself. However, I waffled. Darling, you must bring him to lunch tomorrow. I’m dying to meet him in the flesh. Your father tells me he’s very well respected in the City. Is he there? Can I talk to him?’
‘Just a second.’ Kathryn halted the flow and held out the receiver. ‘My mother would like a word with you.’
Joel came and took it from her and she left him chatting to her mother whilst she checked out the newspaper. The notice was there all right. Kathryn Templeton was engaged to Joel Kendrick. The feeling of unreality vanished like morning mist. This was no dream; this was really happening. Joel had asked her to marry him and she had agreed. Now it was official.
‘I’m afraid lunch is out of the question. Kathryn and I have somewhere to go in the morning. Could you make it dinner? And would it be all right if I brought a guest?’
Kathryn glanced round quickly when she heard that. She looked a question, but Joel shook his head. A minute or two later he put the phone down.
‘A nice woman, your mother,’ he pronounced, strolling back to the table.
‘I think so,’ Kathryn agreed, frowning. ‘Where do we have to go tomorrow, and why didn’t you tell me about the notice?’
Joel grinned unrepentantly. ‘I thought it would be a nice surprise. Besides, it was the quickest way of telling the greatest number of people in the shortest space of time.’
It was certainly a surprise, she thought dry
ly. ‘And tomorrow?’
‘Ah, that’s a surprise too,’ he said mysteriously, and refused to be pumped for any information.
‘I hate surprises!’ Kathryn exclaimed at last, and Joel laughed.
‘No, you don’t. Anyway, even if you do, you’ll like this one.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ she demanded grumpily. ‘I could hate it.’
‘Trust me?’ he suggested, keeping frustratingly mum.
Her eyes narrowed on his averted profile. ‘How can I trust a man who didn’t even tell me he’d put the notice of our engagement in the papers?’
His head turned and blue eyes locked on hers. ‘Because you love me,’ he said simply, and that took the wind out of her sails completely.
‘That was a low blow, Kendrick!’ she accused, stabbing a finger at him. ‘I don’t think I love you after all.’
‘You will, tomorrow,’ Joel returned confidently, neatly folding the newspaper and setting it down on the table. His smile appeared briefly. ‘Trust me,’ he added, and Kathryn rolled her eyes.
‘You are the most…grr!’ she finished, flinging up her hands helplessly.
‘So, where do you want to go for your honeymoon?’ he asked next, making her frown.
‘Why are you going to all this trouble, Joel? You can’t possibly want all this fuss!’ she challenged, not understanding him at all.
‘Because both of us intend getting married only once, and in that case we’re going to do it right.’
He stunned her with his answer. She had expected he would insist on the rather clinical atmosphere of a register office.
‘But it’s all so romantic, and…you don’t love me,’ she argued gruffly.
Joel’s eyes fell away from hers, and he reached across to take her hand, locking his fingers with hers. ‘I assumed you would want a white wedding. Am I wrong?’ When he looked up at her again, he was frowning.
Kathryn instantly felt guilty. He was doing all this for her, because he thought it was what she wanted, and he wanted to make her happy. ‘You’re right, I do want a white wedding. I thought it was out of the question because our marriage…’ She cut off the rest of the sentence, but Joel finished it for her.
‘Isn’t real? You’re wrong, you know. It’s going to be very real. Which is why we have to do it right. So, a white wedding it shall be, and then the honeymoon. If you ever tell me where you want to go,’ he teased, and her heart swelled, because she loved him all the more for doing this when he didn’t have to.
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Kathryn declared with a shrug, then grinned. ‘Surprise me.’
‘But you don’t like surprises,’ he reminded her, and she laughed aloud.
‘I lied.’
‘Hmm, I see I’m going to have my work cut out with you, sweetheart,’ Joel growled, tugging at her hand until he had pulled her up from her chair and onto his lap.
Kathryn smiled down into his eyes. ‘I never said I was going to make it easy,’ she taunted softly.
He grinned back, his teeth flashing whitely. ‘I wouldn’t want it any other way.’
Cupping her free hand to his cheek, Kathryn dropped a kiss on his nose. ‘I love you,’ she said huskily.
Joel’s expression was serious as he looked deeply into her eyes. ‘I know you do, Kathryn. I won’t forget it.’
‘See you don’t,’ she cautioned as the telephone shrilled out once more. ‘Something tells me this is going to go on all day,’ she groaned as she stood up. ‘Your turn.’
‘What if it’s one of your brothers?’ Joel charged and she grinned at him.
‘Don’t worry, they won’t be after your blood now. After all, you’re going to make an honest woman of me. That has to be worth several hundred Brownie points.’
‘Hmm,’ Joel responded. ‘That may be, but I was in the Boy Scouts.’
Kathryn started to laugh. ‘I bet you looked really sweet in uniform. All gangly and knobbly-kneed.’
‘I looked better in my birthday suit.’ He grinned, lifting the receiver.
‘Take it from me, darling, you still do.’
Joel was about to respond to that when the person at the other end of the line demanded his attention. His eyes promising retribution, he turned and gave his full attention to the caller. Kathryn smiled and began clearing the breakfast things. It was going to be all right. They would make the marriage work because they cared about each other. So what if he didn’t love her? She had enough love for the two of them. Besides, one day… But that was only wishful thinking. Sighing, she carried the dishes to the sink and turned on the tap.
By half past ten the following morning they were in Joel’s car, heading north out of the City.
‘Where are we going?’ Kathryn asked as Joel threaded his way through the Sunday morning traffic, which could sometimes be as heavy as a week day. ‘Or is that a secret, too?’
‘Cambridge,’ he told her concisely, and her brows rose.
‘Cambridge? Why Cambridge?’ So far as she could recall, she had never been there in her life.
‘You’ll see when we get there,’ he told her with infuriating lack of information.
‘I’m surprised somebody hasn’t strangled you before now,’ Kathryn grumbled, though not really seriously. Folding her coat around her, she sat back to enjoy the ride. Joel cast her a sideways look and bit back a smile.
In a very short space of time they reached the beautiful Fenland town. Joel stopped once to study some directions he had been given, then drove on past the architectural wonders of the university colleges. Eventually they left the pale stone buildings behind and entered a residential area. Kathryn was no more the wiser as to why they were here when Joel pulled up before a well-kept bungalow that looked in no way remarkable from all the others around it.
‘This is it?’ she probed when Joel came round to open the door for her.
Taking her arm, he steered her up the path and rang the doorbell. ‘Relax, I’m not selling you off to white slavers.’
She shot him a scowl. ‘Yes, but who lives here?’
‘Are you always this impatient?’ he countered, and they could hear halting footsteps approaching.
The door was opened by an elderly woman who had once been beautiful and who, approaching eighty, was still striking. Her hair had once been the colour of autumn leaves, and was sadly faded, but there was sharpness in her green eyes.
‘Good morning, Mrs Makepeace,’ Joel greeted her warmly. ‘I’m Joel Kendrick. We spoke on the telephone. Thank you for agreeing to see me today. I’ve brought someone with me who very much wants to meet you. This is Kathryn,’ he said simply, stepping aside and urging Kathryn forward.
Still puzzled, but winging it, Kathryn smiled at the old woman, who gasped and raised a visibly trembling hand to her lips. ‘How do you do? Your name is Makepeace? How strange, my mother’s maiden name was Makepeace, too.’
The old lady scrabbled for a handkerchief and dabbed it at her eyes. Even so she smiled through tears that constantly welled up. ‘Not so very strange, my dear. Your mother is my little girl. My little Lucy,’ she revealed in a voice choked with emotion.
As Kathryn stood there, stunned, Joel carefully took the elderly woman by the arm and gently urged her back into the house. ‘I think you’d feel better sitting down, Mrs Makepeace,’ he decided, helping her into the compact sitting room. ‘Close the door, would you, Kathryn?’ he said over his shoulder, and, like an automaton, she did so, trailing along in his wake.
At the sitting-room door, she clutched onto the doorframe as she watched Joel lower the woman into a chair. It was incredible. This woman was her grandmother?
‘You’re really my grandmother?’ Kathryn sought confirmation, her thoughts whirling madly.
Mrs Makepeace looked at her, her tears giving way to an expression of uncertainty. ‘Yes, dear. I am.’
Kathryn shook her head helplessly. ‘But how…? I don’t understand!’
The other woman caught hold of Joel’s hand as he st
raightened up. ‘This young man came to find me,’ she explained in a voice that still quavered with emotion.
Kathryn stared at Joel in amazement. ‘You did?’
He placed a comforting hand on the older woman’s shoulder as he responded. ‘You said you wanted to meet her,’ he said simply, as if that explained everything.
‘I did. I do!’ she exclaimed, knocked sideways by the knowledge that he would do this for her. Then she smiled encouragingly at the elderly woman as emotions rose to block her own throat. ‘I’ve always wanted to meet you. Ever since I was a little girl.’ Crossing the floor, she dropped to her knees before her grandmother and, this close, she could see the likeness to her own mother. She gently took hold of a hand riddled with arthritis. ‘Forgive me for being surprised. I never expected this, but I really am most awfully pleased to meet you at last.’
Joel looked from one to the other, smiling faintly at the bright Titian locks of the one, and the faded remnants of the same colour of the other. ‘I’ll leave you two alone to get acquainted,’ he said gently. ‘If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen making tea,’ he added, though neither was listening to him, and he went out unnoticed.
Alice Makepeace let out a shaky sigh. ‘I can’t quite believe this is happening myself. When your young man contacted me and explained who you were, and that you wanted to meet me—well, it was like a dream come true. I never thought it could happen. I thought you must all hate me.’
‘Oh, no, not at all. Nobody hates you.’ Kathryn refuted that quickly.
The older woman shook her head. ‘That’s not true. George hates me.’ She referred to her ex-husband. ‘And maybe Lucy does, too. I wouldn’t blame her.’
Kathryn was compelled to honesty. ‘Grandfather never forgave you, that’s true. We don’t get on, really. It’s because I look a lot like you.’
Her grandmother nodded agreement. ‘You do. Very much.’
‘But Mother doesn’t hate you,’ Kathryn insisted. ‘She’s never had anything but sympathy for your situation. What hurts her is that she doesn’t understand why you never kept in touch with her. What happened? Will you tell me?’
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