Alice looked beyond Kathryn, her thoughts lost in the past and far from pleasant. ‘George happened. I never wanted to lose my daughter, but George’s family had never approved of me. They helped him when he sued for custody, and when he won they helped him make it difficult for me to see Lucy. There were always excuses, reasons why a planned visit had to be postponed. In the end I realised they would never let me see her.’
Kathryn was appalled. ‘Why didn’t you take him to court? You had your rights!’
Alice sighed. ‘Yes, I had my rights, but in those days it wasn’t so easy. I had no family to help me, and no resources. In the end, so much time had passed I decided that Lucy was probably better off without me. Later, when my situation changed, there were so many times when I wanted to contact her. I wrote her letters I never posted. Found out where she lived and went to school. But I was a coward. I thought she must surely hate me for leaving her, so I did nothing. I let my daughter go without a fight, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.’ Tears misted her eyes, and she looked away, pressing her hand to her lips.
Kathryn came to her feet quickly. Sinking onto the arm of the chair, she slipped her arm about the frail shoulders and hugged her. ‘Please don’t cry. You’re not a coward. You’d just been hurt too much already. Mother knows that. She won’t blame you, or hate you. Believe me. I know. She loves you. She always has.’
Alice Makepeace blinked up at her granddaughter hopefully. ‘Do you really think so? I’ve missed her so much. If I could see her just once more, then all the pain would have been worth it. Do you think she would meet me, Kathryn?’
Kathryn smiled down into a face so much like her own. ‘Of course she will. When I tell her that I’ve found you, she’ll be on the telephone before you can blink.’
Her grandmother laughed, as Kathryn had wanted her to. ‘How is she? Is she well? Is she happy?’
‘Very well, very happy. You have four grandsons, too, you know.’
A light of interest entered those green eyes. ‘Really? Tell me about them. Tell me about all of you,’ she invited huskily, and with a laugh Kathryn drew up a chair and began to tell her all about the family she’d never known she had.
Almost an hour later Kathryn quietly entered the kitchen in search of the tea Joel had promised them. He was sitting at the small table reading a magazine he had found from somewhere. Her heart swelled with love for him for what he had done. Finding her grandmother for her. Crossing the room, she slipped her arms around his neck from behind and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
‘Thank you,’ she said huskily. ‘You’ve made me very happy.’
Joel tossed the magazine onto the table and placed a hand over hers. ‘That was my intention.’
‘Well, it worked wonderfully,’ she murmured with a decidedly watery smile. ‘I don’t know why you did it, but I’m glad you did.’
Joel eased her arms from over his head and drew her round onto his lap. ‘I did it because I saw how important it was to you. It would make you happy, and making you happy suddenly seemed very important to me.’
Kathryn held her breath and searched his eyes. If she didn’t know better, she could almost believe he loved her. It was the sort of thing a person would do for someone they loved.
She smiled bemusedly. ‘I don’t know how to thank you,’ she confessed, and he quickly pressed a finger to her lips.
‘Thanks aren’t necessary. Seeing you happy is thanks enough. How is your grandmother?’
‘She was very emotional, as you’d expect, but she handled it well. I think she could do with that tea now, and a rest to take it all in. It’s a shock to the system to have your dreams come true like this.’ She was still suffering aftershocks herself.
‘It’s all ready. We just have to boil the water again,’ he responded, rising to his feet and settling her back on hers. ‘Do you think she will be up to a trip to London today?’ he asked as he switched on the kettle.
A light went on in Kathryn’s mind and all became clear. ‘She’s the guest you’re bringing to dinner?’
‘It seemed the ideal solution, but if you think it would be too much…?’
Kathryn frowned uncertainly. ‘I don’t know. She’s not young any more. I’ll ask her, but I have the feeling she would rather I paved the way first by telling my mother about her,’ she ventured.
‘You’re probably right,’ Joel conceded easily. The kettle boiled and he made the tea, carrying the tray through to the sitting room where Alice Makepeace sat with a bemused smile on her face.
As Kathryn had expected, when the suggestion was put to her that she come with them to meet her daughter she did not feel equal to the event. She needed time, and Kathryn understood that perfectly. She was still feeling the shock of surprise herself, and she was less than half this woman’s age. Better to wait until her mother had been told, then the meeting could be planned, rather than thrust upon them.
They stayed with her grandmother for another couple of hours, listening to her reminisce. They weren’t always comfortable memories, but they seemed to have a cathartic effect on the old lady. It was as if, by meeting Kathryn, a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Eventually they had to leave, and Alice saw them to the door. There she caught Kathryn by the hand, and her eyes were twinkling. ‘Your Joel must love you very much to have gone to so much trouble to find me for you,’ she declared, winking at Joel, who grinned back.
‘It’s impossible not to love Kathryn,’ he returned smoothly, and though she knew he was saying it solely for the old lady’s benefit, colour dusted her cheeks.
‘Now that we’ve found you, you must come to the wedding,’ Kathryn invited, bending to kiss and hug the frail woman.
‘I shall look forward to it,’ Alice returned, smiling, and it was with a full heart that Kathryn followed Joel to the car and allowed him to help her inside.
She waved until the bungalow was out of sight, then sat back with a sigh.
‘Tired?’ Joel asked, and she nodded.
‘Emotionally more than physically. But I’m happy, too.’ She turned her head against the seat-back to look at him. ‘Thank you for lying,’ she said softly, and he cast her a questioning look. ‘About loving me.’
Joel turned his gaze back to the road. ‘Ah,’ he said shortly, and she smiled to herself.
‘It was a kind thing to do, but then I’ve always known you were kind. I guess it’s one of the reasons why I love you so much,’ she went on with a soft laugh.
‘Kathryn!’ Joel exclaimed exasperatedly.
‘I know, I know. You don’t want to hear it. But you’re going to have to. What you did today only makes me love you more.’
‘That isn’t what I meant,’ he contested as they approached a crossroads. The traffic light was green as they went through it.
Kathryn was just about to respond when out of the corner of her eye she saw a car shooting the red lights on her left. Alarm shot through her. ‘Look out!’ she cried in terror, and then everything was a blur of light and noise as the two cars collided. Her head hit something hard and everything went dark.
When Kathryn returned to the world again, her nose told her where she was. That antiseptic smell could only be a hospital. One look confirmed she was in a hospital bed, but apart from having a raging thirst she seemed fine, and all of her limbs moved when she tested them. Her head ached when she attempted to raise it, and she recalled hitting it just before blacking out. Memory of the accident returned, and with it an intense anxiety to know if Joel was all right.
This time she raised her head despite the queasiness the thumping brought with it. ‘Joel?’ she called out, just this side of panicking. The room was empty, though it was designed for four, and she had no sense of him. Oh, God! she thought wildly. He couldn’t be dead! ‘Joel!’ she cried more sharply, scrabbling for the buzzer, needing to know.
‘Kathryn?’
The sound of his voice calling her name brought her head round, and she felt
such a wave of relief tears sprang to her eyes. The next second he came striding in from the corridor. He was minus his jacket, and there was blood on his shirt, the evidence of a cut on his cheek that was covered by a dressing.
Joel came directly to her, sitting on the edge of the bed and swooping her into his arms. They closed so tightly about her her breathing was restricted, but she didn’t care. He was alive and well, and relieved tears trailed down her cheeks as she clung to him.
‘I thought I’d lost you,’ she declared brokenly.
Joel’s hand cupped the back of her head, pressing her into his neck. ‘When I saw you lying crumpled in the seat beside me, I thought I’d lost you, too,’ he confessed thickly. ‘I’ve never been so terrified in my whole life.’
Kathryn closed her eyes, sending up a silent prayer of thanks. ‘What happened?’ she asked ‘I remember the car hitting us, then everything went black.’ She felt him shudder.
‘Fortunately for us the other car only winged us and spun us around. That’s how you came to hit your head. We were incredibly lucky that traffic was light. Had there been more… The other driver was well over the limit, apparently,’ Joel explained, and she could hear his underlying anger.
Easing away, Kathryn checked out as much of him as she could with her eyes. ‘You were hurt, too.’ She pointed to his cheek.
‘Just a scratch. It bled a lot, but it’s not deep. You were the one we were worried about. You’ve been out for a while now, and they’re going to keep you in overnight to check for concussion. I telephoned your parents and they insisted on coming up. Don’t be surprised if your family arrive mob-handed,’ he added dryly, and she chuckled—then wished she hadn’t when her head thumped.
‘They’re very protective,’ she reminded him unnecessarily.
‘Well, they’re going to have to learn to take a back seat. It’s my job to protect you now,’ he declared uncompromisingly. ‘Not that I did too good a job today. When I saw that car heading right for you…’
‘Hush!’ Kathryn interrupted, pressing her hand over his lips. ‘Don’t think about it.’
Joel kissed her palm before reaching up and pulling it away. ‘I have to. You see, it gave me the jolt I needed to be honest with myself at last. In that split second, when I thought I might lose you, the truth reared up and bit me. I suddenly knew I couldn’t lose you. It was totally unacceptable.’
Kathryn’s throat closed over at the blazing depth of feeling she could see in his eyes. It almost seemed as if he was saying… Her heart quailed at the thought. What if she was wrong? She wanted to believe her ears and eyes weren’t deceiving her, but dared not. To hope and have that hope crushed would be too much on top of everything else. She had to be certain before she dared believe that a miracle was happening.
‘Did you hit your head, too? You’re not making much sense, you know.’ She tried to make light of it, but her heart was racing fit to burst and her voice wobbled dangerously.
The tenderness in his touch as he reached out and ran a finger gently along the fragile line of her jaw was almost her undoing. ‘I’ve been a fool. Worse, I’ve been an arrogant fool. I thought I could command my heart not to feel, but it knew better. Whilst my head was telling me love doesn’t exist, my heart was proving me wrong.’
Kathryn’s heart seemed to swell inside her as joy burst its bounds. She wasn’t mistaken. It was all right to hope and believe. ‘Joel—’
His hand cut her off. ‘No, let me finish. I have to say this and you deserve to hear it. When I was faced with the possibility of a future without you in it, I finally admitted to myself that I loved you. I’ve loved you for a long time, it seems. In fact, I can’t remember not loving you. You walked into my life that day and changed it for ever. My heart knew it, but my head fought it. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to admit it.’
Though she felt like exploding with happiness, she responded cautiously. ‘Are you sure? Please be absolutely sure, because my happiness depends on it.’
Joel cupped his hands gently about her face. ‘I’m a man of my word and I won’t renege. I told you once to put me to the test, and I guess this is the moment of truth. There is no doubt in my mind or my heart. I love you, Kathryn. I will always love you.’
Kathryn closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath, a smile slowly spreading across her lips. When she looked at him again, her eyes blazed with love. ‘I’ve longed to hear you say that, and thought I never would.’
‘Do you trust me? Is my word enough?’
‘Of course,’ she sighed. ‘I love you, and because I love you, I trust you.’
‘In that case, there’s one thing I have to ask you. Last time I did it, it was for all the wrong reasons. It was the easy option to ask you to marry me without admitting I loved you. Today I’m asking for no other reason than that I love you, and can’t live without you. Will you marry me?’ Joel asked in a voice made husky by emotion.
Her heart overflowed. ‘Oh, yes,’ she breathed happily.
‘Thank God.’ Joel’s exclamation was heartfelt, and then he kissed her, carefully because of her head, but there was all the love in it that she could ever want.
‘Did you really think I might say no this time?’ Kathryn queried with a laugh.
Joel grimaced in self-mockery. ‘Believe me, my hands were shaking almost as much as they were the evening I arrived to take you to dinner,’ he confessed, and she looked at him in mild surprise.
‘I didn’t know that.’
His grin was shamefaced. ‘I hid them in my pockets so you wouldn’t see. I was so looking forward to seeing you again, I was very nearly a gibbering wreck. Something which had never happened to me since my very first date. That was the state you had me in.’
She would never have guessed. ‘You hid it well.’
‘So well that I hid the truth from myself.’
Kathryn rested her head on his shoulder, so completely happy it was almost like being slightly tipsy. ‘Not any more, though.’
‘No, not any more,’ Joel agreed softly.
‘When did you start to realise you loved me?’ she wanted to know, and he laughed softly.
‘You want your pound of flesh, don’t you?’ he drawled wryly. ‘I guess it was when you described yourself as a faithful hound. Later I began to realise how jealous and possessive I felt about you. I wanted to see you happy, not hurt, and I was willing to take on your family to do it. The clincher was when you spoke of your successor waiting in the wings. I realised I didn’t want anyone else. You were the only one for me.’
‘So you asked me to marry you, and went off to find my grandmother for me. I’ll have to start calling you my white knight.’ Kathryn teased him with a full heart. She glanced up at him from the corner of her eye. ‘Um—how long do you think we have before a nurse turns up to check on me?’
‘Not too long, I should imagine,’ he calculated wryly.
Her hand snaked up into his hair, tugging his head down. ‘Then we’d better not waste any time. Kiss me again.’
‘You know I could probably get thrown out of the hospital for this,’ he warned, even as he complied.
‘I’ll risk it if you will,’ she murmured seductively, and he gave that chuckle which melted her bones.
‘Are you flirting with me, sweetheart?’
‘If you can’t tell, I’m not doing it right,’ she breathed against his lips. ‘Come on, Big Bad Wolf, do your worst.’
Smiling male lips brushed hers. ‘Wolves mate for life, you know.’
Kathryn nipped at his bottom lip with her small white teeth. ‘Hmm, I like the sound of that.’
‘Somehow I thought you might,’ Joel growled, and finally, most satisfyingly, kissed her.
ISBN: 978-1-408-93915-4
THE PLAYBOY’S PROPOSAL
© Amanda Browning 2002
First Published in Great Britain in 2002
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