Splintered Courage

by J. E. Sawyer

  Garret strolls up to my desk just as I am gathering my purse to leave.

  “So, what do think pumpkin?” He asks as leaves a hip on my desk with his arms crossed on his chest. He eyes me, does he know about what happened in the hall? I can feel myself start to blush. I try to push it back down.

  “Great, I’ve been super busy. I think you’re going to like the new system I’ve come up with. It’ll allow a little more personal interaction with your customers.” I tell him. I’ve worked really hard on it, so I really do hope he likes it.

  “It isn’t finished yet, and it will take some time to do so, but I think it will be worth it once it is, “I tell him.

  His eyes soften and a small smile plays on his lips, “I’m sure it will be great sweetie, I can’t tell you how much it means to me for you take such initiative,” he responds. It means a lot hearing him say that. It’s like an ingrained requirement to get is acceptance and approval. I want to make him proud. I don’t want him to regret bringing me here, especially since him and the guys already seem to have things figured out. I really don’t want to screw that up.

  “You ready to go?” He asks as he heads towards the door.

  “Yep,” I grab my purse and walk out as he locks up behind me. I stop just short and turn to wrap my arms around him. My ear against his chest, I can hear the rapid beat of his heart as he tenses. Then, he slowly relaxes and returns the hug with his cheek and the top of my head.

  “Thank you…for everything. I came here not really knowing what to expect, and so far, it’s been greater than I ever could have imagined. Thank you for coming for me.” I tell him, and I mean it. It he hadn’t come I would have been all alone. I would have been fine, but I wouldn’t have realized what I’ve been missing.

  “Always sweetie, I will always come for you. You are my reason for breathing, even if you didn’t know it. I love you pumpkin,” he says as he kisses me on the top of the head.

  “I love you too Dad,” I reply with an extra squeeze before I let go to get in the car. I get in the driver seat with my purse shotgun and let out a long sigh. My first day was a success.

  Gemma

  I flop down on my bed when I make it home. I really don’t know what to make of the first day I just had. My heart picks up thinking about the boy across the hall and the kiss we shared. I guess it isn’t fair to call him a boy. He’s far from it. It was unexpected though. We’ve shared a few looks and some heated tension, but I never believed it would have ever escalated to anything. I graze my lips with the tips of my fingers; I can’t help but to want it again, and again…. oh boy, we’re both going to be in trouble now. I have to force myself to get up and wash up. Dinner should be about ready. I should probably start figuring out what I can do to contribute. I don’t expect them to do all the cooking and cleaning. Since I’m a lot more settled I want to do my part. I want to pitch in and stop feeling like I’m mooching off them. I don’t like to feel indebted to anyone. I’ve had to learn to take care of myself and I have every intention of keeping it that way. In this world the most reliable resource you have is yourself. You are the person you can count on the most. You will always be there, and you will always know what your own best interests are. In truth, I’m afraid of letting anyone else help, of letting them in. I can’t let anyone get too close, they will just let me down. For whatever the circumstances, people can’t stay forever. Everyone leaves at some point or another. Where does that leave you when they go? Alone? I don’t have it in me to find out. As well as my stay has been going here, I have to keep them all at arm’s length, because they were to let me down I don’t think my heart could take it.

  As I make my way down stairs, I find myself in the same predicament as earlier. Weston seems to be taking most of the hall.

  “Gemma, I was just going to get you,” Weston says he grips a hand on each of my shoulders. “Dinner is ready.”

  He bends the knees a little to be able to look me in the eye. Once he has my full attention. Well, let’s be honest he’s had my full attention for most of the day. It feels like we can communicate with just a look, no words are even needed. I can easily read the hunger, vulnerability, hesitation and infatuation in his eyes. You know they say the eyes are the window to the soul. There has to be something to that. Have you ever really thought about it? When you look into someone’s eyes, what do you feel? It’s not the same as looking at their nose or shoulder. When I look in Weston’s eyes I feel everything.

  “Gemma?” He gives my shoulders a little squeeze. I guess I was in my head a little longer than I realized.

  I nod and as the corner of my mouth turns up. “Yeah ok, thanks I was just headed that way, I’m getting hungry.” Oh yeah, I’m hungry, but not for whatever delicious concoction is downstairs. I’m hungry for whatever this is brewing between us. It seems to get a little heavier each time we’re together. Weston must read what I’m thinking on my face. His hands leave my shoulders to cradle my face.

  “I’m hungry too little Gem,” he breathes out as he closes the distance between us. His lips are just a breath away. His eyes never leave mine asking for permission. Once he’s satisfied with what he’s looking for, his soft lips skim across my own. I feel his fingertips tighten as he angles my head towards his own. I open up to allow his entrance as our mouths give and take in a dance like we both need the other in order to breathe. Taking a little of each other’s life essence to mingle and combine and forge with our own. I bring my hands up to his forearms and continue until my hands reach his own. Our fingers lace together, my back arches as his fingers tighten. Then a throat clears. Wait. What?

  “Uhhh Ummm,” Garret indiscreetly announces his presence.

  Oops

  “Well Weston, I guess that answers my question. I believe you found Gemma. Gemma, as in my daughter Gemma, my sweet little girl Gemma.” Garret turns to leave with a little shake of his head, but not before I catch a slight little satisfied smirk on his face.

  I start to follow Garret downstairs, but Weston has yet to release me. He rests his forehead against mine and takes several deep breaths. He doesn’t seem the least bit worried by Garret’s interruption.

  “Gemma, please tell me this is ok. Just give me your word and I will walk away. Tell me to leave you alone and I will.” I don’t miss the longing in his voice. I know what it is because I feel it to. Whenever he’s near it’s like a string has been snapped tight between us. I don’t even have to see him to know he’s there.

  “Yes Weston, it’s ok. It’s more than ok.” I tell him as I close my eyes and try to calm my own breathing. Geez, you would have thought I ran a marathon. He pulls away and I feel his lips on my forehead. His hands return to my shoulder to turn me towards the steps.

  “Alright, let’s go get some grub,” he says, his tone much lighter and infused with a laugh, as he swats me on the butt.

  “Yipp,” I squeal as I jog to the stairs.

  The smell of fajitas assaults me as I make my way down the stairs with Weston on my tail. The food is already spread out on the table. We both take our respective seats. I take a deep breath as I realize I’m to have to consume messy fajitas under the dark observant gaze of Weston, since his seat is directly across from mine.

  “Nice of you two to join us,” Garret quips.

  Weston just replies with a short nod. Me? I do nothing. I mean what do I say? He just caught us swapping spit for crying out loud, I’d rather not bring it up, especially in front of everyone else. However, I don’t think Garret is as put off by it as he’s trying to appear.

  We all eat and enjoy the company. The food is amazing as I suspected. I did my best not to make a fool out of myself in front of Weston, or anyone else for that matter. I clean up since they were nice enough to cook. I’m surprised when Jason joins me to wash the dishes.

  “So, you and Weston, huh?” He asks carefully. I don’t miss him watching me out of the corner of his eye. Makes me feel kinda itchy.

  “Yes, maybe, I don’t know.” I rep
ly truthfully. I don’t really know what we are if we are anything. There is no denying there is something there though, we both feel it and I suspect everyone else can sense it. It’s nice being around Jason without being smothered by his hostility. Ever since our dinner at Amilifi’s we seem to have come to a mutual understanding of each other.

  Jason leans down to bump my shoulder with his, “Maybe I should ask him?” He taunts with a raise of a brow.

  “No!” I quickly exclaim as I jerk my hands out of the water ever so gracefully slinging suds everywhere. “Don’t do that” I plead.

  Jason snickers enjoying my embarrassment. “Well, there’s something there. A person would have to be blind not to see it. But, in fairness, we’ve known Marks a long time. He doesn’t dish out attention very often. No matter how hard some girls try to get it. And try they do. Most of the girls around here would be beside themselves to ‘land Weston Marks’. Believe me when I tell you this though, I see the way he looks at you. You already mean something to him. Trust him.”

  I flick my gaze to his. He must notice my hesitation. “Trust him, you feel me? Marks is as loyal as they come. No matter what you hear, trust him, go to him. He will not lie to you. He won’t lead you on. He doesn’t play games. I’m also telling you, be sure you don’t play any with him, not that I expect you to.” He hesitates before continuing. “I think you two are going to be good for each other, but it’s not going to be easy. Nothing worth anything ever is. Girls can be some real catty bitches. They are going to come at you. I don’t doubt it for a second. Once they realize you’ve caught Weston’s attention, they will be green with envy. Some will pose a new friend, some might confront you head on, others will be more than willing to stab you in the back. Don’t take it from them Gemma girl. If he means to you what I think he does, then you show them where you belong.” He finishes while looking at me expectantly. I don’t know if he expects me to be afraid, tuck my tail and run, decide Weston’s not worth it. I’m not sure. Who knew he could be so passionate about someone else’s love life. The response he gets isn’t one I think he’s expecting though.

  I go ahead and drain the water, dry my hands and toss the towel on the counter. I turn my shoulders towards Jason with a snarl, “Oh, don’t you worry Jack and the Beanstalk.” I see the smirk on Jason face at the reference to his height with this head in the clouds. “If some chick wants to come after me, then she is more than welcome to try. I don’t have a problem chewing up and spitting out anyone who stands in the way of what is mine. As for friends, that’s not something I make easily. It usually takes more trust than I am willing to hand out. I’ve been let down by too many people, so I tend to keep my circle pretty close.” Satisfied with my answer Jason gives a smile and slap on the back as leaves the kitchen without another word. Ok, so that dude is a little weird, but it’s obvious he cares, otherwise he wouldn’t have slapped a warning label on my forehead. As, I watch Jason leave I’m not entirely surprised to see Garret leaning against the wall. He’s good at the whole sneaking around thing. There isn’t a doubt in my mind he’s fully aware of everything and anything that goes on in this house.

  Garret

  I should really probably stop sneaking in on Gemma and conversations where she is involved, but I can’t. I can’t stand the thought of her getting hurt, taken advantage of, vulnerable, any of those things.

  “So, I guess you heard?” Gemma asks already knowing the answer. I give her a slight nod in confirmation.

  “Is this where you tell me this is a bad idea, to stay away, we’re not good for each other, so on and so forth?” She asks, I catch the hostility in her voice. Good, that means she’s willing to fight me for what she wants.

  “No sweetie, I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. It probably wouldn’t even do any good if I tried.” She’s too much like me, it would just push her that much more. “Jason is somewhat right though. Weston has been on the girl’s radar around here since he came to town. I don’t doubt that you will be able to hold your own against them just fine. We could be wrong and they might just let it be, but it’s doubtful. Jason just wanted to make sure you had a heads up. He’s also right to trust Weston. Or any of us. Come to us. No matter what you hear or what someone does, come to us. Trust us with your concerns, your safety. If I didn’t trust Weston myself, I wouldn’t be comfortable with his infatuation with you.”

  “It’s more than infatuation” I interrupt with certainty.

  “Yes, I believe so too. All I’m saying is, if you are serious about perusing this with Weston you are going to need that Bradford steel backbone you were born with. I know how hard it is to trust someone. Trust isn’t necessarily something that’s earned. It’s given out, until it’s broken. In order to trust someone, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Respect is earned. When someone is proven trustworthy the down payment for respect has been paid.

  An interruption from behind causes Gemma eyes to dart over my shoulder, from the bottom of the stairs. Weston continues, “That is why Garret is respected here in this house and across town. He’s earned it.”

  That’s all he says though, I would let them continue this conversation on their own, but West has already went back upstairs. Gemma eyes return to me. She has been quiet as a mouse, taking in my words. I want what I have to say to sink it.

  “Weston doesn’t give out trust easily either,” I tell her with a pointed look. As much as I love her, and she is my daughter I don’t want to think about any of my boys getting hurt either. “This isn’t a one-way street, not that you expect it to be. It’s just that you will need to remember to pick your battles. Give and take. Compromise. These are things people tend to forget, especially in a new relationship. I have no doubt in my mind Weston will take care of you, love and cherish you if you let him. But, you have to let him. First you have to let him in. I know that scares you sweetie, I can see it all over your face. If you don’t try and you don’t let him in, then you will never know. Get what I’m sayin’?” I see her work though it as she swallows the lump that formed there. She closes her eyes and nods. My brave girl. This is a big leap for her. We will all be there to catch her if she falls. I don’t tell her this though. I want her to dig up her strength on her own first. The reward will be so much greater if you can overcome your fears without the knowledge of the safety net below.

  “I trust you, I want to trust him. I want to try. I want to open myself up. I want to take the journey,” she opens her eyes and the look she gives roots me where I stand, “I trust you to not let me lose myself along the way. I trust you to bring me back if this journey is off course. I trust you to bring me back to life if my heart doesn’t survive it.” With tears in her eyes, there is no doubt in my mind I would go to hell and back for this girl.

  “I love you Gemma. Always. And, I will always here for you. You can take it to the bank baby girl.” I wrap my arms around her and lend her some strength she’s going to need. This is a new world and new life for her, no cowards are allowed. That doesn’t mean you can’t be afraid.

  “I love you too,” is all she says. I can see the wheels turning. I have no doubt where she’s headed as she starts to the stairs.

  Weston

  I feel bad for listening in on their private conversation. But, some things you just can’t un-hear, especially if you are the center of the conversation. I heard more than either one of them probably realize. Her conversation with Jason nearly gave me a heart attack. I know he means well, but that talk could have went either way. She could have decided it was going to be too much for her to handle. He’s right, the women around here will give her a hard time if she lets them, but then she said the word that stole the breath from my lungs…. “mine.” This girl has my insides knotted up. Garret is right though, I do have a hard time trusting people, especially women. I’ve been burned, tossed aside and let down too many times. It’s different with Gemma though, or at least I want it to be. The chemistry between us has its own natural flow.
It’s not forced. It just is.

  There is a soft knock at my bedroom door followed by the sweetest melody “Garret?” Little Gemma has sought me out. If she can be brave then so can I.

  I open my door, no matter how many times I see her she steals my breath away just as much as the first time I saw her. I don’t say anything but I step aside granting her entry. She warily steps inside, discreetly looking around, probably trying to get an insight to my mind. Good luck with that baby. I allow her to be curious as she gets a little more comfortable, not trying to hide her interest.

  Gemma turns towards me, “Wes”. My heart stutters hearing her call me by my nickname. Only those who are close to me dare to do so. But, I like the sound of it coming from her lips. “Wes, I…ummm…” she tries again.

  “Yes, what can I do for you sweetheart?” I try to help her along. She looks to me with wide eyes as she keeps turning her hands over each other, over and over again. She’s nervous.

  I gesture to the couch in my sitting area, “Why don’t we have seat,” I suggest. She quickly complies and runs her hands over her denim shorts as if her palms are sweaty. I take a seat to her left, close but not too close.

  “I’ve never done this before,” she admits as deflates, her shoulders turning in on themselves.

  “What haven’t you done before?” I ask curiously.

  “Any of it,” she says as those stormy grey eyes look at with so much vulnerability that I can feel it in my bones.

  “Any of it?” I echo needing a little more clarification.