Upper Hand (Cedar Tree Book 5)

by Freya Barker

  “Stop saying sorry, Bean.” The use of my nickname for her has her eyes flick up to mine. “It’s all good.”

  “So when can we eat? I’m starving,” she announces, and I gladly grab on to the distraction.

  “Now. Sit down. I’ll grab us some plates.”

  We spend the next ten minutes or so quietly eating—the silence not an unpleasant one. After putting the leftovers in the fridge and hand-washing the few dishes we dirtied, Beth makes us some decaf, and we sit down in the living room. Instead of sitting on the couch beside me she picks the chair. A moment later I understand why she wants a bit of distance.

  “I’m thinking tomorrow I’ll move Max and my stuff back home.”

  “Is that right?” I try to curb the urge to demand she stay here. There really is no good reason to; other than needing the all clear from the doc on Tuesday. I’ve just effectively proven, by managing to prepare a meal, that I can manage fine on my own. Slapping myself upside the head for that now. Only reason would be that I don’t want them to leave. Trying to force Beth to stay would probably only cause her to run in the opposite direction harder.

  “I just think the sooner we get back into our regular routines, the better it is.” She makes her voice convincing, but her eyes betray her. If I’m not mistaken, she doesn’t want to go as much as I don’t want her to leave.

  “If you think so.”

  “Why? You don’t agree?”

  I can hear the uncertainty in her voice and suddenly I don’t want to play this guessing game anymore. I’m too fucking old not to be clear about what I do and don’t want. I think Beth is too.

  “Cards on the table.”

  She looks at me with what I swear is an odd mix of hope and fear in her eyes. “Okay?”

  “I’m way past beating around the bush like this, Beth. I don’t think I need to point out that I care for you—fuck, you’re beautiful, capable, smart as a whip, and even though you like to show off that hard shell, I fucking know you have the softest underbelly.”

  A slightly embarrassed blush starts creeping up her face, but she doesn’t look away from me.

  “I reckon you noticed too that there was a brief period there where I wasn’t sure it was worth the fight, but I was wrong. It most definitely is worth the battle. I agree there’s a lot going on—” Before I have a chance to finish my thought, she sits up straight.

  “Exactly,” she jumps in. “That’s why I think this is for the best. Hard to get a good read on what is possible with all that is happening around us. I’m thinking a bit of space wouldn’t hurt.”

  “You didn’t let me finish,” I point out and with a little move of her hand she indicates for me to finish. “Not ‘exactly’ at all, in fact. What I was going to say was that the shit that happens in life, whatever it is, will always be there. If not this, then something else. Life isn’t lived in a bubble, Bean, you should know that better than some. Every day there is more bullshit to face and let me ask you—doesn’t it feel better not to have to face it alone?”

  I didn’t expect tears to pool in her eyes, but they’re unmistakable, hanging onto the edge of her eyelids for dear life. The moment the first one rolls down her cheek, I reach out my hand. “Come here, sugar.”

  Hesitantly she gets up and when she touches my hand, I grab on and pull her down on my lap.

  “I’m too heavy!”

  “Shut it. I don’t wanna hear that shit.”

  Settling a little against me—but barely—she starts talking.

  “I just don’t know what you want. Hell, I don’t know if what I want is even possible.”

  “First off, anything is possible, but you’ve gotta open up to it. And as for what I want? I can’t rightly tell you, but what I can tell you is that I don’t want you to go. I’m not gonna keep you; it’s your right to do whatever the hell you want, but I really just want you to stay here. I like you here. I like Max here. And it’s gonna be lonely as hell with both of you gone, but I won’t stop you if that’s what you want.”

  Slowly her body relaxes as she confesses what’s in her heart.

  “I don’t really want to leave, but I’m afraid if I don’t that I’ll come to count on you. It’s a luxury I can’t afford myself.”

  “Don’t see why not. Can’t figure what’s wrong with counting on someone to have your back. Gotta confess though, it isn’t something that comes easy for me either, given that the few times I did; it blew up in my face, but damn if I’m not willing to stick my neck out and count on you.”

  She’s quiet for a minute and stares at her wringing hands in front of her. I lift her chin so she’s forced to look at me.

  “Not looking to change anything about you, Bean. I like you just the way you are. Gotta trust me on that.”

  She nestles her head against my shoulder and I press my lips against the side of her head.

  “Will you tell me what happened with you and your brother?”

  Fuck me. Of all the things to bring up. I knew it was coming after bumping into him at the open house, but damn I’m not ready for it. Beth has her eyes on me, trying to read me, and given that I just gave her a spiel about trust, and that my cock is hurtin’ from her wiggling around on my lap and wants to see some action, I figure I’ll rip off the BandAid.

  “He fucked my wife.”

  “Your what? He what? Oh my God—that’s...I have no words.” Her hand grabs my arm that’s resting on her legs. I know she’s looking at me but I don’t look back. Not interested in seeing anything but lust and maybe something else in those eyes, but certainly not pity. Fuck, I hate pity. “I never would’ve thought that of him.”

  A bitter chuckle bubbles up. No shit. I’d never expected that either.

  “Luanne wasn’t a happy woman. I tried to make her happy, but she just wasn’t. To be honest, I’d had thoughts of leaving her, just never got around to it. She volunteered that information. Just came out one day and told me when we were arguing over something stupid. Can’t even remember. My own brother?” I just shake my head, still not quite grasping how someone, who I’d been close to my whole life, would do something like that. “I confronted him and he didn’t deny it. I went after him with my fists, but some of my crew heard the commotion and stepped in. When I got home that night, she was gone. House was basically empty. I insisted on selling the place once the divorce was finalized. Since I hadn’t seen Jed again since that day, I had my lawyer approach him with an offer to buy him out of the business with the money from the sale of the house. I eventually moved Mason Brothers out of Georgia. Took me a while to build up again, but I always loved the raw beauty of Colorado, so I rebuilt here. That’s the story.”

  “Where’s Luanne now?” Beth asks quietly.

  “Fuck if I know. I guess back in Georgia, although what the heck Jed is doing here, I still can’t figure.”

  There hasn’t been a sign of Luanne either. From what I gather Jed’s here alone and staying at the motel just outside town. Not that I care much either way; I’ve hardly thought about her, but Jed’s betrayal lives deep under my skin.

  “Maybe you should talk to him?”

  “Yeah, sometime this week. I have no choice, with him running my business,” I grumble. “Enough about Jed, the conversation was much more interesting before we started on him.”

  -

  -

  Yowza.

  Not quite the answer I expected. I’ve had some opportunity to spend time with Jed, but he never struck me as a cheater. Not surprised he wasn’t willing to tell me what happened between him and Clint when I asked him.

  Feeling the tension in his body, I try to get up off his lap but his sizable arm keeps me anchored.

  “Clint, let me go.”

  “Not likely. You got me on the subject I hate most and still my cock won’t stay still. Can’t you feel it?”

  Uhh, yes, I can feel it. Been trying to ignore his hard-on poking my ass, but damn, hard to ignore something that prominent. Still, I try to struggle against
him, causing him to tighten his arm. With the other hand, he slides up from my belly, between my breasts, and comes to rest on my neck. I don’t know why, but rather than threatening, it makes me feel soft all over. I don’t do soft, but Clint seems to barrel right through that, like the bull in the proverbial china shop he is.

  “You gonna keep struggling or you gonna let me take care of you?” His voice a deep rumble from his chest, and my body instantly responds. Nipples perking up, a soft warm wave in my lower body I know is wetting my panties right now; so turned on by voice and hold. He hasn’t even touched any pertinent bits yet. It’s not in my nature to stop fighting for myself, to give myself over, but damn if Clint’s not making me with his voice in my ear and his hand on my neck.

  I let my body sag back into his and immediately am rewarded with a deep approving growl. Yes, this.

  In a reverse move, he lifts me off his lap and on my feet, grabbing a firm hold of my hand when he gets up himself. There’s still a slight hesitation when he waits for his equilibrium to settle, before he starts moving toward the back of the house where the bedrooms are. At the mouth of the hallway I stop, effectively halting his forward movement.

  “Max...” I’m suddenly aware of my grandson sleeping in my room, and the fact I put him there to keep an eye out through the night. One step and Clint is in my face, his hands now tilting my head.

  “Gotta trust me, Beth. I’m too old to give you the attention you need on a couch, and I certainly am not going to with a toddler in the room. He’s gonna be fine right where he is, we’ll keep his door open so we can hear, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna delay getting your body under me to explore.” His look is intense and his words have my knees wobbly. “You with me? I need a response, Bean.”

  “I think I can live with that.” My voice sounds raspy and thin to my own ears.

  With a little smile and a firm nod he turns around and continues pulling me into the bedroom. He leaves me in the middle of the room to walk back to the door, where he turns around to look me up and down thoroughly.

  “When I get back, I want you naked and on that bed.”

  Automatically my head turns to take in the massive bed he’s indicating. The bed where we were interrupted before I had a chance to live out the fantasies I’ve harbored every time I eye it from the doorway, imagination running rampant in my mind of what it would be like to finish what we started the other day. By the time I look back to the door, he’s gone already, and I’m left unsure of what to do. I’m still standing in the middle of the room when he returns a few minutes later, a scowl on his face at finding me in the same spot he left me.

  “You’re not naked,” he points out as he closes the door behind him.

  The way his dark eyes scan my body have a shiver of dangerous anticipation running down my limbs and goose bumps rise on my skin. I open my mouth to say something smart, but the look in his eyes has my voice freeze in my throat. One of his eyebrows rises in question. I can’t seem to stop my shaking hand from coming up to fumble with the top button of my shirt. The look of satisfaction that steals over his face as he sits down on the edge of the bed, much in the same spot he was before, is enough to have me lift my other hand to make quick work with the rest of the buttons. I should feel self-conscious, standing in the middle of the room, undressing myself in front of this imposing man, but strangely I don’t. The lust in his eyes when he looks at me, and the way he unapologetically adjusts the hard ridge in his jeans have me feeling empowered instead. How it is possible that someone always so uncomfortably aware of her own body faults can become so bold under the intense scrutiny of this man? Every flick of his eyes and flare of his nostrils signals the effect I have on him. Before I know it, I stand in nothing more than my pretty white lace bra and my practical white cotton granny panties. What can I say? I’m all about the comfort and Clint doesn’t seem to mind.

  “Pretty, but not naked yet,” he growls, his voice catching a bit.

  “You’re still wearing all your clothes,” I point out and his eyes slide up from where they were teasing my breasts and bore into mine.

  “Well aware, and that’s the way it’s gonna stay for now. Stop stalling.”

  For just a moment I hesitate, struggling to fight the slight edge of unease at the disadvantage I find myself at, but I remind myself of all the things he’s just told me. The trust that is so important to him, and I find I don’t want to resist. I want to give him that. My hands slide up behind my back. In one move I unclip my bra, and let it slide down my arms until it simply falls to the floor, exposing the breasts that long ago have given up their fight with gravity. The way his gaze locks in with my swaying boobs is an encouragement to slip my thumbs in the top of my panties and shove them down my hips. I belatedly realize that I haven’t really had a chance to do any landscaping in recent days. Immediately my hands go to cover my pubic area, which is in definite need of some weeding.

  “Nuh-huh,” his grunt stops my movement and I drop my hands back to my side. Au naturel it is. “Come ‘ere...”

  With movements much more confident than I feel, I step closer and stop when my feet touch the toes of his boots. Still he doesn’t make a move to touch me, leaning back with his hands in the mattress for support.

  “Unzip me.”

  The short firm instructions should get my back up, but instead they send a tingle of anticipation straight between my shaky legs. His legs spread wide and I use them for leverage to drop myself down on my knees between them, but instead of focusing on his jeans, I grab hold of his boot first, registering surprise on his face. With a light tug, he raises his left foot a little, allowing me to pull the boot off and removing his sock. I repeat the same move on the other side before reaching for the tab on his zipper with one hand, while flicking the button with my other.

  “Careful...” His voice is bidding, but the hitches in his breathing alert me to the fact he is as affected by this slow dance as I am.

  As requested, I carefully slide the zipper down over the thick ridge pushing against it. The moment I pass over the bulk of it, the power of his erection pushes it down the rest of the way. Fucking commando. His engorged cock springs free right in the palm of my hand. Without thinking, I clasp my fist around it causing Clint to exhale on a hiss. Entranced by the deep red, almost angry color and the feel of its heat and power in my hand, I softly glide my hand up and down, mapping the heavy outline of the blood-filled veins marking it. A drop of pre-cum beads on the crown. Curious, I bend my head to lick at its taste, barely noticing the big hand releasing the elastic from my ponytail and twisting the hair at the nape of my neck. With his hand firmly in control, the taste of him on my tongue, and the musky scent of him in my nostrils, I feel a fresh flush of arousal pool between my legs. I flick my eyes up to see his mere slits between his eyelids as he watches my every move intently.

  “Take me in your mouth, Bean. All the way.”

  The use of my nickname grounds me and with firm pressure on the back of my head he guides my opened mouth down on his straining cock.

  I’ve never been a big fan of giving blow jobs, because it always seemed so disconnected. Guys close their eyes and draw inside themselves while you minister to them. Not so now. With his hand tightly wrapped in my hair to the point of pain and his eyes never once wavering from mine, I can’t imagine a more intimate act than this. I keep one hand fisted around the base of his impressive dick, and with every move of my mouth down his length, my lips press against it. My tongue laps along the veins and under the rim of his crown, finding that soft spot to caress. A slight twitch of his eyelids the only indication how my lips and tongue effect him. But I see it—and I take note making sure to hit those spots again and again until his lips pull back from his teeth in an almost pained grimace. I let him slide softly from my mouth when he pulls my head back, but I can’t resist hanging on to the plump head and sucking it hard before letting it plop from between my lips.

  “Enough,” his labored voice croaks. Lifting
me to my feet he sets me back a step before ripping his shirt off and lifting his hips to slide his jeans down. “Climb on and fucking ride me,” he says positioning himself back on the bed. I only take a minute to look at this gorgeous man laying himself out like a beautiful buffet for me to savor. Tattoos that wrap around his massive biceps and up his wide shoulders. The broad chest, sprinkled with dark russet hair and laced with silver trailing to a flat stomach and pointing the way to the deep red erection standing up straight and impressive—like a beacon calling me.

  Planting one knee beside his hip on the mattress, I swing my other leg over his waist and his hands are immediately on my hips to steady and guide me. But instead of down where I expected him to want me, he pulls my hips toward his face.

  My slight hesitation is noted and his face darkens.

  “I’m fighting hard for control here, sugar. Don’t fight me. I need my mouth on that pussy. Wanna taste you as you come on my face.”

  Oh my...

  Without any further resistance on my part I let him maneuver me to where my knees are bracing his head on either side. Grabbing a pillow with one hand, he stuffs it under his head to raise it and pulls me down.

  The first lick is not tentative—with his hands pulling my cheeks apart from behind he reaches to press the flat of his tongue firmly in the crevice between them, the rasp against my highly sensitized perineum a shock to the system. Without prompting, my hands come up to cup the weight of my breasts and my fingers twist at the nipples. Head thrown back at the sensation, I do as he asks—and start gyrating my hips on his tongue—riding his face for all I’m worth.

  His deep groan in response vibrates through my flesh and the moment his teeth slip over the tight bundle of nerves and bite down, I burst apart in a blinding release. Before I can even catch a breath, I find myself on my back, Clint on his knees between my legs slipping an arm under my ass to lift me. With surprising ease he pushes me further up the bed, my ass now resting on his knees.

  “Grab the headboard and hold on. This is going to get bumpy.”