Welcome to Last Chance

by Cathleen Armstrong

  “Are you kidding me?” Lainie stared at him. “You get back here. You’re not leaving me to face her alone.”

  But Steven had already started walking down the darkened road. He raised a hand over his head in farewell without looking back.

  “Coward!” If Steven heard her, he gave no sign. She sighed and walked up onto the porch and opened the door.

  Elizabeth sat upright in her recliner, her slippered feet flat on the floor. The ever-present television was dark and silent, but what really caught Lainie’s attention were Elizabeth’s red and swollen eyes.

  “Elizabeth? What’s wrong?” Lainie dropped onto the sofa and reached for Elizabeth’s hand.

  Elizabeth moved her hand out of Lainie’s reach as tears welled up and spilled over her plump cheeks. “Would you mind telling me just where you’ve been? And why you left me sitting here not knowing if you were even alive?”

  “What do you mean? We called just as soon as we could to tell you what was going on. Fayette gave you the message, didn’t she?”

  “We didn’t get any message. We had no idea what had happened to you until Manny called to say he’d heard from you early this afternoon.” Elizabeth groped for a tissue and her voice broke. “Do you have any idea how frightened I’ve been? You know the kinds of things that have been going on down there. Ben made some calls and said as far as he could tell you hadn’t been killed, but that was all anyone knew.”

  Lainie shook her head to try to clear it. None of this was making any sense. “But Steven told me he left a message on Fayette’s answering machine. Didn’t she get it?”

  Elizabeth blew her nose. “Fayette’s back in Albuquerque. She got a call right after you left that Matthew had taken a fall in physical therapy, so she had to leave.”

  “Oh, Elizabeth, I’m so sorry.” Lainie put her hand on Elizabeth’s arm. “Steven did call Fayette just as soon as we could. His phone only had enough charge for one call, but we did try.”

  Elizabeth blew her nose. “I can appreciate that Fayette would be glad to know you were okay, but did you ever think that maybe I would like to hear from you? Couldn’t you have found a phone somewhere and called me? Or Ray? He was about to head over to Juarez to look for you himself when you all called Manny today.”

  “I did try.” Lainie’s voice trailed away. Her mind played over her long search for a phone, but the story still sounded implausible, even to her. “Really, I did try.”

  Elizabeth glanced sideways at Lainie and blew her nose again.

  After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Lainie tried again. “What happened at the Dip ’n’ Dine this morning?”

  “When no one came to open up, Carlos called here to see if you’d overslept or something. So we real quick called Juanita and Lurlene. They managed.”

  The sick feeling in the pit of Lainie’s stomach grew until it completely swallowed her. “I’m so sorry. I just don’t know what I could have done differently.” Tears that had been clogging her throat spilled down her face. “I did everything I could.”

  Elizabeth took her hand and looked into her eyes. “You could have listened to people who care about you and not gone in the first place.”

  Lainie didn’t try to defend herself. The one thing that had put her in that car with Steven was Ray telling her she couldn’t go, and she knew it.

  When the phone rang, she started to get up to answer it, but Elizabeth waved her back. “I’ll get that. I’m sure it’s someone calling to see if you’re back yet. The phone’s been ringing off the hook all day.”

  Lainie reached for a tissue from the box on Elizabeth’s end table. She leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes. It didn’t help to realize Elizabeth was talking to Ray.

  “Yes, she got in a little while ago . . . No, she’s okay. She’s had a rough time of it, though.” Compassion crept back into Elizabeth’s voice. She could be as stern as she felt she needed to be when she talked to you, but she invariably took your side when someone else landed on you. Lainie could only imagine what Ray must be saying to put Elizabeth on her side again. “You know, I was so relieved to see her walk in the door that I didn’t think to ask.” She put her hand over the receiver. “Where’s Steven? He came back with you, didn’t he?”

  Lainie sat up. “He left me at the gate and went to set things straight with Ray. Isn’t he there?”

  Elizabeth went back to her conversation. “She said he was on his way to see you. If he’s coming he should be there shortly.” Her voice sounded sad. “I can’t say it would surprise me if he didn’t turn up, though. Facing the music has never been one of his strong suits. I had hoped he’d grown up some these last few years.”

  Lainie took a deep breath and stood up. She needed to face a little music of her own. “Can I talk to him?” She held out her hand for the phone.

  “Hon? Lainie wants to talk to you.” Elizabeth started to take the phone away from her ear then pulled it back. “Are you sure? She’s right here . . . Okay, I’ll tell her. Take care, honey. Looks like everyone’s home safe and sound.”

  Elizabeth hung up the phone and turned to Lainie, whose outstretched hand slowly drifted to her side. “Ray said he’d be over in the morning before church to talk to you. Now, I think we need to get some sleep. It’s been a long two days for both of us.”

  Lainie nodded, tears welling up again. “Elizabeth, I’m so very sorry about all this. I wish I could go back and do everything differently.”

  “I know you do, honey. But even if there’s no going back, there’s always tomorrow. Things will look better in the morning.” Elizabeth’s smile was weary, but she reached up and patted Lainie’s cheek. “Now go on to bed.”

  Dawn was just softening the early morning sky when Lainie heard Elizabeth get up and pad down the hall to the kitchen. If she had slept at all, it had been fitfully, and she lay quietly listening to the sounds of coffee being made and pans clanking on the stove. Why hadn’t Ray wanted to talk to her last night? She needed to hear his voice. Even if he was furious, as he had every right to be, they couldn’t start working things out until she could tell him she knew how wrong she’d been. She got up and put her robe on and joined Elizabeth in the kitchen.

  Elizabeth turned from the stove with a warm smile. There was no sign of the hurt and anger that had marred her face the night before. “Good morning, sweet thing. The coffee is just ready. How did you sleep?”

  Lainie dropped in a chair at the kitchen table and shook her head. “I didn’t. I feel like such a loser.”

  “You put that out of your head right now. You are no such thing.” Elizabeth poured two cups of coffee and sat across the table from Lainie. She cradled her cup between her hands and looked into Lainie’s eyes. “But I need to ask you something, so don’t you tell me it’s none of my business. You didn’t do anything you shouldn’t have, did you?”

  When the significance of what Elizabeth was saying sank in, Lainie’s eyes flew open and she sat back in her chair. “No! Steven? You’ve got to be kidding. Eew, no!”

  The swallow of coffee Lainie took felt curdled and sour, and she gritted her teeth to keep it from coming up again. “Really? Is that what everyone thinks?”

  “I don’t know what most people think, but there are bound to be those who do. So you need to be able to hold your head up and look those folks squarely in the eye.”

  Lainie stood up. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I’m just not ready for this. I can’t walk into church this morning thinking that everyone is sitting there wondering if I spent the night with Steven. That just makes me want to throw up.”

  “You know, I think you’re right.” Elizabeth leaned back in her chair to look up at Lainie. “It might be better if you stayed home this morning. If anyone has anything to say, they can just say it to me and I’ll be happy to tell them that you are home safe and sound, resting.”

  “I’m going to go shower.” Lainie headed out of the kitchen. “Do you think Ray is up? I’ll call him and tell him he doesn’t ne
ed to get here so early.”

  The house was quiet when Lainie went into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee and wait for Ray. No sound came from Elizabeth’s sewing room, but since the door was now closed, Steven had doubtlessly come home when he thought the coast was clear. She had so much to tell Ray. He had to hear her out, to believe she wasn’t the same person who stormed off with Steven. She was relatively sure Steven wouldn’t interrupt them, even if he did wake up. If he had gone who-knows-where last night rather than face either Elizabeth or Ray, he was not likely to appear this morning.

  “You big chicken,” she muttered at the closed door.

  When she saw Ray pull up, it felt not like butterflies but like frogs jumping around in Lainie’s stomach. She watched him tuck a flat, square package wrapped in brown paper under his arm and head up the walk. He was hunched into his sheepskin jacket against the wind. If only she could read his expression she would have an idea of what she was about to face, but his head was ducked to keep his battered Stetson from blowing off. She took a deep breath, pasted what she hoped was a winsome smile on her face, and went to open the door.

  She had spent the night preparing her explanation, but all her words deserted her when Ray raised his head and she saw the pain on his face.

  “Come on in.” Lainie held the screen door open for him. “I made a fresh pot of coffee, and Elizabeth baked a coffee cake for breakfast. Have you eaten?”

  Ray set his package on the sofa and shook his head. “I can’t stay long.” He glanced down the hall. “Did Steven ever turn up?”

  “I think so. His door is closed, so my guess is that he’s still asleep.”

  The smallest trace of a smile lifted one side of Ray’s mouth. “Wow, Gran went to church and let both of you stay home? She must be getting soft. Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

  Lainie watched him knock once on Steven’s door and disappear inside. She sank onto the arm of the sofa and stared at the closed door. No sound came from the room. She almost would have preferred angry shouting. At least then she’d know what was going on.

  Finally, the door opened again and Ray emerged. He couldn’t have been in Steven’s room for more than about five minutes, but Lainie felt she hadn’t drawn a deep breath in hours. She found herself on her feet again when he stopped in front of her. Before he could say anything, she put her fingers against his lips.

  “Wait. Let me say it first. I was a total idiot to go to Juarez with Steven. I know it. I guess I knew it before we even got out of town. But Ray, I’ve always been that way. The quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me I can’t do it.” She smiled up at him, hoping to coax a smile in return. But Ray just looked sad.

  “Yeah, well, I was wrong. But going to Juarez, and with Steven, was such a bad idea on so many levels. And you weren’t hearing me, so maybe I got a little heavy-handed.”

  Lainie searched for a rebuttal and came up empty. Ray waited a second, then continued talking. “Then when you didn’t come home when you said you would, and didn’t even call . . .”

  “But we tried to call. Didn’t Manny or Elizabeth or anyone tell you that? Steven left a message on Fayette’s phone. We didn’t know she wasn’t in town.”

  Ray shrugged. “I waited up for you, you know. I thought maybe if I left the lights on in the bar you might stop by and let me know you were home safe.”

  Lainie looked away. She was afraid if she tried to speak the lump in her throat would choke her.

  “When the hours went by and you didn’t come, every news story that has come out of Juarez in the last year played through my mind like a piece of video.” Ray’s laugh was short and bitter. “I actually found myself hoping that you and Steven had just checked into a motel somewhere.”

  Lainie grabbed both his hands. “Oh, Ray, how could you think that? Steven? Don’t you know how I feel?” Ray just looked at her, and Lainie took a deep breath. For once, her first thought wasn’t her own protection. Too much was at stake. “I never even wanted to go to Juarez with Steven. Don’t you know that? I just did it because you told me not to, and I know that was stupid. Can you forgive me? All I thought about the whole time we were gone was how much I wanted to be here with you. And on our way home, every milepost we passed made me even more eager to get here and tell you so. For the first time in my life, I actually felt like I was going home.” She searched his face looking for a sign of forgiveness, but the pain there was etched even deeper.

  “Lainie, come here.” He led her to the sofa, and they sat facing each other. “I need to tell you that I’m leaving Last Chance.”

  “Leaving? Where?”

  “I’m going to Santa Fe. You know I had planned to leave when Steven took over the bar. My life’s been on hold long enough. I’m done. I just told him he can run the bar, close it up, or burn it down. I don’t care. I’m out of here.”

  “When?” Lainie’s voice came as a whisper.

  “Now. Today. I cleaned out the trailer yesterday, and now I’m going to pack up the paintings I’ve finished and get the rest of my stuff from the cabin. Then I’ll hit the road.”

  Lainie tried to will her heart to turn back into ice, but it was too late. Tears spilled over her lashes. “I said I was sorry. You know nothing happened. I told you I wished I had never gone.”

  Ray gripped her hands. “But you did go, Lainie. And you went just to spite me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hang around here waiting for Steven to get his life together and you to figure out what you want.”

  “I do know what I want. I’ve been trying to tell you.” Lainie couldn’t be sure Ray heard her whisper. He had reached for the package he had brought in, and his back was to her.

  “Here. This is for you. I brought it down last Sunday and was looking for the right time to give it to you.” His laugh was short and bitter. “I guess now’s as good a time as any.”

  Lainie pushed the tears off her cheek with the heel of her hand and tore the brown paper away from the canvas. It was the view from Ray’s cabin across the valley to the distant hills on the horizon. In the middle distance a dust devil reached from the valley floor to the heavens. A hawk floated on spread wings at the top of the column, while far below another climbed to meet it.

  “Remember?” Ray’s voice had softened. “You said that hawk was you, soaring high and free, away from everyone.”

  Lainie nodded and ran her finger over the lower hawk. “You said that one was you, coming to get me.”

  Ray sighed before he stood up and put his hat back on. “Well, you flew too high for me, girl. I couldn’t get there.”

  She followed him to the door and he turned and pulled her close, pressing his lips against her forehead for a long moment. “Take care of yourself, you hear?” His voice sounded husky, and he cleared his throat. “And tell Gran I’m sorry I missed her. I’ll call her tonight when I get in, and I’ll see her when I come back for Fayette’s wedding.”

  He didn’t look back, and Lainie watched him get in his truck and drive away. She picked up her painting again and sat on the sofa studying it. The hawk that once looked so wild and free now just looked alone.

  28

  The second Saturday in June, Lainie worked her last shift at the Dip ’n’ Dine, handed her keys to Chris Reed, the new owner, and stepped out into the warmth of the fading afternoon. All day, customers and former volunteers had been stopping by to say good-bye, wish her well, and have a piece of the cake Chris had brought in to commemorate her last day. Nearly everyone asked her why she had to go, and even Chris had said there was a job for her at the Dip ’n’ Dine as long as she wanted one. But her time in Last Chance was coming to a close. It was time for her to go.

  Across the road, weeds were beginning to push through the gravel parking lot of the High Lonesome. With its boarded windows and padlocked doors, it looked just plain lonesome now.

  She lifted her hair to let the breeze cool her neck and headed to Elizabeth’s, and to the ongoing discussion as to why Lainie s
hould stay in Last Chance.

  “I’m sorry, but you have not been able to give me one reason that makes any sense at all.” Elizabeth sat back from the breakfast table Sunday morning and folded her arms.

  Lainie sighed and tried again. “How about the fact that Nick managed to walk out of the hospital six months ago and no one knows where he is? But he knows where Lindsay is, and she knows where I am. I said I’d stay till the new owner of the Dip ’n’ Dine was up to speed and Fayette got married, but I’ve been pushing my luck.”

  “How you can still be talking about luck is more than I can understand.”

  “Okay, bad choice of words. Luck had nothing to do with it, and I know it.” She smiled at Elizabeth as she carried her dishes to the sink. “But, please, it’s time for me to go, and I think you know it.”

  Elizabeth’s blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears as they searched Lainie’s face. “Okay, darlin’, I understand. But you’d better call me every night until you get wherever it is you’re going.”

  “I will.”

  “And you’d better come back and visit me often.”

  “Promise.”

  “All right, then.” Elizabeth pushed herself to her feet. “We’d better get going if we’re going to get to church on time.

  The choir was just filing into the choir loft as Elizabeth led the way down the aisle to the third pew on the left. Her spot on the aisle was empty and waiting, as if no one would dare sit in what had been Elizabeth’s spot for more than half a century. She stepped back to allow Lainie to slide in before her, then stepped in and reached for a hymnbook.

  Lurlene turned from the choir to lead the congregation in the first hymn, and Lainie let the sound wash over her. She could hear Russ Sheppard’s deep bass and Juanita’s slightly sharp soprano. She smiled, even as tears threatened to choke off her own song. Everything about Juanita had seemed sharp and even terrifying when Lainie first met her. When did she first begin to see past Juanita’s bristly exterior to the tender heart she guarded so fiercely? Probably it was sometime during the months Juanita, as well as the rest of the church, showed up at the Dip ’n’ Dine so faithfully and worked so hard.