Heaven's Queen

by Rachel Bach

  “The symbiont changed my body a lot,” Rupert said at last, his face determined despite the flush that had spread over his cheeks. “But I’m still capable of getting you pregnant.”

  That was definitely not what I’d expected. “You can’t be serious,” I said, half laughing, but his look told me he was.

  I sat back on his stomach and stared at him in disbelief. It was clear as day that he wanted me feverishly, and yet he wasn’t going to do it, wasn’t going to take what I freely offered and he desperately wanted, if he couldn’t do it right. That thought filled me with tenderness, and I leaned down to press a kiss against his nose. “You are too damn responsible for your own good.”

  Rupert broke away, grabbing my shoulders to push me up again. “I’m serious, Devi. I was unforgivably reckless before, but I won’t take a risk like that with you ever again. So let me up and—”

  I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. It was horribly inappropriate, but I couldn’t stop. He just looked so damn earnest. “You can’t get me pregnant,” I said when I finally got a hold of myself. “I’m Paradoxian, remember?”

  The look on Rupert’s face at that moment was absolutely priceless. “What does that have to do with it?”

  “I never got out from under the ban,” I said, wiping my eyes. “Honestly, Rupert, what kind of girl did you think I was?”

  If Rupert had looked bewildered before, he looked absolutely dumbfounded now. “Ban?”

  My smile faded. “The king’s fertility ban.” When that got nothing, I spelled it out for him. “All Paradoxians are sterilized at twelve. Breeding rights aren’t returned until you’ve finished your military service.”

  Rupert’s bewildered expression had turned horrified by the time I finished, and I put my hands on my hips. “How do you not know this? The ban’s been in place for over a century. It was all over the Terran propaganda during the Border Wars.”

  “Exactly,” Rupert said. “I always thought it was just propaganda.” He pushed up on his elbows, looking me straight in the face. “You’re seriously saying your government forcibly sterilized you?”

  “Not forcibly,” I said. “My mom took me in to get it done on my birthday. The whole thing was over in ten minutes. And it’s not like it’s forever. I’ve been eligible to have it reversed for years. I just never saw the point. I mean, do I look like the sort of person who wants to worry about babies?”

  I finished with a grin at the ridiculousness of that idea, but Rupert was still staring at me like I’d grown a second head. “I’m sorry,” he said, falling back on the bed as he reached up to rub his temples. “It’s just, it sounds a bit barbaric.”

  “How so?” I asked, lifting my chin. “All Paradoxian children are wards of the king. You can’t let just anyone have them. We’re not animals, having babies all over the place. Barbaric, indeed. If you ask me, we’re the civilized ones. You Terrans let anybody be a parent no matter how young or unprepared or undeserving they are.”

  As I said this, I was again reminded how blessed I was to have been born under the Sacred King’s prudence. I couldn’t imagine growing up in the Republic with no living saint to watch over you. But while I was feeling rightly superior, Rupert had started to chuckle.

  “What?” I snapped, glaring at him.

  “Nothing, nothing,” he said, his face breaking into a grin. “It’s just … you’re very Paradoxian.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I huffed. “If you’ve got a problem—”

  Rupert sat up at once, causing me to slide down his body until I was sitting in his lap. “No, never,” he said, wrapping his arms tight around me. “I love you exactly the way you are. You just caught me by surprise, that’s all.”

  The earnestness in his voice washed away my anger, but I wasn’t ready to let him off the hook just yet. “So do you still want to stop?” I asked, arching up to brush my lips against his. “Because if you’re going to keep being a Terran prude…”

  Rupert’s answer to that was to drag me back down to the bed.

  After that, we didn’t waste any more time talking. I was on top, and I used my superior position to strip him completely naked before shedding the last of my clothes. Even though we both knew Rupert was strong enough to do whatever he wanted, he let me take control, and I did so ruthlessly, teasing him and kissing him until he was shaking in my arms.

  Brenton had once accused Rupert of being an iceberg, a cold, calculating man without feelings or heart. I almost wished the old windbag could have seen Rupert now, because there’d be no going back to the cold after this. He was like a live wire beneath me, his blue eyes wide and dazed and beautifully dark as I finally started to ride him. And when he threw his head back in compete abandon, grabbing my hips hard but not nearly as hard as I knew he could, I couldn’t help leaning down to kiss him like I’d never let go.

  As always, his intensity lit me on fire. The man did nothing halfway. Every kiss was a gallows kiss, his fingers digging into me like I was the only thing holding him down, but best of all was his voice. When he wasn’t kissing me, he was whispering, repeating words into my hair and neck. Usually, Rupert never said anything without thinking it over first. Now he was babbling frantically, whispering through clenched teeth that he loved me, that I was beautiful, that he’d thought he’d lost me forever, and that he was never letting me go.

  Or, at least, I think that’s what he said. Halfway through, he switched from Universal to a beautiful language I didn’t know, which was a bit of an ego boost for me. I’d never screwed a man into his native tongue before.

  But just as I was enjoying the sight of Rupert in a true frenzy, he flipped the tables, rolling us over and trapping me beneath him. At this point we were so tangled I wasn’t sure where I ended and he began, but it didn’t matter. Once Rupert started moving, any illusion of control I had left vanished completely. In the space of a few seconds, I was as gone as he was. I writhed against his hold, panting and clinging to his body as everything I’d fought to hold back for so long came crashing down at last, taking us both with it.

  When it was over, we collapsed into the blanket-strewn bunk, panting together in a breathless, tangled heap. All around us, the deep stillness of hyperspace pressed in like a fog, and the utter isolation was soothing in a way I couldn’t describe. Lying here in the tiny, warm cabin of the Caravaner with Rupert’s naked body pressed full against mine, the universe and all its dangers felt far away. All my anxiety and fear and turmoil had vanished like smoke, leaving only a deep sense of contentment and satisfaction. I was still savoring the wonder of it when I caught a flash of movement from the corner of my eye.

  I stiffened, then relaxed. It was just the phantoms. There were four this time, floating in the air above the tiny door to the bathroom like little glowing puffballs. Just like the phantoms I’d seen on Anthony’s ship, they’d arranged themselves in a line and were waving their hair-thin antennae at me like they were trying to get my attention.

  If that was their intent, it worked. Once was strange enough, but seeing this phenomenon twice was definitely creepy. I was wracking my brain to try and figure out what it could mean when Rupert broke the silence.

  “You’re looking at a phantom, aren’t you?”

  I glanced up at see him staring down at me. It felt incredibly odd to talk to someone else about the things I’d thought of as hallucinations for so long, but Rupert had already seen me at my worst and he was still here, so I shrugged and told the truth. “Four of them, actually.”

  “Where are they?”

  I pointed at the line of phantoms, and Rupert bent over, looking down my arm like he was taking aim. When he had it, he reached out, flicking his hand at the phantom in a shooing motion. “Go away,” he said sternly. “She’s mine.”

  This didn’t do a damn thing, of course. The phantoms just kept waving like nothing had happened. But the effort made me smile, and I stretched up to kiss Rupert’s cheek. “My hero.”

  He grinned a
nd wrapped his arms around me, lying back with a purely masculine sound of contentment. Closing my eyes against the phantoms, I relaxed into his grip, taking shelter in his warmth, the peace of the quiet ship, and the luxury of not having to worry about universe-sized problems for at least eight more hours. I was debating whether or not to fall asleep when Rupert rolled over and began kissing a line down my body.

  I laughed at his affections, but my laughter died when he settled on top of me.

  “What?” I asked, slightly shocked. “Again? So soon?”

  Rupert kissed his way back up to my ear. “Being a symbiont does have a few advantages,” he whispered. “And I’ve wanted you for a very long time.”

  After that, I didn’t waste any more time with stupid questions.

  The next few hours were some of the most delightful of my life. If Rupert’s injury slowed him down at all, I couldn’t tell. I was actually the one who had to cry uncle first, much to my chagrin. Unlike Rupert, though, I was only human, so it was forgivable.

  When he let me go, I flopped back onto the blanket-scattered bunk, sore, exhausted, and utterly content. Rupert stretched out on his side next to me, a wide smile on his face. “Happy with yourself?” I asked.

  Rupert leaned down, kissing me soft and slow and so sweetly my mind went blank for a moment. “I’m happy with you,” he said when he finally pulled back.

  Once I managed to get my scattered thoughts back together, that bothered me. “You sure? Those Eyes were serious about killing you. Are you really happy about being on the run?”

  “Absolutely,” Rupert said without missing a beat. He propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at me like this was the most important thing he’d ever said. “I love you and I believe in what you’re doing. You’ve given me more purpose and happiness in the last few months than I’d found in sixty years. I thought I’d lost everything when I lost you, and I was prepared to spend the rest of my life making amends, but then you forgave me.” His voice sounded incredulous, like he still couldn’t believe that was true. “You forgave the unforgivable, welcomed me back into your arms, and you ask if I’m happy?” He broke into a boyish grin. “Do I really have to answer that?”

  I grinned back, mortified as a blush spread over my cheeks. “Just making sure.”

  “You can be absolutely sure,” Rupert said, leaning down to kiss me again. “I would rather be on the run with you than anywhere else in the universe.”

  “Even if it gets you shot?”

  Rupert’s grin turned devilish. “If it gets me the same reaction you showed tonight, I’ll get shot as much as possible.”

  “Don’t even joke about that,” I snapped, smacking him on the chest. “I’m serious, Rupert.”

  “I’m serious, too,” he said, reaching down to brush my damp hair away from my face. “I’m in this with you to the end, Devi. No matter what happens, no matter who comes after you, so long as you want me at your side, that’s where I’ll be.” He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead. “You are the future I want, and I will never surrender you to anyone.”

  I closed my eyes as he whispered against me, only now it was in shame, not pleasure. I shouldn’t be letting Rupert make those promises to me. I might have finally given in to my feelings, but nothing had actually changed. I was still going to die, and since I believed him when he said he wasn’t letting me go, I was now certain Rupert would be there when it happened. That actually upset me more than the idea of my own death, because I’d probably end up getting him killed, too.

  I wanted to explain this to him, to warn him, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. Rupert was no idiot; he knew this was a doomed endeavor. Hell, he’d already paid the price for sticking by me in blood, and he was still determined to stay. Even if I could make him leave, I didn’t want to let him go, and that shamed me more than anything. It was one thing to be weak and give in to love, but it was another altogether to be a selfish bitch who would rather keep her lover in danger with her than go without.

  But just as I was getting really upset, Rupert settled into the bed, pulling me into his arms. Even after the last several hours, the intimacy was new and delightful, and I decided my self-recriminations could wait. Soon enough the jump would end and we’d be thrust back into reality. Until then, though, I was determined to savor every second.

  I reached out, snaking my arms around Rupert and pulling myself tight. I felt him raise his head in question, but I didn’t look up. Instead, I clung to him belligerently, pressing my face into his chest as I forced everything else out of my head until all that remained was the deep contentedness of lying in the dark with someone you loved. And it was in that quiet happiness that I gave in to my exhaustion, falling asleep with my lips pressed over Rupert’s heart.

  I woke to the hyperspace exit alarm. That in itself was nothing unusual, but the fact that Rupert was still in bed with me was. “Hi,” he said softly, leaning down to kiss me.

  I kissed him back, marveling. It felt so strange to be openly affectionate like this. Wonderful, but strange and a little reckless, like we were tempting fate, probably because we were. “Which alarm was that?” I asked when he broke away.

  “Ten-minute warning,” he answered, sliding out of bed and padding over to the flight console to turn off the alarm. I gave myself a long moment to gaze appreciatively at his naked back before I made myself get up as well, wincing when my tired muscles protested. The phantoms were still floating in the corner where I’d left them, though they’d stopped waving now. I rolled my eyes and put my back to them, facing the bathroom as I kneeled down to check my clothing.

  It was a short inspection. Between the disrupter blast, Rupert’s blood, and the dirty snow, everything I’d worn yesterday was ruined. I sighed, wondering if I was going to have to go meet this doctor in my underwear when I caught sight of my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

  I looked exhausted and pale, which was to be expected, but what really got my attention was my hair. It had been down when I’d fallen asleep, the wavy mess too wet and tangled to even put in a ponytail. Now, two neat brown plaits framed my face.

  “You braided my hair?” I called, looking over my shoulder. “Why?”

  “Because it was beautiful and soft,” Rupert answered, giving me a duh look.

  I looked back at the mirror, turning my head from side to side. As someone who’d struggled her whole life with it, I knew exactly how long it must have taken him to coax my crazy, fluffy hair into those two neat braids. Actually, maybe I didn’t, because Rupert had done a better job than I’d ever managed. He’d woven my brown hair back and down in two perfect halves, keeping the braid loose so the tines of my helmet’s neuronet wouldn’t snag but still tight enough to make sure no curls escaped to get in my eyes. How he’d managed to do it without waking me I would never know, but then, he would have had plenty of time to work it out, considering he couldn’t sleep next to me.

  “You must have been crazy bored,” I said, flipping my new braids over my shoulders.

  “Quite the opposite,” Rupert said, walking back to the bed. “You were very entertaining. Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

  “Really?” I frowned. “No one’s ever mentioned that before.”

  Rupert smiled wide as he leaned over the bed to snatch up his bag. “Maybe I just make you more comfortable than they did.”

  From anyone else, that would have sounded smug. This was Rupert, though, so it just sounded like the truth. “Maybe,” I agreed. “I didn’t say anything embarrassing, did I?”

  “No,” Rupert said. “It was cute.”

  Not many people called anything I did “cute,” but Rupert’s judgment was historically impaired when it came to me, so I decided to just accept the compliment. I was about to ask him if we had any ration bars left when he pulled out a folded parcel and tossed it at me. “Here.”

  I caught it without thinking, but when I looked down, I was astonished to see I was holding a man’s underarmor shirt. Ruper
t tossed me a pair of fatigues next, the same type and size I’d grabbed for myself before we’d fled Anthony’s cruiser. When he pulled out another, larger set for himself, I could only shake my head in astonishment. “I can’t believe you thought to bring all this.”

  “Symbionts go through a lot of clothes,” Rupert replied, reaching back to pull his long hair into a ponytail. “You learn to overpack.”

  The clean clothes felt marvelous against my skin. I would have killed for a shower, but I wasn’t about to trust the Caravaner’s. Anyway, a shower would have required unbraiding my hair, and I was suddenly very disinclined to undo Rupert’s painstaking work.

  While I put on my boots, Rupert packed up the bunk. Not surprisingly, he folded everything, neatly organizing all the blankets and towels I’d pulled out when we first got on into stacks before stowing them back in their cabinets. He set us in order, too, giving me our last ration bar, a sacrifice I would have been more impressed with if I hadn’t known how much he hated the things. He even found the Caravaner’s tiny supply of potable water, which I hadn’t even realized was there. The water would have been far more useful last night, but I was happy enough to get anything to drink.

  As I sat in the navigator’s chair, eating my ration and drinking my small cup of water that tasted like it had been sitting in a plastic tank for ten years while Rupert tapped at the flight console beside me, I couldn’t help marveling at how easily I’d fallen into the couple routine. I’d expected to wake up to crippling regret, but I didn’t regret a thing. I didn’t even feel guilty. Quite the opposite, I felt proud sitting next to Rupert, ready to take on the universe. There could be an army waiting for us on the other side of this jump, and I almost wished there would be. I was eager to fight, to challenge anyone who thought they could take this new, wonderful thing I’d found with Rupert away from me. Weaknesses? Screw ’em. If anyone tried to use Rupert against me, I would pound their goddamn face in.