Breach

by K. I. Lynn

  That revelation caught Andrew’s attention. His head snapped in my direction, looking for confirmation. My arms were crossed over my chest, and I stared back at him. I hoped my expression was coming across as bored. Because that was how I was starting to feel about their little tiff.

  His eyes grew wide and his head began shaking. “No. Him?” he questioned, his finger pointing at Nathan. “It was him at the bar? It’s him who marks you? Him who understands you?”

  I nodded, feeling that I didn’t need to explain our actions to Andrew, especially when he was doing everything in his power to not listen to me.

  “Yes. Me. I see her. I’m the one who sleeps with her every night. It’s my cock shoved in that fucking tight pussy of hers. So, get the fuck out of here so I can pin her against the wall and make her forget that anyone other than me has ever been inside her.”

  I groaned. Nathan was baiting Andrew, igniting everything all over again. I stepped back when Andrew rushed forward, grabbing Nathan by his lapels.

  “You don’t deserve to be in the same fucking room as her.”

  Nathan pushed him off. “What the fuck is your problem? You just can’t let her go, can you? Wasn’t it you who left her? And what do you know about me, Andrew? That I fucked around with women over the last two years? Yes, that’s true. I needed an outlet for my anger, frustration, and sexual needs. Who the fuck cares? She doesn’t.” His chin jerked over in my direction.

  “If that’s all you know and that’s all you care to know, then leave,” I told Andrew.

  Andrew stared at me, ignoring my statement. “This is a breach of both of your employment contracts, you know that, right?”

  “Of course we know. Are you planning on saying something so we’ll both get fired? Is your prejudice of Nathan that great? So great you would endanger my job as well? And my happiness?”

  “I… Lila…” He trailed off with a sigh. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, and I think he could damage you.”

  “Nathan has no devious plan, no ulterior motives. He’s a good man, and you need to open your eyes and see. Because all you’re looking at is the act, what he shows you, not the real man. Now get the hell out of my home, and don’t fucking come back until you’re ready to know him—ready to know us. I’m an adult and can make my own goddamn decisions. I choose who I want to be with. And it’s him. He’s the one I want.”

  Andrew stared at me in wonder, a sad smile on his face. “Good girl.”

  I gave him a small smile in return, understanding the meaning between his two small words. I stood up to someone, against someone, and didn’t retreat into my shell and take it. That’s how strong I’d become.

  He turned to leave when Nathan spoke, drawing his attention. “If you want to find out some truth – as true as the news will give you, anyway – then do what Caroline did: Google my name. And once you’ve done that and found some truth, then you can come and try to tell us what kind of person I am, but not before. Because I guarantee your opinions will change.”

  Andrew nodded, more sedate than when he arrived, and walked through the door, shutting it behind him.

  I marveled that Nathan would share that with him. I still hadn’t mustered the courage to look him up, but then again, I wanted the truth. I wanted to know the real horrors he’d been through. They wouldn’t change my opinion of him; he was amazing.

  Within seconds, I was back to being pinned against the wall, Nathan’s lips on mine with hot and heavy desperate kisses. He pulled away before leaning in and nuzzling my nose. “Mine,” he declared.

  I smiled up at him, my hand moved to caress his cheek, my heart swelling. “Always.”

  CHAPTER 23

  The next morning, I was shocked into silence when Andrew walked straight up to Nathan in the parking lot and hugged him. Nathan hugged him back, and they exchanged what I could only describe as some secret, man-look. No fists, no angry words, but an understanding and friendship budded in front of my eyes as Andrew vowed to stay silent about us.

  Over the next few days, they became lunch buddies, Andrew splitting between the two of us. It was almost like shared custody.

  “Really?” I asked Nathan a few days later, my curiosity getting the better of me. I stood in front of the stove, a skillet full of ground turkey, springing the question on him as he walked back in from changing clothes.

  “What?”

  I waved the spatula in my hand. “You hug, exchange a look, and suddenly all of the animosity that’s been boiling between you two for months is gone.”

  “That about sums it up.”

  “Men are strange creatures.”

  “Nothing had to be said. I told him to search; I knew what he was going to find.”

  “And what was that?”

  He shrugged. “Half-truths buried in lies. Same as what Caroline found.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Lila…”

  “I’m sorry, I just…will you ever be able to tell me, or are you going to relegate me to the half-truths buried in lies as well?” The exasperation in my tone was evident.

  He sighed and leaned back against the counter, his hands resting on the edge. “No. I don’t want you to know that garbage. Don’t do a search, please. I will tell you, I just…need to figure out how to do it.”

  “All right, okay,” I conceded, not wanting to push him. “Please don’t keep me waiting. I want to know you, all of you.”

  He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me toward him. He leaned down and kissed the side of my head before whispering in my ear. “I want you to know me too. And I will tell you, I promise.”

  I turned in his arms and tilted my face toward his, my lips pursing. He smirked down at me.

  “Something you want, Honeybear?”

  I made a fishy-face at him, cheeks sucked in and my pursed lips opening and closing. That improved his mood, a laugh springing from his chest before he too made fishy-lips at me and pressed them to mine.

  I loved moments like that: sweet and tender. They were the times I was happiest, the times when Nathan was just Nathan, if only for a moment.

  It was halfway through the next week when the relationship between Sadie and Will came out, no longer a rumor. We were all gathered in one of the large conference rooms, crammed in the small space, as Jack made the announcement that Sadie had submitted her resignation.

  He informed everyone the policy was still in place, and Will would stay on since Sadie had resigned before action needed to be taken.

  My mind began wondering what would happen in our case. I wanted to believe things would be fine, but I knew the reality of the situation. I surreptitiously looked toward Nathan; he was staring at the ground, mulling something over. Perhaps the same things that were on my mind.

  “They’re getting married next week,” Andrew said next to me, his voice cutting into my internal ponderings. “Just a small civil ceremony. I talked with Will and he said Sadie’s going to be a stay-at-home mom.”

  Stay-at-home mom. A foreign concept to me, but it made me wonder: would I ever be a stay-at-home mom? Would I ever marry and have children?

  I shook my head. Yeah, right. Who would want to marry me?

  That was a pipe dream, something I would never obtain.

  No one wants you.

  Why would anyone have you? You’re worthless.

  I cringed at those words.

  Without conscious thought, my eyes moved to Nathan. To my surprise, I found him looking back. I was unable to decipher the strange look on his face due to Jack’s voice booming out that he had another announcement, drawing my attention away from Nathan.

  He introduced us to the new hire, fresh out of law school, and she looked like she was going to fit right in with the Boob-Squad.

  Great, another one to fight off.

  A shift occurred within a few days of Jack’s announcement, and I didn’t understand what had caused it, but my gut was telling me that things were changing.


  Nathan had been…off for days. It was subtle at first, and then one morning it became glaringly obvious.

  He had become withdrawn, and wasn’t talking as much. He was short with everyone, including me.

  It wasn’t only at the office, it happened at home as well. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes, and when he did, I saw either sadness mixed with a little disdain, or he would attack me sexually, his need so great at that moment that he couldn’t hold off. But even in his moments of need, there was a wall forming.

  After a few days of that behavior, I was awoken by screaming.

  Blood curdling screams of pain and agony ripped out of Nathan.

  I shook him, calling out his name to wake him. His eyes snapped open and he threw the covers back. His leg was stiff from sleep and it caused him to stumble on his way to the bathroom. I chased after him and found him leaning over the sink, splashing cold water on his face.

  I was staring at him in the mirror, willing him to lift his eyes, but he wouldn’t.

  I called out his name, stepping toward him, my hand reaching out for him, but my call was ignored.

  He toweled off his face before heading back into the bedroom and crawling back into bed. He walked right past me, shied away from my outstretched hand, and retreated, shutting me out.

  Things deteriorated from there.

  I’d overheard Shelia ordering that month’s birthday cake, listing off who would be celebrating that month. Nathan’s was mentioned, and I put it on my calendar, thinking about what to get him. A few days before the date, I asked if he wanted to do anything special. I was shocked by the expression on his face: vacant and bone-chilling.

  “Please don’t say that again, and don’t tell anyone. I don’t celebrate my birthday…not anymore.”

  It was such an odd thing to say, but I let it drop because something inside told me to stay silent. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach, and it was an eerie reminder of a time long before. His birthday passed. I couldn’t even wish him a happy birthday. All I was able to give him was my body, letting him take anything he wanted that night.

  It was two days after that when Nathan left early. It was odd, strange for him to leave, let alone in the middle of the morning and without saying anything to me. So, at just after five, I found myself fidgeting with my keys as the elevator ascended the fifteen stories to his condo.

  “Nathan?” I called, my voice echoing around the empty walls as I entered.

  A warm breeze guided me to the balcony off the living room. I stepped out into the warm summer air, my gaze searching for him. I found him sitting at the end of one of the lounge chairs. The sleeves of his charcoal grey shirt were folded up to his elbows, a beer bottle at his feet and a cigarette in his hand as he leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. His hair was a windblown mess, and his eyes were red.

  “Nathan?” I called out to him again. There was no response; he didn’t even look at me.

  My mind began running wild with questions and theories. Was he fired? Did someone find out? No, he wouldn’t have reacted that way if such was the case.

  A glint of gold reflected in the sunlight and I searched for the source. Something twirled within the fingers of his left hand. My eyes focused in on a small band of gold, forged into a perfectly round circle.

  A wedding band.

  I stopped breathing, my chest constricting as the pieces came together. I stood transfixed on the metal as it spun in the light.

  His wedding ring.

  The thought repeated in my mind as the pieces locked in place. Whatever happened that marred his body, had also marred his heart. His wife had died. That had to be it. That was why he was damaged.

  “You shouldn’t have come today, Lila,” he stated, his voice low and void of emotion, his eyes cast out onto the view of the cityscape as he picked up the beer and took a swig. “I can’t control what I may do. I’ll hurt you; I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I pushed him for the first time. “I’m not going anywhere. Tell me, what’s wrong.”

  He whispered so low that I almost missed it. “Four years ago today everything fell to ruin. Leave, Lila.”

  My heart sped, threatening to burst from my chest as his mood from the last week and a half started to make sense. “I’m not leaving, not when you’re finally talking.” I stepped closer to him.

  He still didn’t look up at me. “I don’t just mean today. Leave me. What we have is fucked up.”

  “It may be fucked up, but it’s helping us both. We need each other.”

  “I’m not good to be around.”

  “You are. You are good to be around.” My voice broke.

  In a flash, he stood and spun his arm around, releasing the bottle. It crashed into the brick wall, sending droplets of beer and shards of glass everywhere. I jumped back, surprised by his reaction. This anger was different, more potent.

  “You don’t fucking get it! I lost everything that mattered most. My family. The family they stole from me, and the one I pushed away for their own safety.”

  In two steps, he was on top of me, lips to mine, heated and desperate. His hands were fisted in my hair, pulling me closer.

  “Leave me,” he pleaded, pulling back with tears in his eyes. “I can’t lose you the same way I lost her.”

  “I’m here, take solace in me. I need you.”

  He growled and walked me backward and into the wall. “I can’t fucking do this to you; I won’t,” he said, but his hands held my arms on either side of my body, the brick biting into my skin, his body pressed tight against my own. He leaned down, his lips capturing mine, his tongue lapping as he attempted to devour me.

  I tried to tell him it was okay, that I wanted it, but I couldn’t speak with how crazed he was.

  He released my lips. “Push me away and leave. Please, Lila!” His hands let mine go and grabbed my hips. With rough hands he dragged my shirt up and over my head. “I don’t want to break you.”

  I couldn’t do what he asked. I wanted to take him in and let him see that everything was all right, that I was there for him.

  Manic hands moved back to my waist, his fingers digging in, his passion and desperation increasing. He was clawing at the clasp on my suit pants before he moved to pick me up by my ass and walked us back inside.

  He was hard against my stomach. The vibration of the groan that came out as he set me down, and my body ran down his length, sent an electric fire through me. He released me long enough to tug his own shirt over his head.

  He picked me up again and once we reached the bedroom, we fell onto the bed, his hands grabbing at me, unable to stay in one place. His lips were everywhere, his tongue lapping at any flesh he could find. He latched onto the waist of my pants, his mouth never leaving my breast, and pulled the zipper down before removing them along with my panties. He removed his own pants as well and was on me again, his hands using more force than usual.

  He hovered over me for a small second as he lined up. I looked into his eyes and gasped at the nothingness I saw in them. The lights were on, but I couldn’t find Nathan inside their depths.

  He pushed inside and I arched while I cried out in pleasure. My body welcomed him, my hips rocking up to his.

  I wanted to help him, but the situation was rapidly spiraling out of control. Everything was harder than usual, and every time he pulled out and slammed back in, it increased.

  It didn’t take long before I was screaming out his name as I came, my body reacting to his, the same as always.

  His grip grew tighter, kisses rougher, thrusts harder. It was to the point of pain. Everything was coming to a head; Nathan was breaking.

  He was ending us in the same way we began, but harder. Ripping apart our connection with force. His anger, hurt, and pain laid bare as he took it all out on me.

  “Please, Nathan. Come back to me,” I cried out, but I knew it was useless. I couldn’t pull him out, he was too far gone.

  I grabbed his head, a gasp forced out of me at his ey
es; blank and glazed over.

  My blood ran ice-cold. His eyes always held a fire when he was with me, but it was gone.

  He was dangerous, dark and scaring me. I whimpered another soft plea for him to look at me, and come back. My palms stroked his chest as tears threatened to leak out of my eyes.

  His hands tightened around my arms, squeezing so hard I cried out in pain. He was shaking, tearless sobs rocking his body.

  He kept his mouth away from my neck and shoulder; he wasn’t going to mark me.

  This was it. The end.

  A tear slid down my cheek.

  His grip was harsh, bruising. His nails dug in deep at my hips, much stronger and harder than ever before. I tried to pull away, the pain intensifying, but I couldn’t and he was too far gone to notice.

  I couldn’t fault him for it. I had asked for what was happening. I had let the beast inside of him out, allowed him to be fully unleashed upon me.

  My muscles went lax, and I gave in to the sensations, unfolded myself so his needs could be sated and the nightmare could end.

  The tears of anguish, both physical and emotional, poured from my eyes. I could feel it, his fingers so tight on my flesh. It was too great. We would not survive his pain, survive the night.

  I shouldn’t have come.

  Words from the past came crashing down on me.

  It’s your fault. You shouldn’t have provoked him.

  I laid beneath him, tears streaming down my face. Hoping, praying, he would return to me. His muscles tensed, and I felt him empty inside me, collapsing on top of me.

  After he had regained somewhat-normal breathing, his head rose from my chest. I could hardly see; my eyes were slits as I fought for consciousness. But it was enough for me to see recognition return to his eyes, followed by shock, then overwhelming sadness before I passed out.

  I awoke sometime later in my familiar bed. It was neither comfortable nor warm, it was cold and empty. Just like I was.

  He wasn’t there, and I didn’t need to call out to know for certain. His side of the bed lacked body heat.