Breach

by K. I. Lynn

  The combination of my outburst and Nathan’s mood kept the Boob-Squad away from our office for the remainder of the week. It was in the rare instances that they actually did need help, that they would brave an entrance into our cave. Not only had the mountains returned and we were drowning in work, but Nathan was not being his usual friendly self as well. He wasn’t being off-putting either, though. He was just…there.

  A ploy so he could ignore me easier, at least that was what I thought.

  I’d been back a few days when Jack Holloway called me into his office. Upon entering, I found it vacant, so I waited for his return. I perused his bookshelves, admiring the collection, when my eyes landed on a photo frame.

  I picked it up off the shelf and stared at the photo it held. It was Jack; his arm was around a woman in her twenties. She was tall with blonde hair past her shoulders and blue eyes. Plain, but beautiful all at the same time.

  “My daughter,” Jack spoke from next to me. I hadn’t even heard him enter the room, let alone walk up to me.

  “She’s beautiful,” I replied.

  “Yes, she was,” he said, taking the frame from me. A look of longing and sadness filled his eyes, and I felt guilty for bringing her up. “Grace…passed away a few years ago.”

  I felt awful that I’d forgotten. “I’m sorry.”

  He gave me a small smile. “Thank you.”

  He returned the frame back to its rightful place. “Delilah, please sit.” He directed me to take a seat in one of the leather chairs in front of his large mahogany desk. “I called you in because I’m concerned. I don’t mean to pry, but something or someone put you into a catatonic state last week. Since then your attitude has soured.”

  “I’m sorry, Sir, I don’t mean to be disruptive.”

  “That isn’t why I called you in here. I’m worried about you. While your work has remained in its stellar state, I worry about your health; mental and physical. I’d like to suggest, and I only mean this as a suggestion, that you see a therapist. I know of a great one—”

  “I already have a therapist,” I said, interrupting him. “I just haven’t been to see him in a while.”

  “Might I suggest giving him a call? You’ve been with me for five years, and I’ve never seen you like this.” He looked at me like he actually cared, and then he said words that made my chest clench. “You know you’re safe here. Protected. I care about all of my employees, and I make sure they’re comfortable at work.”

  There was something about the way he’d said I was safe. It made me wonder just how much Jack Holloway knew of the truth.

  “Please, know I’m here for you if you need anything, Delilah.”

  The week had been difficult.

  Get up, go to work, maybe eat lunch, go home, crawl into bed, rinse and repeat.

  I never ate dinner anymore, so it didn’t surprise me that after a week, my clothes were starting to fit a little loose. Not falling off me, but it was easier to button my tailored suits than it had been.

  I didn’t care. I stopped caring. Caring took too much effort and caring for someone took everything.

  Andrew, Caroline, and Ian had begun referring to him as “the asshat.” They didn’t talk about him much, which was okay because I didn’t want to talk about him or talk at all.

  So I stopped.

  No more talking.

  No more smiling, no more caring, no more mask.

  No more Lila.

  I was existing, not living.

  I didn’t put on an act anymore, it took too much effort. Perhaps this was the real me, exposed for all to see.

  Thursday afternoon, we were so behind with work, that later in that afternoon, I realized I hadn’t eaten anything that day. I found myself making stupid mistakes and knew I needed to take a break, but at the same time there were only two hours left until I headed out.

  Jack had dictated I wasn’t to stay past six for the next week or he would escort me out personally. Any attempts to tell him I was fine fell on deaf ears. He was the boss after all.

  Nathan hadn’t spoken to me since I had returned, but today he felt the need to address that I existed.

  Nathan broke the silence when I was midway through the Hansen file. “Delilah, go eat something.” In my peripheral, I could see that his head had not turned in my direction; he was still staring at the screen.

  “No,” I responded, my eyes still fixated on my monitor, my fingers typing away on the Hansen file.

  “Go,” he commanded.

  “I’m not hungry.” Didn’t he realize he couldn’t tell me what to do anymore? He lost that right.

  He slammed his hands down on his desk, startling me. My head snapped up, and I watched him walk out the door at a brisk pace. He returned a moment later and threw something hard onto my desk.

  “Eat it.”

  “No.”

  “Eat the fucking granola bar before I shove it down your throat.”

  I picked it up and threw it against the wall. It hit with a crack, and then fell to the floor.

  “Oh, I’ve heard that threat before,” I spat at him.

  His eyes grew wide as he stared down at me. His disinterested act slipped and I could see, just for a split second, the pain beneath.

  I had to admit, it hurt to see that tortured look in his eyes, because if he felt like that, I couldn’t help but wonder why he had separated us. All it brought was a tight stab in my chest and hope.

  I had to squash the hope. Nothing good came of it.

  Hope wasn’t allowed in my bleak world, along with asshats and their granola bars. They took too much energy.

  My first session back with Dr. Morgenson was uneventful. It had been so long since I’d last seen him that it was almost like we were starting from scratch. He already knew about my past, so there was no need to delve into those sordid details.

  The present however…well that was a brand new beast.

  He made me talk about Nathan.

  I didn’t want to talk about Nathan, but Dr. Morgenson wasn’t letting the subject drop entirely. He was a tricky one.

  “So, tell me about the last few months,” he said, his gaze expectant.

  I went into the story of Nathan coming to work at Holloway and Holloway; a few choked sobs tried to escape at the mere mention of his name. I didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t ready, so I turned myself off before I broke down again, and slipped a neutral expression back on. Dr. Morgenson knew it as well because he cleared his throat, uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, staring me straight in the eyes.

  I sat unfeeling, uncaring, pretending not to give a shit about my life as he probed into my emotional state.

  “Go on…” he encouraged.

  “And then I slipped. I became comfortable in what I knew was a volatile relationship.” What else was there to say?

  “I want to help you get better, Lila. I need you to know and accept that there are people who care about you. People you can trust,” Dr. Morgenson stressed.

  I knew that was the case. I knew I could trust him, but what was the point?

  The session ended and I left; the first of many I would attend over what felt like a millennia.

  A crappy morning to add to my crappy week awaited me when I awoke. It was raining.

  Couldn’t I catch a break? Wasn’t my life miserable enough from the beginning? Why then did he have to come into my life and make me believe there was something worth living for, only to take it all away?

  Nothing. I was nothing. Just as they’d always said I was. I would never amount to anything. Yup, there I was, shell of a fucking human being because I fell in love.

  Love stinks. Worse than asshats…

  The windshield wipers moved back and forth at a furious pace as I waited in the left hand turning lane for an opening. The light was still green, stale red for the cross street.

  Green means go, but it appeared not everyone knew that red meant stop.

  I heard the squealing of the tires against the wet
pavement. I saw in my peripheral as a work van flew over the white line before the crunching of metal filled my ears.

  That was then it all disappeared. The pain…the dull ache in my heart, and Nathan, too.

  All I knew was black and stillness…

  Until I heard the sirens. Breathless voices and clamoring hands touched me.

  It was later when a voice broke out above all other sounds, screaming, “Oh, God. Lila! Love, no! No! Get your fucking hands off me. That’s my girlfriend! Lila!” That was when I knew I was probably about to die.

  Only angels sounded like that—only my Nathan…

  Turn the page

  for an exclusive sneak peak of the second part

  of the Breach Trilogy:

  INFRACTION

  CHAPTER 1

  I woke to throbbing pain throughout my body, a pounding headache, and the screaming of my name. It was faint, but growing in intensity as it moved toward me.

  My eyes opened and I looked around, seeing the door of what I recognized as a hospital room.

  “Lila! Lila!” Nathan’s voice cried out. It was a frantic, panicked tone I had never heard before.

  “Lila!”

  “Mr. Thorne! You need to return to your room!” what I assumed was a nurse screeched at him.

  “Lila!”

  “Don’t pull that out,” another voice scolded.

  “Lila!” he wailed, and it sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

  It was clear he was ignoring the nurses as his search for me continued; they were threatening to call security.

  “Lila!” he called out again, desperation flooding his tone. He was louder, only one room away.

  My chest tightened, and my heart began beating at a furious pace.

  Seconds later, his hands appeared on the doorway, bracing himself while his eyes searched for me.

  I gasped when I took in his appearance; he was wearing nothing but a hospital gown. One tube hung from his wrist, hanging down on the ground.

  His expression was what had me in shock and my heart wrenching. Tears streamed down his pink cheeks; his eyes were wide and frantic, a look of despair overpowering all other emotions.

  As soon as his eyes met mine, his body relaxed, and his face morphed into one of relief and joy.

  “Lila!” he cried out once more, stumbling toward me.

  He reached out and grasped onto the sides of my face, his forehead leaning onto my bandaged one.

  “Oh, thank God. Thank God, you’re alive.”

  Warm tears landed on my cheeks as he continued mumbling. I stared at him in stunned silence. This was not the Nathan I knew. The mask was gone, and for the first time I was seeing the true Nathan without any inhibitions. He was raw and lay bare before me.

  I didn’t move, I didn’t speak, I just laid there stunned. He was crying.

  Nathan was crying.