Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

  “What the hell do you mean, not exclusive?”

  “I don’t blame you for not doing this because I wouldn’t want to be tied to her either.” I give her a look like ‘what in the hell are you talking about.’ “Well, you guys haven’t come out, so I take it she isn’t your girlfriend. I don’t mind sharing.” Her words make me want to bend over and puke. Going there with her again just isn’t going to happen and God help me if Fate decided to fall for someone else.

  “What do you say, Cam?” Her calling me Cam only reminds me of that day when Fate told me about never calling me Cam. To her it sounded dirty. I can’t blame her, I made it that way, and hearing Trisha say it now just makes that feeling more damn real.

  “What I have to say you won’t like, Trisha. We aren’t going public because that doesn’t matter to us and she’s not ready. Not because I don’t want to be tied to her. I’d lock myself to her and throw away the only damn key. Do you get what I’m fucking saying? You aren’t getting back with me, with or without Fate. Our time, if we ever had one, is over.” Where the hell is Fate? I look around and look at Cecilia, who just puts her hands up to say she doesn’t know.

  “She’s just some girl,” Trisha yells as I walk away in search of Fate. Walking through the back door to the bathroom, I halt at the doorway. “I told you she wasn’t anything special,” Trisha says quietly from behind me. I didn’t know she had followed me and I can’t believe what I’m seeing. They haven’t seen us yet, but my damn heart is beating so hard I feel as if it’s going to crash through my chest.

  “Oh, come on, sweetheart, you’re not into him, so why worry what he thinks, right?” Dex, another member of the band, says and I want to go to her, but Trisha holds me. Almost as if she’s telling me to watch. “If you really were just interested in him you’d be telling the whole world.” His arms are a cage around her against the wall and she looks like she is in a panic. Moving one of his arms, he starts to bring his hand up to her shoulder, which is bare from her shirt, falling off to the side.

  “Please. Don’t. Touch. Me,” she says and I see she is fighting back tears. Just as he goes to put the tip of his fingers on her, she screams. “I said don’t touch me.” She pushes him, but he quickly has her back in the cage of his arms. I’ve seen enough.

  “What the hell? Get off her,” I shout and I see I startled both of them. Dex looks at Trisha and I follow his eyes. She has the biggest smirk on her face.

  “Cameron, man, I didn’t see you there. Sorry to keep the band waiting,” he says slyly.

  “No, I mean what the hell are you doing touching her?” I start to walk up to them, and he moves, putting some distance between them. Glancing at Fate, I see she is struggling to keep her breath steady.

  “She wanted it, she is just worried you’re going to be pissed off she is hooking up with other band members. You know, roommate code or some garbage like that.” Scott and Cecilia know about my feelings for Fate, but Dex is new to the band. He must just think we aren’t together because we aren’t publicly affectionate. Seeing Fate look so exposed is like I can see right into her. She doesn’t want me to out us right now. I’m sure because it would only cause more attention to her. So I play it safe. I keep it vague.

  “I highly doubt that shit. I live with her and I can barely even touch her so she’s not going to let some random do it. Get the fuck off her and apologize.”

  “No, it’s okay. It’s my fault. I’m just a freak,” she whispers, but we all hear her and those words break me wide open. She has enough without this shit.

  “It’s okay, baby, I’m all about getting down with freaks too.” His words are filthy. No one should be talked to that way, and definitely not Fate. He places his hand on her hip, pulling her to him, and I can’t take it anymore. Something inside me snaps. I lunge for him, but Trisha gets in between us and is pulling me back.

  Cecilia and Scott come running in and stop when they see what is going on. Watching everyone, I see they are all stunned with the scene that is in front of us. Dex still has his hands on Fate and she is just shaking her head. No one is saying anything and then all hell breaks loose.

  “Choose,” Fate whispers and I break. I’m pulling Dex away, pounding my fists into his face as I get him farther away from my girl. Scott doesn’t take long to start pulling me off of him, and I look around frantically, trying to see where Fate is. I quickly find her with her back in the corner of the wall with Cecilia trying to comfort her without touching her.

  “Why the hell would you bring a banger chick around who doesn’t want to be touched, man?” Dex says, holding his lip that is bleeding from my attack.

  “She’s not yours to fucking touch.” Walking toward Fate, I’m stop when Dex gets in front of me. “Getting between me and mine isn’t a smart idea right now, Dex,” I warn. “She isn’t a banger chick or groupie, so back the hell off before I beat the ever loving shit out of your sorry ass.”

  My words only seem to fuel him. He takes a step back toward Fate again, and she tries to pull herself farther into the corner away from him. His face tells me he enjoys that he’s having this effect on her and that makes me sick. “Nah, man, I think she wants it, she’s not saying no, now, is she?” Fate is scared into silence and I know she must be screaming on the inside. I can feel the fear coming off her, as I’m sure Dex can too. Unlike him, it makes me want to puke, but he seems to be more turned on by this shit. Sick bastard.

  “Dex, you’re asking for a beat down, man, leave Fate alone,” Scott pleads, but he just laughs and goes to touch her again, but Cecilia beats me to it and slaps him.

  “Look at all these feisty chicks,” he spits out, grabbing his face. This gives Fate the chance to run out from the corner and she does. Straight into my damn arms and I feel her breathing heavily against my chest.

  “Oh, look at her playing the part so well. Can’t you see through her games, Cam? I thought you were a better player than this.” Cecilia takes a step toward Trisha, but Scott grabs her, holding her back.

  “He may not see your shit, but I sure do Trisha. I was so happy the day he tossed your ass aside. You just can’t stand it that he’s happy with Fate since you never saw that with you. It was a drunken rock star, that’s all you got. So take what you had and beat it, bitch, before I do that last part for you.” Trisha’s face falls for a moment, but she quickly puts her game face back on. “Let me guess, you told Dex she was just playing hard to get. You do this every time he brings someone new around. Trying to cut out the competition. Cameron has something catch his eyes and you get one of the guys that follow you around to go in for the kill, right? Because you know once Cameron finds out she’s screwing with others he’s done. I don’t know how you kept your sex with Dex a secret, but I didn’t say anything about it since he tossed your ass to the curb like the trash you are. So I spared him the pain, but you think I’m going to let you come in here and screw with Fate? You better think twice, Trisha. Unlike you, Fate isn’t after a rock star, she’s after Cameron. Something you’ve never had.”

  Looking between Trisha and Dex, I don’t even have to ask to know it’s true they were screwing behind my back. With Fate here in my arms I feel nothing.

  “Baby, it was just once and I regretted it right away. I didn’t tell you because it didn’t mean anything and I didn’t want it to come between us,” Trisha pleads.

  “What the hell are you saying, Trisha? You came on to me, made me go after Fate to make him jealous and screw up again so we could boot him. Why are you messing with the plan now?” Dex says with confusion. Damn, he’s an idiot.

  “You thought we would kick the lead singer out of the band?” Scott says when he clues into this shit storm.

  “I want them both out. If I have to see their faces again, we are going to have a problem. If that’s a problem, I’m done with all this. I will just take Fate and leave.” Trisha is already starting her pleading, but I shut her out. Dex is yelling and Scott is just shaking his head in frustration.


  “Trisha, shut it. You don’t get it, I don’t even care that you were with him. That should tell you how done I really am with you. All I care about is getting my girl back to our place, our fucking home, so I can try to undo all this bullshit.” I feel Fate’s arms tighten around my waist and I know how hard this touching must be for her with everyone watching. Especially after everything she’s gone through lately. She can’t handle the thought that someone might perceive her a certain way or take our picture. My girl is just getting back on her feet again. For that reason, we’ve never been pressed up against each other this way except in our apartment. It’s definitely not a baby step.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Feeling him against me isn’t new but doing it in front of others is. You’d think I’d be panicking, but I’m not. Something about Cameron is pulling me closer every time I touch him. It scares me and I feel as if I’m going to be consumed by him at any moment. That is the worst feeling. Not because I don’t want that, it’s because I do, and that makes me vulnerable. I know I am the one who puts this space between us, but now I’m questioning why. I’m done hiding my life with him.

  Yelling pulls me from my thoughts and all I can do is stand there in the safety of Cameron’s arms, watching these events unfold.

  “Scott, I’m serious, either we find a new bassist or get yourself a new singer and guitarist,” Cameron states firmly. “So what’s it going to be? I have other shit to deal with.”

  Without a moment’s pause, Scott speaks, “Dex, you’re out. Maybe next time don’t try and screw with the lead man’s girl.” Dex starts yelling, but none of them seem to care. Then one of the security guards comes and grabs Dex by the arm, leading him out.

  “The skank too,” Cecilia says, pointing to Trisha. Turning, I give Cecilia a small smile and mouth, ‘I owe you one.’ She just winks at me.

  “Baby, don’t let them do this to us, I love you,” she says, and I tighten my hold on him.

  “He’s mine,” I whisper without meaning to say it aloud. Crap. I feel him chuckle against me and I know he’s trying to rein it in.

  Cameron leans down and whispers to me, “I am yours.” His arms tighten around me and I feel like this is only him validating my fragile feelings. Is he just doing this because he’s trying to save me like she said? I can’t help the doubt. Just because I’m trying to be better doesn’t make those thoughts go away.

  “Baby,” he says jokingly to Trisha. “I’m not letting anyone do anything. There isn’t a relationship between us to screw with. Time to go.” Looking up to him, I notice he wasn’t even looking at her the entire time. He was watching me. I take a chance. Fate, do not fail me now.

  Standing on the tips of my toes, I reach up while bringing my hands behind his head, pulling him down to close the space in between us. I bring my mouth to his, and he gently returns the kiss. I barely hear Trisha still screaming in the back as I continue kissing him. His lips are soft against mine, like he’s scared he’s going to break me. Pulling him closer to me, I increase the intensity of the kiss and I feel his hands rest against my backside. Having him hold me in any way is amazing. A cough and a whistle from behind us remind me we are not alone. I don’t turn around. Pulling away from him instead, I place my face in his chest, and he just chuckles.

  “Well, shit, my girl has got some serious moves,” Cecilia says, whistling at the end. “The wicked bitch is gone and you just showed her who he belongs to. Trust me when I say he’s never looked as happy as he does right now.” Leave it to Cecilia to only further embarrass me because I’m sure that wasn’t as amazing for him as it was for me.

  “If you let this one go you’re a fucking fool, you hear me, Cameron?” Scott says, and I wonder how he gets away with being so blunt with him when he doesn’t usually let people tell him how to be.

  His hand comes under my chin, bringing my face up so I am looking into his eyes. “Don’t I know it? Never going to happen,” he says, and I just smile. “Well, time to get my girl home to bed,” he says with a wink, and I hear Cecilia and Scott laughing behind me.

  Playfully smacking him, I just laugh. “Keep dreaming, McAlister,” I say, pushing away from him.

  Grabbing my waist, he brings me back against to him, and I stop. “If you keep calling me McAlister I won’t have to dream, McKenzie.” He’s sexy and he knows it. He uses it against me often, so I turn the tables on him. Sliding my finger down his chest, I feel him shiver beneath my touch and that gives me the power to continue my tease.

  “Well, if you keep calling me McKenzie we might just have to figure something out,” I say, giving him a wink before I push away from him, walking over to the door. “Bye, guys.” I wave to Cecilia and Scott, but I notice Cameron is frozen in the same spot I left him.

  Cecilia bends over in a fit of laughter, and Scott just chuckles, shaking his head. That snaps Cameron out of it and he just looks at me with so many questions in his eyes. “Damn, my girl, Fate, has better game than Cameron. I never thought I’d see the day,” Cecilia says when she finally stops laughing.

  “Coming, Cameron?” I say.

  “Almost.” He shakes his head, and I hear him, but I don’t think he intended for me to. This only causes Scott and Cecilia to start laughing again. I wait for him to come to the door and hold my hand out for him to grab. He does without hesitation. He is quickly learning what I can and cannot handle. That’s what makes him Cameron. We walk the whole way back to our apartment holding hands. When we get to the lobby, we still have people gawking at us, but a few have become used to seeing us this way.

  Once inside, I tell him I’m going to get changed, and I go to my room. I want to try something tonight, but I’m not sure how it will work. We have been able to sleep on the couch together but never in a bed. It’s my forbidden zone, but I’d like to change that. I know I’m not ready to invite him into mine. That would be too much, too soon. Putting on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, I walk out of my room and see him sitting on the couch, waiting for me.

  He watches me approach and he’s wearing his usual pajama pants and a T-shirt. He could be in rags and he’d still be the most beautiful person in the world to me. Not because he’s gorgeous but because of his heart. His understanding and patience with me make him completely beautiful to me.

  “I’m like a moth to the flame when it comes to you, Cameron. I’m just praying I don’t get burned,” I say as I take my place next to him on the couch, waiting for him to say something.

  “You act as if you’re the only one who could be hurt by this. Do you not realize I’m the one who’s all in? I’m in a sea of fish but they’re all in black and white. You’re the only fish that’s in color, my beautiful girl.” To many people, his words wouldn’t mean anything. But to me, this is everything. He understands me in every way, my struggles and the crazy way I talk about things in relation to marine life.

  “Why me? You’re a freaking rock star. You could have anyone you want, girls far more your caliber than me.” For some reason I just can’t look at him. I put my hands in my lap and just watch them. I see his hand slide across, and he places it over mine.

  “Fate. I know I don’t know everything you’ve been through. If I never know the full extent of it, I’m fine with that. As long as I have you, whatever piece of you that you can give to me, I will damn well take,” he says, and he uses his other hand to turn my face toward him. “You are like nothing I’ve ever seen before. You give me hope in a world that had become so fucking dark to me. You are my light. Nothing makes me feel more complete than you letting me get you through this darkness.”

  His thumb slides across my bottom lip and I tremble. “Don’t let my confidence fool you. I’m worried as shit, that once you’re ready to take the world on by yourself you won’t need me and I will lose my light and fall back into darkness. A world without Fate, well, that’s just something I’m not interested in.”

  “I’m just as worried that once you put me back together again I will be just another
girl to you and you will go off to save the next girl,” I say honestly.

  “I thought I explained it pretty fucking well with the fish scenario,” he says. “French Angel Fish,” he states and I give him a confused look. “That book you gave me to read, well, I did. They are monogamous and very territorial, that’s you for me. You’re my French Angel Fish. Fate is fate, and you’re mine, babe,” he says as he pushes a piece of my hair out of my face.

  “I just got out-fished by a rock star,” I say in complete awe of this man. “How can I argue with that?”

  “You can’t, babe, you can’t stop fate. My fate is falling for you, and man, have I fallen.” His words make me panic, he knows my issues with certain words and I feel like he knows exactly how to keep me out of the red. That also scares the crap out of me because it means everything I’m feeling is real. I couldn’t dream someone more perfect than him. All I do is ruin things and now his band has been my latest destruction.

  “I’m sorry you had to get rid of Dex because of me,” I say to him and I truly mean it. I don’t know if I did something to mislead Dex, but I feel responsible for them having to find a new band member.

  “Fate, Dex wasn’t our first bassist, the next one might not even be our last. Scott and I started this band together and brought in a bassist and another guitarist when we needed them,” he says to me, holding my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

  “Still.”

  “Fate, there are many things in life that are out of our control and his actions are just one of them. This isn’t the first issue we’ve had but it will be the last one.” His hand falls against my cheek, causing an intense heat from his touch. “None of that matters. You matter. I keep worrying one day I’m going to wake up to find that this is all just a dream. That I dreamed of this amazing girl who damn near wrecked me. That’s the worst feeling. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes I just can’t shake it. But this…” he says, caressing my cheek. “This is my way to know it’s real.”