“I’m fine. Actually, I was thinking about going back to Orlando for the weekend,” she says and I can’t even use my words. Why all of a sudden is she going to Orlando? “I just thought it’d be a good time with you having meetings about tour dates and I could see Clarissa.” She’s lying. I can see it right before my eyes.
“I can see you’re sad even when you smile,” I finally say, and she looks startled. As if I’ve caught on. She hands me my phone, walking away to her room and a message comes in. It’s from Trisha and I cringe. Looking at it, I see she sent me a picture before and now she’s asking me if I’m cumming. “This is what’s going on.”
She turns to me and I see that I am right. She saw the picture. “I don’t talk to her. I haven’t since the last time you saw her. This is her screwing with us, don’t let her win.” She hasn’t contacted me and I didn’t go looking for her. She’s nothing to me and Fate needs to see that. When it all comes down to it, I will do whatever I have to do to be with Fate. Only Fate. I don’t feel like I’m giving anything up either. She’s it for me. This picture does nothing for me. I’m nauseated at the hurt I’m sure Fate is feeling.
“I’m not. I just want to go see Clarissa. Get away from this all.” There we go, she let it slip at the end and I know I’m right.
“Away from me.” She shakes her head and tries to figure out what to say next. I don’t want to give her the chance. I know I need to let her have some rope on this one. That way I can see how bad it really is.
“Just some space. My head is spinning.” No, that’s not going to help. Fuck, it’s worse than I thought. The last thing we need is all those damn miles between us.
“Then talk about it,” I beg because I need her to. It’s the only way to get over this bullshit my ex is causing us right now. Note to self, I need to change my number first thing tomorrow. I don’t need this shit again.
“When I get back we can.” She leaves to go into her room to presumably pack a bag for her trip that I’m not sure she will come back from.
“Aren’t you tired of running?” She looks hurt, but I can’t stop. “This is what you do, Fate. Shit gets tough. You have doubts and you fucking bolt.”
“I’m sorry for the way I am.” Oh hell, that’s not what I wanted, but she needs to stop doing this because it’s screwing with me too. I never know where I stand and to some that might not be important, but she’s my fucking world.
“Do you not care how much that hurts me that you wouldn’t just come to me?” Why are we always coming back here? I thought we were past this, but it’s like something keeps making her run. I think it has something to do with her past, but I know I can’t bring that shit up or she will be gone forever.
“Of course I do, Cameron.” She is just as hurt as I am now because I called into question her feelings for me. If that’s what I have to do to get Fate back here to me I will. “I just…you didn’t go to the media to tell them you weren’t with her. Maybe you are thinking why bother, you will just get back together anyway.”
“No, it’s because of you. If I went public and said I wasn’t with Trisha they’d ask about someone else and they’d know. Any damn fool knows I’m in love.” Her mouth drops open and I think she finally sees the distance I will go for her. “I tried to shelter you from the media, but it just seems to backfire on me.”
“Maybe this is just a sign it’s not going to work. You’re a rock star and I’m just me. Maybe our worlds are too different.” What the hell! That sets me off. I can’t believe she is saying this shit again.
“It’s like one step forward and two steps back with you, Fate.” I never know if I’m making the right move here, but right now I know if I let her go to Orlando she’s gone. “Only you can let me in. I can’t push through those fucking walls when you put them back up. Don’t do this.”
“I can’t talk about this right now,” she says softly.
“No matter what I do you’re always mad. Take a step back, you’re fucking mad. I say I love you and you’re mad. I can’t fucking win.” She looks scared by my aggressive tone and I immediately regret the force behind my words. Damn. “Please don’t leave, don’t leave me.” Walking up to her, I wrap my hands around her head, holding it in place so she can’t look away. “Without your touch I’m not going to last, Fate.”
Her eyes change. I’m not looking at the girl who was running. Fate is looking back at me now. Those walls are letting me in for the moment, so I have to bring them down. “I tried to stay away from you, I just couldn’t.”
“I couldn’t stay away from you either,” she whispers, and I know I’ve gotten her back.
“I swear on my damn soul there is nothing going on between Trisha and me. Even if you weren’t here, there still wouldn’t be. I won’t let her come between us. I promise you, Fate.”
“So what do we do?” she asks, and I wish I f knew. My phone beeps again and Fate goes into my back pocket to grab it. It is another picture without the top piece this time. “Is she really that desperate?” Fate slips out, and I know she didn’t mean to say it because she gasps in shock.
I can’t help the laughter that comes from me. “Wait, I have an idea,” Fate says and I’m worried and interested at the same time. She pulls me to our bed, in my bedroom. She pushes me against the bed, and I sit. She then yanks off my shirt, laughing the whole time like a fricking schoolgirl.
“I’m not sexting her back,” I say in complete seriousness because I’m not sure where she is going with that shit.
“Ya, that’s not happening. Mine only, remember?” Mine only. I like the sound of that.
“That’s right.” Forever hers. I just wish she’d say that but hopefully one day soon she will open up about whatever is weighing her down.
“Well, let’s show her.” If she weren’t Fate, I’d think this shit was about to become something that Scott was going to have to clean up later. She just looks so sure of herself. I can’t help but smile. She turns and sits in my lap, making sure my tattoo is visible. Now I know what she’s thinking. I wrap my free arm around her, making sure my tattoo is there for Trisha to see. She smiles in the camera, but I’m not even looking. I’m just watching Fate.
She shows me the picture and it’s beautiful. She looks happy and I look like I don’t give a damn about anything but her. Her hand is right next to my tattoo. She captions it. ‘Pretty sure that says Fate. I’m busy cumming with her.’ I bust out laughing. “Make sure I never let you go. I don’t want to see that happiness with anyone but me.” She squeezes me tightly and sends the picture. Trisha doesn’t respond and I don’t expect her to. Not much you can argue about when the girl’s fucking name is literally written on my heart.
We laugh about it for a good hour before I can tell she’s getting tired. She falls asleep against me as I’m singing to her. It’s become our newest baby step. I can’t sleep, though, for some reason. The residency is loud tonight and that might have something to do with it. I get up to leave so I can work on some lyrics and songs for the band. I don’t want to do it in here in case I wake her. As I walk out the door, I look back at her sleeping in our bed and I feel a sting. This girl came out of nowhere. My life was nothing before she came around. Yeah, I was never alone physically but until I met her, I didn’t know what it meant to have someone. I don’t ever want to go back to that empty feeling.
Out on the couch the noise has started to die down from the halls. I stop playing for a minute and I hear it. Fate is whimpering. Quickly, I get up and run into the room.
“Please, no,” she says aloud and my heart damn breaks for this girl. Some sick bastard hurt her and if I ever meet him, he will never touch a soul again.
“Fate,” I say when I approach the bed and she springs forward. I hadn’t made it into the bed with her yet and she notices.
“You left me,” she whispers.
“No, I just went out there to work on some music. You had a nightmare,” I say, trying to calm her.
“No, in my nightmare.
You left me.” That makes my body run cold. She had a nightmare about me leaving her. Not the bastard who has been haunting her for so long.
“Fate, I don’t care what happens. I’m not going to be the one to ever walk away from you. Do you hear me?” She nods, and I turn off most of the lights and climb into bed. She turns into me and snuggles up against me. Wrapping my hands around her, I know that no matter what happens, I will fucking ruin myself and my happiness to spare her anymore pain.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“I need you not to freak out on me,” Cameron says from my doorway. I didn’t even hear him come in, I was so deep in my studies.
“Ya, that’s not the way to start a conversation with someone,” I say jokingly.
“Nice try. Go away. I’m trying to study.” I tease and smile at him.
“I’m not joking.” He doesn’t return my smile, causing my pulse to spike.
“What?” I whisper, feeling like he is about to pull the rug out from under me.
Walking over to where I’m sitting on my bed, he grabs my hand and leads me into the living room. We haven’t sat together on my bed much, it’s my biggest trigger and he knows that. Sitting down, he bends down in front of me, placing his hands on my knees. I notice that there are papers sticking out of his pocket. When he sees my eyes on them, he pulls them out and lays them out in front of me.
Before me are several pictures of him and me together at various places. Even a picture of us kissing when we thought we were alone on a walk home one day. The headlines vary but they all are about us. ‘The Fate of our rock star,’ ‘Can Fate change a bad boy,’ ‘Ten Ways Gone new Fate,’ they all surround me. The article has my full name in it and I begin to panic. Apparently, sources told them the rock star has been spending his time with a new girl, the same girl. It goes on and on. The more I read the worse I feel. “Did Trisha do this?”
“I think so but with the media you can never be sure,” he says and I can tell my reaction is hurting him. I’m sure most girls would be ecstatic for their name to be in print, but not me. This is something that I just didn’t believe could happen. We are just college students. On some level, I know that’s not all of it. He’s a rock star with albums and multiple tours under his belt.
“We could go public,” he says and I feel the blood drain from my face. My heart starts racing. That could cause some serious consequences for the things I’m trying to leave behind and I could just tell him why I don’t want to, but the words don’t come.
“Do we have to?” I say instead and I see his face drop in disappointment. He shakes his head and moves up to sit beside me.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Fate. It would just make them back off a bit if they got a story. Right now they might keep going because it’s a mystery to them.” I panic because lately I’ve been trying to tell him about my past. I feel that this, on top of that, will be too much for me.
“How about we wait for now? Not too much longer. Let’s wait until the end of the semester. That way we won’t be in school if it gets to be a bother,” I say, hoping he will go with that.
“If you think that’s going to make this easier for you, of course. I just want the whole world to know that you are with me and I’m not the bad boy anymore,” he says with a smirk, but I know he’s serious about telling the world about us. I just don’t want to do it until he knows the truth about me.
“You are the most amazing boyfriend, you know that, right?” The grin on my face is something I picked up from Cameron.
“I like when you call me boyfriend,” he states with a huge smile on his face.
“Well, boyfriend, take me to practice,” I say on a whim and as soon as his face lights up I know I said the right thing to get him out of this rut.
“Really? You want to come?” he says hopeful.
“Yes, I’ve seen you but never the whole band. I was thinking of coming more often with you. I enjoy listening to you, so I would love to.” He bends down, kissing me, and lifts me up, spinning me around. The giggle that escapes me is carefree and it feels amazing. I don’t know what I’d do without Cameron and my friends in my life now. They make the pain a little less every day and when I’m with Cameron I barely feel anything but his affection for me.
“You really do amaze me, Fate McKenzie. Thank you for coming out of that shell, showing me how fucking wonderful it is to be touched by fate.” His words grip me. I can’t believe he said my words for him back to me.
“Thank you for tearing down my walls. For everything you make me feel, Cameron. I don’t think I’d be whole without you.” He needs to know that when I say this I mean it, so I bring my mouth to his and kiss him. His touch means so much to me and I love how far we’ve come with each other.
“You never have to find out,” he says, and his tone is completely serious.
When we get to practice, Scott and the new guy are warming up. Once Scott sees me, he makes a cut motion to the bassist. “Hey, Fate, I didn’t know you were coming,” he says, but I know he’s worried they won’t be able to practice now that I’m here.
“I thought I’d come and listen to the band. I keep having to just listen to this one here and it gets to be a bit boring,” I say jokingly, nudging Cameron. Scott looks unsure and looks at Cameron, who just kind of shrugs.
“Well then. This is Kent, he’s our new bassist. Kent, this is Fate.” He then turns his look to Kent and has a warning expression. “Do not fucking touch her or I will lose my damn mind. Cameron will also beat your ass.”
Kent laughs and then looks at them as if he just got that it was a serious statement. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, my boyfriend isn’t the sharing type.” We all stop and look at Kent.
“Well, he’s a keeper,” Cecilia says when she walks up behind me. “We don’t have to worry about him and I think I love his boyfriend already. I don’t like to share either,” she says with a smirk at Scott, who just shakes his head. Scott never cheats or strays an inch. He is all about Cecilia and he’d be stupid not to be. She is absolutely the most outgoing, affectionate person I have ever met.
“I don’t share either,” I say, giving both Cameron and Kent a look. Kent breaks out in laughter and Cameron is late to the game. He just stands there confused and I watch it click.
“Oh.” We all laugh at Cameron. He’s always the joker so a time like this is rare that he’s the last one to clue in. “Well, I’m a fucking rock god, who wouldn’t want to share this?” he says in a cocky tone.
“And I’m Fate. I can judge your ass, remember that. It’s written so it must be true.” Cecilia and Scott laugh at my comment. Cameron just looks at me as if I’ve grown another head.
“When did you get so funny?” Cameron asks.
“When I started dating a clown?” I say expressionless. The laughter coming from everyone else only fuels this moment. I can’t help but join in.
“Rock star,” he states.
“Hmm, well, get up there and show me what you can do then,” I say in the most seductive tone I can. He blinks at me mindless for a minute. He turns away to go to the stage and I take a chance and smack his backside. “Definitely a rock god,” I say, giving him a smirk.
When he takes the stage, I get chills. The music starts and it’s loud, but I feel safe. Cameron is in reach and Cecilia is sitting here with me. My memories stay back and I keep my focus on Cameron. I can’t tear my eyes away. He’s incredible up there. His voice is something I’m used to hearing but it never gets old. It calms me, same as his touch does. He could be singing the alphabet and I’d be in heaven. After a few songs, they break, and Cameron comes up to me.
“So, how was it?”
“Manageable. I handled it fine. Just something I will have to get used to the same as the rest of it.” I look at him and I watch his face turn up in a smile.
“How’d you like to watch us live in concert?” he asks, and I’m not sure what to say, but I go with the truth. It’s the only
thing that will work with my fears.
“I don’t know if I could handle the crowd and being that far away from you, surrounded by people. It’s you who makes this possible, Cameron. I’m not saying no. I just don’t think I will be there anytime soon.”
“No, you wouldn’t be in the crowd, you’d be backstage with Cecilia. Never alone and still close enough that I could see you. If it was too much you could just go back to the bus.” Cameron looks at me and I’m sure I could try. For him I’d try anything.
“That I could do, I think.”
“How’d you like to come on tour with me this summer?” he says and I know he’s scared I’m going to say no. The thought of saying no actually scares me more because I’ve been dreading the thought of a summer away from him.
“Summer romance with a rock star sounds like an autobiography,” I say with a smirk on my face. “I go where you go.” And his face changes into one of complete love and affection.
“Fuck,” he says. Grabbing me, he kisses me and he doesn’t hold back. A summer of that sounds like exactly what we need.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“I was thinking you could show me a bit about your world today,” Cameron says, and I look over at him clueless. Panic sets in when I begin thinking about having to tell him about my past and all that goes with that.
“What?” I mutter.
“I was wondering if today you would let me take you to the Aquarium.” That was not what I was expecting him to say.
“You want to go to the aquarium? Why?” I ask.
“I see you sitting here reading your books of facts and watching documentaries. I’ve read some of the books plus all the fun facts I learn from you. I figured maybe some hands on learning would bring my game up to where you are,” he says in such a sweet tone that my heart jumps. “I know how you feel about the ocean, wildlife and especially fish. Let me into your world, Miss McKenzie. Show me all the things you love about the world.” The word love burns into me. It’s not something I use or like to hear because of the memories.
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